First Sleepover? UPDATED

[moonpie]

luckystar2 we were just on the opposite end of this! Dd(9) had her first sleepover recently. She started texting us at midnight that the house was too quiet and she was scared. We tried to reassure her and make her wait it out but she was sending us crying face emojis and DH ended up going to get her.

I felt so bad for the other parents! We were definitely an inconvenience for them that night!

[noodleoo]

Apr 11, 2024 12:52:34 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

I'm debating telling you my horror story so you'll have to tell me it's okay

horror not's the right word but I'm hard pressed to say anyone enjoyed it

I can maybe just stick to takeaway lessons

ok i need to know the horror story so that i can prepare.

I think i already messed up because i told DD1 she could have 2 friends. I don’t want to make it 3 (too many kids! Plus they have a group of 5 at school and I can’t exclude just 1 girl, that would be mean). Is a group of 3 really so bad? DD2 sort of makes 4? 😖

[jennistarr1]

--They did not go to sleep, at 1:00 I told them to go to sleep after one girl and my youngest daughter were already asleep. At 3:00 they asked me for a snack which I denied initially but then tried compromising --one snack and straight to sleep-- at 4:00 I got mean and they quieted down. My daughter says they didn't fall asleep until 5, not sure if that's true but I felt like I had done all I can

We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"
They "don't eat cupcakes"

I heard my daughter doing her best to enforce rules we set up such as only two people on top bunk and no food in bedroom and I could hear them giving her a hard time

My daughter tried playing different games/activities and they kept telling her it was dumb.

Lot's of fighting, taking sides, arguing

they were SO loud. like even in the late hours

My daughter cried ALOT (but overall said it was the best party ever) and I some personality stuff from her I was like damn, this is worse than I thought (things like "it's my party so they should listen to me", not willing to let minor things go, taking things really personally "victimy"

The one activity I thought went okay after they argued about who got which one was buying different miniverse kits and letting them assemble them. They turned out really well and they were creative and sharing and excited by them

The ipads are out of control, I would have no issue with them using them to contact parents but they were calling girls who werent invited or like two of them would be playing roblox while another person sat there with noone to talk to . One girl really isoloated with her ipad, I had to really encourage her to pause the ipad to sing happy birthday. She also was by herself a lot, for example, going through our toyboxes and such and I would have to remind my daughter to reengage her.

They were good with my younger daughter and parents were appreciative. One girl, the mom had said was very anxious all day about the sleepover and she did great. Those are my positives.

Keep the food and drinks and rules really clear and simple. Yes, set a bed time, perhaps the ipads can work into the bedtime so you might have a quiet hour with tablets allowed before lights out. Don't get fancy with the food for your own sake so when they don't like just about everything you don't feel so rejected

[Jalapeñomel]

Apr 11, 2024 16:15:30 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

--They did not go to sleep, at 1:00 I told them to go to sleep after one girl and my youngest daughter were already asleep. At 3:00 they asked me for a snack which I denied initially but then tried compromising --one snack and straight to sleep-- at 4:00 I got mean and they quieted down. My daughter says they didn't fall asleep until 5, not sure if that's true but I felt like I had done all I can

We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"
They "don't eat cupcakes"

I heard my daughter doing her best to enforce rules we set up such as only two people on top bunk and no food in bedroom and I could hear them giving her a hard time

My daughter tried playing different games/activities and they kept telling her it was dumb.

Lot's of fighting, taking sides, arguing

they were SO loud. like even in the late hours

My daughter cried ALOT (but overall said it was the best party ever) and I some personality stuff from her I was like damn, this is worse than I thought (things like "it's my party so they should listen to me", not willing to let minor things go, taking things really personally "victimy"

The one activity I thought went okay after they argued about who got which one was buying different miniverse kits and letting them assemble them. They turned out really well and they were creative and sharing and excited by them

The ipads are out of control, I would have no issue with them using them to contact parents but they were calling girls who werent invited or like two of them would be playing roblox while another person sat there with noone to talk to . One girl really isoloated with her ipad, I had to really encourage her to pause the ipad to sing happy birthday. She also was by herself a lot, for example, going through our toyboxes and such and I would have to remind my daughter to reengage her.

They were good with my younger daughter and parents were appreciative. One girl, the mom had said was very anxious all day about the sleepover and she did great. Those are my positives.

Keep the food and drinks and rules really clear and simple. Yes, set a bed time, perhaps the ipads can work into the bedtime so you might have a quiet hour with tablets allowed before lights out. Don't get fancy with the food for your own sake so when they don't like just about everything you don't feel so rejected

This sounds like a typical sleepover! I don’t get it.

I’m with [mention]wanderingback [/mention] kids are kids. Sleepovers are for staying up late (or all night), eating crappy food, being loud, and parents butting out.

They’re only young once, let them be!

[jeaniebueller]

Apr 11, 2024 12:52:34 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

I'm debating telling you my horror story so you'll have to tell me it's okay

horror not's the right word but I'm hard pressed to say anyone enjoyed it

I can maybe just stick to takeaway lessons

Just take it as a lesson learned that age (for her) is a bit too young to handle a sleepover. My 9 year old is also like that and can’t do them. Kids that young being up until 4am I would not be happy about—I would have sat nearby and done everything possible to encourage them to sleep. I would have limited their device usage too and discouraged them from calling anyone but I also wouldn’t have thought of that in advance . IDK if it’s girls v boys but when my son has had them, we had limited issues like that, but with DD, there is more drama and problems.

[noodleoo]

Apr 11, 2024 16:15:30 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

--They did not go to sleep, at 1:00 I told them to go to sleep after one girl and my youngest daughter were already asleep. At 3:00 they asked me for a snack which I denied initially but then tried compromising --one snack and straight to sleep-- at 4:00 I got mean and they quieted down. My daughter says they didn't fall asleep until 5, not sure if that's true but I felt like I had done all I can

We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"
They "don't eat cupcakes"

I heard my daughter doing her best to enforce rules we set up such as only two people on top bunk and no food in bedroom and I could hear them giving her a hard time

My daughter tried playing different games/activities and they kept telling her it was dumb.

Lot's of fighting, taking sides, arguing

they were SO loud. like even in the late hours

My daughter cried ALOT (but overall said it was the best party ever) and I some personality stuff from her I was like damn, this is worse than I thought (things like "it's my party so they should listen to me", not willing to let minor things go, taking things really personally "victimy"

The one activity I thought went okay after they argued about who got which one was buying different miniverse kits and letting them assemble them. They turned out really well and they were creative and sharing and excited by them

The ipads are out of control, I would have no issue with them using them to contact parents but they were calling girls who werent invited or like two of them would be playing roblox while another person sat there with noone to talk to . One girl really isoloated with her ipad, I had to really encourage her to pause the ipad to sing happy birthday. She also was by herself a lot, for example, going through our toyboxes and such and I would have to remind my daughter to reengage her.

They were good with my younger daughter and parents were appreciative. One girl, the mom had said was very anxious all day about the sleepover and she did great. Those are my positives.

Keep the food and drinks and rules really clear and simple. Yes, set a bed time, perhaps the ipads can work into the bedtime so you might have a quiet hour with tablets allowed before lights out. Don't get fancy with the food for your own sake so when they don't like just about everything you don't feel so rejected

Ugh that sounds rough! Especially the fighting and the not sleeping. I’ll definitely keep the food simple especially since my kids are picky, we’re used to that already.

Well DD1 is excited so we’re doing it but I appreciate the advice and horror stories so I can try to avoid them. I wouldn’t have expected kids to bring iPads either, I will definitely mention to the parents no electronics. My kids are way too young to have their own devices and I would never let them bring them to someone else’s house!

[jennistarr1]

Apr 11, 2024 17:48:11 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Apr 11, 2024 16:15:30 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

--They did not go to sleep, at 1:00 I told them to go to sleep after one girl and my youngest daughter were already asleep. At 3:00 they asked me for a snack which I denied initially but then tried compromising --one snack and straight to sleep-- at 4:00 I got mean and they quieted down. My daughter says they didn't fall asleep until 5, not sure if that's true but I felt like I had done all I can

We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"
They "don't eat cupcakes"

I heard my daughter doing her best to enforce rules we set up such as only two people on top bunk and no food in bedroom and I could hear them giving her a hard time

My daughter tried playing different games/activities and they kept telling her it was dumb.

Lot's of fighting, taking sides, arguing

they were SO loud. like even in the late hours

My daughter cried ALOT (but overall said it was the best party ever) and I some personality stuff from her I was like damn, this is worse than I thought (things like "it's my party so they should listen to me", not willing to let minor things go, taking things really personally "victimy"

The one activity I thought went okay after they argued about who got which one was buying different miniverse kits and letting them assemble them. They turned out really well and they were creative and sharing and excited by them

The ipads are out of control, I would have no issue with them using them to contact parents but they were calling girls who werent invited or like two of them would be playing roblox while another person sat there with noone to talk to . One girl really isoloated with her ipad, I had to really encourage her to pause the ipad to sing happy birthday. She also was by herself a lot, for example, going through our toyboxes and such and I would have to remind my daughter to reengage her.

They were good with my younger daughter and parents were appreciative. One girl, the mom had said was very anxious all day about the sleepover and she did great. Those are my positives.

Keep the food and drinks and rules really clear and simple. Yes, set a bed time, perhaps the ipads can work into the bedtime so you might have a quiet hour with tablets allowed before lights out. Don't get fancy with the food for your own sake so when they don't like just about everything you don't feel so rejected

This sounds like a typical sleepover! I don’t get it.

I’m with [mention]wanderingback [/mention] kids are kids. Sleepovers are for staying up late (or all night), eating crappy food, being loud, and parents butting out.

They’re only young once, let them be!

I thought I had a relatively long leash of lax rules, butting out, staying up late (1:00), and getting food I thought they would like...so I kind of agree with you but at age 9 I felt like I needed to manage it a bit

[beerlover]

Good luck, noodleoo! I hope it goes well for you. As an anxious person I can totally understand the wanting to control some aspects of things and have some activities planned. I would just keep your timelines of everything loose and allow for flexibility to continue something if its going really well, or pivot to a different activity if something's not going well.

My DS is younger (7.5) so we have only had his cousin who is 1.5 years older sleep over twice, and its been stressful each time making sure they aren't absolutely destroying his bedroom and that they're going to sleep at some point. This last time, I found them in the living room at 3am after going to the bathroom and noticing they had left DS's room. Still wide awake. And then its hard for me to get back to sleep knowing they're still up. I could not do this very often, lol.

[pittpurple]

As an aside, for both sleepovers we sent my son to a friend's house to stay over so he was out of the way and that worked out well. The girls could do whatever and they weren't keeping him up and he wasn't bothering them either.

3 is a terrible number - 5 would actually be better IMO if those are the only two options.

[loira]

Apr 11, 2024 16:15:30 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

--We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"

Honestly this is rude AF and would bug me the most. I was always taught that I had no control over the food served at other people's houses and I should at least try it and if I really didn't like it I was to say " no thank you, I don't care for X". You either eat what you're served or say no thank you and just deal with it. (Obviously this doesn't apply to allergies.)

[VillainV]

Apr 14, 2024 0:22:39 GMT -5 loira said:

Apr 11, 2024 16:15:30 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

--We ordered "fancy" pizzas like hawaaiin and chicken bacon bbq, they only like cheese
Then we ordered rita's and just got plain ice--they only will eat it with "the swirl" on top (gelati's)
We did chickfila chicken minis, and hashbrowns, and strawberries for breakfast, they pulled off the bread and complained "why didn't you just buy nuggets"

Honestly this is rude AF and would bug me the most. I was always taught that I had no control over the food served at other people's houses and I should at least try it and if I really didn't like it I was to say " no thank you, I don't care for X". You either eat what you're served or say no thank you and just deal with it. (Obviously this doesn't apply to allergies.)

Yeah, kids who acted like that at my house would probably not be invited back. I get being a picky eater — I was one, and I have one. But there is a polite way to ask for other options (“excuse me, is there any cheese pizza? or any plain nuggets?) or turn down food (“I don’t care for this kind of pizza, but thank you.”)

[jennistarr1]

Apr 14, 2024 10:20:54 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Apr 14, 2024 0:22:39 GMT -5 loira said:

Honestly this is rude AF and would bug me the most. I was always taught that I had no control over the food served at other people's houses and I should at least try it and if I really didn't like it I was to say " no thank you, I don't care for X". You either eat what you're served or say no thank you and just deal with it. (Obviously this doesn't apply to allergies.)

Yeah, kids who acted like that at my house would probably not be invited back. I get being a picky eater — I was one, and I have one. But there is a polite way to ask for other options (“excuse me, is there any cheese pizza? or any plain nuggets?) or turn down food (“I don’t care for this kind of pizza, but thank you.”)

yeah...for sure...all of those details were planned my daughter, like she said, everyone does doughnuts, could we do something different. Everyone has pizza, would it be okay if we try "gourmet" pizza. So she was really excited by all those details she planned and it crashed and burned.

I had asked about allergies and the one mom said no ice cream 

I reflected on what I would have done as a kid...I didn't eat mayo and there were times I was served something with mayo. For better or worse, I would try and fake eat it, cover it with napkin, find a way to throw my plate away with noone seeing. Still not great because it's wasting food but I tried to make sure noone knew I didn't like it

[noodleoo]

Update in the OP.