mixed feelings about card from ILs

Shredder.

Send it back with:

NO ONE WITH THIS NAME AT THIS ADDRESS

Written in bright red sharpie, of course!!

Jerks, they ruined a nice sweet thing by being asshats.

LOL.  See!? I keep going back and forth between THIS and "let it be, let it be, let it be...it was nice of them....get over it..."

Where is your DH in all this? What does he do when his brother introduces you like that?

I didn't change my name when I got married. One of DH's relatives made a comment about how we weren't really married because I didn't change my name and DH shut that shit down immediately.

ignore ignore ignore. That's how I deal with my IL's. The worst thing you can do if this is a passive aggressive jab is make a big deal out of it. That is what they are looking for. 

My mother couldn't handle the fact that her SISTER didn't change her name when she married. So, 30 YEARS later, my mother fell to pieces when we tried to address my aunt's invitation to my wedding. To pieces. Somehow, writing HerFirst Last and HisFirst Last was all wrong, wrong, wrong. I think I had to do it where she couldn't see me.

So the fact that they did what they always do .. NOT shocking. At all.

Nice card. Even if they addressed it with the wrong name.







* And PS: You will always win this one. Because it's YOUR name to choose. They will never be right, no matter how many cards they address. You will always. be. right.

I'm as mature as a 12 year old most of the time so I would send it back "return to sender no one at this address with this name"

I would also give my husband as many blow jobs as it would take for him to write it and send it back so they know it was his handwriting and he was on my side.

Oh please. Unless you are privy to super secret information not included anywhere in this post, nothing OP has written has indicated one way or another how her husband reacts to this.

I think he needs to tell them again.  Seriously.

I get that some people are all "this isn't that big a deal" but to me, when someone refused to call me by my name and instead calls me by a name they think I should have, that is disrespectful and really, quite rude.  

I would start calling MIL "Mabel" since that is the name you think she be called, who cares if it isn't her name.  She doesn't seem to care that she calls you by a name that isn't yours.  

Same with asshole BIL, "this is the idiot who is related to my husband? Oh, why do I call him an idiot?  Because apparently he can't remember that I am his sister-in-law because I kept my maiden name."

People act like assholes because no one bothers to call them on their crap, especially in families.  As I have gotten older, my tolerance for the BS has dropped and I no longer give family a pass just because they are family.  If I wouldn't let a stranger treat me badly, I sure as heck won't allow family, people who are supposed to care about me do it.  

That would really bother me too. On one hand it's a nice gesture, but on the other hand...

If you really want to piss them off you can always hyphenate your kid's last name. (hot)

I actually think they will be OK with this.  It's really what the last name is that has them all fired up.  

Besides, I think the religion thing down the line will drive them apepoop.  CANNOT WAIT for that.  I'm sure we'll have many methods of driving them crazy once this kid gets here.  lol

Which is fine b/c H has already many times said "they don't like it, they don't have to be around us or their grandkid" so we're well prepared to take that step.

And I don't have much of a relationship with them at all.  We've been married almost 3 years now and they knew this about me for a whole year before so it's almost 4 years that this "name thing" has been an issue with them.  There are a ton other things about them that have driven me away (I could seriously write a book) and I've gotten to the point that I dislike these people so much I couldn't change my name to theirs just because I don't want to be related to them.

Yet, they are annoyed that I'm not close to them.  They're that cracked that they don't get that when they are assholes to people those people aren't going to like them back.  

Actually, once I told them I was expecting they've been just the nicest.  I guess they are kissing ass to make sure they have baby time.  I guess MIL just could not bring herself to write my REAL name on the card.  That would somehow be admitting that I'm right and in their crack-head world, if they demand something is one way it's that way, no matter what.    TBH, she didn't even write my whole name, it was Mrs. first initial, H's last name so I've been reduced to an initial, I guess.  

So hey, if they decide to throw in my face again why I'm not so close to them, I can honestly say I can't consider myself family to people who can't respect my own name and wishes.  

Or hypenate!  Smith-Jones.


OP - my mom always addresses cards to "Mrs. AliHubby AliHubbyLastname". I tend to agree it's an older person thing.  I try not to take everything as a personal slight against me.

No, it's not. But it's hard to explain...it's the way he does it.  

I guess I can say that it's something I've noticed over the past three years - I've never once heard him say SIL.  So I brought it up in passing like *laugh* so hey, you can just say SIL and not "brother's wife", you know!" *laugh* silly....

And that's when I was told I'm not his SIL b/c of my last name.   :?

But whatever, BIL is just as much of an ass as his parents.  He's said a few doozies to me that has me pretty much seeing him as a person I'm obligated to be around at family gatherings.  The same with MIL and FIL.  I LOVE BIL's GF, though.  And she sticks up for me when they bash me when DH and I aren't around, which I hear happens often.