Lurker with a (what else?) problem

I'd cut bait, but that's me after having been in too many rotten relationships where I thought I could fix the guy.

run for the hills!

I don't understand why he would keep disturbing porn from 10 years ago on his computer. This seems like the kind of thing one would purge if those feelings had been properly dealt with in therapy.

I'm sorry. This must have been very difficult to see.

His story makes sense to me, the needing to see something terrible in order to feel normal part. BUT that is definitely an unhealthy approach to dealing with those issues, and indicates someone who needs serious therapy. You say he's done that. Okay, fine.

Do you want to take on the residual of those issues, knowing he may not have actually worked through them as much as you think? I wouldn't. I've tried to fix too many people already. I would cut and run.

Plus, all that aside, it is ILLEGAL. He (and by proxy, YOU) could get into a lot of trouble simply by having those images on his computer. I think if he were truly done with that part of his life, he would have gotten rid of that stuff as quickly as he could, so as not to risk future repercussions.

Or, he's a grade-A idiot who doesn't realize that child porn is illegal.

Either way, do you really want to be involved?

That stuff needs to be deleted. First of all, it's really illegal. Secondly, let's say he was being truthful and he hasn't looked at it, you just reminded him of it and that's a huge temptation sitting right there on his hard drive.

I have a family member who went through some sexual abuse as a child. It's been 40 plus years ago, and this person still struggles with the ramifications including major depression and self doubt. That's vague, because every instance is different. This situation seems completely different from the sounds of it. I just wanted to say, just because you think he's all better, doesn't mean he won't have lows again. Most likely they're going to happen.

Run for the hills.

This would be the red flag for me. As pp said, he's still in possession of this stuff? That's illegal and morally reprehensible, as these are exploited children whose images he could, unwittingly or purposefully, distribute.

Have you checked to see if he's on the SO registry?

At the risk of stating the obvious, doesn't finding it under "Recent" mean that it's been recently accessed?

Yeah, someone is lying his ass off with that.

This is kinda where I am. With a side of "Why are you dating ANYONE right now?!?!?!"

Also, you ladies really are awesome. I've seen you give plenty of advice and support to people, but it's different to see (feel, almost) it being for me. Thank you.

Totally agree.

I am not sure why you give this guy the benefit of the doubt with his story when you've only known him for 3 months. Everything about this story screams "RUN" to me.

If he is periodically transferring and backing up his files, it leads me to believe that he has a higher than normal awareness of what's on his drives. He would've deleted this years ago if he weren't still looking at it, IMO. He's had chances. I have huge issues with the preteen stuff. And you should, too.

Also, I have friends that have dealt with huge amounts of sexual dysfunction and abuse in their relationships stemming from childhood. Some of them made it and are still together. Some of them have not. But it was a hard and difficult road in every single case. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

It has to be a real child to be illegal.

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