What a weird article. WDMMT?

I live in CT and when I started dating H (who is from India) and told my aunt that I was dating an Indian guy she asked if I met him at the casino. :-|

I've had a few people ask me what ethnicity my girls are which surprises me since I think they're pretty fair skinned. On the other hand, my MIL commented to my mom the night they were born that they're "too white". My sister took them on an errand one day and a woman asked her if the girls were Mexican. She said no, their dad is Indian and the woman replied "close enough!" ^o)

My son is adopted. In the reverse of this scenario, I get comments all the time that he looks just like me. It gets tiring after a while explaining to complete strangers that he's adopted, so I usually just smile and say 'thank you'. Would she then assume that I am ashamed that my son is adopted and I'm pretending that he's biologically mine?

I don't owe complete strangers an explanation on how my son came to be my son.

I am a quarter Japanese and the first time I went to my now H's hometown, one of his relatives referred to me as his "Tiki Girl" because apparently, I looked Polynesian or something to her? IDK.

My mother is blonde haired and green eyed, she divorced my father and remarried an Italian man - so many people would tell me that I looked like my "dad" (meaning stepfather) and not at all like my mother. Always fun trying to clear that up.

What a ridiculous assumption.

My XSIL has a mixed race child. He is her biological son, but he looks NOTHING like her.

I respect the point that this writer is trying to make about being open and honest with your child, but HOLY FUCK what a shitload of assumptions she is making about that other woman. Is THAT what she's teaching her child to do? Assume that everyone who looks like her is in her exact situation?

What a bitch

Beyond her being offensive and presumptuous, she comes off as a total creepy wack-a-do...."I have a daughter who was born in South America. Was your son born in South America?" WTF? I would speed away with my cart too.

No, you're not crazy. The bitch who wrote the article is. I can't event understand what her fucking problem is.

My son was in the 2nd grade and the teacher had them draw a picture of their family. I am white and my DH is from Peru and very dark skinned. My son look's like me.

She actually argued with my son about how that could not be his Dad and he should change the picture. "Your Dad is not brown honey". WTF why do people say and assume thing's that really don't matter.

I'm an adoptive parent and our family is transracial. I have a lot of opinions about this article, as well as some of the comments in this thread, but I'll try to keep it brief.

1) Yeah, this woman is an idiot for making so many assumptions. She could be a nanny, a family friend, or a foster parent wanting to avoid an uncomfortable conversation about the child being in foster care.

2) That said, being offended that a person would simply ask if a child is adopted is actually offensive to me, because there is nothing embarrassing or inferior about being adopted.

3) While her assumptions are really dumb, I do understand her curiosity about the child she saw in the grocery store. When you go through an adoption, and especially a transracial adoption, you are more likely to notice other families like yours and also be curious about their family and experience. At least that is the case with me. The adoption process is such a unique experience, and being a transracial family also presents it's own challenges and unique experiences. I actually have no issue with someone asking me if my son is adopted, although when I am with him and my husband isn't with us, I think most people assume that I had a child with an African American.

These days adoption is not like it was in the 60's. It isn't associated with the shame of an unwed mother and surrounded with secrecy. These days, adopted kids are told they are adopted from the beginning, and likely have some sort of inforation about and possibly even contact with their biological parents. I would much rather someone just ask me about our situation than make any assumptions, as there is no shame in our situation or our family, and in fact I love to talk about it. I love my son's dark skin and beautiful curly hair, and I love talking about the unique journey we went through to become a family.

So, while maybe to some people it's not the most polite thing to approach a stranger in a grocery store and ask personal questions, I do get why the woman did it. I do think she should have actually asked the woman if that is her son first! Then if she said yes, just say something like, "I apologize if this seems intrusive, but I'm an adoptive mom and my daughter looks much like your son, and I am just wondering if by chance your son is also adopted?" If it turns out that she simply had a child with someone of a different ethnicity, I still don't think this approach is offensive. Not any more than a person asking me if my son's father is African American, which would not offend me in the slightest. I have been asked that question out in public, and it's usually by white women who had a child with an African American. I think people with unique families are simply curious about other families who are like them. It's obvious why someone might think that I had a baby with someone of another race, so I simply state that his bio dad is AA, but my H and I are both white and adopted him. No big deal and not at all offensive.

As an adoptive mom, and seeing a ridiculous article written by that adoptive mom, I'm shocked that she didn't get some training or read up on how you approach these things. Yes, adoptive parents, esp those who adopt transracially, may tend to make assumptions in their heads when they see families that look like theirs. But there are tactful ways to approach it, and her approach was NOT it. The "rule" is that you don't ask about someone's adoption status, either directly or indirectly, with the child around. It runs the risk of labeling the child when they hear those conversations.

But yeah, lots of assumptions. Maybe the kid was adopted. Maybe he's a foster child, and the mom has been told not to share *any* details with strangers. Maybe she's his nanny, or babysitter, or a neighbor. Maybe she was freaked out about the woman staring at her in every aisle, and thought she wanted to steal her kid. Hell, maybe she's deaf or doesn't speak English. Or a million other things.

I just love self-proclaimed open minded people who are actually extremely close-minded