Post by missbetty1 on Jun 22, 2012 13:06:37 GMT -5
The new guy, I guess I should give him an initial or a name now lol. Let's call him "Mars"...Mars is really trying to sweep me off my feet and I don't know what to do. Since my last relationship was miserable and I stayed in it for 6 years despite us being VERY incompatible I was totally prepared to not meet anyone for a very long time and enjoy me time and the peace that came along with it. But oh boy Mars is killing me. He calls me just about ever day, we've hung out about 3 times since we met 2 weeks ago. The conversations we have are great, he has the qualities I've said I want in a partner and he's so attractive. Oh man, the other day he texted me a poem about how he felt when he first met me...I wanted to freak out because we've just met but I stayed calm...I haven't told anyone IRL about it not even my BFF. Last night we were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery and he said that he would want to take me with him where ever he decided to move...and he made a point to tell me he noticed I didn't include him in my plans lol. Like wth was I suppose to say, like I don't even "know" him yet. I guess this is just me "venting" I should be writing this in my journal but I feel comfortable sharing my crazy emotions with you guys...
I do like him a lot, he still hasn't said or done anything "off" other than express how he feels about me and I say that because it's only been 2 weeks. Uugh help...I think since I've been out the "dating" world for 6 years and I was miserable during most of those 6 years, I don't know what the hell to do now that I've met someone and so far it feels "right"...
Ehhh...he is coming on strong but I think it depends on how serious he is when he says this stuff and how you are acting with him too. If he was honestly mad your plans didn't include him than yeah that's a red flag or if he honestly was making future plans with you and like trying to set them in stone, that's a red flag. Or if he was saying "I love you" already. But just nonsense babble I think it what a lot of guys do without thinking it through.
I think guys easily say this kind of stuff not because they totally mean it or to be a creeper but just because they think girls like it and that it is "charming." If you are sort of going along with it, he may think you like it when he talks like that.
I may be of an unpopular opinion though. I guess I just think of stuff D said in the beginning that could be considered coming on too strong but I know him and know he is just being goofy and silly. Also, we were both feeling it right away so it wasn't weird when he talked about us being compatible because it was like obviously true even when we didn't "know" each other. We both knew we hit everything on each other's lists, KWIM?
Ehhh...he is coming on strong but I think it depends on how serious he is when he says this stuff and how you are acting with him too. If he was honestly mad your plans didn't include him than yeah that's a red flag or if he honestly was making future plans with you and like trying to set them in stone, that's a red flag. Or if he was saying "I love you" already. But just nonsense babble I think it what a lot of guys do without thinking it through.
I think guys easily say this kind of stuff not because they totally mean it or to be a creeper but just because they think girls like it and that it is "charming." If you are sort of going along with it, he may think you like it when he talks like that.
I may be of an unpopular opinion though. I guess I just think of stuff D said in the beginning that could be considered coming on too strong but I know him and know he is just being goofy and silly. Also, we were both feeling it right away so it wasn't weird when he talked about us being compatible because it was like obviously true even when we didn't "know" each other. We both knew we hit everything on each other's lists, KWIM?
Yeah we were laughing...it wasn't a serious conversation...we do goof around alot.
Did he just get out of a relationship? Definite red flags.
My ex was very similar when we first started dating and I thought it was so sweet. Poems, talking 20 times a day, showing up randomly at my work just to say hi, etc. Over time, that sweetness gradually turned into smothering and through therapy, I'm just now realizing that he used guilt and manipulation to control me. It wasn't to an abusive point (in my opinion), but it was there, and it's not cool. Be careful.
How come we have been to 3 dates and I'm not in your plans?!!!
The poem= coming on too strong Plans comment= Creeper
The poem came about because he is taking some type of public speaking class and I asked him how was class and he said it was good and that the topic of his speech was about a lady he met...so I asked him what was the "real" topic of his speech and then we laughed and he told me the "real" topic...
So then I texted to him "well if you were to talk about the lady you met what would it be about" and so he went to text me a few lines and then he told me he would tell me the rest in person
Did he just get out of a relationship? Definite red flags.
My ex was very similar when we first started dating and I thought it was so sweet. Poems, talking 20 times a day, showing up randomly at my work just to say hi, etc. Over time, that sweetness gradually turned into smothering and through therapy, I'm just now realizing that he used guilt and manipulation to control me. It wasn't to an abusive point (in my opinion), but it was there, and it's not cool. Be careful.
I have to ask him about him last serious relationship...he told me the last date he went on was a few months ago...
:::Sigh of Relief::: oh thank god it's just not me thinking he's moving too fast...
TRUST YOUR GUT. If it feels off to you, then something is wrong. Don't second guess yourself!
My gut doesn't tell me anything is wrong but my paranoia is causing my emotional walls to go up only because it's only been 2 weeks and he seems "right"...maybe I shouldn't beusing the word "right" since it's only been 2 weeks...
TRUST YOUR GUT. If it feels off to you, then something is wrong. Don't second guess yourself!
My gut doesn't tell me anything is wrong but my paranoia is causing my emotional walls to go up only because it's only been 2 weeks and he seems "right"...maybe I shouldn't beusing the word "right" since it's only been 2 weeks...
Okay, but being paranoid isn't good either. Your paranoia is triggered by something.....
My gut doesn't tell me anything is wrong but my paranoia is causing my emotional walls to go up only because it's only been 2 weeks and he seems "right"...maybe I shouldn't beusing the word "right" since it's only been 2 weeks...
Okay, but being paranoid isn't good either. Your paranoia is triggered by something.....
I see your point...Maybe I should tell him to stop talking like that because it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like it's too soon? And then see his reaction? Depending on his reaction I'll know whether to DTMFA or keep him around?
Okay, but being paranoid isn't good either. Your paranoia is triggered by something.....
I see your point...Maybe I should tell him to stop talking like that because it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like it's too soon? And then see his reaction? Depending on his reaction I'll know whether to DTMFA or keep him around?
What do you think?
I think you need to do what YOU are comfortable with. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you feel that it isn't THAT bad, then say he is coming on too strong. If you feel icky about it, then DTMFA and move on.
My gut doesn't tell me anything is wrong but my paranoia is causing my emotional walls to go up only because it's only been 2 weeks and he seems "right"...maybe I shouldn't beusing the word "right" since it's only been 2 weeks...
Okay, but being paranoid isn't good either. Your paranoia is triggered by something.....
I don't think this is necessarily true. To me paranoia is based on irrational fears and doesn't necessarily reflect reality. It could be just her own inner insecurities messing with her or past issues or whatever.
To me, it sounds like you guys are both just goofing around and "flirting" in a way. If he ends up being more of a creeper, than you can drop him but eh I'm not seeing red flags yet.
I see your point...Maybe I should tell him to stop talking like that because it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like it's too soon? And then see his reaction? Depending on his reaction I'll know whether to DTMFA or keep him around?
What do you think?
I think you need to do what YOU are comfortable with. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If you feel that it isn't THAT bad, then say he is coming on too strong. If you feel icky about it, then DTMFA and move on.
Okay, but being paranoid isn't good either. Your paranoia is triggered by something.....
I don't think this is necessarily true. To me paranoia is based on irrational fears and doesn't necessarily reflect reality. It could be just her own inner insecurities messing with her or past issues or whatever.
Hence why I said "something". In my experiences, my paranoia was usually justified by what the other person was doing/not doing and I was spot on in regards to what I was feeling.
Howevah....yes, paranoia can be way out of left field. Given his creepy behavior, this doesn't feel left field to me.
Hmm based on follow ups, maybe not as bad as I first thought but it does seem a little strong. Could you maybe go a couple of days without talking and see if a little space makes you feel better about things? Or maybe it's because he seems great but you're not ready yet? That's okay too.