Question about making plans when dating

[audg]

My best friend's husband set me up with a coworker/friend of his. The guy msg'd me on FB and gave me his #.. I gave him mine and we started talking and texting. We decided to meet for a quick drink the Friday after Thanksgiving. That morning he texted me good morning and I w/b saying the same and asking if he was still up for meeting face to face that night? he said yes and asked me what time was good. So, when I said I'm free anytime after 5, he w/b "okay, we'll play it by ear". So that whole day I had no idea where or what time we were meeting as he didn't call me until after 6pm (which to me is annoying cuz I'm the type that like to have definitive plans). So we met and he was very nice. He's been texting me since saying that he wants to get together again and kept saying hopefully we can meet again soon. So, I texted him Tuesday (after he texted me first about how my day was blah blah blah), I said btw, I'm childless on Thursday and Saturday this week, if you're free at all either night. He w/b "I'll make it work". Then yesterday he texted me how he's looking forward to seeing me and wrote "maybe grab a bite tomorrow" .. so I said yea sounds good. Now, it's 1:30 on the day we were supposed to meet and I still haven't heard from him..which is kinda odd because he usually texts me a good morning or something (although there have been days that he didn't and I did first.) Anyhooo.. here's my question oh wise ladies of S/O…. I really don't want to text him today because 1) he already made it clear that he wanted to see me again so, I 2) gave him the nights I was free and he said "maybe grab a bite" and I agreed. I just feel like after being married to someone for sooo looong that couldn't care less if I existed, I kinda want a guy who makes a little effort, ya know? Tell me ...am I reading too much into this or being way to sensitive, stupid.. etc.

[roselis]

Text and ask what time.
I try to always have a firm time set

[fairydust]

I think that's really fucking annoying. But yea, I'd text him and suggest a time and hope that he responds soon so you know.

[bullygirl979]

Dec 6, 2012 14:06:02 GMT -5 fairydust said:

I think that's really fucking annoying. But yea, I'd text him and suggest a time and hope that he responds soon so you know.

This. I would text him but I would be annoyed. I am a total planner and I can't stand someone who always plays things by ear. Every once in a while? Sure. But all the time = crazy bullygirl

[audg]

It IS annoying.. . I'm trying to text him,. but honestly everytime I pick up my phone to do it, I get more annoyed and put it down. I can't bring myself to text him. I just feel like.. dude, if you're THAT into me, you'd make more of an effort...I know that I'm probably just being bitter...ughh

[bullygirl979]

Dec 6, 2012 14:16:43 GMT -5 audg said:

It IS annoying.. . I'm trying to text him,. but honestly everytime I pick up my phone to do it, I get more annoyed and put it down. I can't bring myself to text him. I just feel like.. dude, if you're THAT into me, you'd make more of an effort...I know that I'm probably just being bitter...ughh

It may not be he isn't into to you, but it may be that he just isn't a planner.

[annael415]

That would drive me crazy. I like to pretend I can be spontaneous, but I like to plan as well. I'd text him a time and place suggestion and hope it works. Good Luck!

[fairydust]

Dec 6, 2012 14:16:43 GMT -5 audg said:

It IS annoying.. . I'm trying to text him,. but honestly everytime I pick up my phone to do it, I get more annoyed and put it down. I can't bring myself to text him. I just feel like.. dude, if you're THAT into me, you'd make more of an effort...I know that I'm probably just being bitter...ughh

If you think he's worth another date then just go ahead and send it. If you don't text him and he texts you, say at 5pm for a 6pm date, will you go? Don't get me wrong, I'd feel the same way as you. Annoyed. Hell, I'm annoyed and it's not even me. I would not want to be the one who is always making the specific plan ahead of time.

[Deleted]

I agree that it sounds like he just isn't a planner. Honestly your texts haven't indicated you are either, so he may think playing it by ear is fine. I'd text him a time. Also next time, I would suggest a concrete time. When he says "maybe grab a bite tomorrow" respond with "great, how about x time."

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 14:19:47 GMT -5 fairydust said:

Dec 6, 2012 14:16:43 GMT -5 audg said:

It IS annoying.. . I'm trying to text him,. but honestly everytime I pick up my phone to do it, I get more annoyed and put it down. I can't bring myself to text him. I just feel like.. dude, if you're THAT into me, you'd make more of an effort...I know that I'm probably just being bitter...ughh

If you think he's worth another date then just go ahead and send it. If you don't text him and he texts you, say at 5pm for a 6pm date, will you go? Don't get me wrong, I'd feel the same way as you. Annoyed. Hell, I'm annoyed and it's not even me. I would not want to be the one who is always making the specific plan ahead of time.

No, I wouldn't..'d tell him that since I hadn't heard from him that I assumed he couldn't go and I made other plans, esp since his text said "maybe".

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 14:22:24 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I agree that it sounds like he just isn't a planner. Honestly your texts haven't indicated you are either, so he may think playing it by ear is fine. I'd text him a time. Also next time, I would suggest a concrete time. When he says "maybe grab a bite tomorrow" respond with "great, how about x time."

Very true.. I'm gonna do that IF there is a next time.. lol

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2012 14:26:44 GMT -5 audg said:

No, I wouldn't..'d tell him that since I hadn't heard from him that I assumed he couldn't go and I made other plans, esp since his text said "maybe".

But you already set the precedence that this communication style is acceptable to you based on your previous date. If you like this guy I'd say text him a time today. Then when you set up your next date get the time thing right off the bat. If you don't like him then don't worry about.

[bullygirl979]

Dec 6, 2012 14:31:20 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Dec 6, 2012 14:26:44 GMT -5 audg said:

No, I wouldn't..'d tell him that since I hadn't heard from him that I assumed he couldn't go and I made other plans, esp since his text said "maybe".

But you already set the precedence that this communication style is acceptable to you based on your previous date. If you like this guy I'd say text him a time today. Then when you set up your next date get the time thing right off the bat. If you don't like him then don't worry about.

ITA. If you are a planner, don't pretend to not be

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 14:33:50 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Dec 6, 2012 14:31:20 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

But you already set the precedence that this communication style is acceptable to you based on your previous date. If you like this guy I'd say text him a time today. Then when you set up your next date get the time thing right off the bat. If you don't like him then don't worry about.

ITA. If you are a planner, don't pretend to not be

Yeah yeahh...you ladies got a point.. grrrrrrrrr lol guess I'll bite the bullet and text him...

[fairydust]

Let us know when he responds.

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 14:40:15 GMT -5 fairydust said:

Let us know when he responds.

Will do...I texted him 10 mins ago... so far, crickets ...lol

[audg]

Okay.. sooo I texted him.. Hey, hows your day going? .. he w/b back "okay, got out of the lawyers alive" (he's divorced and has 2 kids that he is trying to get full custody of), so we texted a lil about that.. and he never once mentioned anything about going out later or meeting at all… so I'm not going to bring it up. And if he does at this point I'm.not.going.period.**crossing arms & stomping feet**

[lookingup]

Dec 6, 2012 14:31:20 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Dec 6, 2012 14:26:44 GMT -5 audg said:

No, I wouldn't..'d tell him that since I hadn't heard from him that I assumed he couldn't go and I made other plans, esp since his text said "maybe".

But you already set the precedence that this communication style is acceptable to you based on your previous date. If you like this guy I'd say text him a time today. Then when you set up your next date get the time thing right off the bat. If you don't like him then don't worry about.

This. And don't forget that he hasn't heard from you, either.

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2012 15:07:28 GMT -5 audg said:

Okay.. sooo I texted him.. Hey, hows your day going? .. he w/b back "okay, got out of the lawyers alive" (he's divorced and has 2 kids that he is trying to get full custody of), so we texted a lil about that.. and he never once mentioned anything about going out later or meeting at all… so I'm not going to bring it up. And if he does at this point I'm.not.going.period.**crossing arms & stomping feet**

You are being ridiculously passive aggressive. Why are you playing games? In his mind you already have plans and he's likely to call you at 5. Why didn't you just ask "what time did you want to get together tonight."

[starburst604]

Just ask him what time tonight since you've already been texting. I know you don't want to and I wouldn't want to either. But if he either ignores or says he can't then you KNOW. You know you aren't going to waste another minute of effort on this guy. He sounds like a friend of mine who is SUCH a non-planner. I love her but I could never date someone like her!

[lookingup]

Dec 6, 2012 15:07:28 GMT -5 audg said:

Okay.. sooo I texted him.. Hey, hows your day going? .. he w/b back "okay, got out of the lawyers alive" (he's divorced and has 2 kids that he is trying to get full custody of), so we texted a lil about that.. and he never once mentioned anything about going out later or meeting at all… so I'm not going to bring it up. And if he does at this point I'm.not.going.period.**crossing arms & stomping feet**

I don't get it. Why don't you just ask? This seems like such a game to me. Life is much easier when you just clearly communicate what you want instead of waiting on him to read your mind. Instead of the vague response, "I'm free after 5," and then being disappointed when he doesn't pick up the ball and run with it, why not actually suggest a time?

All of this frustration could be saved if you would just send a text saying, "Did you want to get together around 7 tonight?" It takes fifteen seconds, or less if you have fast fingers.

Stop setting yourself up for disappointment.

[bullygirl979]

Dec 6, 2012 15:13:06 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Dec 6, 2012 15:07:28 GMT -5 audg said:

Okay.. sooo I texted him.. Hey, hows your day going? .. he w/b back "okay, got out of the lawyers alive" (he's divorced and has 2 kids that he is trying to get full custody of), so we texted a lil about that.. and he never once mentioned anything about going out later or meeting at all… so I'm not going to bring it up. And if he does at this point I'm.not.going.period.**crossing arms & stomping feet**

You are being ridiculously passive aggressive. Why are you playing games? In his mind you already have plans and he's likely to call you at 5. Why didn't you just ask "what time did you want to get together tonight."

For real. If you wanted to know what time why didn't you just ask him? You are geting upset at him for playing games and you are doing the same thing!

[starburst604]

DOOO IT!! DOOO IT!!! DOOO IT!!!

[fairydust]

Dec 6, 2012 15:07:28 GMT -5 audg said:

Okay.. sooo I texted him.. Hey, hows your day going? .. he w/b back "okay, got out of the lawyers alive" (he's divorced and has 2 kids that he is trying to get full custody of), so we texted a lil about that.. and he never once mentioned anything about going out later or meeting at all… so I'm not going to bring it up. And if he does at this point I'm.not.going.period.**crossing arms & stomping feet**

Guys operate differently than we do. I agree that you do need to just bite the bullet on this one and ask what time. Dooo itttt.....

[audg]

I'm cracking up right now cuz.. YES I agree.. I know I sound like a ridiculous baby...and I'm def not intentionally playing games, but I guess I'm going through a period in my life where I feel like if I have to always do the asking, then I lose interest. My best friend thinks its my way of keeping ppl far away from me...I'm thinking from all your responses she's right.. lol Thanks for the input!!

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 15:27:13 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Dec 6, 2012 15:25:03 GMT -5 audg said:

I'm cracking up right now cuz.. YES I agree.. I know I sound like a ridiculous baby...and I'm def not intentionally playing games, but I guess I'm going through a period in my life where I feel like if I have to always do the asking, then I lose interest. My best friend thinks its my way of keeping ppl far away from me...I'm thinking from all your responses she's right.. lol Thanks for the input!!

TEXT HIM ALREADY!!!! haha

HAHA.. I just did.. .but then I deleted it before I sent it. AAAAAHHHH what the eff is wrong with meeeeeee.. lol I see now that I have some more issues to deal with...good grief

[Deleted]

Dec 6, 2012 15:35:26 GMT -5 audg said:

Dec 6, 2012 15:27:13 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

TEXT HIM ALREADY!!!! haha

HAHA.. I just did.. .but then I deleted it before I sent it. AAAAAHHHH what the eff is wrong with meeeeeee.. lol I see now that I have some more issues to deal with...good grief

Maybe you shouldn't be dating. Seriously you are pretty worked up about nothing here.

[starburst604]

HIT SEND, HIT SEND, HIT SEND, HIT SEND!

[fairydust]

Just do it for us at least.

[audg]

Dec 6, 2012 15:37:41 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Dec 6, 2012 15:35:26 GMT -5 audg said:

HAHA.. I just did.. .but then I deleted it before I sent it. AAAAAHHHH what the eff is wrong with meeeeeee.. lol I see now that I have some more issues to deal with...good grief

Maybe you shouldn't be dating. Seriously you are pretty worked up about nothing here.

I'm not "worked up" about it at all, actually. I'm just giving you all the play by play to escape from working. I really don't care whether or not I go out on a date... I was just wondering if I was making too much out of nothing in terms of someone not making definitive plans.