Enough about the men! Women, E-rings & interviews

[mbcdefg]

I've thought about it in the past, out of concern that an interviewer might see my wedding set and assume that I'm going to be asking for maternity leave right away. But as far as I know, it's never been an obstacle to me getting a job.

The concern about assumptions about my wealth has never crossed my mind. a) I've never applied for a job where my social status would've been an issue (like a non-profit or a charity or something). And b) I have a 1-ct solitaire e-ring and a plain wedding ring, so it's not like I've got anything flashy in the first place.

I think it's wise not to wear your Jimmy Choos and carry a Hermes bag if you're applying for a job that caters to the less fortunate, but IDK if a wedding set would fall into that same category. The majority of people don't have multiple wedding sets to choose from.

Dec 21, 2012 10:42:31 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

ETA: If anyone thought I looked too young to be applying for a job, I would think that having a wedding ring would make them think that maybe I'm older than I look.

Also a good point. I'm 29 and I've gotten a lot of comments at this job about being fresh out of college, or when I told HR that I was already covered for health insurance she kept referring to it as my mom's rather than MH's. I thought my rings would signal that I'm a bit older than that, but it's not unheard of to run into a 22 year-old professional who's married.

[jenn248]

It would never have occurred to me not to wear my engagement ring to an interview. I suppose I can see not wearing a 3 carat ring to a non-profit interview, perhaps, but I am pretty sure my 1.25 carat ring isn't going to cost me any federal jobs.

[mellymel]

Dec 21, 2012 10:22:53 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Dec 21, 2012 10:21:04 GMT -5 vigurl said:

When we posted about a study that showed employers still screen résumés for mommy status, some Juggle posters said they’d think twice about making a reference to their children in their CVs, and they’d consider slipping off the wedding ring, as well.

Right now I'm side-eyeing why anyone would reference their family in the CV in the first place.

Think globally. This is common, acceptable, and even expected in many cultures and countries outside of the United States.

[noodleoo]

I just interviewed and this never even occurred to me. My feeling is that if a company judges women based on their marital status, then I'm not sure I want to work there anyway. If they discriminate that early in the process, it will only get worse when you work there. I also think it is disingenuous. What happens on your first day of work when you start wearing it again?

But, as PP mentioned, my e-ring is a pretty average size (0.8 carat). If it was huge, maybe I'd think differently. But this is also why I wouldn't want a huge e-ring, if you have to think about whether or not you can wear it, what's the point?

Here's an interesting question: my SIL is a lawyer and she had an expectation for a larger e-ring. It had to be over 1.5 carat. My H said that she said this is because in the law field, an e-ring is a status symbol and a smaller one would be a sign that you aren't very successful or some other BS like that. Is that true or did she make that up to get a bigger ring? She's in DC if that matters. Her and her H are pretty caught up in the keeping up with the Jones' mentality.

[winnied]

I wear mine and have never thought not to. It's the same size as RBP's and while people have commented/asked if I was married I never thought it was a big deal.

[limey]

I wear both my e-ring and my wedding band to an interview.

My e-ring is a solitaire that I'm sure some would consider "flashy" but if an interviewer is going to judge me based solely on what my jewelry looks like, they are probably judging me based on my shoes or some other capricious standard. Hell, I may not want to work for someone like that.

As for expecting a salary, well, that's what the negotiation portion is for.

[loveday]

Dec 21, 2012 11:03:20 GMT -5 mellymel said:

Dec 21, 2012 10:22:53 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

Right now I'm side-eyeing why anyone would reference their family in the CV in the first place.

Think globally. This is common, acceptable, and even expected in many cultures and countries outside of the United States.

Ditto this. I work on many European CV's and it's traditional to list family status, date of birth, hobbies etc. It's slowly migrating away from that, but I still see it in one out of two CV's I critique.

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2012 10:47:49 GMT -5 vigurl said:

Dec 21, 2012 10:40:56 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

I take off my rings for interviews.

You all would think my reasoning is completely sleazy. lol

Now to be fair I am going to ask you why

I suppose I should ammend my statement to say I've took them off for all interviews up to this point in my life.

If research of a future prospective employer indicated that it would be in my best interest to be a single woman, then I would take them off for those too. If asked about my marital status I'd never lie though.

I think there are a lot of factors that could make being single work in my favor, company culture, interviewer, etc. Interviewers are human and all humans, even when trying their hardest to be fair and unbiased, will make assumptions. It's just what we do.

I do extensive research on companies and individuals within the company beforehand and if it's a job I really want, I'll research everything I can possibly find. If I have the interviewers name I'll analyze everything I can find about them, and I'll figure out what they like (if they've made it public online, I'm not peeping in windows or anything.) Then, while being completely honest about myself, I'll be sure to cater my words and actions in line with what I know about them.

Now I sound really creepy. lol

[KaraOrNot]

I wore my engagement ring on my interview for my current job and didn't give any thought to it (I wasn't married yet, so no wedding band).

I can say that when I have interviewed people, I have never noticed if they have wedding rings on or not.

[chessie]

It is rare I wear my ring out anyway so wouldn't wear it to an interview.

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2012 11:54:26 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

Dec 21, 2012 10:47:49 GMT -5 vigurl said:

Now to be fair I am going to ask you why

I suppose I should ammend my statement to say I've took them off for all interviews up to this point in my life.

If research of a future prospective employer indicated that it would be in my best interest to be a single woman, then I would take them off for those too. If asked about my marital status I'd never lie though.

I think there are a lot of factors that could make being single work in my favor, company culture, interviewer, etc. Interviewers are human and all humans, even when trying their hardest to be fair and unbiased, will make assumptions. It's just what we do.

I do extensive research on companies and individuals within the company beforehand and if it's a job I really want, I'll research everything I can possibly find. If I have the interviewers name I'll analyze everything I can find about them, and I'll figure out what they like (if they've made it public online, I'm not peeping in windows or anything.) Then, while being completely honest about myself, I'll be sure to cater my words and actions in line with what I know about them.

Now I sound really creepy. lol

No, you sound really smart.

[ESF]

I was engaged when I was interviewing at conservative big firms in law school. I did not wear my ring then because I didn't want an added distraction or unnecessary judgment. I didn't get a job with any of them so perhaps my worrying was over nothing.

Now I wear them because I don't give a shit and because the places where I'd interview are not conservative places.

[moolarkey]

DD took her engagement ring off for interviews. It is just HUGE and when you see it you can tell it cost a lot. So she just wears her wedding band for interviews. She doesn't want to send the wrong message, that she's very wealthy or that the opposite, she's living beyond her means. It's an unusual ring so people always notice it immediately.

[Deleted]

For my current job, two people already knew I was married with a kid so I kept my rings on. For all other interviews I've ever had, I take the rings off.

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 21, 2012 11:54:26 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

Dec 21, 2012 10:47:49 GMT -5 vigurl said:

Now to be fair I am going to ask you why

I suppose I should ammend my statement to say I've took them off for all interviews up to this point in my life.

If research of a future prospective employer indicated that it would be in my best interest to be a single woman, then I would take them off for those too. If asked about my marital status I'd never lie though.

I think there are a lot of factors that could make being single work in my favor, company culture, interviewer, etc. Interviewers are human and all humans, even when trying their hardest to be fair and unbiased, will make assumptions. It's just what we do.

I do extensive research on companies and individuals within the company beforehand and if it's a job I really want, I'll research everything I can possibly find. If I have the interviewers name I'll analyze everything I can find about them, and I'll figure out what they like (if they've made it public online, I'm not peeping in windows or anything.) Then, while being completely honest about myself, I'll be sure to cater my words and actions in line with what I know about them.

Now I sound really creepy. lol

Well, when you said the reason was "sleazy" my first thought is you wanted to look unattached so you could be on the prowl for an office hook-up. So, your explanation seems pretty tame in comparison.

[nevermind]

I've interviewed for 3 jobs in the last 2 years, including the one that I'm in now. I've been offered all of them. When I interviewed for my current job I was pregnant and they still offered it to me. I'm completely honest about my marital status and family. At an interview, I'm interviewing them as much as they're interviewing me and I need things like flexibility because I am a mom and I need to be able to be home with sick kids or whatever else comes up.

[Susie]

Dec 21, 2012 11:04:32 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Here's an interesting question: my SIL is a lawyer and she had an expectation for a larger e-ring. It had to be over 1.5 carat. My H said that she said this is because in the law field, an e-ring is a status symbol and a smaller one would be a sign that you aren't very successful or some other BS like that. Is that true or did she make that up to get a bigger ring? She's in DC if that matters. Her and her H are pretty caught up in the keeping up with the Jones' mentality.

This sounds a lot more related to her "keeping up with the Jones' mentality" than being a lawyer.

E-rings seem like weird status symbols to me, because the size of my e-ring indicates (if anything) how much money we had when we got engaged. We were both law students then. What does our law school financial picture have to do with our "status" or financial picture years or decades later? I don't plan to update my ring to accommodate my more comfortable finances.

If I were a jewelry person I'd have several pieces that are worth more than my e-ring by now. As it is, I ride a road bike worth more than my e-ring.

[vaportrail]

I had to wear my wedding set for an interview to cover a tattoo on my finger. I figure a diamond would be preferable to a visible tattoo...

FWIW, they hired me.

[regina22]

I wear my wedding band, but not my e-ring when I interview. It's a decent sized ring, and I'm in in a competitive industry (especially when it comes to salary), and I don't want a subconscious feeling in the interviewers mind that they can short change me on the offer because I don't need the money (aka my husband does well).

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2012 10:53:03 GMT -5 littlespitfire said:

I think dr. g put it best- you can spin any scenario against any woman. I've always worn my rings on interviews - married or engaged. My reason for leaving a previous job was meeting my now-husband, so it would be silly of me to pretend I'm unmarried.

My e-ring is 2 carats and my band is a one carat half-enternity band, and I don't think they are particularly distracting. My hands are pretty big and there are plenty of women with rings much bigger than mine in this city.

If your ring is common among your colleagues, then you're fine.

In my area people tend to be middle class and have more modest rings, so 2c+ really stands out.

[loveday]

Dec 21, 2012 13:28:27 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Foreign people put weird stuff on their resume including family stuff. It makes me roll my eyes every time.

I'm rolling my eyes at you. The world does not revolve around American customs and formats. Sheesh.

[drloretta]

IMO the ring debate is very field/company specific. In my field it isn't even an issue.

And I would also side-eye anyone who mentions their family in their CV or resume.

[Deleted]

I wouldnt take my rings off when interviewing. If that is really going to influence the decision, I want no part of that company / manger.

The non profit manager in the article quoted in the OP annoys me. So what if the candidate has flashy bling? Get over yourself.

My former boss used to say that he like to hire people with a mortgage, because they have made a big financial commitment and need to work to pay it off. But, when hiring I care more about work ethic and skills than anything else. I cant judge that from a candidate's e-ring.

[mrsfarmer]

I am laughing envisioning my bosses' response if I wore my rings to my interview. Two brothers, family men, last thing they noticed. Trust me.

[aspentosh]

I wore mine to my interviews and I would never take them off. Showy or not, it's not in my nature to take them off.

[h]

I haven't interviewed since 2004, but I wore my e-ring to every interview I had after getting engaged, which included a bunch of big conservative law firms and a couple federal judges. It has never been an issue, and I never thought twice about wearing them.

[mellymel]

Dec 21, 2012 13:28:27 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Foreign people put weird stuff on their resume including family stuff. It makes me roll my eyes every time.

This is very closed-minded. It's cultural, not eye roll worthy. Wow.

[LoveTrains]

I have never taken my rings off when interviewing.

[Deleted]

Hmm well I haven't interviewed with a new company since before I was engaged, so I guess I don't know. I guess I probably will? I can't imagine interviewing anywhere this would be an issue.

Also I assume the kids on a CV thing may be from staying home? Don't many women re-entering the workforce mention stuff they did with their kids (such as volunteer work) on their resume to explain the gap?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using proboards

[Deleted]

I used to take my rings off, but I wore them to the interview of my current job.

I haven't worn my ering in over a year since its missing a sidestone and looks awful. It's in my safe and we haven't gotten around to bringing it to the jeweler.