I can't speak for myself, but H's parents separated when he was 17 and divorced while we were in college.
Both dated other people. His mom has been engaged for years, but I haven't heard anything about wedding plans. His dad is currently in a long-term relationship.
The biggest stressor is family events. His parents are cordial, but MIL does not like FIL's girlfriend and that can be uncomfortable. For a while people were doing separate celebrations (one with MIL and FI, another with FIL and GF). For the most part everyone is cordial.
My parents divorced after 41 years of marriage. I think I was 26 when it happened. My mom is a little batty and sort of went off the deep end, and ended up flying to Michigan (where her mother and aunts lived, and she grew up) out of the blue one night.
She ended up living with a friend from the past shortly thereafter, and they got married relatively quickly. My Dad also met someone fairly soon, and got married. The kicker in all this was the first time my parents saw each other after all this was at my wedding with their new partners. AWKWARD.
All in all, a very odd set of circumstances, but it worked out in the end.
My husband's parents divorced after 27 years of marriage. Even though they dislike each other after being divorced over 10 years, they are both happily married to other people.
My parents divorced while I was a very young child. My dad remarried but my mom did not. When I was about 25, my mom met my stepdad who was going through a divorce. His wife had left him and their college aged kids, and moved to California. So yes, he pretty much went from a loveless miserable marriage to pretty much bliss with my mom. It's good to see her with someone seriously, they've been together for 8 years now, longer than she was with my dad or any other boyfriend. I'm happy for her. My uncle was recently left by my aunt. It was a sad situation, but he's dating someone seriously now and it's only been a year since she walked out and only a month since the divorce was finalized. My cousins are 22 and 24, the daughter must know he's dating, the son is in denial. But the son also does not speak to his mother, because the whole divorce has been excrutiating for him and he still doesn't understand why she left. It's sad, but people need companionship and if a marriage has been going south to begin with, people can be ready to move on right away. It's hard to see your parents with someone else at any age, I may add. It wasn't easy for me to see my dad with another woman and I never adjusted to him moving on with his life.
My folks divorced after 33 years of marriage. Dad left mom for the "other woman." They've been happily married almost 10 years now. Mom is having the time of her life being single. While I give my dad a major side eye for his actions, it's been nice to see both of them so happy.
My parents didn't divorce, but my mother died and my father remarried later. It was a few years before he started dating, but he got serious with my stepmother very fast. That was an adjustment for me, but I got over it. She lost her first husband from cancer too and she and my dad basically had a second chance with each other. I am so grateful for that for both of them.
Honestly, her being there takes a mental burden off of me since she and my dad look out for each other. She can be a little out there sometimes but on the whole she is a good person, and a good grandmother to my daughter. She has never tried to be my mother and we talk about my mom and her first husband all the time. What more can I really ask for? Her kids are nice and we get along, but we don't see each other all that often since I don't live near them, and they are also adults with their own families too.
My parents separated when I was in college in 2003. I'm not sure when it was all final, but it was messy and they still regularly take each other to court for contempt charges for custody stuff for my 16 yr old brother.
Anyway, at first my dad was in rough shape. And honestly, it lasted a while. Just in the last few years, my dad got a good job again and met a really nice woman that he's head over heels for. She's awesome and makes my dad a better person so I more than welcome it.
My mom has dated kind of sporadically. I've only met a few of them and nothing has lasted for more than a few months. She finally moved out of her shitty post divorce apartment maybe two years ago, she bought a small house and I'm thankful because it makes my brother's life a lot better. She has zero retirement savings and I think her grand plan involves marrying someone who will take care of all of that for her.
My mom is 49 and dad just turned 55. I really hope they both end up remarried at one point. My dad's girlfriend has a son just about to graduate from college. I don't think that there would be a real blending of families because we're all pretty much adults. But even if it was kinda of awkward for me, I'd much rather my parents be happy.
My husband's parents got divorced when he was 18. They both dated other people for a while. My MIL would talk to my husband about the men she met and her sex life. I think my husband found it slightly disturbing. His father dated one woman, decided that all women were flaky and stopped dating.
They started dating each other again, right around the time I met my husband. Last year they got remarried to each other and my MIL accidentally announced it on Facebook before she told my husband.
However, I'm an only child with a pretty small family, so the thought of having a new larger family seems really weird to me. Just a random thought that I had recently.
I honestly think the family dynamic change is the hardest for DH.
DH's mom left when he was 17. She wasn't happy so apparently one day his parents sat him down and said mom is moving out. He was a senior in HS. BIL was already out of the house.
MIL remarried years later when DH was in his mid 20s. Her husband is a nice guy, really, we both like him. He has 3 children of his own and MIL had her 2. His daughter is very unstable. MIL spends a good chunk of time and money on this daughter and her 2 children (the father is only sort of in the picture).
It's very hard at holidays b/c MIL tends to put these 2 grandchildren ahead of her own children and grandchildren (BIL has 2 kids).
I'm not in her shoes and DH says he tries to not let it bother him, but I know it does. First your mom leaves, now she's playing favorites with grandchildren, that can't be easy.
I will say FIL has never remarried and that's another strain for us. BIL is useless, so I know that whenever something happens we'll end up being the ones who have to handle everything. I wish he had a companion personally, but he's only sort of dated and I don't think he'll ever remarry. He's told us he just plans to die in his house.
My parents separated when I was 20. My mom started dating right away (technically even before they split, but there were a lot of other issues beyond that anyway). A few months later my dad quietly began dating someone we all knew for the past 15-odd years, but the timing was just right rather than any scheming to separate to be with her. The divorce came through when I was 22. Both parents are now remarried and much, much happier. If they stayed together, I think my parents would have been good candidates for a murder/suicide situation.
Mom and Dad split when I was 13 and were both remarried within a year. Those marriages lasted until I was in my late 20s, when they divorced again.
Mom's second husband was a nice guy, quiet, a bit of a joker too. As a sensitive teen I hated him, as an adult I adore him. He's a very motivating guy,53 years old and has run over 20 marathons, now competitively runs ultras. Unfortunately, Mom isn't the best about being honest and telling me what's going on. She hid her second divorce from me for almost a year while I was planning my own wedding to 'protect' me. I was furious when I found out, and then later found out she was living with some guy now. She's still living with said guy, and this was all about 4 years ago. He's nice enough, I guess, a bit of a low-life. He makes me uncomfortable but makes my mom happy and keeps her young I guess.
Dad's second wife was a crackjob. She went off her rocker and moved out. Dad said after that he'd probably never get married again, but enjoyed meeting and dating. He dated all kind of women for years, nothing serious though. Just as he was really settling in as a bachelor, he met the woman I think is the woman of his dreams. They met in a yoga class, live similarly healthy lifestyles, like to travel and try new things. She's the sweetest woman, so genuine. Dad now lives with her (she has 2 kids still in school so she didn't want to move to my Dad's house which is much nicer/bigger, sadly) and they are getting married probably sometime this year.
In conclusion, you kind of just roll with it. It's weird, but they're human too, and have to do what makes them happy.
My parents divorced my senior year of high school. I am also an only child, so no younger siblings still at home. My mom didn't date anyone else ever, and then started spending more and more time with an old friend from work and married him about 9 years after the divorce. It was sort of an awkward situation adn I'm still not sure I completely understand it. Anyway, he passed away after they were married for about 5 years.
My dad started dating someone within 2 years of the divorce. They moved in together and lived together for about 6 years before getting married.
My family dynamic didn't really change much since my dad's new wife doesn't have any children of her own, and my mom's husband was estranged from his family, so no extra people at family gatherings and stuff. My dad asks me to invite his wife's parents to things like my wedding, and my graduation, but they just send gifts and don't come so no extras there either.
My dad was remarried within a year or so. My mom has dated a lot since then (8 years) and had 2 LTR. She claims she won't ever get married or live with anyone again, but wants to continue to date.
My ILs divorced when my H was 32. My FIL has remarried to a great lady and is still married to her. My MIL got remarried and divorced, engaged and broke the engagement and is engaged yet again. Its all very annoying because she thinks every guy she dates is *the one* and wants us to actlike one big happy family each time.
Post by treedimensional on Jan 10, 2013 11:10:54 GMT -5
Yes they divorced, but it was years before anybody moved out. Although their relationship was always stormy, none of us kids knew they were divorcing. I didn't know until one day they picked me up (I was about 23) and said they had to go to city hall for something- SURPRISE! I was their witness when they signed the papers! No announcement, but I was the first to know!
Post by midnightrae on Jan 10, 2013 11:13:12 GMT -5
My parents aren't divorced yet, but they are separated. They are both dating someone. Not really any stories, but I didn't like that they decided to introduce me to their SOs while I was at work. Both my mom and my dad decided to do that- on different days of course.
Post by speckledfrog on Jan 10, 2013 11:35:23 GMT -5
My dad got remarried a few years after H and I got married. It's a bit weird, but I feel like it only made my family 1 person larger. I don't really consider her family to be my family nor do I consider her to be my stepmother, which makes it sound like I dislike her but I actually think she is great and am so happy that she and my dad are together.
My mother passed when I was younger and it took my dad years to date again. He finally started and got married a few years ago. I do not consider my dad's wife to be my stepmother, nor will I ever. And I do not consider her kids to be my stepbrother and stepsister. We have spent some holidays together and it is friendly and fun. But I do not consider them my family. They are her family.
This sounds harsh. But I think at a certain age it no longer step mom/brother/sister etc.
My parents didn't divorce, but my mother died and my father remarried later. It was a few years before he started dating, but he got serious with my stepmother very fast. That was an adjustment for me, but I got over it. She lost her first husband from cancer too and she and my dad basically had a second chance with each other. I am so grateful for that for both of them.
Honestly, her being there takes a mental burden off of me since she and my dad look out for each other. She can be a little out there sometimes but on the whole she is a good person, and a good grandmother to my daughter. She has never tried to be my mother and we talk about my mom and her first husband all the time. What more can I really ask for? Her kids are nice and we get along, but we don't see each other all that often since I don't live near them, and they are also adults with their own families too.
This is almost exactly my experience except my dad died and my mom remarried.
It was really hard meeting my stepfather for the first time - I was about 23 at the time. It was about 5 years after my dad died.
I agree with what minzy said about feeling like they got a second chance.
Post by savannah11 on Jan 10, 2013 14:26:56 GMT -5
My dad moved in with another woman 3 months after my mom died and they married right after the 1 year anniversary of her death. Obviously it was extremely difficult for me for reasons you won't have to worry about. Also his wife is not the nicest person.
It is odd suddenly having the additional family. My dad's wife has 2 grown sons, each with their own children. One son I don't think I've ever talked to but the other lives in our area and we get together on occasion. We both feel it's awkward to refer to each other as step brother/sister because we didn't grow up with each other.
My ILs divorced when my H was 32. My FIL has remarried to a great lady and is still married to her. My MIL got remarried and divorced, engaged and broke the engagement and is engaged yet again. Its all very annoying because she thinks every guy she dates is *the one* and wants us to actlike one big happy family each time.
OMG this is EXACTLY how my MIL law is. She has been married 4 times. When my H and I started dating she was married to husband #4. They divorced in 2009 and since then she has been in 2 LTR, broke off the engagement to the first and just got engaged to the 2nd. She was with the 1st LTR guy at our wedding and insisted he be in all of our photos with her. Now we have no wedding photos of her, without him in it - and he's not even around anymore.
She also wants to make us a big happy family. She wants to bring these guys to every holiday/family event at our house. They are nice enough but they aren't our family, nor do we expect them to last too long, so she gets all upset when we aren't enthusiastic about them staying over at our place. (They live 5 hours away, so visits are always overnight)
This sounds harsh. But I think at a certain age it no longer step mom/brother/sister etc.
I agree. If you're an adult when your parents remarried, and these people have no part in raising you/growing up with you, then they aren't your family (unless you want to see it that way). You can like them and spend time with them and include them in your lives, but I think it's just fine to say "my dad's wife" or whatever.
My MIL was engaged last year and mentioned something to my H about him being the stepdad. We were like WTF... he is not in any way a part of our lives...
Post by jackpackage on Jan 10, 2013 15:25:19 GMT -5
My parents divorced when I was 19, and my mom remarried when I was 21 (10 years ago). I love my stepdad-I don't know his kids that well, but we consider his grand kids our nieces and nephews. My dad has not remarried, but he was engaged a few years ago.
H's parents divorced when we were 22 or 23, I think? His dad cheated and married her for a few years. We were friendly with her, but never considered her as h's "step-mom". He's been with his girlfriend for almost a year, but before that he was dating all the time. MIL had one long-term boyfriend that didn't work out and rarely dates.
H's parents had a nasty divorce, but they're over it by now. We usually celebrate holidays/occasions all together. Even if it's awkward for them, they realize it's much more convenient for us.
Post by yellowbrkrd on Jan 10, 2013 15:27:55 GMT -5
My parents separated about a year and a half ago and were officially divorced in November.
My mom has been miserable for a while so I wasn't surprised she started dating a few months ago. Now she is seeing someone kind of exclusively and while I am happy for her it is totally weird. If my dad ever found out I'm scared of what he would do.
My dad on the other hand is a hot mess so I don't see him dating anyone anytime soon.
Both his Dad and his Mom remarried 5-6 years ago. His Dad actually had another child with his new wife who is probably about 20 years younger than him. I guess they're happy enough. His wife was kind of mail order bride thing from the Philippines, which is odd, but not really any of my business.
His Mom divorced her second H last year. He was kind of a loser so she's better off without him. Although she does seem a little lonely sometimes.
My dad divorced his 2nd wife (not my mom) when I was an adult. He's dated off and on, and dated 2 women seriously. The first one was murdered in a total freak occurrence. The second one they've been dating for like 9 months and he is really into her.
I liked his first long-term GF. I don't really get his new GF. But it's his life. He's very social generally so even when he's been single I don't think he's lonely.
Mom has had two of boyfriends that lasted just over a year. She's much less social and we really worry about her social/emotional well being.
This sounds harsh. But I think at a certain age it no longer step mom/brother/sister etc.
I think it can depend on the relationship you develop. In the case of my stepmom, I did happen to know her distantly as a child. And since my 'real' mom has completely flaked out and we no longer talk, my stepmom has been a huge role model and support. She may not have changed my diapers, but she is a huge part of my life and sanity now.