WWYD re: traveling without husband?

[Deleted]

Also, I will ditto mrsbecky and a few others who said that they didn't really want to see anyone right after giving birth. My BFF was dying to fly down but I made her wait 2mos since BFing and adjusting to everything was pretty tough for me. I wasn't a fan of the newborn phase so I was also pretty miserable. lol.

[ECB]

I do think you need to ask your friend what her expectations are. I personally can't imagine asking a friend to come to another country, though, and NOT expect her to bring her DH. But - who knows.

Regardless, though. If she always intended you to stay in a hotel, then I really don't see how your DH coming should affect your time w/ her all that much. But yes, if she wanted you to stay with her and his coming means you won't - you may need to rethink things.

But if your DH does go and he's off playing and having fun, you'll have something to hold over HIS head.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 10:05:23 GMT -5 @bonsoirlune said:

Jan 30, 2013 9:50:49 GMT -5 v said:

Do both - spend some time with your friend and the spend a few days playing happy tourist with your husband.  You could both fly out together and do the fun stuff first and he could fly home early or you could fly out early and have him meet you towards the end for a few days to do the fun touristy things.  

No time for that -- if I go over Memorial Day, I'll arrive on Thursday morning and fly home on Monday.  This is a quickie.

Sue Sue, I told her I would like to come visit if she'd like me to visit, whenever she wanted me to visit, whether that's before or after baby.  She suggested late May or June because her parents will be there in April (of course, she doesn't have the baby yet, so who knows).  We have a vacation planned for late June, and she'll be in the states in late July, and then I get into a few months of hell for an arbitration in October, so options really are late May or early November (or later).  But my husband is quiet and independent, so having him go off and do his own thing wouldn't be hard.  He wouldn't whine that I wasn't going along with him to a museum -- he's very capable of going by himself.

[Deleted]

I vote for bringing him along and letting him sightsee solo. I also definitely vote for getting a hotel. She might choose to have you stay overnight but for me I didn't want a lot of houseguests when I was immediately postpartum. A BFF would have been fine, but her husband as well, no matter how well I knew him, would make it feel more like a situation where I had to play hostess and I wouldn't have liked that at all.

[Deleted]

I will also say that immediately postpartum I didn't want people around 24/7 either. If I had someone visiting from OOT I might expect that they would do some sightseeing one day and that would be fine with me, even welcomed. I visited my BFF when her first son was about a month old and while I spent the majority of time with her, we got a hotel and H and I did our own thing for two afternoons (we were visiting a city we used to live in and had other friends to catch up with). Everyone was very happy with this arrangement.

I would talk more about your options with your friend, but keeping in mind that she may not know how much company she will be up for at that time and you may just have to wing some stuff.

[vanillacourage]

I have a lot of male friends I'm comfortable with, but in the first month PP I spent a LOT of time on the couch with my boobs out b/c that kept both me and the baby comfy & happy.  Nobody needs to see that, and I wouldn't have liked feeling like I had to excuse myself to my bedroom all the time, KWIM?

If your DH feels strongly about coming, I would set him up in a hotel and say "I love you, I'll call YOU if I'm able to get out and go to dinner or sightseeing. Have fun honey!"

[aspentosh]

Jan 30, 2013 8:49:15 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

As long as he understands the nature of the trip and that he's on his own for fun stuff, then I wouldn't care. But I'd be sure to really spell it out beforehand so the expectations are clear.

This. I assume you're not staying with her? If you are, then my answer changes.

But I'd "let" H come along and just have him explore. I may be odd, but as a new mother I didn't want people (even mom, best friends) around 24/7 so you'll probably have SOME time to explore with him.

[sillygoosegirl]

London is too far and expensive to get to for a long weekend, IMO. I'd go for longer, bring DH, and spend some days doing sightseeing also. No question.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 11:26:25 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

London is too far and expensive to get to for a long weekend, IMO. I'd go for longer, bring DH, and spend some days doing sightseeing also. No question.

We've been several times before, usually for the same duration.  So we've already covered a lot of the sightseeing that we want to do, and don't mind the idea of only being there for a few days.  The flight to/from NY really isn't that bad.

[midwest07]

A couple of thoughts I had - (1) what about her husband/partner? Is your H friends with him? They could hang out and give you the girl time. He wouldn't feel guilty leaving her and the baby because you were there. (2) any other couple friends of yours that would want a long weekend in London? He could hang with them, you could go to dinner one night, and mostly you are free to hang with your friend because they are all entertaining each other.

[dexteroni]

I'm in the camp of bringing your DH, staying in a hotel, and spending some time with him. Your friend isn't likely to want company from sunup to sundown for three days. You'll probably be able to go to dinner with your DH and do something fun each evening.

[Deleted]

I think he should get to go if he wants, but he needs to understand that he'll be entertaining himself. And possibly tasked with picking up takeout for you and new mommy friend.

[dexteroni]

Jan 30, 2013 12:33:06 GMT -5 @amydrinkie said:

I think he should get to go if he wants, but he needs to understand that he'll be entertaining himself. And possibly tasked with picking up takeout for you and new mommy friend.

Yeah, he can actually be helpful in that regard - bringing meals, running errands, etc. He can go get coffee and breakfast in the morning, then go off on his own, and bring back dinner at X time and anything they might need from the drugstore, etc.  So tell him if he wants to go, he has to be prepared to buy nursing or feminine supplies if necessary. lol.

[CloudBee]

Could you extend the trip? You spend a few days with your friend, then he flies out to meet you, the two of you get a hotel, do fun things for a few days, then fly home together? He could briefly visit with your friend, but not be in the way, and you would have a few days to help her out and spend quality time with her.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 12:37:39 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Could you extend the trip? You spend a few days with your friend, then he flies out to meet you, the two of you get a hotel, do fun things for a few days, then fly home together? He could briefly visit with your friend, but not be in the way, and you would have a few days to help her out and spend quality time with her.

We can't extend, and we wouldn't want to.  We've been to London enough times that I really don't see this as a vacation because we've done all the vacationing stuff -- it is visiting my friend because she will have just had a baby and that's the only reason why I'd be going.  And we're going on a real vacation the following month, and honestly I'm probably pushing it with work by even trying to take probably 10 days off from work in two months' time... but I think I can get away with it because of my friend's baby and that the "real" vacation is centered around a wedding that isn't our fault either.  

I've told him that if he doesn't go to London he's welcome to go anywhere he wants that weekend if he wants to visit friends or go away with friends or whatever.  Or we could go away together some other time (like the following month in Hawaii, for example). 

I do need to figure out where I'm staying.  My friend and her husband recently moved to a new flat and I *think* it is only 2 bedrooms, the second of which is a closet-sized now nursery.  So I don't know that they have room for me to stay without majorly being in their way.  But I need to ask my friend about that.

[CloudBee]

He needs to suck it up, or entertain himself, then.

[dexteroni]

Jan 30, 2013 13:59:48 GMT -5 v said:

I do need to figure out where I'm staying.  My friend and her husband recently moved to a new flat and I *think* it is only 2 bedrooms, the second of which is a closet-sized now nursery.  So I don't know that they have room for me to stay without majorly being in their way.  But I need to ask my friend about that.

I think you should be proactive about this and just tell her you're staying at a hotel. She might not want to say no to you staying with her, even if she would rather you didn't.  And even if she thinks it's ok now, it might not be if she needs to walk a screaming baby around the apartment at night, or has to nurse a bunch of times and might like to sit on the sofa and turn a light on.  You can always ditch the hotel and stay with her if she really wants you to when the time comes, but she's not going to kick you out of her apartment even if she would really rather not have a guest.

[Deleted]

Can you extend your time so you guys can vacation on either end? Otherwise, forget DH. He is not really wanted. Tell him to man up.

[emilyinchile]

I am irrationally annoyed by how many people are not understanding that the trip is over Memorial Day weekend, it's decided, that's what v wants, end of story. This probably says more about my mood right now than it does about anyone else, but still.

V, I second all the advice saying he should go if he wants to tourist by himself or run errands for you guys but not if he thinks the trip is about you and him.

[bunch]

Whatever you do, please get a hotel.

[londoncalling]

Get a hotel either way.

You and DH can get up in the morning, take breakfast in to friend, DH go on his way for the day, and have coordinated him picking up groceries or take out for their dinner that evening, if groceries then you cook and clean up, and you and DH leave for the evening once her husband is home and they have eaten while you entertain the baby. You and your DH can then head out for dinner together. During the day DH should be on his own schedule and not expect your company.

[Deleted]

Yes, get a hotel either way. No way would I want even my best friend staying with me right after I gave birth, ESPECIALLY in a 2 bedroom flat.

[Deleted]

If you were staying in a hotel already I'd let my H come. He's pretty independent so I know I could trust him to do his own thing during the hours I was with my friend and then at night we could go out for dinner.