Why are weddings so expensive?! And frustrating?!

[fayeelle]

I've tried re-working things 10 different times, 10 different ways and it always ends up costing $10k for us to have a wedding w/ the family. I know in the scheme of things this is pretty damn affordable, but its so hard for me to fathom spending that much on a party. KWIM?

FI's family is HUGE!!!!! When we started making the guest list his side of the family (up to aunts/first cousins....and they all have kids!) is up to 125ish people. And they all like to get together for everything. Christmas is usually 50 people or so. Its chaos but its fun and I truely love them. But I can't afford to feed them! LOL.

Everytime FI and I talk wedding it goes from 1 extreme or the other - large w/ all the friends/fam (were talking 175ish people) or small and intimate (maybe 30 people). We even discussed Hawaii the other day but it would be SO expensive for our parents and we really want them to be a part of it so thats out.

So...back to the drawing board we go. FI really, really wants it to be this year but financially I can't see that happening. We have $2.5k saved, his dad offered another $2.5k or so to help (which is great! huge help!) but we're still needing $5k by Sept? And thats even if we get that date, otherwise I gotta keep looking, maybe push it out to Dec.?

And FI, bless his heart, just can't make up his mind about ANYTHING. He wants a summer wedding so my family get to see how wonderful summers are here in WA. And then a winter wedding w/ snow everywhere is equally amazing. It also doesn't help that he see's this as a competition of sorts. I was previously married and through a handful of pics he's got a vision of what the day was like and its unfortunately not very accurate. (yay for good photographers! lol). He says I deserve better and the bar was already set. Bunch of b.s. like that. And I'm ready to wring his neck! Grrrrr.

Is it wrong of me to ask everyone to come but bring their own food? Or tell my FI to plan the damn thing and tell me where to show up? I wouldn't really do either of those but they sound tempting as hell!

After all that.....jeez I wrote a lot. Any budget friendly wedding options you guys recommend? We're talking catering, venue etc.....I can use all the help I can get!

[Deleted]

*breathe* it's going to be ok. All of us have survived it. In some cases, barely, but we did.

I totally feel your pain because both of our families are breeders. Our engagement party was family (just immediate fam, aunts, uncles and 1st cousins) and childhood friends we considered family. We had almost 100 people at just the eparty.

I think it's too late to book a lot of the parks for a summer wedding here, but do you know someone that has a huge backyard or something? Also, you could do a bbq and make it totally low key. Or you don't have to do a full sit down dinner either.

Obviously, serving just beer and wine will cut down on the budget. I believe a few people here got stuff from Costco (and you can return the unused stuff!) and that seemed really cost effective.

Also, I assume you've looked into Friday nights or Sunday afternoons too?

[fayeelle]

LOL....thanks ladies I'm hopeful he'll get over himself and understand its about us and the future, not competing w/ the past.

I'm open to any catering options. A lot will have to do with whats available time frame wise. Dinner would be nice and if we're doing a 6 o'clock wedding it will be a mealtime so I'll want to. If our venue allows later weddings then I'm not opposed to a hors d'oeuvere heavy food option either.

[niq]

Food: Could you do a wedding at Tea Time and serve people desserts? If not, have you looked into Flame catering or going casual like BBQ or a taco truck?

Dress: Is something other than a white wedding dress an option? I can PM you the person W used. She mostly does costume dresses and W's dress wasn't blue.

Photographer: Do you have any friends or family who could take pictures? Could you move it to October and see if your photog will give you an off-peak discount?

Flowers: You've already cut out a proper florist, right? You can get decent flowers at Costco or the Market and have family members set them out ... it gives people something to do instead of stand around too .

[jennlin]

mine, like sb, was a little bit opposite of a budget wedding, so not a lot of help there.

i'm anti-potluck wedding, but not anti "cake and champagne" wedding---but if you have family flying out, i would expect a full-meal.

what is the reason you want to get married this year? if it's not going to be a wedding you're happy with, then don't half-ass it. wait until you have enough money (next summer 2014?) or just do a small nice wedding.

[fayeelle]

Definitely looked into Friday/Sunday options. Going up towards Arlington to look at a venue on Thurs. They still have some Sunday's open in Sept and the weather isn't *too* bad then. Not exactly summer but not freezing either. If they have Sept. 1st open that might be a done deal since its Labor Day weekend but we'll make something work. We aren't nailed down to a date.

We may not honestly even serve alcohol so that will help. His family will be about 75% of the guest list and they aren't drinkers. I was thinking maybe a couple of bottles of wine at each table for those that want it. Still not married to that idea either.

I'm not looking at spending over $800 total on my dress and if I can go less expensive I will. We got a killer deal on tuxes at a wedding expo last Jan so that is awesome. Back when planning was in full swing we actually booked a photographer for $2k which was the least expensive we could find at the time. Now they might not even be available since the date we gave them will likely change. ( I have 3 people in my dept. getting married in Aug which was our original time but since we didn't make official plans I didn't mark time off instead giving it to those that have thier shit together!)

[Deleted]

I originally wanted to spend about $10K for our wedding, we went a little bit over that in the end. There are many ways to reduce costs on a wedding even if the guest list is around 200. Figure out what is most important for you and FI and what you are not willing to compromise on. Having the wedding on an off day day Thursday or Friday may be less expensive, look for a student photographer or somebody looking to build their portfolio if photography is a requirement, have a friend get ordained and perform the ceremony, flowers from the market, look for a venue that includes linens, flowers, etc (ours did and it greatly reduced the cost and stress of things to plan).

[Deleted]

Have you checked at Nordstrom and J Crew for a wedding dress? You can get one there for way less than $800
All less than $500:

shop.nordstrom.com/sr?keyword=wedding+dress&origin=keywordsearch&contextualcategoryid=0#keyword=wedding%20dress&type=keyword&page=1&category=&size=&width=&color=&price=25-50_50-100_100-150_150-200_200-300_300-500&brand=&instoreavailability=false&lastfilter=price&sizeFinderId=2&resultsmode=&segmentId=0&partial=1&pagesize=100&modifiedkeyword=imsproducttypeid%3A1%20and%20keyword%3A%22for%20the%20bride%22&contextualsortcategoryid=0

Hmmm so J crew used to have more for less than $1k, but there are some: www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bride/gowns.jsp

[jennlin]

what size are you? i have a wedding dress (not mine) that has been cleaned, preserved, and boxed up in my garage. my friend wants me to sell it. he doesn't know the designer, all he knows is "it was expensive" and all pictures of the wedding have been shredded...... $100?

[Deleted]

As someone who comes from a giant family who would die if they missed this kind of thing, I will say, don't go to Hawaii. They will never forgive you!

My honest answer is that since you are halfway there money-wise, I would see a date reasonably far away, like winter (also cheaper than summer) and save save save to be ready in time. Post your budget on MM, those ladies can help you find money. Look around your house to see what you can sell. Be as non traditional as possible to help you cut costs. No bridal party, ipod as DJ, buffet style or food trucks, Friday night or Sunday wedding. You can do it!

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 13:23:16 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Have you checked at Nordstrom and J Crew for a wedding dress? You can get one there for way less than $800
All less than $500:

shop.nordstrom.com/sr?keyword=wedding+dress&origin=keywordsearch&contextualcategoryid=0#keyword=wedding%20dress&type=keyword&page=1&category=&size=&width=&color=&price=25-50_50-100_100-150_150-200_200-300_300-500&brand=&instoreavailability=false&lastfilter=price&sizeFinderId=2&resultsmode=&segmentId=0&partial=1&pagesize=100&modifiedkeyword=imsproducttypeid%3A1%20and%20keyword%3A%22for%20the%20bride%22&contextualsortcategoryid=0

Hmmm so J crew used to have more for less than $1k, but there are some: www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bride/gowns.jsp

I got my dress at Nordstroms I loved it.   Dress and alterations were around $600.    I'm selling it if you're interested   

Also in terms of caterers we did a picnic for 100 people the day after our wedding fried chicken from ezelles, non-alcoholic beverages from costco, sides from QFC, desserts from a friend.  Total for the food was  a little over $1000 if I recall.     I can give you the name of our friend that does desserts she is really good (works as a pastry chef for Tom Douglas).

[fayeelle]

These are all fabulous suggestions!!!! Thank you all! Keep 'em coming!

I really do want flowers from the market so late summer would still be good. And with a photographer we have to pay atleast $500 if we cancel so we may be stuck w/ that.

I'm kinda feeling the elope and then BBQ reception but I would need to get FI on board, his family as also mentioned that as well so its not like they would be pissed.

I just really need a sit down come to jesus w/ FI. He has his pretty prince day image in his head. Like....me in a big poofy gown, tons of guests, big party w/ lots of dancing all night. While I would be content w/ immediate family, modest/unique dress, quiet dinner, relaxing evening. We are 2 completely different sides of the map. And we both are the type of people that will want to make the other one happy. I'm glad we're caring people but damn! haha!

Top venues so far are:
Natures Connection Place up in Arlington - $3k for quite a bit, outside catering allowed.
Mukilteo Lighthouse/Rosehill - like, $1.5k, outside catering but we're restricted to a 5pm-7pm wedding.

[fayeelle]

And not sure what size I am now. My last dress was a small size 6, but that was 7yrs and 25lbs ago! lol

[jennlin]

Feb 26, 2013 13:38:07 GMT -5 fayeelle said:

And not sure what size I am now. My last dress was a small size 6, but that was 7yrs and 25lbs ago! lol

boo might not work. she was about a size 4 street size.

[jennlin]

i would do mukilteo. it's less expensive, and also restricts your time so you "have" to be out by a certain time, and you won't have to entertain/feed people as long.

[jennlin]

Feb 26, 2013 14:23:00 GMT -5 MrsPotatohead said:

Feb 26, 2013 14:08:13 GMT -5 jennlin said:

i would do mukilteo. it's less expensive, and also restricts your time so you "have" to be out by a certain time, and you won't have to entertain/feed people as long.

is it really 5-7pm for the wedding, or the start time has to be between 5 and 7pm?  (just want to clarify)

my thought was that it was between 5 and 7...there's residences right by the park there and mukilteo people are snooty

[Deleted]

I'm being lazy and only sort of skimmed through all the responses, but it is doable. I set a goal of $5000 for our wedding and while I didn't keep perfect records, I know we came in under $6K, probably in the $5.5K realm. However, my budgeting was not including wedding dress (my dream dress was out of my $900 budget but then in a jaw-dropping moment of generosity, my BIL wanted to cover the rest as a "repayment" for the all the times I babysat and refused pay), rings, and HM (gift from ILs). Key points of our wedding:
- 85 total guests out of 130 invited
- Sunday afternoon in late June
- ceremony at a city park, reception at a local community hall (that was built in the 20s as a dance hall so is really quaint and not normal "community" hall look)
- reception was a tea party with little sandwiches (from metro market), fruit, scones (that we made in advance and froze), and little pastry bites from TJs. We had cake and toasting champagne
- Only one attendant for each of us, I spent $400 for a florist and then about $130 on flowers from Pike for the reception (and they were lovely)

[Deleted]

Are you a member of a church? That's really the absolute best way to go venue-wise as far as I know (but I'm from a small town so usually little to no fee for chuch members) and they always have reception/social halls to use.

[fayeelle]

Thanks again for all the responses. I'm going to continue crunching numbers to see where we can get. I was seriously swayed when I found a wedding package in Hawaii for $3k w/ airfare, hotel, pics and the works. Its mighty tempting. But I don't want him to feel like he missed out on anything either. I think the big part of this is sitting FI down and giving him the option of an amended wedding this year or the wedding of his dreams next year. Our tax returns will help some, maybe another $3k so that puts us closer to our goal. So we shall see.....we shall see.

[FrozenSunshine]

Good luck! H and I had to redo our plan a few times for family logistics. At the end of the day, it's your day, and you can't make EVERYONE happy. You just have to make the two of you happy.