My life sucks, Advice Please!

[falada45]

I feel sorry for your kid.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 13:42:31 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Apr 1, 2013 13:14:57 GMT -5 @fucksticklegit said:

sloof lirpa

Ah, the classic Cleveland Steamer.

This word reminds me of this. LOL!

[psychmom]

Has been in trouble with the law before?

[angelaa73]

Oh Jfc. All this would be over if the law office JUST ACCEPTED THE COLLECT CALL?

Give him a prepaid call card.
My job here is done

sent from my thank you Easter Bunny BOCK BOCK!!!

[fuckyourcouch]

[lurkyloo2]

Apr 1, 2013 13:58:42 GMT -5 falada45 said:

I feel sorry for your kid.

I feel sorry for my kid too. But there is not anything I can do about it now. I am just trying to be a good mom. I just can't handle it anymore and paying money I don't have to get help is my only option.
I think about how fucked up this is everyday and wish it was a better situation. I wish I had more time with her, or I had more money or her dad wasn't in fucking jail. I totally realize I'm fucked up. I'm just trying to help my situation.

[Deleted]

Even if he's out of jail, I wouldn't expect this guy to be much help. Not ideal but you need to figure this out without him as an option.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 14:06:58 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

Apr 1, 2013 13:58:42 GMT -5 falada45 said:

I feel sorry for your kid.

I feel sorry for my kid too. But there is not anything I can do about it now. I am just trying to be a good mom. I just can't handle it anymore and paying money I don't have to get help is my only option.
I think about how fucked up this is everyday and wish it was a better situation. I wish I had more time with her, or I had more money or her dad wasn't in fucking jail. I totally realize I'm fucked up. I'm just trying to help my situation.

If you want to change your situation, forget the loser and move on. Build a life for you and your child. He obviously isn't going to help you. You want to get him out of jail? What's that going to do? Cause more stress and another mouth to feed. No thanks. Please move on with YOUR life.  He needs to help himself before anyone can help him.

[fuckyourcouch]

Apr 1, 2013 14:09:27 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:06:58 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

I feel sorry for my kid too. But there is not anything I can do about it now. I am just trying to be a good mom. I just can't handle it anymore and paying money I don't have to get help is my only option.
I think about how fucked up this is everyday and wish it was a better situation. I wish I had more time with her, or I had more money or her dad wasn't in fucking jail. I totally realize I'm fucked up. I'm just trying to help my situation.

If this isn't MUD, you need to take a hard look at the things you've been swallowing without question.  Someone is lying to you, and my guess is that it's your husband.

People do not go to jail for probation violations they did not commit.  You cannot just relegate someone to jail for a year by falsely accusing them of theft and then randomly dropping the charges. 

My best guess is that he did steal the property and/or took a deal.  And lied to you.

summary: look in your truth mirror!

[flex]

I'd like my question answered before I can give advice: how many DUI's has he had already--besides the one you're talking about??

[fluffaluff]

Apr 1, 2013 13:58:28 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I've just never heard of people going to jail for a year for DUI.

I had employee who went to jail for 8 days after she had 2 DUIs (one while she was under 21) and two other arrests for theft and hindering apprehension.

He's only in jail to serve the rest of his (4 year?) probation for violating said probation with what ended up being dropped charges..is 4 years probation standard for DUIs? From what I am understanding he never went to jail for the DUI until he violated the probation.

[shopgirl07]

Apr 1, 2013 14:02:39 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Apr 1, 2013 13:58:28 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I've just never heard of people going to jail for a year for DUI.

I had employee who went to jail for 8 days after she had 2 DUIs (one while she was under 21) and two other arrests for theft and hindering apprehension.

I think she is saying he's in jail now because he violated probation. Like, he was just sentenced to 5 years probation, but if it was violated, he'd have to serve that time in jail. That part, at least, makes sense to me.

I get that. But the sentence still seems ridiculously long. A year in jail is a lot of time and unfortunately DUIs rarely warrant that much time. Like I said, my trashy employee was on probation for a DUI, and got arrested 3 more times (all probation violations) and still only went to jail for 8 days. Of course, it's different everywhere but a year sentence seems unlikely for just a DUI and a fake probation violation.

[sonrisa]

Take care of yourself. Take care of your baby.

[lurkyloo2]

Apr 1, 2013 14:14:41 GMT -5 flex said:

I'd like my question answered before I can give advice: how many DUI's has he had already--besides the one you're talking about??

It's his 1st. Your first DUI gets 5 years probation. On the second one you lose your license. And the penalties get worse from there.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 14:17:47 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:14:41 GMT -5 flex said:

I'd like my question answered before I can give advice: how many DUI's has he had already--besides the one you're talking about??

It's his 1st. Your first DUI gets 5 years probation. On the second one you lose your license. And the penalties get worse from there.

I'm calling bullshit. Forget this guy, he's lying to you and you're eating it up.

[fluffaluff]

Apr 1, 2013 14:17:47 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:14:41 GMT -5 flex said:

I'd like my question answered before I can give advice: how many DUI's has he had already--besides the one you're talking about??

It's his 1st. Your first DUI gets 5 years probation. On the second one you lose your license. And the penalties get worse from there.

That seems like an awful long probation..have you ever seen Cops? They arrest people for their 5th, 6th, 7th+ DUIs and they aren't in jail..

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 14:11:41 GMT -5 @fogducker said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:06:58 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

I feel sorry for my kid too. But there is not anything I can do about it now. I am just trying to be a good mom. I just can't handle it anymore and paying money I don't have to get help is my only option.
I think about how fucked up this is everyday and wish it was a better situation. I wish I had more time with her, or I had more money or her dad wasn't in fucking jail. I totally realize I'm fucked up. I'm just trying to help my situation.

If you want to change your situation, forget the loser and move on. Build a life for you and your child. He obviously isn't going to help you. You want to get him out of jail? What's that going to do? Cause more stress and another mouth to feed. No thanks. Please move on with YOUR life.  He needs to help himself before anyone can help him.

100% this. I've seen my sister live this life. He is going to be absolutely no help to you when he's out. He's not going to work. He's going to make every excuse in the book as to why no one will hire him, why he can't get up with the baby, etc. I know that it is easier said than done but do NOT put up money that you don't have to bail him out. He fucked up, he needs to deal with consequences. And you need to stop counting on him or creating this vision in your head of how much easier your life will be when your "family" is back together. Make your life work for you and your baby. Good luck.

[sonrisa]

Are the two of you married? If not, you might want to stay that way a while.

[lurkyloo2]

Apr 1, 2013 14:20:01 GMT -5 @fogducker said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:17:47 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

It's his 1st. Your first DUI gets 5 years probation. On the second one you lose your license. And the penalties get worse from there.

I'm calling bullshit. Forget this guy, he's lying to you and you're eating it up.

Um, no. Here you can go online and see the record of a person. I know his record. I know it's his 1st DUI. I even know what dates he has been to court on it or how many speeding tickets he has gotten in his life. Also, I open his mail. I've read all the court papers. I was also in court when all of this happened. I'm not a retard. I understand what happens in court and what it says online. I also realize that most of this doesn't make sense. He got 5 years probation for a DUI. He violated that probation so they terminated it. He had 1 year left of probation so that is how long they will keep him in jail.
My question was whether or not to pay to get him out, not whether he is a piece of shit who I should leave and banish from my life.
And if he was out he would be of help. He WANTS to be a dad. If he didn't want that he wouldn't of quit his job that was going to keep him away in the first place.

[furby]

Just a thought. In the UK (Where I am) when you receive a sentence on imprisonment, you serve half the amount in prison and the rest on licence. Your behaviour in the community on release, during the licence period determines whether or not you retain your liberty. If you commit a new crime, then you will be charged and go through the courts for the new offence, but in terms of the licence revocation, this is dealt with by the prison parole board, not the police or courts.

Now, it used to be the case that the criminal courts could get involved with this, but they haven't been able to here for quite a while. There is a different process involved with the prison parole board and in some cases, licences can be revoked in full even where there is no successful criminal prosecution.

For example, if they are arrested on suspicion of committing another crime or are charged with another crime or, if they are behaving in a way that leads their Offender Manager to think they might be about to commit another crime (If they start drinking heavily and often get violent when they are drunk) or, they break the conditions of their licence.

Now. This may be totally different in the US, but just to let you know, this isn't impossible.

So, what to do? If they new charged have been dropped then if you were here, you'd need a prison-lawyer. Best I can do - I suggest you contact your local PD and see what they make of this.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 14:27:51 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:20:01 GMT -5 @fogducker said:

I'm calling bullshit. Forget this guy, he's lying to you and you're eating it up.

Um, no. Here you can go online and see the record of a person. I know his record. I know it's his 1st DUI. I even know what dates he has been to court on it or how many speeding tickets he has gotten in his life. Also, I open his mail. I've read all the court papers. I was also in court when all of this happened. I'm not a retard. I understand what happens in court and what it says online. I also realize that most of this doesn't make sense. He got 5 years probation for a DUI. He violated that probation so they terminated it. He had 1 year left of probation so that is how long they will keep him in jail.
My question was whether or not to pay to get him out, not whether he is a piece of shit who I should leave and banish from my life.
And if he was out he would be of help. He WANTS to be a dad. If he didn't want that he wouldn't of quit his job that was going to keep him away in the first place.

Since you don't want to take any advice here, why do you keep coming back? you think someone is going to pop out of nowhere and say "yeah, bail him out of jail. He'll get a job right away, be the most awesome DH/father ever. And you'll live happily ever after.  Good luck with that.

Trust me. I've seen this play out before. Most guys in jail are scumbags. Leading different lives, inside and out.

[CurlyQ284]

Apr 1, 2013 14:33:29 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Except that he didn't violate the probation.

And honestly, if you or he didn't bother to straighten this out beforehand, I have no idea why you're even bothering at this point.

It sounds like neither of you really care if he gets out.

This. I mean JFC, if this was me, I would have gotten the lawyer situation straightened out months ago. It wouldn't be "Oh noes! Lawyer won't answer the phone! Guess I'll just let him sit in jail and deal with this in a few months when its too late!"

So since you're both lazy and don't care about this, whatever. If I let it get this far, I would get him out of jail but I would have taken care of this months ago.

[mamasaurus]

Apr 1, 2013 14:20:57 GMT -5 fluffaluff said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:17:47 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

It's his 1st. Your first DUI gets 5 years probation. On the second one you lose your license. And the penalties get worse from there.

That seems like an awful long probation..have you ever seen Cops? They arrest people for their 5th, 6th, 7th+ DUIs and they aren't in jail..

[furby]

However, it is well past midday here...

[fluffaluff]

Apr 1, 2013 14:44:46 GMT -5 mamasaurus said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:20:57 GMT -5 fluffaluff said:

That seems like an awful long probation..have you ever seen Cops? They arrest people for their 5th, 6th, 7th+ DUIs and they aren't in jail..

[angelaa73]

Lucy said it best.

sent from my thank you Easter Bunny BOCK BOCK!!!

[flex]

So he was stealing from his former employers, which is why he's now in the slammer.

Keep the money and take care of yourself and your child.

[Deleted]

Apr 1, 2013 16:56:37 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

Apr 1, 2013 14:06:58 GMT -5 lurkyloo2 said:

I feel sorry for my kid too. But there is not anything I can do about it now. I am just trying to be a good mom. I just can't handle it anymore and paying money I don't have to get help is my only option.
I think about how fucked up this is everyday and wish it was a better situation. I wish I had more time with her, or I had more money or her dad wasn't in fucking jail. I totally realize I'm fucked up. I'm just trying to help my situation.

This makes no sense. Either you have the money and getting him out is an option, or you don't have the money and it's not. 

If he had taken care of his shit in a timely manner in the first place, you wouldn't be in this boat. At this point, I would consider it his problem and worry about what I was going to do to improve my situation. If he won't help himself, what makes you think he'll help you?

Also, I get wishing for better. I really, really do. But you need to figure out what you can do, starting today, to get to that better place. Could you apply for better jobs, enlist family/friends to help, is there an assistance program you might qualify for?

I think she meant she could scrape the money together, maybe has about that much in savings but then she probably can't buy groceries or something her and the baby actually need. Plus her job is ending in May (for the summer only?) so no paycheques coming in soon. So she may need the money then.

I agree with the rest.  If the lawyer wouldn't take his calls he should have suggested something else - like pay the guy to come to the jail and talk to me.  Or get me a phone card to charge the call too as was suggested.  Or even have you go back to talk to them again.  Not just "oh well, they won't talk to me so I'll sit here for a year"

He really doesn't sound very motivated to get out.  He may say he wants to be home with you but his actions aren't in line with that. 

[feistypants]

Apr 1, 2013 13:38:38 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

IT Crowd gif FTW.

[Deleted]

It actually is totally possible to have your probation revoked for a charge that's dropped. Sometimes the case in chief is actually dropped because the DA knows the defendant is getting violated so the underlying case doesn't matter. There is also not a right to counsel on a probation violation, so -- while a smart inmate could figure this out and petition the court or get his public defender to sort the problem out -- the situation is not inherently impossible.

That said, is this maryandjoseph? Because I think I've heard this story before.