NH&F: Just left my husband...

[ae1983]

I'm an H&F semi-regular, but didn't want to post under my regular sn.

This has been building up for a very, very long time (so many issues all wrapped up into a big ball of unhappiness/resentment/disappointment/frustration) and tonight I finally took some of my stuff and the dogs and left.

I drove around for a while and eventually ended up at my office. So now I'm here with the dogs (they come to work often - no big deal) killing time. Fortunately, I have a locking door with privacy, a couch, fridge, microwave, internet access, and a shower down the hall (college campus) so I can stay here for a while if need be.

Ask me anything/entertain me for the evening?

[bbaggins]

Sorry for your situation but good for you for taking some space when you need it.

What kind of dogs do you have?

[ae1983]

Thanks. I've been unhappy for a long time.
I have a lab mix (~7 or 8 years old) and a border collie (~ 3 years old). They are my babies.

[jgleespen]

Sorry to hear, I hope things can go as smooth as possible for you.

[Bumblebee]

I'm really sorry that you are going through this.

I'm glad that you have your dogs with you. I have two of my own, and they make the best company sometimes. They are always glad to see you, happy to snuggle and don't complain!

Wishing you lots of doggie snuggles tonight. Take good care of yourself.

[ae1983]

Thanks everybody. My dogs are the best. They are perfectly happy to curl up and cuddle and my friend is heading over to watch netflix with me for a bit. So it should be a halfway decent night, considering the circumstances.

I'll check out starting over, definitely.

[Deleted]

Take care of yourself and please consider letting someone you know in person where you are and that you are safe. You don't want people to worry about you in the short term.

[aeroluv327]

I'm so sorry. Even if it's for the best, it's not an easy decision.

[ae1983]

Jun 6, 2012 20:51:47 GMT -5 @sessalee said:

Take care of yourself and please consider letting someone you know in person where you are and that you are safe. You don't want people to worry about you in the short term.

Thanks! I did. My mom and my friend (and her family - who are like my family) know where I am.

[Brie]

I'm so sorry. Here's hoping it just gets easier from here, and congrats on taking control and starting an awesome new chapter of your life.

And hooray for dogs!

[katinthehat]

I'm sorry

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. What a hard decision to make. I'm glad your puppies are there.

[hazelandblue]

I am terribly sorry to hear about your unhappiness but good for you for making the decision to do what's best for you. It's the first step in making the rest of your life a happy one. Take care of yourself.

Here's a question since you asked for questions...
1. do you feel relieved or overwhelmed after having made the decision to leave?
2. What brand/flavor gels do you use for fuel
3. Do you exercise with your dogs

[sadlebred]

I'm sorry you are going through this! Take care of yourself! I'm glad that you have your dogs with you for company!

[taratru]

I'm sorry. But good for you for taking the time you need.

[kams]

I'm sorry . Wishing you peace and ease through this transition.

[ae1983]

Jun 6, 2012 21:47:12 GMT -5 hazelandblue said:

I am terribly sorry to hear about your unhappiness but good for you for making the decision to do what's best for you. It's the first step in making the rest of your life a happy one. Take care of yourself.

Here's a question since you asked for questions...
1. do you feel relieved or overwhelmed after having made the decision to leave?
2. What brand/flavor gels do you use for fuel
3. Do you exercise with your dogs

Thanks everybody!

I feel both relieved and overwhelmed. I don't know what's going to happen in the future for us - there will have to be some major changes for us to stay together, so we'll see. But this is something I have felt like I needed to do for a very long time. I was just always too afraid to actually do it. The possibility of the future you thought you would have just disappearing is very scary. But I don't feel like it was the wrong thing to do - if that makes sense.

I like strawberry Gu chomps and chocolate Gu gels. Delicious.

I love running with my dogs! My lab can't run for super long, but she puts in a good effort. My border collie would run forever if I asked him to.

[statlerwaldorf]

I'm sorry.

[mrshandy]

I'm sorry. Stay strong. Take care of yourself.

[cinco]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Hang in there.

[jchokie79]

Really sorry to hear this. Glad you have your dogs with you, they make great company. We're always here if you need to vent!

[tallie]

I'm sorry. I left my husband 6 months ago, and it was scary at first, but definitely the right decision. I also took the dogs with me, another good decision! Hang in there, talk to friends and family a lot, and keep exercising! I can't say enough about how much exercise has helped me to cope.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry your going through this.

[al320]

im so sorry youre going through this. big hugs!

[shauni27]

Sorry that things got to this point and that you were so unhappy for what sounds like awhile. It sounds like you are making the right decision now, and I am wishing you all the best in your transition. Enjoy this time with your pooches!

[clseale]

Pets are the best therapy. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but good for you for taking a step in the right direction. Be kind to yourself. Big hugs!!

[ae1983]

Thanks everybody.

I went home later last night (2am) with the stipulation that he sleeps downstairs and the dogs and I stay upstairs. I told him that for now I consider us to be separated and living as roommates while he sorts through things. I wrote a list of things I need from him (going to counseling, AA, and some other things that have been adding up over the years) and told him that I need to see him putting in a REAL effort with these things. I will not consider it "fixed" after a day/week/month. He understands and knows that (his words) "he's lazy, and has a lot of growing up to do."

We are on good terms. He truly is a good person. I would like things to improve but I'm skeptical about it. Seeing as these things have been going on for a while, and he only ever puts in minimal effort and it only lasts for a week or so. However, I have never left before.

He is home from work today. I did tell him what I would expect to be done today from someone who really wanted to make improvements (making an appointment for counseling, finding an AA meeting, etc.). If I go home after work and he has excuses, I'm going to ask him to leave and go stay in a hotel and I am done.

Thanks for the support. It's nice to have a place to talk. I have talked to my mom and my best friend and they are both very supportive and understanding, so that's good too.

[gt7301b]

I'm sorry you are going through this, but glad you were able to go home and sleep in your bed.

[shorty20]

I'm sorry, I hope you guys can work it out!

[MrsE]

I hope things go as smoothly as possible during this difficult time.