This is so scary

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 7:49:15 GMT -5 @juliash said:

Therapy, seriously. Your DH needs it, your SD needs, and you need it to deal with them, and then you all three need it together in order to get along with each other.
Yes your SD is a teen and being a teen entails some snottiness and misbehaving, but as far as I can tell, no one is disciplining her, and you need to tell DH that he is not being a good parent and not doing his daughter any favors by allowing her to behave as she is and get away with these things. She doesn't get to go to therapy and not talk and not do other things you ask of her and still get big time privileges like having a nice phone.

Does he not see that giving out her personal information is a HUGE safety issue? She may have already been meeting up with strangers without you guys knowing about it. You need to come a come to Jesus talk with your DH about his parenting styles. It doesn't matter what SD's mother is doing, he needs to step up. And this no disciplining them being in a court order is HILARIOUS. How is she ever going to respect you if you can't set ground rules for her and actually enforce those rules?

I have practically begged to go to therapy with the 2 of them, it falls on deaf ears.  Yes the wording in the court order is nuts and if the put me on the witness stand in a court room, I will say "how can I be responsible for a child I can't set boundaries for". But I know the problem is my husband, not the courts, not the biological mother, not my sd and heck not even me.  It is my dh and he does need to step up.  We have discussed it, fought about it, nothing changes.  I am basically the only parent to these poor kids and it sucks that I can't do it without limitations and without judgment.  I would love nothing more than to be able to truly raise them as if they were my own.

[tinfoilhat]

Apr 11, 2013 7:19:32 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Apr 11, 2013 7:08:12 GMT -5 @juliash said:

I think you both need to grow some balls when it comes to parenting your SD.

Now this is good advice, but I can only do so much as a stepparent.  I can't legally discipline them ( yes it is actually in the court order that a step parent can't discipline them) and my dh and I aren't on the same page.  If it were up to me, she would not have been given a smartphone at 13, but she has one.  If it were up to me she would have lost the phone for more than a few days the first time she gave out our address to a stranger, this is the 3rd time now she has done something like this, but no one is listening to me when I say she needs to lose the phone for at least a month.  Dh says he will file a police report when we get home, but I doubt it

I am frustrated here to say the least.  My husband wrings his hands over the baptism thing (and yes i know everyone here thinks i am crazy over that, but i really was just coming here to vent since he was so upset about it) I am the one who gave her a bible, blessed medallion and spoke to her about how she felt about not getting baptised.  Dh just ignored it and never even acknowledged her intent.   People can call me all the names they want, I know I have a good relationship with my step daughter and I live with the tension of trying to keep the peace between her and her father.  She sobbed to me about how her mother ignores and neglects her.  She is so angry at her father and all he did yesterday was yell at her instead of calmly tell her why yet again she shouldn't give out her personal info to strangers

yes I have a dh problem,but my sd has a father problem and that is troublesome to meA DH problem and a Father problem? Well the common denominator is your husband. He lacks common parenting skills and now your SD will suffer the consequences. 

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 10:39:54 GMT -5 Que? said:

If you took her phone away, who would enforce the court order.

Your H hasn't filed a police report? Are all the other adults in her life oblivious to the fact that this girl is a sitting duck for predators?

Your H will live to regret his choices, and I'm scared for that kid. I just can't understand how you could be void by the court to just sit by and watch. Something has to be changed here, at the grassroots level. If this wasn't your H's wake up call, I don't know what is.

In his defense, we are out of the state right now and the advice we were given was tofi,e the police report where we live.  The number of the person who sent the text message is an exchange in our area.
i don't just sit and watch, but when it i comes to discipline that damn court order hangs over my head.    Can it be enforced?  I don't know, the lawyer says to follow the court order as if it is the bible.

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 10:49:11 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I honestly have no idea why you stay in this situation.

Because love those kids and sadly I seem to be the only adult willing to parent them.  I know, not my burden, but they have been thru so much, don't I owe it to them to try and make this work

[fivechickens]

Maybe this has been asked but why does a 13 year old need a phone that has the ability to install an app to it? Don't they have phones that they can text and\or make phone calls only?? I assume you have a computer at home...probably an iPad or the like. Isn't that (way) more than enough for a child?

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:05:47 GMT -5 fivechickens said:

Maybe this has been asked but why does a 13 year old need a phone that has the ability to install an app to it? Don't they have phones that they can text and\or make phone calls only?? I assume you have a computer at home...probably an iPad or the like. Isn't that (way) more than enough for a child?

I have asked my husband that question many times since she got the phone (just a mere 2 months ago).  We have a computer in the kitchen, they can use it for homework and limited gaming.  I was never on board with her having a freaking iPhone 5

[karmasabiotch]

The responses in this post are making me ugly laugh.

OP, I think you should post on the Blended Families board on The Bump. You will fit in so much better there and I think you will find many of them think in a similar fashion that you do.

[karmasabiotch]

Apr 10, 2013 20:58:06 GMT -5 Marle said:

Apr 10, 2013 19:29:37 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

In the end, the SD did not get baptized, btw.

Oh shit! I missed this!

She wasn't allowed to by the church if I'm remembering correctly. 

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:10:59 GMT -5 TR said:

Maybe I'm too relaxed and I mean, I enjoy To Catch a Predator as much as the next person, but how do you know it's NOT 10 year old? And you're filing a police report?

You could just tell by the posts and how quickly it went to "lets meet at a park" 

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:10:59 GMT -5 TR said:

Maybe I'm too relaxed and I mean, I enjoy To Catch a Predator as much as the next person, but how do you know it's NOT 10 year old? And you're filing a police report?

Dh says he will as soon as we get home

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:11:15 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

The responses in this post are making me ugly laugh.

OP, I think you should post on the Blended Families board on The Bump. You will fit in so much better there and I think you will find many of them think in a similar fashion that you do.

Thank you do you have a link?

[karmasabiotch]

Apr 11, 2013 17:17:42 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Apr 11, 2013 17:11:15 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

The responses in this post are making me ugly laugh.

OP, I think you should post on the Blended Families board on The Bump. You will fit in so much better there and I think you will find many of them think in a similar fashion that you do.

Thank you do you have a link?

community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236701/ShowForum.aspx



Please continue to post here as well.  I don't want to be the one that sent you packing.  We need you on this board.

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:21:13 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

Apr 11, 2013 17:17:42 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Thank you do you have a link?

community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236701/ShowForum.aspx



Please continue to post here as well.  I don't want to be the one that sent you packing.  We need you on this board.

Yeah right, for entertainment value? To call names ?  I am not sure this is the place for me.  Thanks for the link, I do truly appreciate it.  

[leeann]

How does the divorce paperwork define discipline? If SD is setting your house on fire, can you stop her? I grew up with a SM and a SF and believe me, they both disciplined us when we were in their respective homes.

[StormyDixon]

Apr 11, 2013 17:27:31 GMT -5 leeann said:

How does the divorce paperwork define discipline? If SD is setting your house on fire, can you stop her? I grew up with a SM and a SF and believe me, they both disciplined us when we were in their respective homes.

The court order reads  "all discipline will be handled by the father and not a step parent"
This is not your typical divorce decree, dh was awarded full physical custody with all decision making after his exwife was found guilty of abusing the children.  I really don't understand why the guardian ad litem put that line in there when she was the one recommend to the judge the children be placed with us.  Perhaps if we hadn't been married at the time the clause wouldn't have been put in there, who knows.