s/o weddings: no gifts or cards from guests?

[ladygrey]

Did you have any guests who attended your wedding but did not give a gift or a card?

There were a handful of our guests who
did this, including DH's sister. I know that money is tight for a lot of people, but I absolutely cannot fathom going to a wedding and not giving the bride and groom SOMETHING, not even a card. I just couldn't do it. I don't so much care about getting money or gifts - it just hurts that people couldn't be bothered to write "congrats!" on a cheap card at the very least.

Anyone else?

[Roc A Bee]

Yes. My cousin. I was in her wedding at like 20 and spent a shit ton of money on it (for a marriage at lasted 14 months). I was surprised.

[lime]

Technically, yes, but we had a DW so people did have to pay to travel. None of our friends/family lived in the same city, so there was no way to plan a wedding where everyone didn't have to travel.

ETA - I didn't care either way if people brought gifts or not. 

[dexteroni]

No, everyone who attended gave gifts, as did most of the people who didn't attend. We did think we had one non-gifter in attendance at first, but I was gathering the last few bits of wedding stuff together few months later to put it away, and what fell out of the stack but their unopened card with a check in it. Oops! So I had to dash off a note explaining, apologizing, and thanking them.

[mollybrown]

At least a few. I remember thinking it was odd at the time, but 7 years later, I don't even remember who. I worried for a while that their gift/card just was lost, because it seems bizarre that someone would show up to a wedding empty handed.

[agnes]

I don't remember.

[Deleted]

Yes. Several. I couldn't tell you most of them though.

[kangaroo11]

I remember who didn't even get us a card.

[Deleted]

God, I have no idea. Am I supposed to keep track of these things?

[aMrsin09]

HA, the only people the DID get us gifts were the ones the DIDN'T attend the wedding.

We were married overseas and only H's family were able to attend. Our bosses and co-workers and my family all sent cards and or gifts.

[steph96]

I'm super embarrassed to say that I didn't get a gift for my brother. I gave them a gift at the bridal shower and that was it (and in all honesty, my mom paid for it and i simply wrapped it). I wasn't aware that I was supposed to also have a gift for them at their wedding.

[ssmjlm]

Yes, several guests did not send a card or gift. No shows and guests. MIL didn't even give us a card.

[ellipses84]

Yes, but it was a DW, so I didn't really expect everyone to. I was actually suprised by how much certain people gave and realized I had been cheap (because my parents were cheap and taught me that was acceptable). Obviously I didn't hang out on message boards then, or I would have known better, lol.

We also got used gifts from an eccentric rich relative, one of which was a broken, expensive electronic device they said we could fix and keep. Turns out it was a 5 second fix and we offered it back, but they told us to keep it and it still works several years later, so it was an awesome gift.

[M]

We invited a few of our professors. I think one of them didn't give even a card, but that wasn't something we cared about. We were happy they could come.

[pamela]

I have no idea. I didn't match the thank you card list with the door roster.

[Kore]

May 4, 2013 23:57:50 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Yes. Several. I couldn't tell you most of them though.

Same here. We had quite a few, but I can't name names. No biggie. Less TY notes to write

[Kore]

May 5, 2013 0:30:13 GMT -5 steph96 said:

I'm super embarrassed to say that I didn't get a gift for my brother. I gave them a gift at the bridal shower and that was it (and in all honesty, my mom paid for it and i simply wrapped it). I wasn't aware that I was supposed to also have a gift for them at their wedding.

I think if you give a gift at the shower, you're good.

[Kore]

I didn't know cards were so important. Dead serious. Having a guest show up & celebrate with us awesome. Running into CVS & grabbing a card off the rack doesn't make them seem more thoughtful.

[ladygrey]

May 5, 2013 1:03:18 GMT -5 Kore said:

I didn't know cards were so important. Dead serious. Having a guest show up & celebrate with us awesome. Running into CVS & grabbing a card off the rack doesn't make them seem more thoughtful.

I guess I am approaching it from the point of view that weddings are gift giving occasions, and attending w/o a gift or card is something that I never would do - would you?

It's not about the actual card or gift - it's about the sentiment behind giving it. When my SIL can't even be bothered to do that (among other things, like not even officially RSVPing for the wedding), it's hurtful.

[halfpint]

Only one stands out, and honestly, I never would have known except that she told me, apologized, and then brought something by my house almost two years later.

Otherwise, I have no idea, nor do I really care.

[smiley]

I don't think we had this. Maybe my parents who paid for our wedding so their gift was already given.

I did have a few people who just gave us a card which was okay. I would rather have a card and know to send a thank you than to be writing cards and accidently forget someone.

[sjh722]

I only remember one (there may have been more, I don't recall and didn't check, lol). The only reason it stands out is because they kept telling us the gift was AMAZING, unique, we would love it, etc, then it never showed up. We still joke about what the mystery gift could have been, 7 years later. The funniest part is that there was an electric skillet we registered for, someone bought, and we never received, so most likely the amazing and unique shopped-for-weeks item was a $30 rival electric skillet from target.

I was a no gifter once but I don't feel too guilty. They asked me to play the piano for their wedding less than 2 weeks in advance, then told me they meant to send us an invite but didn't have our address (except they were at our house when she told me this, and had been there several times before in recent weeks, so they could have a. asked, or b., looked at the very noticeable address sign out front?). Then I found out with very short notice (like two days) that also oh there was a soloist could we please rehearse and here's the music. And they never paid me for playing, either. I also don't feel bad that dh skipped the ceremony for a golf outing and came to the reception. Who gets invited 2 weeks prior with no actual invitation? D list? Is there anything lower? G list? Ha!

[ECB]

May 5, 2013 1:27:15 GMT -5 ladygrey said:

May 5, 2013 1:03:18 GMT -5 Kore said:

I didn't know cards were so important. Dead serious. Having a guest show up & celebrate with us awesome. Running into CVS & grabbing a card off the rack doesn't make them seem more thoughtful.

I guess I am approaching it from the point of view that weddings are gift giving occasions, and attending w/o a gift or card is something that I never would do - would you?

It's not about the actual card or gift - it's about the sentiment behind giving it. When my SIL can't even be bothered to do that (among other things, like not even officially RSVPing for the wedding), it's hurtful.

See, I disagree. I know the norm is to give a gift, and I always do. But I don't think of weddings as "gift giving" events. And I think people giving up their time to be w/ us (and possibly expense of either travel or buying new clothes) should actually matter more than a card.

[changedname]

Yes, quite a few but I suspect the venue stole some of my cards.

The one that I noticed though was my alcoholic aunt who didn't get me a card and then the day after the wedding sent me an email saying how my marriage wouldn't last and how I am a terrible person who doesn't deserve happiness. No one in the family talks to her even now and that was 2 years ago.

[Deleted]

My SIL was the only one. I was a little bothered that she couldn't even sign her name to a card but I wasn't really all that surprised considering she was always a part of the family gift exchange at Christmas but whoever she drew never got a gift because 'she couldn't afford it'.

[bostonmichelle]

Everyone who came did send something within about a month except one couple who was a no-show and didn't bother to even send a card or anything. I'm kind of irked over the one couple that didn't show and couldn't be bothered to send a sorry something came up card.

[mrsriker]

May 5, 2013 5:38:35 GMT -5 ECB said:

May 5, 2013 1:27:15 GMT -5 ladygrey said:

I guess I am approaching it from the point of view that weddings are gift giving occasions, and attending w/o a gift or card is something that I never would do - would you?

It's not about the actual card or gift - it's about the sentiment behind giving it. When my SIL can't even be bothered to do that (among other things, like not even officially RSVPing for the wedding), it's hurtful.

See, I disagree. I know the norm is to give a gift, and I always do. But I don't think of weddings as "gift giving" events. And I think people giving up their time to be w/ us (and possibly expense of either travel or buying new clothes) should actually matter more than a card.

this. weddings are celebrations of marriage, not "gift giving occasions". a card means nothing.

[Deleted]

I know we had a few who did this but I don't remember specifically who. Not going to try to remember, either.

[Deleted]

1 couple. Also, they got married a year later and we never got a thank you note for the gift we gave them (and my husband was a groomsman).

He hasn't given gifts to any of my husband's other friends either.  And he no-showed at one of them.  Even though he would have had to fly in from California for it.  How do you not tell your friend "by the way, I'm not coming from California for your wedding after all"?

[giantsgirl]

May 5, 2013 0:55:31 GMT -5 pamela said:

I have no idea. I didn't match the thank you card list with the door roster.

It isn't matching the thank you card list to the door roster.... If you already had a list of all invited guests with addresses, why would you create another one for thank you cards?  I know I just added the gift they gave in the next column, to assist in thank you card writing. 

We did receive a gift/card from everyone who attended and the majority of those that couldn't attend (and a few from some who weren't invited).