Overwhelmed. FTM Breastfeeding

[ladystardust]

I haven't posted in a while but I'm feeling really overwhelmed with this whole breastfeeding thing and I don't really know where else to go. I had my baby last Tuesday so she is only 5 days old but it seems like she wants to feed 24/7. I'm worried my supply is too low or the flow is slower than she needs. I know this is a common breastfeeding concern but I can't think straight and don't know what to do about it. My milk came in on Thursday and I felt engorged for maybe a day. Now they are firmer but I feel like they may not be getting full enough. I have no idea though.

Each night seems like she is fussier and fussier and only putting her on my boob will calm her. Many times she falls asleep on it pretty quickly, even while I'm trying to keep her awake. But even after long feeding sessions (close to an hour sometimes, she'll look like she's done and when I rock her and lie her down, she's giving hunger cues and fussing within 5 minutes. I feel like I'm getting no break at all to sleep. I think I've gotten maybe 5 hours over the last two nights combined.

She hasn't slept longer than a 2 hour stretch since being born. Her long sleeps are usually closer to and hour and a half. She had 3 1-hour sleeps last night. Last night from 9pm to about 1:30am she was inconsolable with hunger. Even after repeated feedings so we ended up giving her 1oz of formula and after that she slept for an hour. We also tried a pacifier last night but I think it was too soon for her to use it and was frustrated there wasn't milk coming out of it.

DH has been doing every other thing possible for her but he can't help with this. Right now just getting through the next few days until her 1st pedi. appt. is stressing me out. The days feel so long.

Admittedly I did fail yesterday at sleeping when baby sleeps. With people over she spends a lot of time sleeping on chests and in their arms. Night times are when she gets difficult to console.

I called the pedi. last night and she said without weighing her she doesn't know. If she isn't having a wet diaper after each feeding that I could supplement if I want (she's having one maybe every 2 out of 3). This is when I made the bottle.

I guess I'm looking to find out if this is normal and how others coped. I feel like everything I'm reading is saying she should be going longer between feedings and that if I'm doing it right I don't need to supplement. Did you supplement? Pump? Pumping I was told to wait a week until the feeding is established. This is my concern. That she's not old enough for me to start doing these things and I will screw up the breastfeeding in the process. But omg so. tired. Am I being paranoid? ugh.

[Deleted]

At 5 days old, it's very normal to want to eat 24/7. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't have enough milk.

Do you have access to a lactation consultant at the hospital where DD was born? If not, you can also contact your local La Leche League and there should be someone who can consult with you.

Good luck. It's really hard at first with the lack of sleep. You'll get through it, though, ok? It gets easier, I promise!

[thejen626]

Can your DH hold the baby so you can go take a nap?! Even an hour nap would help you right now.

As far as BFing...your boobs won't "feel full" all the time, only if you skip a feeding. That's normal.

I always say if you can BF through the first 2 weeks, then the first 6 weeks, it's a cakewalk after that!

If you want to supplement, obviously you can. I had to supplement with both my kids at first because of low supply, but once my milk established I was fine. How's the baby's weight gain so far? If she's gaining weight then I wouldn't supplement, personally.

Hang in there!! I promise it gets easier. Try to get some sleep. If your DH won't help you, have a friend come over to hold the baby while you nap.

[speckledfrog]

When Wyatt was that same age he ate every hour for 45-50 minutes. I thought I was going to die and there was a lot of crying going on. It lasted maybe 3 or 4 days and then he started eating like a regular baby. Next week will be better. And the week after that will be even better.

Take naps when you can. No, really. Even if you have guests over. They can hold a sleeping baby or they can leave and you can lay down for a bit. Every little bit will help you power through the night. Don't feel like you need to entertain, you are still in survival mode.

Weeks 1 and 2 are the mega suck and you are already half way through. I know it seems like the badness will never end, but it will be better next week. Hang in there, you are doing a great job.

[ladystardust]

Thank you. Maybe I'll give the hospital a call and ask. The nurse who ran the breastfeeding class wasn't able to come help when I asked at the hospital and my nurse wasn't very forthcoming with info when I was asking. So I am feeling like I didn't get a lot of info. I was looking at the La Leche site last night and there wasn't anything ccming up for finding someone in my area.

I think I'm anxious about the thought of it staying like this for weeks and weeks.

[Deleted]

It's normal at this point for the baby to only sleep 1.5 hour to 2 hour stretches and to eat immediately after waking up. It's so hard at first. I didn't BF, but I stayed with my best friend and her newborn just a few days after her daughter was born, and her routine sounded just like yours. All she did was breastfeed. You finish, burp, change diaper, and then it seems like you are starting all over again. Since I didn't BF, it was easy for me to know how much he was eating, but what your pedi told you about supplementing if there isn't a wet diaper after each feeding sounds like a good guideline. Hang in there. The first few weeks are the most exhausting, but it gets easier.

[angelaa73]

this is very normal. you don't ever want your boobs to "feel super full". if that happens, it tells your body that you're making too much, and you will start to make less. .. it's supply and demand.

if she's demanding it, you will supply it in all normal circumstances. I know a lot moms think they have "low supply" but my pedi basically put me on check by telling me "it would be very uncommon for you to become pregnant, carry the baby, deliver and then NOT be able to feed it, so relax. they not only want the boob because it feeds them, it also comforts them!

it is very very normal to start a feeding session 15 to 20 after the last one ended. I suggest a nursing stool, some food you can eat with one hand like apple slices, pretzels, tons of water, a zillion movies on demand and no more visitors until she's a couple of months old (good luck with that)

the sleep deprivation will make you question everything. so hang in there!

[litebright]

Ditto jezebel on getting in to see a LC ASAP. And 90 minutes-2 hours stretches of sleep is about normal for newborns. It was weeks before I got more than that at a time -- when you get to four hours, it will feel like a miracle. People aren't exaggerating how much the newborn stage sucks for most -- it's just something you have to survive as best you can. Newborns digest milk quickly, too, and she's helping your supply get firmly established. As much as it sucks, it's not *bad*.

Is she giving hunger cues when you're holding her or others? Because they can smell the milk, and for some babies just being held by you is going to make that happen more often. Right now "milk" means warmth, being held, and probably being changed, not just filling her tummy -- she has a limited # of ways to communicate what she wants: rooting or crying. And it doesn't take them long to figure out that "asking" for milk gets them all of the things on their list of needs right now.

My kids would mess around and fall asleep on the boob, too. Sometimes it's okay, but during that newborn stage there were also times that we'd undress them (being cooler helps keep them awake) and even rub them a little with a damp, cool washcloth during feeding to keep them awake long enough to fill their bellies, not just snack and nap, snack and nap.

We ended up co-sleeping both times for much of the first 4-6 weeks. It was the easiest way to get the maximum amount of sleep at a time when no one is going to be getting much.

Good luck. It's a really tough stage. But it does get better.

[ladystardust]

Jun 2, 2013 11:05:20 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Can your DH hold the baby so you can go take a nap?! Even an hour nap would help you right now.

DH has done this and it does help some but she just cries or fusses the whole time. So then I feel bad that she is hungry for that long.

She won't get weighed at the dr. until Thursday. So I'm trying to just focus on getting it that far but even that seems far away.

[Deleted]

It really does feel like it will never end, but I swear it does. It has to, right? Nobody would survive if it didn't.

Nap whenever you get a chance, even if it's 15 minutes. Watch some mindless TV while you're awake and nursing to take your mind off of things. Cry if you need to.

[sewf]

Hang in there! The first couple of weeks are difficult, but you WILL get through it.

Ditto looking for a LC or trying your local LLL.

Here's where I advocate for doing anything you need to do to feed the baby, without guilt. I ended up having to supplement. Come to find out, the women in my family consistantly have low supplies. I had HUGE mommy guilt for not feeding him enough breastmilk and having to give him formula, but honestly, it's the best thing I could have done for him. He's getting the nutrients he needs from the formula, and the immunity stuff from me, I'm getting some rest, both physically and mentally, and we are both happier. Formula is NOT a bad thing. The women here helped me realize that.

That being said, do what you think is right for you. Take care of yourself and the baby any way you can. If that is breastfeeding, great, if it's supplementing, awesome. If you decide to switch to formula, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[Deleted]

Also, I don't know if you have one, but the Rock n' Play saved me when she got to about 3 weeks old. I put it next to the couch and as soon as she would fall asleep nursing, I'd gently move her over to it and she'd stay asleep. Then I'd immediately lay down on the couch and sleep and she was still right next to me. We ended up pretty much living like this for 3 months, but the little naps all day long really saved my life.

[hbear]

I just want to reassure you this is normal, and temporary. hang in there. you are doing a great job!

I ended up getting a lactation consultant to come to my home, on a Sunday evening no less, and she was my saviour. dd was also 5 days old at the time, and I swear if it weren't for her I wouldn't have been able to keep bfing. dd is 18 months old and we still haven't weaned completely. Lol

find someone as soon as possible to help you. it was so worth it for me. good luck!

[sunshineluv]

My baby was similar to this when he was first born, it sounds normal to me. The LC can help a lot.

But, I just want to remind you, this will get better very soon. You will sleep again, I promise. Hugs!! And congrats!

[Deleted]

Totally normal. Also, you will find that around this time your baby might start to fuss more in the evening where she just wants to nurse constantly. Also normal. It's frustrating and I remember when I was a FTM with Sofia how overwhelmed I would get because it seemed like no matter what I did, she was just not happy unless she was at the boob and I thought for sure that I was doing something wrong. She wouldn't take a soother either. The good news is that it will pass . At least that's what I keep telling myself. Lol.

[angelaa73]

Jun 2, 2013 11:17:03 GMT -5 @theycalledherkate said:

I had my baby last Monday and I just wanted to send a hug and some support. I'm also having issues with BF and am pumping like crazy to build supply. Could you also pump to see how much milk you are getting out? I'm also supplementing with formula so the baby can gain more weight. Hang in there. The ladies here all give amazing advice.

Congratulations as well!

no. the pump does not tell you how much you are getting in all cases. a baby is way more efficient. pumping didn't do shit for me or most of my friends. except wreck our nipples. put your baby to breast if you want to build supply. 

[ladystardust]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I really appreciate hearing what it was like for others.

[ladystardust]

Jun 2, 2013 11:15:19 GMT -5 litebright said:

Ditto jezebel on getting in to see a LC ASAP. And 90 minutes-2 hours stretches of sleep is about normal for newborns. It was weeks before I got more than that at a time -- when you get to four hours, it will feel like a miracle. People aren't exaggerating how much the newborn stage sucks for most -- it's just something you have to survive as best you can. Newborns digest milk quickly, too, and she's helping your supply get firmly established. As much as it sucks, it's not *bad*.

Is she giving hunger cues when you're holding her or others? Because they can smell the milk, and for some babies just being held by you is going to make that happen more often. Right now "milk" means warmth, being held, and probably being changed, not just filling her tummy -- she has a limited # of ways to communicate what she wants: rooting or crying. And it doesn't take them long to figure out that "asking" for milk gets them all of the things on their list of needs right now.

My kids would mess around and fall asleep on the boob, too. Sometimes it's okay, but during that newborn stage there were also times that we'd undress them (being cooler helps keep them awake) and even rub them a little with a damp, cool washcloth during feeding to keep them awake long enough to fill their bellies, not just snack and nap, snack and nap.

We ended up co-sleeping both times for much of the first 4-6 weeks. It was the easiest way to get the maximum amount of sleep at a time when no one is going to be getting much.

Good luck. It's a really tough stage. But it does get better.

She gives hunger cues with others holding her or if we have her lying in the bassinet. Probably more often when I'm holding her though.

 also, she is spitting up a little once in a while so I would guess that she's getting at least something in her tummy.

[angelaa73]

is she opening like REALLY WIDE and are you man handling your entire boob into her mouth?

[livinitup]

Is no one helping you over night? Who are these visitors during the day that aren't sending you to nap?

After seeing my sister not sleep and go slowly crazy when her LO was born, my mother and I made my sleep a priority when I had DD. We used a pacifier and small supplements so I could have 2-3 hour stretches of sleep. I would nurse, give baby to mom who would hold, sooth, bottle feed if necessary. She wouldnot bring her to me less 2 hours, and when she did, she'd hold her after latch so I didn't have to fully wake up. Then she'd take her away for another 2 hours.

Having 4-5 hours of almost non-broken sleep was COMPLETELY NECESSARY for me and it was extremely important to make nursing possible.

My sister about had a nervous breakdown because of not sleeping and gave up breast feeding. She still says that no one (lactation, pedi, OB) told her she could supplement. They did. I did. She just wouldn't hear it and as a result ran herself into the ground.

Please take better care of yourself! Ask for and accept help. You need sleep. Let someone else take charge of the baby for short periods so you can sleep. Use a pacifier, swaddle, bouncy seat, pumped milk of formula. This phase passes quickly, but it can be daunting to live through if you are not sleeping. Impossible really.

[eav2c]

Hang in there! This all seems very normal and how my little guy was his first few weeks home (and then some - even now at 14 months he has some serious nursing sessions that make me wonder). Newborns want to nurse 24/7, I'm sure she's getting enough from you, it's not just a nutrition thing but a comfort thing. Actually, I've come to realize over the last year that as much as nutrition as it is, it's much more than that. The short sleep sessions sound completely normal and as time passes they will get longer and longer. Right now, nursing every 2 hours (or less even!) is totally in tune with a newborns needs. You are doing everything right! Doubt is normal, absolutely, but it sounds like she is just doing what newborns do and it IS tiring and being paranoid comes with the job title of mom, IMO, but everything you are doing sounds right. ((hugs))

[livinitup]

Oh, and watch the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD by Dr. Karl. It saved my life! And get the grandparents to watch it, too.

[ladystardust]

Jun 2, 2013 11:39:45 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Oh, and watch the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD by Dr. Karl. It saved my life! And get the grandparents to watch it, too.

This is on our to do list today. We have it but haven't had the chance to watch it yet. DH is helping at night. He does all the swaddling, diaper changes and will hold and soothe her for time to give me some quiet time. It's just that she keeps wanting to eat and at times is the only thing that will calm her.

It's been just family visiting so far. My Mom has made me go and rest while taking care of her, but I just didn't when DH's family was over yesterday. I know I need to and they would have been fine with it, I just didn't for some reason.

[sewf]

Oh, and I have to say, learn how to let go a little bit. Not that I think you are being controlling, but trust other people with the baby. I know it's hard. The only real argument H and I have had since DS was born was about me not letting him do enough. I thought I had to do everything and be supermom. That's not the case. It took a long time for me to just sit on the couch with the baby attached to me and let H wait on me hand and foot (and now it is hard for me to switch back to doing things for myself again, lol). I just had to remind myself that even though I had been solely responsible for DS for nine months, I didn't have to do it alone anymore. People WANT to help.

Once you can start pumping and letting your H take a few feedings, everything will be much better.

[cleo29]

I think trying work with an LC would be helpful. in my case, I think I had latch issues and possibly supply issues, but they were still wonderful to work with and worth calling.

Have you tried letting her suck on your pinky? You can do this or your H, as a soothing method if she just needs the calm from sucking on something and you don't want to use a pacifier. Babies will also do what they call cluster feedings where they want to be on the boob a lot.

Hang in there!

[LynnWriter]

Everyone else has given really good advice. Hang in there. It will get easier as each day goes by. You are doing a great job!

[candreco]

There's already a lot of great advice here, so I'll just add that this is all temporary. I promise, pretty soon you and your baby will settle into a routine, and you'll barely remember all of this. Otherwise, no one would ever have a second kid.

[Deleted]

Everyone is giving you great advice. If you feel you are at a breaking point, give your H a bottle of formula, shut your bedroom door and take a nap and nurse after you get a good block of sleep. You will feel so much better. Hang in there!

[iamgrace]

You've had fantastic advice already. I just wanted I chime in and say hang in there, you'll figure it out. You really just need to trust your body.

[iamgrace]

And side lying nursing is the best best best thing that I ever did for myself.