So I friend requested bf on facebook a few weeks ago, no response from him. Yesterday we were talking about something on there snd I jokingly said he needed to get on accepting my request. He said then we wouldn't have things to talk aboutbecause it would all be said on facebook already...something like that. We were headed somewhere so I let it slide and didn't ask any other questions about it.
Last night I had a dream about talking to him about it and while I don't remember exactly what happened anymore, I woke up feeling kind of uneasy. And I knew it would eat at me until I asked him for more info.
Before I left his place this morning I asked if I could talk to him about something and told him the facebook thing was bothering me. Turns out in last relationships some of the ladies got weird about him not 'liking' things or paying enough attention, and brought up agsin that he would much rather talk about things in person than hash things out on fb. I said I get all of that but a. I'm not other girlfriends, I'm me. You dont know how id act. And b. If we can't think of anything else to talk about outside of what we post on fb then we have bigger issues. Lol. He said he had wanted to try something different with me but he'll add me if it made me happy.
It wasn't the facebook thing really. It was the 'if he's being cagey about this, is it a pattern? Does he have something to hide? ' Know what I mean? And he's my boyfriend. It just seemed weird to have it hanging out there. Fb is not a big deal to me but the lack of talking about why he didn't add me made me wonder.
Of course, I was married to a guy who was cagey and a habitual liar so I'm more sensitive to sensing things like that.
Does facebook matter to you, or who you're friends with/in a relationship with irl? Does it affect how you communicate in person?
No, facebook doesn't matter to me BUT this isn't about just facebook...this is about trust!
If my BF wasn't friends with me or actually in your case REFUSED to be friends with me,.....the biggest red flag in town would be flying and id have one foot out the door.
Post by bullygirl979 on Jul 15, 2013 11:59:47 GMT -5
I'm with you gault, that would make me uneasy. I had an XBF who didn't want to list me as his "in a relationship with" claiming that there was big drama before with some people he was in the air force with, blah, blah, blah. The true story was, he was trying to hook up with other women so he didn't want to present himself as having a GF. P doesn't have his relationship status on his page (this was long before me) but doesn't care that he is listed on my page and he is always tagging me in posts and pictures. FB isn't our main method of communication. And you are right, if you don't have stuff to talk about in person, then you are doomed anyway, lol.
So really long winded answer: would it bother me? Yes. Do I think he necessarily is trying to hide something? No, but I'd keep my eyes open. Does FB affect how I communicate with P? Ha, not in the slightest. I tend to post fairly innocuous stuff anyway.
And I truly don't believe he's hiding things or seeing other people and that's the reason why. It's not his thing or who he is. It was more the no explanation that bugged me.
maybe he had to clean it up before he accepted you...
whatever the reason it still would leave a bad taste in my mouth
This is what I was thinking too. gault, I wasn't trying to insinuate that he was dating other people, etc. but I wonder if there were things on his page that he thought would offend/bother/worry you.
I get what he was saying, mags. And I definitely get what you're saying, too. I told him it made me kind of sad and it didn't make any sense to me. After I said that he got apologetic and felt bad about it.. I don't think it occured to him that the no explanation thing was worrisome.
From what he and a few of his friends have told me, his last girlfriend was really jealous and weird...like a group of them were watching the avengers and his friends remarked on scarlet johanssen's ass and she flipped out on him. He wasnt even talking about it. I'm thinking its something to do with that.
But again.... I'm not other people. And I'd be goggling over scarlett's ass along with them. Lol.
I feel better, but am keeping my eyes open, ya dig? Not about facebook but communication stuff like this in the future. He's definitely more of a deeds and actions person than verbal.
Facebook isn't that important to me. TBH, I do find it a little odd when someone is not FB friends with their spouse or SO. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it means there's anything weird or fishy going on, I just find it kind of odd/unusual. I'm with you though, if you can't find other things to talk about other than what's on FB, then you have bigger issues.
H has an account, but he hardly ever uses it. He might add pictures, change his profile/cover photo once in a while, or post a "thanks for the birthday wishes" status once a year, but that's about it! Because of that though, if there's a mutual friend who has decided to share a new life event on FB, I will usually see it, but he probably won't. So, if I think of it, I'll probably mention to him. "Hey, so-and-so got engaged/married/is having a baby/whatever." I think that's the only way it affects how we communicate though. He definitely prefers Instagram, and uses that more often.
IDK that's weird to me to be honest, but I don't put a lot of stalk in FB so I don't ever see what the harm is in adding friends.
I like showing off pics of the dogs and DH, but I don't take offense if DH doesn't like my posts or comment on them. He doesn't even wish me a happy birthday on there - haha. Half the time he doesn't even log into it though.
The thing that's most weird is that there was weeks in between you requesting and finally discussing it. Why wouldn't he just have said, "Hey - I got your friend request. I'm worried you will get upset if I don't like everything you post because that's what has happened to me in the past." instead of ignoring it. Keep your eyes out gault.
IDK that's weird to me to be honest, but I don't put a lot of stalk in FB so I don't ever see what the harm is in adding friends.
I like showing off pics of the dogs and DH, but I don't take offense if DH doesn't like my posts or comment on them. He doesn't even wish me a happy birthday on there - haha. Half the time he doesn't even log into it though.
The thing that's most weird is that there was weeks in between you requesting and finally discussing it. Why wouldn't he just have said, "Hey - I got your friend request. I'm worried you will get upset if I don't like everything you post because that's what has happened to me in the past." instead of ignoring it. Keep your eyes out gault.
Or said "hey, I got your friend request on FB. I haven't accepted it yet because my last girlfriend went a little nutty over things she saw on my newsfeed. This is making me a little more cautious, so please don't get too upset."
Yeah, I agree with doglove. He should have been more direct about it and mentioned your friend request after receiving it. Letting weeks go by just made everything awkward.
Post by captainmel on Jul 15, 2013 13:52:10 GMT -5
mags, it would bother me that I brought it up and was brushed off the first time. He should have initiated the conversation about his FB feelings the first time. He might not have even realized it was a real request/issue until gault brought it up again. When he realized it was an issue he was honest and apologetic. That's good enough for me.
mags, it would bother me that I brought it up and was brushed off the first time. He should have initiated the conversation about his FB feelings the first time. He might not have even realized it was a real request/issue until gault brought it up again. When he realized it was an issue he was honest and apologetic. That's good enough for me.
Post by partiallysunny on Jul 16, 2013 7:20:53 GMT -5
I find it suspicious, but if you feel like he was telling the truth when he explained the situation, go with your gut. Make it perfectly clear to him that from here on out he needs to confront theses things and not ignore them.
You're a smart woman, if he's hiding something it's only a matter of time before you find out what it is.
Post by starrieskies on Jul 16, 2013 10:13:28 GMT -5
Yeah, I didn't comment yesterday because it was pretty much covered, but the situation would leave a bad taste in my mouth for sure. However, I agree with ps, you're a smart woman. If he's hiding something he won't be able to keep it from you for long. I wouldn't write him off for this alone, but I'd definitely keep my eyes open.