I know this post doesn't have much of a point, but I need to vent. I am so upset, and so unlike myself. I am usually happy go lucky, and even when times are at it's worst, I can still find something to laugh at, or look on the bright side. Right now, I can't. I have been bawling off and on all afternoon. My ex called today to discuss what day we are going to sign the divorce paperwork, and I just lost it. I bawled and bawled. I am feeling so upset, and wondering if I am ever going to be happy. I feel so alone. I know I need to get out, because I have been isolated for over 3 weeks, but everyone is busy. Ex H even said that he is worried about me, and I need to get out and have fun, but I can't. I am so upset that he is moving on, and I can't. I don't even feel like getting out. This is just so not me. I realize this is not normal, so I did set up an appointment with my dr on Wednesday. I am just feeling so low. I know that I am rambling, but I had to get it out.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Aug 20, 2013 0:21:57 GMT -5
Bonquiqui (lol I love your user name so much), you are going to be okay. Seriously. Let yourself feel all this shit because you guys were married a long time and this was a surprise. It's so normal to feel the way you do now.
Do what it takes to bring yourself some comfort. Take care of yourself. But don't beat yourself up because you're feeling beaten up. And sure, your ex looks like he's got his shit together, but you don't know necessarily that he's moving on any faster or better than you are. Also, fuck him, lol.
Anyway, I swear I'm not measuring you for a skin suit right now, but I've always thought you were a lovely lady, and I hate to see you hurting now.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
My love, how would he know that you've seemed isolated? Have you been keeping contact or been trying to remain friends with him?
I guarantee you, DO NOT DO THIS. For real. You and your ex can be friends in the future, if you want. But right now? No. No no no.
My ex and I were together for 10 years. After I broke up with him, I was so up and down. I tried to remain friends with him. But I compared every comment, every conversation, every FB post, every pic, every everything.. And it seriously fucked with me. Only after I cut off contact (besides the most basic and pertinent info) was I able to heal and can say that now, yes, we are friends.
If you truly wish to be friends, and friends are the people that are happy for each other and wish only the best for the other person, then you need to take your own time and NOT be friends first. Only then will you be able to heal.
Here's a quick test on whether or not you should be friends right now: Ex gets engaged tomorrow, how do you feel?
If it's anything other than happiness (and yes, maybe some nostalgia and/or wistfulness, but that's right alongside happiness), then you need to cut him out.
Well I found out about the dating thing when he showed up as a match on match.com, which I have realized that I am clearly not ready for at this point, considering how I am taking this. That is how I found out about him dating. :/ I totally get what you are saying though, and I do agree.
Honestly, if he were to get engaged tomorrow, I would be absolutely devastated as pathetic as that sounds. :/
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm free for lunch or coffee or whatever.
I would seriously love to take you up on this. I know we tried before, but it didn't work out. I am real I swear. lol The end of the week would be good if you are free
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Every single one of you are making me feel better. Of course it hurts, but it helps to know that people care. I don't even feel like my friends have time to listen. (heart) (heart) I love you girls!!!!
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Girl, that does NOT sound pathetic. Please don't feel like that. Stop thinking your emotions are silly or dumb or pathetic, k? They're normal. Understandable. And yes, you may need some meds or therapy to help you get over this hump - but lots of us do. Hell, I don't know where I'd be without an amazing therapist and my happy pills (Zoloft).
More hugs.
Thanks You are probably right, and I am going to talk to my dr about it on Wednesday. I think a combination would probably be best. Intellectually, I know that it will eventually get better with time, but I wish it would hurry up
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Hugs, Bon. You've had a rough year. I hope things look up for you soon, and you've always got us to lean on!
ETA: I'd be willing to come up and hang for a day. I'm in the Indy area, so not too far away.
That is so sweet of you. I didn't realize you were in my old hood. I am trying to decide if I should move back after the first of the year. I go down there a lot, so I would totally be up for a get together. I will pm you
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Hugs, Bon. You've had a rough year. I hope things look up for you soon, and you've always got us to lean on!
ETA: I'd be willing to come up and hang for a day. I'm in the Indy area, so not too far away.
That is so sweet of you. I didn't realize you were in my old hood. I am trying to decide if I should move back after the first of the year. I go down there a lot, so I would totally be up for a get together. I will pm you
Bon, I'm feeling the same way right now. This shit blows. For real.
But I know for a fact that you're strong as hell, and you're going to get through this. You're going to come out on top.
Bee tee dubz, sometimes I think about you when I'm feeling down. You and Katy Perry are my divorcespiration. You've handled all this bullshit with style and grace. You're awesome.
Well I found out about the dating thing when he showed up as a match on match.com, which I have realized that I am clearly not ready for at this point, considering how I am taking this. That is how I found out about him dating. :/ I totally get what you are saying though, and I do agree.
Honestly, if he were to get engaged tomorrow, I would be absolutely devastated as pathetic as that sounds. :/
Not pathetic. Not even close. Completely normal, and only something that should be thought of if you're trying to remain friends. Because, if you would be devastated then you're not "friends", not at all. That's all I mean. (((bon))) I'm so sorry about the Match thing. That is rough. But think of it this way. He showed what he was when he looked outside of your marriage. After that ended, instead of working on himself and figuring out why he needed to behave in such a way, and treat people like that, he dove right back into dating. He will go from relationship to relationship, and none will fulfill him or be successful, because he can't stand to face himself and figure out what is wrong with him that makes him treat someone like he treated you.
And you? You are doing things the right way. You have been true to yourself and figuring out things as they come at you. Which includes sobbing about the divorce paperwork. That means that when the right thing comes along, you will be ready and happy to experience it. You will find real love long before he does. Truly.
I have nothing else to add besides listen to this woman. Come to NYC, we'll throw a NYC/NJ gtg that will make you not so isolated.
It's completely normal to feel like this. My best friend dated her ex-H 8 years, within 9 months was separated and had a horrific divorce. Came to find out 3 months after it was finalized, he had knocked up some new girl, had a quick Army marriage and they have a baby. I highly doubt he's changed and sure in time this girl will be in my friend's shoes. She was devastated at first, felt isolated, went to see her doctor for meds. In time she felt like herself and is now with a guy who adores her versus her ex who always knocked her down mentally to the point where she was a shell of the girl I grew up with at her wedding (which I was in) and at the reception they barely spent any time together unless they had to. Hell, his best friend and I didn't even think they'd actually get married, that's how bad it was.
I don't know you well, but I do know that you are cared for and loved on here by many. Keep your head up, maybe dating isn't something you're ready for right now and you may not be able to friends with your ex-H.
It's okay to be upset about it. You didn't ask for any of it, it was thrown at you. You'll work your way through it and get passed the sadness and be ready to move on--but in your own time.
A lot of pp have already given great advice. Just remember you are mourning a relationship, a long one. Even if it ended in a crappy way, there were good times, and times you thought you'd be together forever. You won't get over that overnight. Be kind to yourself.
Post by sunshineray on Aug 20, 2013 17:37:22 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It's hard to see yourself ever feeling "normal" again, but it WILL happen. Divorce is like death. You have to allow yourself to grieve. Making an appt with your dr is a great step.