Ugh, delicate situation. And people suck.

[lolobeth802]

I have 3 kids, a 13 year old son and the 2 little girls are 6 and 4. If we're out and about, the girls are usually with me. People with often stop to tell my 4 year old how beautiful she is. Or comment to me. I of course think they're both beautiful!!! But, 9 out of 10 times they gloat about my 4 year old. Occasionally someone will add: and her big sister is pretty too or something like that. Am I being over sensitive? My 6 year old hasn't seemed to notice this discrepancy in comments yet... but she will I'm sure. She's already asked why her sisters hair is wavy and will grow long while hers is whispy and wont grow How do I deal? . My 6 year old is a talented gymnast and has lots of other less superficial qualities that we focus on. I mean, obviously we focus on what great little people they are and not what they look like. I just, ugh. Is this one of those life things that we just learn to deal with?

[Deleted]

Aw

I'd say "thank you. We're very proud of our girls".

[Deleted]

My one sister growing up was gorgeous. Compared to Jon Benet, asked to model for JC Penneys, was stopped often, etc. Whenever someone said she was beautiful, my mom always said "yes, all my children are beautiful".

[lolobeth802]

Aug 31, 2013 7:55:43 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

Aw

I'd say "thank you. We're very proud of our girls".

I know, it makes me really sad But, I will start making a point to say that.

[DotAndBuzz]

We have this too, and it is hard. N is turning into a kid, so has lost her "baby cuteness," but E still has it (and the chubby cheeks), so people tend to say to E "Wow, look at her! She is so beautiful! And those eyes!" N sometimes pipes up like "my eyes are pretty too!"

I usually say something in the moment like "thank you, and yes, they both have big brown eyes, just like their daddy."

[themysteriouswife]

Not exactly the same, but we get this with Allie and our niece. People always comment on Allie. Our niece notices it now that she is older. I do like the pp do. I say they're both beautiful or something similar. I reassure niece she is beautiful. It sucks.

[moolarkey]

There were a lot of gorgoues professional pictures of my brother as a baby and toddler. There were a few of me. Part of that is by the time the 2nd kid comes, pictures aren't as importantaffordable/have the time to get them done. Ok. I get that But people would see my brother's picture or something would come up about gorgeous babies and my mom would gush "Bob was a beautiful baby"...... she'd realize I was standing there, look me with a guilty expression and say "oh, you were a cute baby too." In truth, when you see my brother's baby pictures he was a gorgeous little kid. He had a fabulous complexion, just a really beautiful little kid. I was just me.

[W.T.Faulkner]

People are total assholes.

[Yankees21]

Oh that breaks my heart! I agree with PPs of saying "Thank you, I think my girlS are beautiful" but geez some people suck.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

This happens a lot with my blonde-haired, blue-eyed 2 year old, which shocks me. Everyone acts like the blonde hair and blue eyes are amazing, they MUST comment on them. My gorgeous, brown-eyed brunette 6 year old gets hurt, so I fuss over her in front of them, hairy eyeballing them.

[zoidberg]

People always did this with me and my sister. In fact, at my dad's wedding his wife was introducing us as his daughter and his beautiful daughter. lol

People are just jackasses. I agree with emphasizing that both your girls are pretty and then making sure they know that they are valuable for so much more than looks.

[chickadee77]

Aug 31, 2013 9:40:39 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

People always did this with me and my sister. In fact, at my dad's wedding his wife was introducing us as his daughter and his beautiful daughter. lol

People are just jackasses. I agree with emphasizing that both your girls are pretty and then making sure they know that they are valuable for so much more than looks.

Yeah, the saying in my family is, "(Brother) is the smart one, (Sister) is the pretty one, and chickadee - well, chickadee has a good head on her shoulders." I can laugh, now, but it sucked as a kid. (And, also, I definitely grew into my looks, lol, not that I'm gorgeous or anything, but I was a very awkward child.)

[lime]

Yeah, people suck.

Why can't children be praised for their personalities or hard work, instead of something they can't control like their hair and eye color?

[marshmallowhands]

Yuck. People are the worst. I think is take a different approach though. I'd be more worried that the younger DD is internalizing that her worth is tied to how pretty she is since that's what she's always getting praised for. So, when someone comments on her looks, I'd respond "she just learned how to count to 100!" Or some other accomplishment/something she's good at.

One time I was sitting at a table with my cousins wife and a few men. My grandpa was introducing us to someone and he goes, "that's :my name:, the pretty one." I think he just meant to pay me a compliment, not say I was the pretty one of the two of us but oh God it was awkward. People just don't think sometimes.

[underwaterrhymes]

People ALWAYS commented on how beautiful my sister was.

It made me really sad at the time. I'm always careful to comment on both kids because I know how bad it made me feel.

I think people have the right idea that you should say, "Thank you. They ARE beautiful children, aren't they?"

[Bree Van de Kamp]

Aug 31, 2013 9:45:54 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Aug 31, 2013 9:40:39 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

People always did this with me and my sister. In fact, at my dad's wedding his wife was introducing us as his daughter and his beautiful daughter. lol

People are just jackasses. I agree with emphasizing that both your girls are pretty and then making sure they know that they are valuable for so much more than looks.

I literally made that face. 

[janiejones]

That's so shitty.
Somewhat related- I've been trying to make an effort not to comment on kids looks at all. My friends (who have girls) and I had a really great discussion about this a couple months ago, and I've been working on it. It's amazing how easy it is to comment on looks and miss other characteristics.

This is something on friend brought up-

allofmenow.com/2013/07/ten-alternatives-to-calling-your-daughter-a-princess/

[zoidberg]

I think it actually gave my sister a worse complex than it gave me, because she has a problem with her self-esteem being very dependent on her looks (including eating disorder struggles). Whereas, even though I don't love my crooked teeth and am kind of bummed what time has done to my boobs, overall I'm totally ok with myself.

[azurely]

I don't have kids, but I have three little girl cousins who I adore. The middle one is the prettiest, best gymnast and dancer, and is just one of those kids who is good at everything, and I worry about this with them. My aunt and uncle put the other 2 into other activities that the middle one doesn't do, to give them a chance to shine, like martial arts, music lessons, etc. but it's tough. I think they are all beautiful, and I tell them that often, but like someone else said, I don't want them to connect their self worth with their looks, so I try to focus more on their positive qualities, talents, etc.

[snickers]

I agree, saying "thank you, both of our girls are beautiful" or something along those lines is a good idea.

[mirandahobbes]

I got this as a kid a lot. People would say how pretty my sister was, and then throw in a "oh you too". I'm wasn't dumb. I think I'd prefer they not give me the courtesy compliment.

[bab]

Aug 31, 2013 9:40:39 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

People always did this with me and my sister. In fact, at my dad's wedding his wife was introducing us as his daughter and his beautiful daughter. lol

People are just jackasses. I agree with emphasizing that both your girls are pretty and then making sure they know that they are valuable for so much more than looks.

This is just crazy.  His wife sounds like a monster.  :N:

[zoidberg]

Aug 31, 2013 11:58:13 GMT -5 bab said:

Aug 31, 2013 9:40:39 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

People always did this with me and my sister. In fact, at my dad's wedding his wife was introducing us as his daughter and his beautiful daughter. lol

People are just jackasses. I agree with emphasizing that both your girls are pretty and then making sure they know that they are valuable for so much more than looks.

This is just crazy.  His wife sounds like a monster. 

She is just really, really superficial. Like, when we were all at the beach for family thanksgiving, she and her daughter would spend TWO HOURS getting ready (so they could have that perfect beachy look). And we were just hanging around with the fam playing games. It's laughable.

[karmasabiotch]

It's one of those things. When my sister and I are together with our kids (1 year apart) they will say J is so cute and M is so sweet. We laugh about it. They did that to us when we were little too. My parents made sure to compliment us all the time so it worked out ok.

[sonrisa]

Aug 31, 2013 11:11:52 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

I think it actually gave my sister a worse complex than it gave me, because she has a problem with her self-esteem being very dependent on her looks (including eating disorder struggles). Whereas, even though I don't love my crooked teeth and am kind of bummed what time has done to my boobs, overall I'm totally ok with myself.

This can be so true.

My mom's self esteem is very much tied to her looks. It made things awkward when I was a teen and young adult because she vacillated between wanting a beautiful daughter since she'd been so beautiful, and being threatened by the idea that as she aged she might not be the prettiest woman in the room or in the family anymore. On the other hand, I've always been aware of my physical short comings so I don't mind as much when time or pregnancy change things. I never stopped traffic or got better treatment for my appearance, so I don't expect to do so now. (One of my mom's favorite stories was about a guy who ran his motorcycle off the road because he was looking at her.)

[DotAndBuzz]

Aug 31, 2013 12:01:49 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

Aug 31, 2013 11:58:13 GMT -5 bab said:

This is just crazy.  His wife sounds like a monster. 

She is just really, really superficial. Like, when we were all at the beach for family thanksgiving, she and her daughter would spend TWO HOURS getting ready (so they could have that perfect beachy look). And we were just hanging around with the fam playing games. It's laughable.

Well, this I get.  I mean, if you are on the beach, you have to look the part.  How else can you achieve a beachy look on the beach unless you.....wait.....

[ProfessorArtNerd]

See, my sister and I both resemble troll dolls, so were both equally ignored lol