You know what sucks about the crying? I love her. I know something is bothering her and she can't use words to tell me and I love her and don't want to see her sad and upset.
yep, exactly. and please don't feel bad all mom's go through that feeling and frustration. Just remember you and she are both fifuring this out and before you onow it this phase'll pass and it'll be easier.
For me There was one morning where nothing was making DD happy and after 3 hrs I called my DH to take lunch early and come give me a break.
I was on my way home from my 6 week checkup and my PPD was in full force. The appointment was really hard on me. About 15 min into the drive home DS was screaming his head off bc it was time for him to eat. I got so overwhelmed I pulled into a Chick Fil A parking lot and nursed him while having another break down. After he was content we drove home and I didn't leave the house for a week.
My son had MSPI. He actually scratched my chest to the point of bleeding with his razor sharp newborn finger nails as he flailed and screeched one night. His guts were bleeding out his butthole though... so ya know he had a reason, but I total have a scar now.
I remember thinking he didn't have a soul, because there was nothing behind his eyes but pain and horror. Turns out he was in pain and horror. Poor buddy.
FYI- We got him on elecare at 5 weeks old, and Prilosec at 6 weeks . He was like a different kid. At 7 weeks he STTN, and really hasn't strayed from that at all. He smiled early, he laughed early, he talked and walked early. At 22 months he has just THE best sense of humor. He is a joy, and rarely has a prolonged tantrum. It gets SO SO SO MUCH BETTR
O was SO EASY until six weeks, now it's like a switch went off.
She cries for about two hours every evening, the only thing that stops her is me walking around with her while bouncing.
I'm so ready for this phase to be done. Your feelings are so normal.
This is exactly what happened with DD. the first six weeks were a f'ing breeze and everyone said those were the worst so I was like"oh we GOT this." Then six weeks hit. And she didn't stop crying until last week.
Otter, read this if/when you get a spare three minutes. I read it in the throes of a horrible, horrible crying spell and it made me almost die from laughing just because I related to everything.
Seriously, crying babies are no fucking joke. It's agonizing.
My lowest point was one day when my grandmother was over to help me. DS was maybe 2 weeks old. He had been inconsolable for what seemed like days (it's a blur, he was colicky so all of the crying blended together). My grandmother took him and was finally able to get him to sleep. I burst into tears and said "WHY will he sleep for you but not for me? What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me?" He was my second baby and I just thought I should have it all figured out. Sometimes they just cry. And cry and cry.
@otterama, you're doing great. Everything you're feeling is totally normal.
Oliver screamed for two hours every night from 1-3. For weeks. Months. Then when he would sleep, it was only in his stroller as we pushed him around the house. I would start to get panic attacks when it was getting close to night time because I knew it was going to be another night of no sleep and stress.
At 2 weeks old he would not stop crying. My mom was in visiting and she came downstairs to find me crying on the couch and I had just laid him next to me because I couldn't take it anymore.
And when H and I would switch shifts at night we would yell "Shaken baby syndrome" to remind each other not to shake the baby. Seriously. That sounds so fucked up now.
Oliver screamed for two hours every night from 1-3. For weeks. Months. Then when he would sleep, it was only in his stroller as we pushed him around the house. I would start to get panic attacks when it was getting close to night time because I knew it was going to be another night of no sleep and stress.
At 2 weeks old he would not stop crying. My mom was in visiting and she came downstairs to find me crying on the couch and I had just laid him next to me because I couldn't take it anymore.
And when H and I would switch shifts at night we would yell "Shaken baby syndrome" to remind each other not to shake the baby. Seriously. That sounds so fucked up now.
You know, I used to think "how could that thought cross someone's mind"...I get it. I so fucking GET IT. Don't get me wrong...when I reached that point earlier, I walked away. But I get how it can cross someone's mind.
I also never thought I'd tell an infant "go the fuck to sleep".
And when H and I would switch shifts at night we would yell "Shaken baby syndrome" to remind each other not to shake the baby. Seriously. That sounds so fucked up now.
I was so worried that H was going to shake her or smother her or something on his shift. It was hard to trust anyone but myself with her.. not that I was doing a stellar job of holding it together either. lol. I think I had some PPA.
Looking back I definitely had PPA. I couldn't sleep even when H had him, because I knew he was awake. I couldn't relax until he was 6 months or older at night. I remember tossing and turning at night because I was worried he was going to fall between the banister and fall down the steps. He couldn't even roll over yet!
I might still have PPA, if that's even possible 24 months out. Lol.
William basically slept for 2 solid months, so our crying spells didn't happen until then. And they were brutal. He screamed every night from 3-7pm for 4 months. I wore him in a sling with my phone on white noise right next to his ear, until he finally went to sleep. Then of course I couldn't put him down, so he slept with us (for 8 months).
Coming home from the Dr's DS was hysterical. Our Pedi was 2 towns away and there was a traffic jam so I sat in the car for roughly 90 minutes and could do nothing. I rolled the windows down, turned the music up, sang, hushed etc...... without any success. It was like torture. All I wanted to do was get away and I couldn't. I felt horribly trapped and hopeless. I ended up pulling over. He wasn't sick, hungry or wet. I got back on the road and as soon I pulled into the drive way he fell asleep.
It took us three years to get over the trauma of having DS1, who cried non stop until he was 4 months old (and after that, he still didn't sleep more than 3 hours at night until he was a year).
Anyway. DS2 is 5 months old now and is the easiest baby on the planet. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my much-more-breezy attitude about sleep and nursing this time, but in general, I was petrified. PETRIFIED. And it's turned out to be much easier this time.
Post by litebright on Sept 6, 2013 11:40:28 GMT -5
I've blocked out most of the trauma.
But I remember specifically trying to get PTing-DD1 on the potty while DD2 screamed, then bouncing on an exercise ball with DD2 just outside our bathroom while DD1 went and DD2 screamed some more, and thinking WTF is this, how did I ever think I could do this, both of them really need someone who can concentrate just on what they need and their needs are so different and I'm only one person! Juggling two while recovering from a c/s and dealing with PPA was so, SO hard.
I know there was more than once that they both were crying and I couldn't get either one of them to stop, and I just yelled, "FINE! GO AHEAD! CRY!" and then burst into tears myself.
I also never thought I'd tell an infant "go the fuck to sleep".
Lol. One time, at my wits end, DS would not stop crying, it was 3 in the morning, I did EVERYTHING, he just wouldn't stop, I yelled "Why the FUCK are you crying?!"
At that point DH came flying in the room, grabbed him and said "Baby, why don't you go lay down and I'll take care of this..." I collapsed on my bed, cried until I passed out about how I was a horrible mother and woke up feeling refreshed.
This happened to me, too. DH was putting DS1 to bed while I was nursing / rocking DS2 to sleep. He started screaming, and I started crying, and I finally just yelled, at the top of my lungs, "what the ever-loving FUCK is wrong with you?!?" DH came tearing upstairs to see what my problem was, took one look at me, and kindly suggested that we trade kids for a bit.
Another time, I was rocking DS2 to sleep while he screamed uncontrollably, and I yelled for DH to come help me. He came into DS's room and I just lit into him about how lonely I was, and how I just needed some company, and I felt alllll allloooonnnne. He was like, "you want me to sit in this room with you while DS screams? Ok. *shrug*" And then I told him to just get the fuck out because he clearly does not understand what the problem is.
DS cried from the moment he was born until about 3 months. ALL. THE. TIME. Ear-piercing, soul shattering screaming. I was convinced we were doing it wrong because no one else's babies cried. Yea, sure. I had PPA so I was just a crying mess myself. Both DH and I were convinced we made a huge mistake and hated all our child-free friends and family for those first 3 months. People told me just wait, around 3 months it will get better. At the time, 3 months seemed like a lifetime away and we would never make it. 3 months did turn out to be the magical number for us, and he chilled out considerably. Now he's a pretty cool toddler I'm terrified for the next one, but at least I know now it really doesn't last forever.
Post by karmasabiotch on Sept 6, 2013 12:46:06 GMT -5
I remember crying my eyes out while driving around with J on the car at 4am. Finally he fell asleep and we both spent 2 hours sleeping in the car in my garage.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Sept 6, 2013 13:07:49 GMT -5
After the two month shots, K woke up from a nap SCREAMING and I couldn't get him to soothe.
Like LHC, I called my H crying and was like, "You need to come home nowwwwww. I need help."
He came right home and at that point, he was pretty calm. He still stayed with us for the rest of the day, though. He had another screaming fit later that night and it scared the shit out of both of us.
But he was fine. Little dude just doesn't like his shots. (He was much better with the 4-month vaccinations.)
The first night home from the hospital, both boys seriously cried from 12am to 3am. Jake and I were blurry eyed walking around, feeding, changing diapers, changing clothes, putting them on each other?, putting them on us?, skin to skin?, maybe he wants the swing OH HE DOESN'T LIKE THE SWING maybe the other one wants the swing, who are you holding?, who just threw up?, Icantwalkanotherstep
Three. Fucking. Hours. It felt like a lifetime. The next night was 2hrs from 10pm to 12am. Repeated the next night. The next night after that was 7 to 9, then they finally settled into their witching hour from 5 to 7. Which they had until they were .... god. Maybe it completely stopped around 3 or 4 months old.
THE WITCHING HOUR! That's what my mom called it, lol!
Oh god, yes. The witching hour for us lasted from 7 pm - 11 pm every night. I was thinking that we were going to forever have baby that wanted to stay up later than his parents did. LOL.
I do remember one night crying to H that I was a terrible mother and it was all my fault that the babies didn't sleep blah blah blah and he looked me in the eye and said, honey, if it was just you, "Go the Fuck to Sleep" wouldn't be a best seller.
I have it on audiobook and I listen to it every now and then for a good laugh and a little perspective.
Post by Glitter Tits on Sept 6, 2013 13:22:54 GMT -5
There are so many to choose from. I had this idealistic view in my mind of what life would be like with a sweet, precious newborn. HA! Newborns are the devil. I absolutely hated the newborn stage. Months 1-2 were the worst months of my life. I wouldn't admit that at the time of course because I thought that you were supposed to be the happiest you've ever been in your life, so I had that added pressure of, "What the fuck is wrong with me? I am a horrible person. I'm not even enjoying my newborn." Anyway, probably the worst incident was when I just sat there holding her next to the running vacuum cleaner for 30 minutes because it was the first time all day she had stopped crying and there was no way I was turning off the vacuum and risking her screaming again. I remember thinking that I should probably vacuum the house rather than just sitting there and then I thought, "Fuck it. I'm tired and I am just going to sit here and hope the motor on the vacuum doesn't give out."
DS was tough. He cried from about 4pm until around 2am from the time he was 2 weeks old until he was about 3 1/2 months old unless he had a breast in his mouth. And he didn't sleep- he just sort of glowered at me. IN retrospect, I think it was sort of a sensory processing issue for him.
The lowest point was one night when there was a power outage for several towns and DH and I drove west looking for food with DS strapped into the backseat of a Honda Civic howling. After half an hour we found a Wendy's with power and ate in the car watching the most beautiful sunset- green flash and everything- while DS continued his caterwauling. My ears rung for days. And then one day, it just stopped and the sun came out.
When DS was about two he was telling me about when he was a baby. He had this solemn look on his face and said "I was a tiny baby and I cried and cried" Then he petted my hand and said "Mama tried to help". It was like he was there.
Post by DotAndBuzz on Sept 6, 2013 13:27:42 GMT -5
With N: I think she was around 2 weeks old, and it was around 4 am. She was a terrible nurser, but I was trying to make it happen w/ 15 minutes of nursing, then 15 minutes of pumping while H fed her the previously pumped milk from a bottle. Then he washed stuff while I burped her and got her back to sleep. It took 40 minutes, and we had to start every 2 hours. Well, she reached a point where she didn't want to be in bed, and only wanted to sleep on me, while i was sitting completely vertical. Yeah. I tried and tried to get her to sleep, but i was just done, and finally just sat down on her floor and cried. Big, huge, heaving sobs, that I was failing at life, at motherhood, couldn't even feed my own kid, and I had ruined everything and my life would forever suck. H came in and told me to go to bed, which I did. I slept through the next feeding, so I'm not sure what he did/how that went, but everything seemed better in the morning.
With E: I think around 4 weeks at that point. We'd had a constant stream of visitors, so I was wiped out from that (even though some were helpful), and was entering the long term sleep deprivation state. She wouldn't sleep for a nap, and I'd tried everything. N was freaking out about "mommy, help the baby! Mommy! She needs you!" I turned on a movie for her, put E in her crib (screaming her head off), and walked outside to cry my eyes out on the front stoop. When I came in 15 minutes later E had fallen asleep, so yeah, I let my 4 week old cry herself to sleep that day.
Adam cried from 6 weeks until 4 months nonstop. It was ok bc I am LEGENDARY in my family due to my own colic. So I knew the drill , that i just had to get through it. and then starting calling for all the tips from my parents aunts uncles etc (they all helped my mom with me, she straight moved back in with her parents because i sucked so much. & my dad was in Vietnam . i am the baby who gave errbody ptsd. Seriously. I expected nothing less from adam. He didn't disappoint!
Post by MixedBerryJam on Sept 6, 2013 13:44:11 GMT -5
One time (at less than one month) the baby just wouldn't stop, and I think I was newly home alone with him all effing day and he wouldn't shut up until it got so bad I started crying and I called the pedi in tears and was all "What am I doing wrong? You have to make this stop" and they were all "Sorry, that's what they do." And that is what they do, and he did eventually stop and you don't ever get fully immune to it, but I promise it gets better.
Oh, then there was the time I was at the doctor's office (not the pedi, but another dept) and both kids doubleteamed me and wouldn't. stop. crying. (We were all jet lagged because we lived overseas had come home for a visit.)
Anyway, I finally lost it on them and we were all crying, and the receptionist called their pedi who came out and offered to take them off my hands so I could have a break and I refused, knowing they were only taking the kids to look for bruises because I was clearly insane.
So yeah, I have a few of these stories.
And maybe this link to my most recent blog post (from a week or so ago) will help? They are words I live by.
Oh god, I should not have read all of these. I am terrified of having two children.
My worst night was when my H was on a business trip. She would not stop screaming, would not eat, would not sleep, would not anything. I had a friend come over to help me and when she showed up I was crying and topless just trying to get the baby to latch and shut up. My friend ended up leaving after nothing worked and baby continued to scream for hours until she finally fell asleep on my chest in my bed. I had called my out of town H 9 billion times and when he finally called back he said "I just had the best meal of my life!". I've never wanted to murder someone so much in my entire life.