You have control of when and where and what you talk about with him. He does not. YOU have control.
Hang up once ds hands the phone to you. Don't let him walk you to your car. If he has to update you on routine items like bills, have him email or text you... and don't respond if he adds any other tidbits or wants to chat.
You have control of when and where and what you talk about with him. He does not. YOU have control.
Hang up once ds hands the phone to you. Don't let him walk you to your car. If he has to update you on routine items like bills, have him email or text you... and don't respond if he adds any other tidbits or wants to chat.
I know that this is exactly what I need to do... For some reason, I'm having trouble putting it into practice. And you're absolutely right in that allowing him to continue stressing me out like this is allowing him to control the situation. I have no excuses for that. Old habits die hard, I guess.
As silly as it sounds, I think it will be easier for me to do once I have the paperwork filed (I just emailed my lawyer to check on it). My hope is that once that is done, he will realize that this is really happening and start focusing his energy on his recovery instead of trying to change my mind.
Post by captainmel on Sept 24, 2013 11:58:39 GMT -5
You are changing some long standing patterns of control starrieskies. It is so impressive. I know you will get everything where it should be because you WANT to and you are clearly capable.
Post by partiallysunny on Sept 24, 2013 12:07:53 GMT -5
Starries, this is all ingrained and learned behavior. It's going to take time to pull yourself out of his manipulative grasp. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Just learn from what has already happened and do your best to change the pattern.
You have control of when and where and what you talk about with him. He does not. YOU have control.
Hang up once ds hands the phone to you. Don't let him walk you to your car. If he has to update you on routine items like bills, have him email or text you... and don't respond if he adds any other tidbits or wants to chat.
I know that this is exactly what I need to do... For some reason, I'm having trouble putting it into practice. And you're absolutely right in that allowing him to continue stressing me out like this is allowing him to control the situation. I have no excuses for that. Old habits die hard, I guess.
As silly as it sounds, I think it will be easier for me to do once I have the paperwork filed (I just emailed my lawyer to check on it). My hope is that once that is done, he will realize that this is really happening and start focusing his energy on his recovery instead of trying to change my mind.
((((((starries))))))
I know it's hard, I'm not ragging on you. Just letting you know that you have the utmost capacity to be a kickass, strong woman who doesn't take any crap. I know that after so long behaving in a different way, the changes can come slowly. Hell, I still have a rough time speaking up for what I want when I'm in a stressed-out mood.
I know that this is exactly what I need to do... For some reason, I'm having trouble putting it into practice. And you're absolutely right in that allowing him to continue stressing me out like this is allowing him to control the situation. I have no excuses for that. Old habits die hard, I guess.
As silly as it sounds, I think it will be easier for me to do once I have the paperwork filed (I just emailed my lawyer to check on it). My hope is that once that is done, he will realize that this is really happening and start focusing his energy on his recovery instead of trying to change my mind.
((((((starries))))))
I know it's hard, I'm not ragging on you. Just letting you know that you have the utmost capacity to be a kickass, strong woman who doesn't take any crap. I know that after so long behaving in a different way, the changes can come slowly. Hell, I still have a rough time speaking up for what I want when I'm in a stressed-out mood.
I know you're not ragging on me. But what you're saying is absolute truth. I have the control, I don't know why its so hard for me to use it.
My meeting went well today until the very end. The difficult person wasn't all that difficult today. So now I'm angry about the outcome, but no tension headache.
captainmel I do get tension headaches somewhat frequently. I have robaxin and I do yoga and stretches, but anything you can share would be appreciated!
Post by captainmel on Sept 24, 2013 16:53:09 GMT -5
tiramisu, have you ever tried butialbital compound? I call it my magic headache medicine. If I feel a tension headache coming on I take one and I almost never get one. I love it.
tiramisu, have you ever tried butialbital compound? I call it my magic headache medicine. If I feel a tension headache coming on I take one and I almost never get one. I love it.
I've never even heard of it. Where would I look for it?
tiramisu, have you ever tried butialbital compound? I call it my magic headache medicine. If I feel a tension headache coming on I take one and I almost never get one. I love it.
I've never even heard of it. Where would I look for it?
It is a prescription. It is an aspirin, caffeine, and anti anxiety mix that is amazing. The dose is small enough that I don't have to worry about driving or important stuff. It just fixes my headache.
I've never even heard of it. Where would I look for it?
It is a prescription. It is an aspirin, caffeine, and anti anxiety mix that is amazing. The dose is small enough that I don't have to worry about driving or important stuff. It just fixes my headache.
That sounds amazing. I have valium for the days my tension is just out of control. 2 robaxin, 1 aleve, and stretching or self-massage do help considerably, but I may mention that medication to my doctor the next time I see her.
Also, do you want the purple satchel? It's a little too blue a purple for my taste, but I think it's really pretty still. I'm keeping the taupe one.
It is a prescription. It is an aspirin, caffeine, and anti anxiety mix that is amazing. The dose is small enough that I don't have to worry about driving or important stuff. It just fixes my headache.
That sounds amazing. I have valium for the days my tension is just out of control. 2 robaxin, 1 aleve, and stretching or self-massage do help considerably, but I may mention that medication to my doctor the next time I see her.
Also, do you want the purple satchel? It's a little too blue a purple for my taste, but I think it's really pretty still. I'm keeping the taupe one.
Is it the large satchel with the gussets on the side? If so I probably do.
That sounds amazing. I have valium for the days my tension is just out of control. 2 robaxin, 1 aleve, and stretching or self-massage do help considerably, but I may mention that medication to my doctor the next time I see her.
Also, do you want the purple satchel? It's a little too blue a purple for my taste, but I think it's really pretty still. I'm keeping the taupe one.
Is it the large satchel with the gussets on the side? If so I probably do.
It's the one listed as the satchel on the site, the one you'd said you weren't able to get. It has the pocket with the fastener on the front. I can take it out of the bag and take a photo ti be sure it's the one you wanted.
Is it the large satchel with the gussets on the side? If so I probably do.
It's the one listed as the satchel on the site, the one you'd said you weren't able to get. It has the pocket with the fastener on the front. I can take it out of the bag and take a photo ti be sure it's the one you wanted.
Post by cuddlyevil on Sept 24, 2013 21:31:59 GMT -5
I was irrationally excited to see the trench coats at target. I am getting one this weekend.
I am avoiding things. H got all morose tonight because I suggested he go to bed. "You're always rushing me off to bed or avoiding me". But what does he expect when he doesn't come downstairs until.after 9?
Ds#1 made me a drawing "just for you and me!". So cute.
I was irrationally excited to see the trench coats at target. I am getting one this weekend.
I am avoiding things. H got all morose tonight because I suggested he go to bed. "You're always rushing me off to bed or avoiding me". But what does he expect when he doesn't come downstairs until.after 9?
Ds#1 made me a drawing "just for you and me!". So cute.
Awww to DS#1!
I really don't know what YH expects but at least he's consistent with being out of touch? How are you doing with everything?
Post by captainmel on Sept 24, 2013 23:31:45 GMT -5
I'm so glad you're feeling more confident cuddlyevil! That is wonderful.
tiramisu, I think I'm going to skip the bag because I already have that exact one in black. If you're interested I bed it would get jumped on by some of the S&B board.
I'm so glad you're feeling more confident cuddlyevil! That is wonderful.
tiramisu, I think I'm going to skip the bag because I already have that exact one in black. If you're interested I bed it would get jumped on by some of the S&B board.
Is it wrong for me to return it instead of dealing with selling it? Although I feel badly potentially depriving S&B ladies of a chance for the bag.
He's worried. But I don't know what he expects. He has to work at 5 am-- why wouldn't I push him to bed at 10pm?
I am okay. Just tired. I am feeling more confident and settled.
::hugs:: I can't believe how oblivious he is. Or how stupid. He's worried but hasn't change anything about his behavior. He knows you're avoiding him, but still hasn't changed anything about his behavior.