Hey Sequins

[Deleted]

So, story time.

I have a (white) friend who married an Indian man.  He was raised in London, then came to B-School in the US, where they met.  This was just after 9/11 and my friend had just gone through a divorce.  A bit of a whirlwind romance.  He was a nice guy, progressive, friend had high ranking position in finance - all was good, and they ended up getting married a few years later.

While planning the wedding, there were a few red flags with his family, which she ignored (because she is stupid, lol.)

But after they were married...same deal as you are experiencing.  They would travel from London to come visit and expect to be waited on hand and foot.  And would say the exact same thing about "being treated like royalty in my son's house".

Other things, like her H giving thousands of airline miles to his sister, just because she asked (the sister was wealthy; she didn't need them.)  SO many more examples.

In the end, it was a major factor in their divorce...there were other problems, but that was the big one.

Hang in there.  My (greek) inlaws are coming over in a few weeks and are staying for at least a month.  I'm very lucky in the sense my H supports me when they are getting ridiculous about stuff....so anyway, you have an inlaw support group here if you need it!

[firedancer49]

Butting in, my friend (white also) is marrying an Indian man. His parents live in the house he bought for free, and ultimately my friend and her finance went and found a different place to live. Now they live in another state. When the parents do come to visit, it's the same thing for her. She is expected to wait on them hand and foot, but the thing is she doesn't really know how to cook or do anything, so they always go out for every meal. I can't imagine the expense.

Hearing stories of wedding planning is very fun for me.

[LLL]

I'm so thankful that my in laws are kinda scared of me. haha.We get along great but sometimes I have to put my foot down. Like just last month, MIL wrote to H asking if she, her husband and the dog (a shiba inu) can come to the United States for 2 months. They wouldn't be staying with us for the whole time (German people love their road trips) but the dog probably would have . This of course, would coincide with the first week of school. I shut that shit down fast.

[VeryViolet]

These stories make me really thankful that my husband's parents drive him crazy too and that there are no cultural responsibilities he feels he must live up to.

[FastHands]

I know an Indian woman who is engaged to an Indian man, and his family sounds a lot like your ILs. Unfortunately for her, they are local. They are expected to live together with the parents. Like, forever. And the mother is similar in expectations of being waited on by the children, because they are "elderly" (...50), while they simultaneously ridicule my acquaintance for being ugly, overweight, eating eggs, etc. etc. There is literally no man on this earth for whom I would tolerate that sort of familial obligations. None.

[Deleted]

I don't have any stories about Indian people to share.

[Deleted]

I am Indian married to a non-Indian man, we don't put up with any kind of crap from either side of the family. I deal with mine, and he deals with his.

My mom and dad (Indians) like to brag to their family and friends about how my husband makes them the best cup of tea when they come over to visit. Apparently it is unheard of for Indian Son-in-laws to do stuff for their wive's parents. Weird.

[starlily]

Oct 2, 2013 15:37:36 GMT -5 @porcupine said:

I am Indian married to a non-Indian man, we don't put up with any kind of crap from either side of the family. I deal with mine, and he deals with his.

My mom and dad (Indians) like to brag to their family and friends about how my husband makes them the best cup of tea when they come over to visit. Apparently it is unheard of for Indian Son-in-laws to do stuff for their wive's parents. Weird.

I feel like we could be friends.

[wambam]

Um, wow.

"Here's a story similar to yours and they got divorced."

:/

[pedanticwench]

Oct 2, 2013 15:47:23 GMT -5 wambam said:

Um, wow.

"Here's a story similar to yours and they got divorced."

:/

lol

[angelaa73]

Korean ftw!

[bania]

My husband is Indian. His family is awesome. They had to overcome cultural expectations really fast. Lol. They are respectful and very considerate.

[starlily]

Oct 2, 2013 15:34:41 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I don't have any stories about Indian people to share.

You can share our dining adventures. Some of them were even 3 courses!

[vampsterdam]

I just came back from India!

Just felt like this is a good place to post what an amazing country it is

[pantsparty]

I made butter chicken a few months ago.

It was good.

[vampsterdam]

And, these threads about cultural norms with ILs make me happy that my H loves my parents.

It was very "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when we first started dating. I'm glad he embraced it all. (I also should note the obvious that while my family was quirky, they weren't ever jerks)

[jennysmitten]

Oct 2, 2013 15:44:05 GMT -5 mofongo said:

So glad I went Latino.

LOL me too. His mother loves me and tells him he better be nice to me.

[TrickyBob]

Oct 2, 2013 15:47:23 GMT -5 wambam said:

Um, wow.

"Here's a story similar to yours and they got divorced."

:/

sim·i·lar
ˈsimələr/Submit
adjective
1.
resembling without being identical.


She isn't telling Sequins to divorce her husband, she isn't saying Sequins marriage is going to fail. She is telling a story about a similar cultural background (<---this was the important part of the post) that happened to end in divorce due to many factors. 

[snickers]

..And I have the nerve to complain about my in laws. Damn, that would be aggravating.

[gretchenindisguise]

My inlaws do my laundry and dishes for me. They drive me insane in other ways, but Spaniards for the win!

[agnes]

Who was the poster that said she spoke 2 languages (Bengali being one) and the interviewers didn't know what they were?

[agnes]

Indian food is good.

[Deleted]

Oct 2, 2013 15:37:27 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

I know some Indian people too.

I know @starlily!

[wannabe]

Oct 2, 2013 16:42:01 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

Oct 2, 2013 15:37:27 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

I know some Indian people too.

I know @starlily!

Me too!

[psychmom]

Now I reeeeeaaallllyyyyy want to hit up the great little Indian buffet across town. Thanks guys.


Also, I'd like to add that when my Peruvian MIL visits, she cooks for ME. And its damn good too.

[leeluu]

Oct 2, 2013 15:54:26 GMT -5 toledo said:

I've seen Mississippi Masala.

And Bend It Like Beckham.

So I probably can relate to all this.

Well I've seen Bend it like Beckham, plus Monsoon Wedding and Slumdog Millionaire, so I am clearly the expert on the subject!

AND I watch the Mindy project!

[coribelle26]

My MIL once told me I wasn't really Polish because my second toe isn't longer than my big toe.

[kimibrighteyes]

I am Indian and married to a non-Indian. I have half Indian children that expect me to cook for them daily. I love Indian food. I also know  starlily  :-)

[curtains]

Oct 2, 2013 17:24:38 GMT -5 coribelle26 said:

My MIL once told me I wasn't really Polish because my second toe isn't longer than my big toe.

Omg. My second toe is LONGER than my big toe!

My kielbasa loving grandpa would have been proud.

[LeggsBenedict]

oh, chinese mils. now I have something to add to the thread.