Post by starrieskies on Oct 10, 2013 10:26:44 GMT -5
I know! Its amazing how much better I feel about everything. And really, to his credit stbx has really been pretty reasonable throughout it all. There have been those times of manipulation where I wanted to high five his face, but I kind of expected those. He's been very predictable, and for the most part it's been a much smoother transition than I'd expected. I'm hopeful that we can continue down this road where we're actually communicating as decent human beings, but I'm prepared if it gets ugly.
Holy shit you guys. H's previous company never removed us from the company health plan. The only reason I found out is because I called to update coverage with our new plan and asked about coverage for marital counseling.
what does this mean!
They haven't removed us from the plan because they're dumb.
I know! Its amazing how much better I feel about everything. And really, to his credit stbx has really been pretty reasonable throughout it all. There have been those times of manipulation where I wanted to high five his face, but I kind of expected those. He's been very predictable, and for the most part it's been a much smoother transition than I'd expected. I'm hopeful that we can continue down this road where we're actually communicating as decent human beings, but I'm prepared if it gets ugly.
Congratulations on 2 months!!
You know his wanting to remove the money only with you there is another manipulation tactic, right?
I know! Its amazing how much better I feel about everything. And really, to his credit stbx has really been pretty reasonable throughout it all. There have been those times of manipulation where I wanted to high five his face, but I kind of expected those. He's been very predictable, and for the most part it's been a much smoother transition than I'd expected. I'm hopeful that we can continue down this road where we're actually communicating as decent human beings, but I'm prepared if it gets ugly.
Congratulations on 2 months!!
You know his wanting to remove the money only with you there is another manipulation tactic, right?
I agree. He can do it himself.
I'm also 98% certain that one of you can handle the phone thing without the other. Brad took himself off his mom's plan all on his lonesome. But then again, he didn't feel the need to schedule a date with her because, to him, that is exactly what this is.
Post by starrieskies on Oct 10, 2013 12:30:00 GMT -5
Oh, yes, I'm aware that it is possible for him to do these things on his own. My plan is to meet at the bank first, and pull those funds, then head across the street to get him going on his phone. Once that's underway, I'm out. My phone will already be done so there will be no reason for me to stick around. But he will need the password to the cell account in order to make any changes to it, and I don't want to give him that so I have to be there, or give him unrestricted access to do whatever he wants to an account that I am still financially responsible for. If I trusted him, I'd just give him the password, but I don't.
Post by starrieskies on Oct 10, 2013 12:35:57 GMT -5
He says wants me there when he pulls the money out because he doesn't want me to be able to say that he took all of our money and left me with nothing. Which I suppose I understand. Its the same reasoning behind me not taking money out of the account to help with DS's daycare expenses. I have access to it, and I would have every right to take it, but I don't need him coming back at me saying that I took HIS money out of the account without his permission.
He says wants me there when he pulls the money out because he doesn't want me to be able to say that he took all of our money and left me with nothing. Which I suppose I understand. Its the same reasoning behind me not taking money out of the account to help with DS's daycare expenses. I have access to it, and I would have every right to take it, but I don't need him coming back at me saying that I took HIS money out of the account without his permission.
If all the money in the acct is his, his logic is flawed. Something in writing stating this would be more than sufficient.
Post by starrieskies on Oct 10, 2013 12:55:07 GMT -5
Well, I know his logic is flawed, that's nothing new. His logic has always been a little "off".
I have no desire to turn this adventure into a "date" or an all day thing. I estimate that my involvement in this whole process should take an hour at most. It's a small sacrifice, really to have this done and be able to stop worrying about it. (and I'm switching to a lower plan that's going to cut my cell phone bill in HALF!)
H and I got into a pretty heated argument last night and he made fun of me for being fat (which I am) after I called him a fat ass (which he is not). He also said he is done with me and has been for a long time. We have been married 21 years. He said he doesn't want a divorce. I think I am going to work on getting my ducks in a row and getting some money together and filing for divorce.
The scary part is that is a vindicative person and I know he will try to turn my girls against me. They are already all about dad.
I am just to tired to try anymore especially when it seem to fall on deaf ears anyway. I am always in the wrong. He is just so oppressed (sarcasm). He even made fun of the fact that I read my bible and go to church-said I try to act all high and mighty.
Sorry for the downer post.
Ugh, fuck him in his rear end. I'm glad you're not going to stand for this kind of treatment. What, you're just going to sit around and be his doormat? LOLOLOLOL, no.
I'm starting to doubt the whole having-kids thing. I don't feel like I have the mommy gene. I hate baby talk, I don't particularly enjoy being around moms/young kids, and I find the subject of children supremely boring.
Does anyone enjoy being around young kids? With the exception of my own, and my niece and nephew, I don't generally enjoy the company of small children.
karenj, If your H ever needs a solid shove down a long flight of stairs, I volunteer!
Seriously though, good for you for sticking up for yourself! And I really don't think anyone should ever be called fat. And I'm sure your not. It makes me so mad for you! You deserve a partner who supports you and makes you feel better about your day. Not a big buttface husband who does nothing but insult you.
Also, I have a strong suspicion your girls are completely aware of the way your H treats you so poorly. They either A) think his behavior is normal and will repeat the pattern in the partners they choose as the get older. I think that's a great motivation to get the fuck out or B)Wonder why you let him treat you so poorly and hope one day you will see that you deserve so much better!
starrieskies, I can't believe it has been two months already! You're such an amazing woman.
I'm starting to doubt the whole having-kids thing. I don't feel like I have the mommy gene. I hate baby talk, I don't particularly enjoy being around moms/young kids, and I find the subject of children supremely boring.
I was the same. Not a fan of small children (even when I was a girl scout leader, doing 5 and 6 year old, I always preferred the older girls, like 8 and older). I didn't have a clue about babies. Didn't actually like them. Still don't, truth be told. I'll hold one and make it giggle if I can, but I get bored after a few moments.
Your own child is a whole other story.
But still pretty boring when they're babies, lol.
I also didn't think I had a "mothering" gene. In some ways, its been hard, emotionally. But, really, instinct kicks in. I know when to kiss booboos and give hugs, though I'm not one to coddle. Quick hug, kiss, and a pat on the ass to get him back out there.
While deciding about children, I put myself around children (hence becoming a girl scout leader) and spent time with family children (my niece).
I came to the conclusion the first few years would probably suck, but when it was older it would be more fun and interesting. In realty, I've enjoyed all of it in different ways.
Not in anyway saying "you have to have children!", just putting my experience out there. I think if I decided not to have children, I wouldn't have regretted it, but I also don't regret having kid.
After sleeping on it, I'm not so sure it's the kids that annoy me so much as the moms. I grew up in a small family where the kids assimilated to the adults, not the other way around. My parents sat around and talked about politics, not about me. Ive noticed how different it seems to be now in that regard, and it freaks me out. I think I'm experiencing a full-on rejection of the idea that every kid gets a trophy or a gift on another person's birthday and every adult conversation involves nothing but kid talk. And I feel like I'm a rarity in thinking that.
My day-to-day life involves very few kids. My in-town friends don't have kids and work is for work. Hell, even if my colleagues do talk about their kids it's totally different because they're adults or teenagers. I like it this way.
bowies, that makes sense. It's one of my reservations about having kids too. I think (hope) PS is right and that it doesn't have to be that way.
I've definitely lost acquaintances because they became so kid obsessed that we no longer have anything in common, but I see other acquaintances who haven't gone that way and it does give me hope.
Post by dixienormous on Oct 11, 2013 8:32:01 GMT -5
Despite my constant talking about PF here, in general my life doesn't revolve around her. Since she was tiny we incorporated her into our lives rather than re-adjusting our entire existence to her and her needs. If we want to go out, we do. We either get a sitter for her, or she comes with us. We don't freak out if she misses a nap (if that happens she goes to bed a little earlier or falls asleep while we're out).
Despite my constant talking about PF here, in general my life doesn't revolve around her. Since she was tiny we incorporated her into our lives rather than re-adjusting our entire existence to her and her needs. If we want to go out, we do. We either get a sitter for her, or she comes with us. We don't freak out if she misses a nap (if that happens she goes to bed a little earlier or falls asleep while we're out).
Granted, she's a very easy going kid.
You are one of my models for this, honestly. Your life could easily be consumed by PF and her needs, but you don't seem to let it, while also doing things to help with her needs. I think you're pretty awesome.
You are one of my models for this, honestly. Your life could easily be consumed by PF and her needs, but you don't seem to let it, while also doing things to help with her needs. I think you're pretty awesome.
~blush~ Thank you.
Even before we knew anything was up with her this is what we did. Hell, at 5 months old she went to the Russian Vodka Room with us. It just doesn't make sense to how we do things to be entirely wrapped up in her "stuff."
I actually just emailed the mom of one of PF's classmates. We met last week when I went to the school. I suggested that we go on a moms-only-date and each get a break from everything. I'm hoping she's up for it.