We have had a couple of bad ones recently, bad for us. My patience level is really low and I am blaming my hormones because in general we don't fight this much. It has been a rough couple of months. Overall we are fine but we have had our moments.
I am trying to think of some specific details, but generally it's just a blow up and we make up later that day or the next morning. I do hate going to bed angry. The worst I think was the time he left to go to his volleyball game even though it asked him not to.
The only real fight we've ever had was when we were both hammered and I was dancing with a girlfriend and some guy started dancing with us. DH and her DH got all macho about it and I was like YOU DON'T OWN ME and we screamed at each other for hours about that. Not pleasant.
DH and I don't fight very much, but our worst fight was over money (he is a saver, I'm a spender...you get the picture). I was in art school and was getting ready to transfer to a much better school, but I had completely effed up on figuring out what the difference in the tuition would be and it turned out that the new school was going to way more than I thought. We have both always known that I don't do money well, but this was such a big deal. I still get queasy just thinking about it. Anyway, he was super pissed and I got defensive and we both said bad, bad things. It was a bad, bad time.
The worst fight we ever had went like this: I asked DH to help me clean the house because it was gross and I had other errands I needed to finish. He said he would help and then proceeded to watch football all day. Rather than remind him, I cleaned everything by myself, getting increasingly pissed as the day went on, and waited for him to realize he had screwed me over. But he never remembered. That night I was REALLY pissed and oblivious DH tried to put the moves on me. And I said "no thanks. I'm a bit tired from cleaning the house BY MYSELF ALL DAY." And rather than realize he fucked up he told me he regularly does more housework than I do so I shouldn't be mad at this one day. That was BS and I straight up lost my sanity on him. Like I screamed and tried to slap him and/or claw his eyes out. I really lost it. We were in bed in the dark while this went on and he pinned my arms down under the sheets to stop me from attacking him. All because he thought doing his own laundry made him a man hero. We now have a cleaning lady.
Post by racegrrl714 on Oct 29, 2013 10:00:02 GMT -5
On more than one occasion, I've told my husband to stop being such a douche. We've also had knock-down drag out fights because he's a gun nut and I couldn't care less if I never saw another gun in my life. Most of them being since Newtown. So, you know... it's been a bit of a rough year. You're not a shitty wife, we just all have our moments.
Which fight do you want to know about? We tend to have one really big fight a year where we blow steam and are all good again.
Like marital Festivus?
Exactly. We'll stand there toe to toe and just let it all go. It's worked for us (9 years today)!
Ok, I'll tell you about the time when we first bought our house and were painting rooms/peeling popcorn from the ceiling before we moved in. His phone rang and he wandered upstairs to answer it. 30 min later I realize he's still upstairs, and his paint brush is getting dry, not to mention he has to move something that is in my way and I can't get anything else done. It's also around 10 pm at that point after I worked a full day. I go upstairs and he's talking to his mom. I lose my temper and tell him loudly that he needed to get off the phone.
Another 30 min go by and she calls back to talk to me about how he needs to talk to his mother and I shouldn't yell at him for doing that. I saw red and it was on. Both with him and her.
We worked it all out about a month later. That's about the longest our spats have gone.
Post by meshaliuknits on Oct 29, 2013 10:04:46 GMT -5
I don't recall what we were fighting about, but the last one I recall was before BabyLiu was born. I remember sitting on the floor in the kitchen, crying while eating pasta. Because I am a child. H walked in and was all "are you fucking serious?" And then we argued like adults.
Post by laurenpetro on Oct 29, 2013 10:05:48 GMT -5
i think the worst one we had was when he broke something of my mother's and didn't apologize. all because he HAD TO get the rocking chair into our bedroom for when the (as yet to have been born) boys. that's the one that really sticks for me.
but FWIW, i'd have said the same exact thing you did. i wouldn't sweat this one too much.
Worst fight was during the couple of months we had my bff and her daughter (our goddaughter) staying with us. Bff had just left her husband and we offered our guest room to them until she found a place to stay and got a new job.
I counseled her through a lot of stuff and took on a lot of her emotional baggage. In doing that, I started projecting her issues with her exH on to my H. And he totally called it like it was. And he was right.
It was tough. And I came very very close to telling bff she had to leave right then and there because our marriage was o the brink.
H and I worked through it and bff and I are still bffs 4 lyfe. Which is pretty amazing when I look back on it.
Post by mominatrix on Oct 29, 2013 10:07:24 GMT -5
yeah, I think we kind of have marital festivus, too.
Honestly, I don't remember what's precipitated our worst fights. I think a lot of it is that we're usually pretty mellow, forgiving, etc people... but when we get really really tired, we get snippy. If one of is that way, the other can usually calm it down. But if we're both tired (like, yanno, happens when you have little kids) neither of us can diffuse the situation, and it escallates.
The thing that's interesting (because I don't think that fights are about* what they're "about" if you KWIM) start with one of us sniping on the other for not doing something - - helping with the kids, emptying the dishwasher - - then it turns into, "well, you didn't do THIS" other thing... and fun and games from there.
* Honestly, If you're fighting about a thing, 99 times out of 100 it's not about that thing at all, but about some other thing. Clearly, though, we use our fights to realign our work and time expectations of each other. Because after these annual Festivus-like cleansings, we have a tendency to realign both our responsibilities/work around the house and our expectations of the other.
Exactly. We'll stand there toe to toe and just let it all go. It's worked for us (9 years today)!
Ok, I'll tell you about the time when we first bought our house and were painting rooms/peeling popcorn from the ceiling before we moved in. His phone rang and he wandered upstairs to answer it. 30 min later I realize he's still upstairs, and his paint brush is getting dry, not to mention he has to move something that is in my way and I can't get anything else done. It's also around 10 pm at that point after I worked a full day. I go upstairs and he's talking to his mom. I lose my temper and tell him loudly that he needed to get off the phone.
Another 30 min go by and she calls back to talk to me about how he needs to talk to his mother and I shouldn't yell at him for doing that. I saw red and it was on. Both with him and her.
We worked it all out about a month later. That's about the longest our spats have gone.
Umm hm. Our last "huge" fight was after our superbowl this year. We both had been drinking and he wanted to put the goat chili down the garbage disposal and, I kid you not, I said "people on the nest said you can't do that!!!" so things may have escalated from there. Something about internet people vs. real life. whoops. LOL. i think the fight ended with me telling him i didnt want his father involved in DS's life. so it escalated quickly.
We tend to bicker a lot and we can both get really nasty but it's not necessarily a huge blow-up. So I'll get pissed at him for 10 minutes and then it blows over but not really a "fight."
We have had some ugly fights though but I just can't remember them right now. He's called me crazy a couple of times, one time he called me stupid (LAST time he ever did that) and I think I've told him he's weak and sniveling.
We have a couple giant blow outs each year. I tend to just let things fester in my head and don't call him out on things that are making me mad. They build up steam and I get resentful and then I will flip out over something seemingly very very small. And then he will think I am acting crazy (PMS call outs) because it seems like I got furious out of nowhere. And that makes me even more angry lol...
Post by iammalcolmx on Oct 29, 2013 10:16:01 GMT -5
(1) I love this post more than life (2) caden I aint mad at you girlfriend and I bet he "won't do that no mo!!"
ETA: We had an argument in Japan. Everyone wanted to keep looking at temples and shit, my feet hurt like a mofo so I went back to the hotel. Well the hotel had an Old School key and H had the key. I had to take the train back to another station to meet up with H, we were supposed to meet in a department store and couldn't find each other, my temperature started to rise and I was going to have trouble breathing soon. When I FINALLY met up with H , his Mom and sister approached at which time I said to him" I need to speak to you privately" my IL's looked like :? but everyone backed the fuck up. H and I had an argument similar to that of Liv and her Father( Bryon) smiling faces but angry words. I guess I shouldn't have snapped at everyone but it was going to be that or me losing my shit and setting Black people back 100 years in the middle of a Japanese Train Station. I believe I chose wisely.
Umm hm. Our last "huge" fight was after our superbowl this year. We both had been drinking and he wanted to put the goat chili down the garbage disposal and, I kid you not, I said "people on the nest said you can't do that!!!"
You don't suck. I know it feels shitty. DH and I have gotten into some pretty good fights in our nine years together. I've said things. He's said things. I've felt like crap for what I've said. It happens. You're not a bad wife.
The one that sticks out in my mind because its fairly recent was when AJ was about 3 weeks old and J came home from work and proceeded to make his first "how did you get nothing DONE all day?!" comment (when things=straightening up, vaccuuming, laundry, etc.). Or more like comments, because there was more than one...he'd had a trying day at work and I got the brunt of it. However, I had been tied to the couch by a growth spurting, cluster feeding baby who could barely remove his mouth from my boob long enough to let me change his diapers and would only sleep in my arms or on my chest, and thus I lost it on him but in a very calm, cool and collected voice so as to not wake said baby. That tone of voice and the number of four letter words were enough to set him straight, but there was not much more talking out of either one of us that night or most of the next day.
Umm hm. Our last "huge" fight was after our superbowl this year. We both had been drinking and he wanted to put the goat chili down the garbage disposal and, I kid you not, I said "people on the nest said you can't do that!!!"
You were right, fwiw.
We still get into fights about it! he's all "everything can go down the disposal!" and I'm like "THATS NOT TRUE!!!"
we do this. we've had maybe 5 really good fights in 14 years. we don't fight much but when we do it, we do it.
Same here...the one I described is the first one that came to mind, but we usually let various stressors come to a head then let it out at each other once a year or so. Marital Festivus is a good term, I like that.
Post by jillboston on Oct 29, 2013 10:24:49 GMT -5
So I have this little basil plant on the window sill in the kitchen. I'm gone 5 days (Vegas w/my sister). Meantime Mr. Jill is home cooking up a storm for poker. Cleaned the entire freezer out making all kinds of weird shit which he posted on facebook. So, he's in the kitchen like the whole weekend. We walk in the door last night after he picked me up at the airport and there is the withered basil plant dying from no water. He's like "hmm. weird that it was right in front of my face and i didn't water it".
A good fight we had was when his pain in the ass sister asked if she and her H could go on our trip to Italy that we'd planned for years. She drives him more crazy than me.. Instead of saying "gee, can you believe Sis would ask me that?" He's like - "so sis wants to know if they can come with us?" I burst into tears and asked him why he was leaving this to ME to be the bad guy. Anyway - he told them No and all was well.
I like how all the fights mentioned are about something our SOs did wrong, and not what we did. I'm sure there have been those, but I choose not to remember them.
I like how all the fights mentioned are about something our SOs did wrong, and not what we did. I'm sure there have been those, but I choose not to remember them.
I shouldn't have gotten as angry as I did in the argument I listed. I think I forgot to mention that H and I were texting each other trying to find each other and I was lie"Fuck this I am going back to the hotel see you later" instead of being calm and trying to figure out the disconnect. I am a grade A bitch.