4 year old 'obsessed' with food

[whereintheworld]

DS1 is almost 4 and seems unusually obsessed with food. He's always been a 'good' eater and there's very little that he won't eat. We keep things healthy about 90% of the time at home.

Meals are basic since we're 2 FT working parents but if it's an easy night we'll something like grilled cheese sandwiches, carrots and celery with hummus. I try to do a big cook a few times a week for a stew, soup or casserole and they'll have leftovers. The daycare menu is OK, a bit more standard 'kid' fare but we've talked to them about portions and DS1 gets one generous serving then that's it. No juice at daycare or at home, milk with meals and water in between.

It's like he can't self regulate and turn off when to stop eating. He is always asking about the next meal and there's often tears when he can't have more. I'll offer salad or straight, raw veggies with no dip if he still wants to eat, and he'll happily eat those but I still have to cut him off at a certain point.

He's currently 90% for weight and 10% for height and has been those proportions for the past 2.5 years. So he's on his curve, but I feel like of we slip with giving him junk or lightening up on watching portions, he'd be off the charts.

He's very active, we had him in tball and soccer this session and he loves both and is coordinated and engaged. He isn't sedentary and we do very little screen time, usually a show on the iPad every few days or so. I try to focus on protein, so he eats cottage cheese, oatmeal (and a banana) for breakfast every day, and work in almond butter, Greek yogurt and other high protein foods to our meals. We have set meal times and one afternoon snack a day.

I don't want to give him a complex about food but I worry that this is such a fixation for him. Any suggestions? I am wondering about having a more in depth convo with our pedi.. she has never expressed concern but I've been the one to bring up that the food is healthy for the most part and he's active, she doesn't ask or seem to dwell on it.

[whereintheworld]

We haven't had our 4 year visit yet (he'll be 4 on Feb 1) so usually were just in for a sick visit or flu shot, so there hasn't been a ton of opportunity to chat about it aside from making a separate appt. I definitely plan to talk during the 4 year visit. I might bring my H with me so he can take him out to the waiting room while we talk - I agree with you about being so careful in how we handle these situations and the words we choose, so I'm cautious to have him overhear something? H and I go to the gym regularly and always talk about it with regards to getting strong and not weight loss. I am very aware of my words and actions these days as this is really weighing on my mind.

He'll fluctuate between 80% weight/20% height but has always been short and is built very solidly. People always comment on him being 'such a solid kid' and I really cringe, I hate that such emphasis is placed on his stature but I know people don't mean any harm.

Thank you for the reminder on portion sizes. I feel like I don't really know how much a 4 year old should eat and I'm constantly cutting him off so I need to educate myself some more on the actual caloric needs of a 4 year old so I can have more confidence. I do a small-ish plate up for him but it's doing a number on me mentally that he is constantly asking for more!

[whereintheworld]

That's an interesting calculator, thank you for the link. That puts him in the 92%, so the overweight category. I feel like I'm doing things 'right' but it's pretty defeating to see those #'s.

[whereintheworld]

True! He'll down a plate of salad and friends with pickier kids are amazed. Grass is always greener ! Thanks for commiserating.

[Deleted]

The only thing that concerns me is I *think* kids need more good carbs than you're allowing. They need things like Ww toast or pasta, fruit, etc.

[Deleted]

How are you and your husband built? I have a friend whose child is at the opposite end of the spectrum; barely on for height and weight. She's been tested- she's fine. She also has grandmothers who are both 4'10" tall and 85 healthy pounds.

It's pretty hard to overcome genetics.

[whereintheworld]

DS1 is built exactly like my husband, their bodies are identical. DH is 6'1'' and has been overweight his whole life but currently maintaining 260lbs. He works out and is healthy, but was very sedentary for a long time and overate. We both see DH in DS1 and it worries us. Trying to stop that cycle. We eat well now and are active, but I suppose that's true that genetics are very strong.

To another poster, we definitely do good carbs, I give sandwiches on 12 grain bread (grilled cheese or almond butter sandwiches) and he will eat a ton of fruit if I let him. Didn't include that in the OP because it was getting long. Thank you for the suggestions though and I'm all ears for other things we might be missing!

[whereintheworld]

On the other hand, I'm 5'4'' and 125lbs. DS1 has my height and his dad's weight, and DS2 has my weight and his dad's height.

Forgot to also mention that I really try to stay away from 'food rewards' or punishments. I think I might need to have another talk with the daycare about portions because I feel like something doesn't add up. He's at daycare from 7:30am-5pm M-F so he has a lot of meals there. The grandmas see him once a week and there are croissants/treats but it's hard to deny then that. Showing then these #'s will probably get them on board though.

[mrsg123]

Why can't he have a second serving? I have never declined my four year old's request for more food. I don't make unhealthy meals for her to begin with, so it's not like she is having twice the amount of junk.

[Deleted]

This has some stuff you help you nail down about how many calories he needs (probably around 1600 if he's active over an hour a day). It sounds like you are doing a lot right.
www.choosemyplate.gov/preschoolers/meal-and-snack-patterns-ideas.html

[Deleted]

I wonder if 4 year olds could have a hypothyroid issue?

I'd call the pediatrician ahead of the 4 year old well check and give her a heads up that you'll be raising it as a concern. I'd send her a meal plan, or some kind of indication of what he's eating, so she can look it over in advance. Then I'd take H with you to the 4 year old well check. Have both of you in the room during the visit, but then have H take your son out to the waiting room (or better yet, somewhere else like home or to preschool) while you discuss it with the pediatrician.

[whereintheworld]

Dec 15, 2013 15:13:59 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

This has some stuff you help you nail down about how many calories he needs (probably around 1600 if he's active over an hour a day). It sounds like you are doing a lot right.
www.choosemyplate.gov/preschoolers/meal-and-snack-patterns-ideas.html

Thank you, this is a great resource! I am really liking the meal/snack ideas too. Great to see it laid out like this with grain/fruit/veg/etc servings.

[Deleted]

I wonder if 4 year olds could have a hypothyroid issue?



I'd call the pediatrician ahead of the 4 year old well check and give her a heads up that you'll be raising it as a concern. I'd send her a meal plan, or some kind of indication of what he's eating, so she can look it over in advance. Then I'd take H with you to the 4 year old well check. Have both of you in the room during the visit, but then have H take your son out to the waiting room (or better yet, somewhere else like home or to preschool) while you discuss it with the pediatrician.

[whereintheworld]

Dec 15, 2013 15:16:15 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Dec 15, 2013 15:13:12 GMT -5 mrsg123 said:

Why can't he have a second serving? I have never declined my four year old's request for more food. I don't make unhealthy meals for her to begin with, so it's not like she is having twice the amount of junk.

I think this depends so much on the kid. Lucy would (sometimes) eat well past the point of being full. We serve healthy food 95% of the time, but you can absolute overeat even if you're eating pork loin & quinoa. If the OP's son were normal weight it wouldn't be an issue.

Yes, exactly this. He would eat 4+ helpings. Even if it's healthy stuff, that's too much. I aim for one generous serving of a healthy meal (90% of the time, we're not perfect) and that has to be where I draw the line. I will sometimes offer raw carrots, celery or cucumber after a meal is done. If he wasn't in the overweight BMI then I wouldn't bat at an eye at a growth spurt, but this has been constant for years now.

[whereintheworld]

Dec 15, 2013 15:18:09 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

I wonder if 4 year olds could have a hypothyroid issue?



I'd call the pediatrician ahead of the 4 year old well check and give her a heads up that you'll be raising it as a concern. I'd send her a meal plan, or some kind of indication of what he's eating, so she can look it over in advance. Then I'd take H with you to the 4 year old well check. Have both of you in the room during the visit, but then have H take your son out to the waiting room (or better yet, somewhere else like home or to preschool) while you discuss it with the pediatrician.

Good ideas to keep a food log. I'll start that now since we have a few weeks before the 4 year visit so I can gather that data. I will call ahead to ask for extra time with just the pedi so we can discuss it freely.

[whereintheworld]

shamelessly bumping this up for the weekday crowd - I appreciate the wisdom on this board so much! Curious if anyone else has advice/experience/etc that might have missed this on the weekend.

[kershnic]

I think the food log for your pedi is a great idea. If s/he doesn't have insight s/he may refer you to a nutritionist who specializes in kids.

Have you focused on making sure he gets enough to drink? Obviously focusing on water, but if he's truly not feeling full it may be dehydration.

Do you notice the focus on food correlating with boredom?

[whereintheworld]

Dec 16, 2013 11:53:00 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I think the food log for your pedi is a great idea. If s/he doesn't have insight s/he may refer you to a nutritionist who specializes in kids.

Have you focused on making sure he gets enough to drink? Obviously focusing on water, but if he's truly not feeling full it may be dehydration.

Do you notice the focus on food correlating with boredom?

I do try to give lots of opportunity for water.  We just do water between meals and then milk at breakfast/lunch/dinner. 

I don't think it's always boredom because sometimes he seems really and truly hungry and can't be distracted.  Dinner is around 6pm (has to be this time because of the younger 2 kids) and then he is in bed at 7:30, asleep by 8pm.  He wakes up at 5am crying that he's hungry.  We all eat breakfast at 6am, but that is real hunger pains that he is experiencing, no matter how much I focus on protein and complex carbs at dinner.  Throughout the day if he's asking for a snack I can almost always distract him with getting engaged in a game and telling him that the next meal is in xx hours/minutes. 

[ijack]

I think you need to take a step back and let him self regulate. Google Ellyn Satter and read her recommendations. I'm worried that if you're limiting his food you're making it a struggle and he's not going to learn to tell how much of he wants.

[whereintheworld]

Dec 16, 2013 12:01:12 GMT -5 ijack said:

I think you need to take a step back and let him self regulate. Google Ellyn Satter and read her recommendations. I'm worried that if you're limiting his food you're making it a struggle and he's not going to learn to tell how much of he wants.

Thank you, I do think it's good to have perspective sometimes, and I can get a bit too focused on this issue.  He's an active and otherwise healthy boy, he is in sizes 3T-4T and to look at him you'd just see a solidly built, happy preschooler.  I am going to do the food log and talk at the 4 year appt, but I do think it's a good reminder that all my efforts to make it "not an issue" kind of.. make it an issue. 

I've heard of Satter and will definitely be checking out some of the books at the library.  I know she's the one that says the parent provides the food, the child decides how much they eat, and that really resonates.

[ijack]

I totally understand how it can consume you. I have the opposite problem with my oldest and at one point I had a spreadsheet that basically calculated the amount of fat and calories in everything. I was constantly trying to get her to eat something with some heft to it instead of watermelon or whatever. And when I stepped back it was much better for both of us. I don't really agree with Satter when the child has a medical issue or is FTT, but with most kids her ideas are good.

[kershnic]

Dec 16, 2013 11:57:06 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

Dec 16, 2013 11:53:00 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I think the food log for your pedi is a great idea. If s/he doesn't have insight s/he may refer you to a nutritionist who specializes in kids.

Have you focused on making sure he gets enough to drink? Obviously focusing on water, but if he's truly not feeling full it may be dehydration.

Do you notice the focus on food correlating with boredom?

I do try to give lots of opportunity for water.  We just do water between meals and then milk at breakfast/lunch/dinner. 

I don't think it's always boredom because sometimes he seems really and truly hungry and can't be distracted.  Dinner is around 6pm (has to be this time because of the younger 2 kids) and then he is in bed at 7:30, asleep by 8pm.  He wakes up at 5am crying that he's hungry.  We all eat breakfast at 6am, but that is real hunger pains that he is experiencing, no matter how much I focus on protein and complex carbs at dinner.  Throughout the day if he's asking for a snack I can almost always distract him with getting engaged in a game and telling him that the next meal is in xx hours/minutes. 

If he's showing signs of real hunger and not just boredom/craving junk food (it sounds like you're offering many kinds of healthy food, so that's not the case!) then I think you need to either let him eat more or work with the pedi to identify a possible medical issue to explain it and hopefully address.

Good luck. I can tell you've put a lot of thought and effort into doing the right thing in this situation and it's so hard when the right thing is not clear.

[whereintheworld]

Dec 16, 2013 12:39:39 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Dec 16, 2013 11:57:06 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

I do try to give lots of opportunity for water.  We just do water between meals and then milk at breakfast/lunch/dinner. 

I don't think it's always boredom because sometimes he seems really and truly hungry and can't be distracted.  Dinner is around 6pm (has to be this time because of the younger 2 kids) and then he is in bed at 7:30, asleep by 8pm.  He wakes up at 5am crying that he's hungry.  We all eat breakfast at 6am, but that is real hunger pains that he is experiencing, no matter how much I focus on protein and complex carbs at dinner.  Throughout the day if he's asking for a snack I can almost always distract him with getting engaged in a game and telling him that the next meal is in xx hours/minutes. 

If he's showing signs of real hunger and not just boredom/craving junk food (it sounds like you're offering many kinds of healthy food, so that's not the case!) then I think you need to either let him eat more or work with the pedi to identify a possible medical issue to explain it and hopefully address.

Good luck. I can tell you've put a lot of thought and effort into doing the right thing in this situation and it's so hard when the right thing is not clear.

Thank you, that is really kind of you to say!  I do feel like I'm doing things "right" but there's obviously still something at play here.. be it genetics, an underlying medical issue, etc.  I am grateful for all the perspectives on here!