Baby fever at 40... And single

[curtains]

Ok so I know there is no reason to have baby fever at my age. I have been a divorced single mom for several years and the dating scene has been a bust. Mostly because I suck at dating. Lol. 

But lately I have been wanting a baby. Wtf?  Anyone here have any experience with this?  I know looking at adoption and sperm banks aren't helping but I keep doing it. 

Maybe I should foster for a while?  

[Deleted]

What is WTF about this? If you want a baby, go for it. Lots of people are single parents. If that would be fine for you, rock on.

[karmasabiotch]

If I hadn't met H when I did I was planning to go to a sperm bank. I 100% support this.

[zarapipe]

There are plenty of reasons to having babies at forty. Nothing wrong with that.

[sunshineray]

I have no WTF feelings about this. If you want another child and can afford it, I think you should look into your options. A close friend of mine is in the same position and she has always wanted a second child. I wholeheartedly support that decision.

[spindle92]

I am 39 and still holding out hope, so no I do not think it is crazy.

[Deleted]

Aw. If you are serious about it and don't want to be pregnant adopting or fostering would be wonderful!!

[mrsfarmer]

Check out some adoption agencies; the waits for infants has gotten longer. As far as fostering, please remember that most of those children are older.

[curtains]

I love this board!! My family will think I'm nuts but oh well. I have been wanting to do this for too long. Thanks for not making me feel crazy.

[delawarejen]

I have 2 single friends who went the sperm donor route around 40 to have their first children - one now has twin boys who are 18 months, the other has a 5 month old girl. In your case, you already are a single mom so you would have an even better idea of what you can handle. Best of luck.

[Deleted]

Only a WTF if you already have kids you can barely take care of or have health issues that would prevent from taking care of a child.

Go for it.

[copperboom]

If you are emotionally and financially stable, I don't see why you shouldn't!

[angelaa73]

How old are your kids?

[Jermys]

Not saying it can't be done, but it is much harder to adopt going the route of domestic infant adoption at or after forty. And it's also harder to adopt through DIA as a single parent. Combining the two can and usually does mean a very long wait.

If I were in your shoes, I would definitely consider a sperm donor or foster to adopt. How old are your kids?

[wise_rita]

My concern would be the daddy issue (no duh, let me explain).

Assuming you're not a widow, your older kid(s) have a dad, so I think it would be hard for the baby to grasp the fact that no, that isn't my dad, I effectively have no father, even though my older sibling(s) do(es). If your kid(s) have somewhat of a relationship with their father it could get tricky for all parties involved.

Not saying it's a blanket bad idea, just something to think about.

[lilybug]

I don't think you're crazy at all. Or if you are, then I am, too. I plan on having more kids whether I remarry or not, via fostering/adoption or sperm donation. I'm just not done.

[curtains]

My dd is 13. We are pretty ok financially. I am pretty healthy.

It's just an idea i have been kicking around for some time and thought I'd throw it out there to see what you all thought or better if I got some good stories and feedback. Which of course i got. .

I think I am going to look more into fostering. SueSue brings up very valid points and even if I know my health and security are very stable now I am not sure at 60 I could say the same thing.

I do worry about the heartbreak with fostering and know I get pretty attached to little ones but it might be the best route to go... I actually already have all the paperwork to start fostering classes done (I did this last year but got scared and didn't follow through). Maybe it's time to just take the classes and see where it takes me.

Thanks again for not thinking I'm too crazy (except you KA, lol)

[wise_rita]

Am I a bad person for thinking that at 13, the older DD should be consulted? I mean, what a game changer in her life no matter what route you (potentially) go.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for that, but 13 is not a child any more. She should be allowed her 2 cents.

ETA: Assuming this would happen while DD1 is still at home (given OP's age, I would assume this would happen within the next 5 years).  But if it was after she's left home, then by all means go ahead without consultation.

[rugbywife]

My girlfriend just went through the whole process of having a child single this past year (delivered a lovely baby girl in June). She went through the fertility clinic I ended up at too, the process was fairly easy and not horribly expensive (more expensive that mine since she had to buy sperm). Now she is a single mom on mat leave. I don't think she regrets her decision in the least but I do know that she finds it hard to do on her own. Her family is very supportive and her parents are in a position to help a lot. She is 36.

[toepick]

I've been thinking about this, but I would have no help. I live 9 hours away from my parents, have few close friends here, and travel occasionally for work. I honestly don't know how I would do it. I know that there are lots of single mothers but I struggle with the logistics. I just have trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I'm not going to have kids.

[curtains]

Dec 30, 2013 8:52:34 GMT -5 wise_rita said:

Am I a bad person for thinking that at 13, the older DD should be consulted? I mean, what a game changer in her life no matter what route you (potentially) go.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for that, but 13 is not a child any more. She should be allowed her 2 cents.

ETA: Assuming this would happen while DD1 is still at home (given OP's age, I would assume this would happen within the next 5 years).  But if it was after she's left home, then by all means go ahead without consultation.

My dd is the Worst!  . She talks about it all the time. I had sat her down when I was looking into fostering and she is 100 percent on board

I wouldn't even consider making a decision like this without talking to her about it. It affects her life too.