I think I'm ready to wean DD. This sounds terrible but she's become much more demanding with nursing lately and much rougher when nursing. In some ways, it's sweet. She's very excited to nurse and makes Mmmmmm sounds. On the other hand, I'm tired of the tantrums (if she stops nursing and I put the boob away, she'll start signing more frantically, crying, and thrashing about) and my nips HURT. Like bruised hurt.
I've been thinking about stopping anyway but I fear I've waited a bit too long and have hit that "really hard to stop" stage.
Any ideas/advice? I'm thinking about going cold turkey next weekend. I'll have DH do bedtime Friday, Saturday, and Sunday while I leave the house. I'm just over it but I feel mean taking it away from DD.
I read a lot of good advice on kellymom and other places on the web. Sadly, in real life, I didn't get much support (except for from DH). My friends either fell into the "you waited too long to wean" camp or "if you've done it this long, just wait until she self-weans" camp. It was sucky and lonely to wean DD at age 2. I sincerely hope it goes well for you!
Post by curbsideprophet on Jan 3, 2014 22:16:34 GMT -5
Does she only nurse before bed? If she is nursing multiple times a day I would be concerned about needing to pump or plugged ducts if you just stop cold turkey.
Firstly, it doesn't sound terrible. You're in pain and wisely looking for a solution. I'm all about extended bfing, and I totally get what you are saying.
One nice thing about bfing into toddlerhood that I found was the ability to instantly soothe a nasty fall or booboo. I wish I could still do that. Thinking about that and the fact that you think this might be a tough age to wean, can you go to once daily feeds, like first thing in the AM? Just an idea, no pressure/judgement here.
She mainly nurses just at night before bed. She sometimes (about half the time) nurses after she wakes up from her nap only because she's super irritable when she wakes up. We've never nursed just randomly here and there. She just expects a hug/cuddle if she falls or gets scared.
I've never had a problem with plugged ducts or anything so I'm hoping that it won't be an issue.
I'm glad to hear it doesn't seem terribly cruel to do to her.
I dont think it is mean of you. Ds isnt demanding about it but i am getting to the point where i want to be done, if only to get my body back to myself.
I think cold turkey is probably the way to do it, having your dh do bedtime is what i would do too. She will be ok!
I weaned my DD at 18 months. She was nursing before nap/bed and still in the middle of the night. I dropped one feeding a week until we were done. I did pre-bedtime last, and that was the hardest bc she really relied on nursing to fall asleep. We had 5 very rough/barely sleeping nights, and then she adjusted (and finally started STTN). Given how dependent she was on the boob, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Because I dropped one feeding at a time, I didn't have any issues with engorgement or leaking.
Red, if I had it to do over, I would have DH take the bedtime thing instead of having ds sooooo dependent on just me to go down for bed or after night wakings. So if you go to once daily, I'd recommend any feed other than the bedtime feed.
I'm just going to bury this in here, I think we're getting closer to weaning (DS is 22 months). I was allll about the extended BFing, but except for before bed DS doesn't seem super interested anyone. He'll ask to nurse, but when we go upstairs to his room he wants to play with toys. It takes several tries to get him to focus on nursing, then he doesn't drink for very long. Is this what baby-led weaning looks like? I have no idea. I'm in the same boat as you redheadk, I don't know what to do.
I think you are being very reasonable. If it's not working for you both, you need to change something. One thing to consider is that at her age she can understand that she is hurting you if she's being aggressive. "ouch, that hurts mommy!" works wonders at this age. If you do decide to wean, for the two of you I would suggest dropping one feed at a time, saving the "hardest" for last.
If possible, think about how you can make nursing work for you vs. against you. If it's painful, tell her. If you don't like nursing so long, limit the time. If you are frustrated at a certain time of day w/ it, kick that session. Nursing is a give an take relationship - both parties should be benefiting in toddler hood.
I think I'm going to try this for the next 2 weeks then stop nursing. She'll be 18 months by then so yay and as much as I wanted to nurse her through another cold season, I'm over feeling like crap because I can't take the good drugs and I'm just OVER nursing. I love it but I'm just tired of it.
I'm really surprised at how emotional it is. When she cries and signs for more, it makes me very upset, like I feel like crying. I'm not a crier in general and it's a completely involuntary reaction, it just happens. I feel so bad for her. Ugh.
She was totally fine when dropping all of our other nursing session, didn't bat an eye, so i really thought she'd wean herself by just nursing for less and less time at night... instead, she's trying to nurse MORE!
Post by zeewifeandmama on Jan 3, 2014 23:49:58 GMT -5
Hey, if you're done you're done... Great job getting to 18 months.... It's been a journey I'm sure! I cold turkey weaned dd at 27 months but it was a little different as I was pregnant. I talked her through it by telling her mamas milk was all gone and she was welcome to a snuggle/cuddle/hug/cup of milk or water etc... The thing I focused on most was that mama was still there for her but mamas milk was not. Mh never took over bedtime and it was done in 3 days. She whined a bit but there were no full on tantrums. Good Luck! It really is so emotional even if yours just DONE!
I'm just going to bury this in here, I think we're getting closer to weaning (DS is 22 months). I was allll about the extended BFing, but except for before bed DS doesn't seem super interested anyone. He'll ask to nurse, but when we go upstairs to his room he wants to play with toys. It takes several tries to get him to focus on nursing, then he doesn't drink for very long. Is this what baby-led weaning looks like? I have no idea. I'm in the same boat as you redheadk, I don't know what to do.
I think so. It is what I was hoping for.
You did do extended breastfeeding, just like you wanted, and your ds is weaning himself. It's sad but it's also right, you know? If it ends this way for you, I will be so, so happy for you that you were able to have it end naturally. Does that sound weird?
I weaned DD1 at 22 months. I expected it to be terrible-she was very attached to nursing- but it really wasn't that bad. She was nursing before naps and bed at that point, so I did naps first and just explained (if she asked to nurse) that we couldn't nurse because the milk had gone to sleep. We would cuddle instead. Then I dropped the night time nurse the same way. She cried for about 3 nights, but I held her and she fell asleep. And then we were done. It was much less painful than I ever imagined.
I'm just going to bury this in here, I think we're getting closer to weaning (DS is 22 months). I was allll about the extended BFing, but except for before bed DS doesn't seem super interested anyone. He'll ask to nurse, but when we go upstairs to his room he wants to play with toys. It takes several tries to get him to focus on nursing, then he doesn't drink for very long. Is this what baby-led weaning looks like? I have no idea. I'm in the same boat as you redheadk, I don't know what to do.
I think so. It is what I was hoping for.
You did do extended breastfeeding, just like you wanted, and your ds is weaning himself. It's sad but it's also right, you know? If it ends this way for you, I will be so, so happy for you that you were able to have it end naturally. Does that sound weird?
Not weird at all! I appreciate your kind words. Nursing is such an emotional roller coaster. We work SO HARD to get it going, to get nursing to be easy, then WHOOSH overnight (it feels like) our little babies are big toddlers. I'm getting to the point where I'm offering to nurse just because that's what I've always done, KWIM. I think I may try dropping the before nap session next week, then the morning session the week after that. He is very attached to nursing before bed, so we'll likely keep that awhile longer. After many, many arguments DH and I agreed to wean him around 2ish, and it seems like it's time. We'll see! He may get sick and I'll give up on the whole weaning idea LOL.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Jan 4, 2014 8:53:03 GMT -5
@supergreen yes I would say that's what toddler led weaning looks like. I would probably go with don't offer dong refuse. When he starts playing I would just let him play & go about your day.
Post by DarcyLongfellow on Jan 4, 2014 10:36:34 GMT -5
A few thoughts.
It's never "horrible" to stop nursing. It has to work for mom and baby both. Plus, you've nursed her for 17 months -- that's awesome!
After about 18 months, I stopped worrying about taking cold meds that would dry up my supply. I figured that if it killed my supply, oh well. They never affected it, though.
I can't remember how much kids understand at 18 months, so I'm not sure if my approach would work for you, but for DD1 (who was 2, close to 3), we just told her that she was a big girl now and nursing was for babies. We let her have one last session, then we stopped cold turkey. We replaced nursing with "big girl treats" (gummy vitamins), so she got that instead of nursing before bed. She asked a couple of times, and I had to remind her, but then she was fine.
I'm very curious as to how this goes for you, so I would love an update in a few weeks, if you don't mind. I'm not looking to wean quite yet, but I also have a very enthusiastic/insistent nurser, and I can't even imagine what weaning will look like.
I weaned DD1 at 22 months. I expected it to be terrible-she was very attached to nursing- but it really wasn't that bad. She was nursing before naps and bed at that point, so I did naps first and just explained (if she asked to nurse) that we couldn't nurse because the milk had gone to sleep. We would cuddle instead. Then I dropped the night time nurse the same way. She cried for about 3 nights, but I held her and she fell asleep. And then we were done. It was much less painful than I ever imagined.
See, I try this and DS just says "No, i wake it up" or something else and pretty much screams until I feel guilty and give in. I know I just need to stop giving in, but it is so hard.
Post by MadamePresident on Jan 4, 2014 13:10:21 GMT -5
I have thought a lot about weaning in the past few weeks. My 15 month old nurses all the time. We've never had a schedule, so I don't even know how many times a day. Maybe 8 with 3 of those being at night. Part of me is just so over it, but then the other part of me thinks, but she needs it and its so good for her.
I think you just need to do what is right, I don't think its mean to decide to wean on your own. Its harder than a lot of people realize and takes a lot out of you (literally and figuratively).
MadamePresident, start with night weaning. It changed my (negative) feelings about nursing a lot to give up the nights. I am getting pretty over nursing DS now, but I haven't quite got the backbone to cut him off yet. It is optional, though. He spent the night at his grandparents again last night, and that's not a problem for him.
I weaned dd1 at 17mo. I had just night weaned at 16mo. Nights sucked and basically dh had to help her, I couldn't.
For daytime I just distracted her with a drink, a snack, trip to the park, an extra bathtime just to splash around. Anything she loved that wasn't my boob.
MadamePresident, start with night weaning. It changed my (negative) feelings about nursing a lot to give up the nights. I am getting pretty over nursing DS now, but I haven't quite got the backbone to cut him off yet. It is optional, though. He spent the night at his grandparents again last night, and that's not a problem for him.
I agree with night weaning. We night weaned a few months back and it was GREAT! Dd actually needed the solid block of sleep far more than the milk.
For me, it's mostly just that it's no longer pleasant to nurse her. We really just have the one session left and she does okay if I'm not home to put her to bed, it's just much easier if I do. I find myself irritated the whole time bc she's on and off, waving her legs, grabbing my phone, my face, etc, and twisting my nipple in the process. When I resnap my bra and pull my shirt up, she cries the most heartbreaking cry, pats my boob, and signs for more. Drives me crazy and I'm SO ready for her to go to bed by the time it's over.
MadamePresident, start with night weaning. It changed my (negative) feelings about nursing a lot to give up the nights. I am getting pretty over nursing DS now, but I haven't quite got the backbone to cut him off yet. It is optional, though. He spent the night at his grandparents again last night, and that's not a problem for him.
I really do need to night wean. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks, but haven't pulled the trigger, because we were sick. We also have been co-sleeping and I am working on getting her to sleep in her own bed. It got to the point where no one was happy co-sleeping. Nods was kicking my husband, she was nursing all night long and hated the covers, so then I was cold. Moving her to her bed is going well. Part B of that will be going to comfort her when she wakes without nursing her.
Hey, if you're done you're done... Great job getting to 18 months.... It's been a journey I'm sure! I cold turkey weaned dd at 27 months but it was a little different as I was pregnant. I talked her through it by telling her mamas milk was all gone and she was welcome to a snuggle/cuddle/hug/cup of milk or water etc... The thing I focused on most was that mama was still there for her but mamas milk was not. Mh never took over bedtime and it was done in 3 days. She whined a bit but there were no full on tantrums. Good Luck! It really is so emotional even if yours just DONE!
Thank you for sharing your experience here! I'm nursing my 25 month old and ready to stop.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
Well, last night was better. Huh. She was still awake when she finished nursing and did ask for more (but wouldn't actually buckle down and nurse), so I rocked her while we cuddled and I sang a few of her favorite songs. No tantruming. Guess I'll just take it day by day...