So...yeah...I broke things off

[seattlekari]

I've been pretty quiet here for a while. A lot of it was because of work and this project I'm still being asked to help with for the foreseeable future. The other part of it was that things with A took a downhill slide and I broke things off over New Year's.

So A moved in with her 2 cats when she got a job transfer at the beginning of November. I was excited, nervous, but very much looking forward to sharing life together.

About 6 weeks ago, it was a Saturday evening, I was cooking dinner, E was in the living room watching TV and playing with one of the cats. A was in the kitchen talking with me. The cat E was playing with is pretty vocal, so when I heard it meow a few times, I didn't think much of it. A went over to investigate, and as I later found out, she had grabbed E by the shoulder and arm FIRMLY. E ran upstairs to her room, I went up to inquire what had happened and diffuse the situation. E said she was just loving on the cat and that A grabbed her by the arm/shoulder (she demonstrated to me) and it scared her. She cried, was afraid, etc. I talked her down from things and did my best to hold things together and reassure E that I would take care of it. Later when E wasn't around, I asked A about what happened. Her explanation was that E was "trapping" the cat and that she grabbed E to "teach her what it might feel like to be trapped".

Um...NO.

As one friend said, the cat was not in danger of being injured, E wasn't intentionally causing it any harm, and as we all know, cats will pretty much do what they want so if it wanted to get away, I'm sure it would have.

So dialogue between A and I continued off and on about this over the following days/weeks as time allowed due to our opposite schedules. A said that in the future she would not discipline, she would leave it up to me. But there was never an apology, an admission that what she'd done was "wrong" or anything of the sort. And despite her statement that she would not discipline in the future, I thought about what happens when I go to the store for an hour, etc, etc, etc.

I just could not let it go. It ate at me and my feelings for A. Over the holidays I talked with E about how she felt things were going at home. She cried, I cried and I committed to her to make things right.

There were other points of disagreement that A and I were struggling with too, but they were part of the moving in process and obviously were overshadowed by this situation.

I've been asked why things between A and I couldn't continue despite not living together any longer. Mostly by people without children. I don't know how to respond to that other than to say that as a mom, this cuts to the core, and shuts everything down. I care about A and I wish her no ill will, but I don't think we are meant to be.

A felt we should have given things more time. I felt the mama bear instinct to protect my child.

If you've read this far, thank you. I am confident in my decision, but as I'm sure you all can imagine, it has not been an easy one.

[Duchess1]

I'm so sorry things didn't work out. I'm sure that was a difficult decision.

[2brides]

I am so sorry. I know you were looking forward to her moving in and creating a life together. I am sorry that happened to you and E.

[bluedaisyus]

I'm sorry, Kari. I imagine it must have been a difficult decision even if it was the right one. What kind of ridiculous question is that, though, to ask you why it couldn't continue even though she moved out? Um. Because you said so.

[twotrue]

Kari, I'm sorry. I'm glad you're trusting your instinct on this one and when E is older she'll look back and feel so much pride in having a mom that put her first. That said it doesn't make the break up easier and I hope your heart heals quickly.

[seattlekari]

Thanks ladies. It's nice to have all of your support and well wishes.

And yes bluedaisyus, wtf am I supposed to say when someone asks that? I am hoping my blank stare got that point across quickly.

[kershnic]

Kari, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I think the fact you feel at peace with your decision after the fact is a good sign you did the right thing. I'm sorry it wasn't meant to be.

[ct]

Is it weird to say I'm proud of you? What a great mom you are!

[seattlekari]

Thanks kershnic, yes the internal peace is helping me to feel right with things.

ct, you saying you are proud of me is the highest compliment ever. You are seriously a mom idol. Thank you.

[mommiebear]

Thanks for stepping up for your daughter and yourself! Proud of you! You made a choice and I'm glad your wings an spread freely. Hugs!