Would you attempt BF'ing in this situation if you were me?

[creamsiclechica]

I think you should do what feels right to you to take care of the baby AND yourself. That's what's most important. No beating yourself up over a choice. To feed and nourish the baby is never a bad choice, formula or breast milk.

[Deleted]

Listen. You are an amazing mom. You've been through this twice, and were comfortable formula feeding. If I were you, I would FF from the start. I would think that taking that pressure off could be freeing, and you can just imagine NOT dealing with all the stress. I think that there is so much pressure to BF, that people fail to see situations like yours. It doesn't always work out for everyone. Thank goodness we have alternatives.
Please don't feel guilty for not trying, if that is what you decide to do.

[Deleted]

Jan 16, 2014 20:45:45 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I am having doubts about my firm decision to exclusively FF too. A part of me would like to try nursing and see how bad it is, and if it's not that bad, do that along with FF for a few days or weeks or however long until it started to suck. But then I remember how much I hated lactating, how hard a decision it was to wean, and how jacked up it made me hormonally (at least,, I think, based on how much better I felt immediately after stopping), and I think it would be best just to not go down that road again.

So rationally, I would say skip it in your  case, but I understand having doubts. (hug)

Could have written this myself. I just plain didn't really enjoy nursing and didn't produce very much, and went right to FF and was SO much happier... so I am planning on FF next time too, but I do have doubts at times too (and I think I've decided for ME, I'll give colostrum in the hospital and then switch to formula once we get home). FF doesn't make you a bad mom and you should never feel bad about it. Baby won't know a difference, all she wants is to eat! 

[rjamz]

Jan 16, 2014 21:01:45 GMT -5 @dragonmommy422 said:

Listen. You are an amazing mom. You've been through this twice, and were comfortable formula feeding. If I were you, I would FF from the start. I would think that taking that pressure off could be freeing, and you can just imagine NOT dealing with all the stress. I think that there is so much pressure to BF, that people fail to see situations like yours. It doesn't always work out for everyone. Thank goodness we have alternatives.
Please don't feel guilty for not trying, if that is what you decide to do.

All of this.

Definitely don't feel guilty if you decide to FF. You're doing what's best for you and all of your kids.

[cat19]

I think if I were in your shoes I would fb for the colostrum at the hospital and switch to formula as soon as I got home from the hospital - unless you get a c section and are in the hospital for an extended period. Then I would start after a couple of days in the hospital.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't add anymore stress and just FF. I admitted to almost flipping a table over if a certain nursery nurse said breast is best to me one more time. Keep your chin up!

[formerlyllizzyb]

Nope! I'd FF from the start and just eliminate that stressor from my life.

[Deleted]

Jan 16, 2014 21:31:13 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I am hugely pro-breastfeeding and my answer is still no. You need to make sure you are okay mentally and forcing yourself into something that is giving you such stress could cause your possible PPD to be even worse. Give Ruby formula, she will be fine, and focus on being healthy. Xx

I totally agree with everything here

[dixeedeluxe]

Jan 16, 2014 22:03:46 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

Considering biblio's history with PPD, I find it kind of irresponsible to encourage breastfeeding in this situation. While breast milk may be better for the baby, what is truly best for baby is to have a mom who is healthy, both physically and mentally.

I really don't mean to offend anyone but this is really bothering me. We are talking about depression, not a cold, and I don't think it is wise to 'try and see' whether she will feel okay or not.

ETA: if you are determined to breastfeed then that is great and I wish you the best, but you should not feel one ounce of guilt for choosing not to.

I dunno....trying it for 2 days let me TOTALLY forgive any guilt at all. 100%.

And pumping made drying up 100% pain free. And so low pressure. It was really the easiest thing ever.

[jaime183]

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. If you want to give colostrum in the hospital, do that. If you don't even feel like attempting it then give formula. Even if you give colostrum if you are up all night nursing then give a bottle then.

dont feel guilted into it, do what you need to do

[claralou]

Jan 16, 2014 22:15:30 GMT -5 @starbound said:

Jan 16, 2014 21:31:13 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I am hugely pro-breastfeeding and my answer is still no. You need to make sure you are okay mentally and forcing yourself into something that is giving you such stress could cause your possible PPD to be even worse. Give Ruby formula, she will be fine, and focus on being healthy. Xx

I totally agree with everything here

Add me to this list. biblionerd, I'm also an extended BFer, and I agree with all of the above. Do what feels right for you at the time, and do whatever you can to not feel guilty either way. Please. All sweet Ruby needs is a loving, happy, healthy mom. You've got that covered. No guilt. Hugs.

[lolaburns]

YGPM

[Deleted]

I would probably try, but I like to make things hard for myself... I have super low supply issues but convinced myself with twins it would be better, so I have nursed, given bottle of formula and pumped from the beginning and it is so tiring and probably not worse the stress anymore. They now scream at me when I try to nurse because they dont want my crappy dripping amount of milk- they want a full bottle, but for some reason I keep trying even though I have to turn around and give them a bottle, or two, afterwards. So

[Deleted]

my post posted before I was done.

So, I end up spending so much more time trying to get them fed, and honestly it is really hard when you have other kids you are trying to watch over. You will have your hands full with the two you already have, so you probably dont want to deal with extra stressful feeding issues as well. BUT, I would probably try, because what IF it is different? If it isn't, though, do not beat yourself up! What ever you decide is OKAY!

[Deleted]

Also my response is really just what I would do, not what you should do. You will know what is right for you.

[m1and1m]

I'm a diehard BF'er, and I haven't read all responses....

I would still try to BF, but I would supplement with formula. Did you milk come in at all before, and it wasn't enough? Or did it not come on at all? If it never came in at all I would nurse as much as possible (mental health wise, I mean. IOW, I wouldn't try to force it but I would do what I could) but also supplement with formula right away. If it did come in before, I would try to just nurse until it came in again (for colostrum benefits) and then start supplementing as soon as my milk showed up.

I wouldn't try to only nurse until it was clear it wasn't working, I wouldn't set a "goal".

[greenkitty98]

Jan 16, 2014 18:24:18 GMT -5 silverjm said:

No. I would go straight to formula in your situation. I don't believe you'll have a different outcome this time, so I wouldn't put yourself through the stress.

I agree. The stress that you had the last couple of times would definitely make ppd worse, so my thoughts are that you would be a better mom (I know there is a better way to word that, but I'm tired and can't think properly...you are a great mom either way) if you take care of yourself, which is what you would be doing by ff from the start.

BF provides a lot for babies, but so does a healthy, stress free mom who is FF. (and this is coming from someone who bf both kids over a year until they self weaned)

[biblionerd]

Thanks so much everyone. I really appreciate all of the words of advice and encouragement. I don't have any mom friends IRL so it really means a lot to me. As far as the questions about before, no, my milk just never came in, even with all of the meds and supplements. Ok, I guess technically it might have been considered to have come in, but we're talking pumping before LO eats and getting 1mL on average. I think the "best" my milk ever did was 5 mLs. Not ounces, mLs lol. And that was with pumping around the clock, latching constantly, etc. The BF'ing issues I read about on here are so foreign to me. I've definitely never had a let-down and the convos about oversupply just baffle me. And spraying?!?! I can never fathom that much milk. "Drying up" is such a foreign concept to me because I never could feel a difference between when I had milk or not, it was that little... no engorgement, no pain, no need for cabbage leaves, tight bras, and pumping to relieve pressure.

I think I feel now that at the MAX I would nurse for a little bit in the hospital for colostrum. maybe. That honestly might even just be for myself. I ended up loathing BF'ing, but I do remember the first time with both of the kids and it was such a nice memory. I don't know. I have on my hospital forms "I don't know, please don't push either way" lol. And my OB made a note in my chart to please respect whatever I decide. So I can just play it by ear. I definitely don't want to make it hard on myself. My hospital stays were so stressful the past two times with all of this and I just don't want to do that to myself again. I really feel kind of traumatized with the nb days honestly thinking about the bf'ing and failing. I just remember so much stress and pain and constant dread about feeding the kids. Bottles were such a relief.

[monkeybabe]

I would FF from the start, in your position. If it will help with the guilt, give her the breast right at the beginning, when you have a bit of colostrum, but don't stress yourself out trying to produce milk. It's not worth it, hon.

[devotchka]

My milk took a long time to come in, I ended up pumping at the hospital w/ the hospital grade pump and it helped a lot. Did you have NOTHING milk-wise or did you have colostrum? I had a hard time nursing - I had like 5 different LCs help me bc I was determined to do it and it was a "baby friendly" pro-nursing hospital (one of the nurses asked us where we got our "contraband" when Max had a binky - bc the LCs are so anti-binky!LOL) and I had to use a nipple shield for 4 months bc of major latch issues. After 4 months though it was a lot easier since I didn't have to use the damn shield all the time. Overall I'm still glad I did it. I am still nursing (middle of weaning) and I don't know how I would have calmed him in the first year ear w/o it. I remember days (and nights!) when NOTHING else except the boob worked. It's worth a try. Every p/g is supposed to be different, who knows! Maybe you can drink some milk-producing tea or something? I wouldn't pressure yourself though, you know your body and your limits!

BTW I feel like it depends on the individual of course - but I had PPD too (albeit mild) - however, nursing actually helped me. That sounds weird but I feel that the bond I had bc of nursing (although obv a lot of people get that w/ FF! just my personal experience) AND added w/ the surge of "wellness/calm/relaxation/sleepy" feeling I got from nursing really helped me. That's part of why I pushed through even w/ the latch issues. If it stresses you out to the point where you are getting more depressed as a result though, definitely not worth it! 

 

[biblionerd]

Jan 17, 2014 2:07:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

My milk took a long time to come in, I ended up pumping at the hospital w/ the hospital grade pump and it helped a lot. Did you have NOTHING milk-wise or did you have colostrum? I had a hard time nursing - I had like 5 different LCs help me bc I was determined to do it and it was a "baby friendly" pro-nursing hospital (one of the nurses asked us where we got our "contraband" when Max had a binky - bc the LCs are so anti-binky!LOL) and I had to use a nipple shield for 4 months bc of major latch issues. After 4 months though it was a lot easier since I didn't have to use the damn shield all the time. Overall I'm still glad I did it. I am still nursing (middle of weaning) and I don't know how I would have calmed him in the early days w/o it. I remember days (and nights!) when NOTHING else except the boob worked. It's worth a try. Every p/g is supposed to be different, who knows! Maybe you can drink some milk-producing tea or something? I wouldn't pressure yourself though, you know your body and your limits!

No- teas, supplements, and rx medicines did nothing. I used a hospital grade pump and it did nothing. I had some colostrum, but no milk. I had so many LCs hands all over my boobs and they told me to give up when the "big guns" as they call it (domperidone) did nothing. Had DS' tongue tie clipped and used a shield thinking it was him. Didn't help. Fiona latched fine and nothing came out. I guess I don't relate to calming them with the boobs... my boobs did nothing but piss them off eventually because they were hungry and nothing came out. It's different when they're hungry and nothing's there to satisfy them. 

[biblionerd]

Jan 17, 2014 2:07:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

BTW I feel like it depends on the individual of course - but I had PPD too (albeit mild) - however, nursing actually helped me. That sounds weird but I feel that the bond I had bc of nursing (although obv a lot of people get that w/ FF! just my personal experience) AND added w/ the surge of "wellness/calm/relaxation/sleepy" feeling I got from nursing really helped me. That's part of why I pushed through even w/ the latch issues. If it stresses you out to the point where you are getting more depressed as a result though, definitely not worth it! 

 

Not being defensive, because I also understand latch issues, but I don't know that anyone who got a relaxing feeling from nursing could understand what I went through lol. I mean that lightheartedly, but I still feel guilt over the words that came out of my mouth to my newborn babies. There was absolutely nothing calm and bonding about nursing once it was failing and my children were getting basically no nutrition from me and screaming bloody murder because of it. If I could have worked on the latch and pushed through it I would have. I did with DS when he plain couldn't latch. But when you conquer latch problems and your body is making no milk it doesn't do any good. :/ 

[devotchka]

Jan 17, 2014 2:18:46 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

Jan 17, 2014 2:07:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

BTW I feel like it depends on the individual of course - but I had PPD too (albeit mild) - however, nursing actually helped me. That sounds weird but I feel that the bond I had bc of nursing (although obv a lot of people get that w/ FF! just my personal experience) AND added w/ the surge of "wellness/calm/relaxation/sleepy" feeling I got from nursing really helped me. That's part of why I pushed through even w/ the latch issues. If it stresses you out to the point where you are getting more depressed as a result though, definitely not worth it! 

 

Not being defensive, because I also understand latch issues, but I don't know that anyone who got a relaxing feeling from nursing could understand what I went through lol. I mean that lightheartedly, but I still feel guilt over the words that came out of my mouth to my newborn babies. There was absolutely nothing calm and bonding about nursing once it was failing and my children were getting basically no nutrition from me and screaming bloody murder because of it. If I could have worked on the latch and pushed through it I would have. I did with DS when he plain couldn't latch. But when you conquer latch problems and your body is making no milk it doesn't do any good. :/ 

Maybe I didn't explain it well, but to me the relaxing feeling is honestly just biological (hormonal) and it did not come right away. Not only that but - it took me a while to understand what people were talking about when they told me that they LOVED nursing. I can't say I loved it for the first 6 months at all...) I definitely struggled w/ it too. I had a c/s and had a very hard time w/ latch and even being able to nurse in any normal position. There were a lot of tears the first few weeks, and nursing was so much more difficult for me than any of my friends that had babies and I had no idea why.

I am in no way saying you should have done anything differently, btw. Just relating my own experience (I totally understand why you would feel defensive - that sounds horrible!) Reading  your responses, I'm just thinking - if you already have such strong feelings against it, it might not be worth trying at all... For example, I had a very hard time and HATED my c/s recovery (with a passion) but I am not dreading doing it again. I will probably will try for a vbac, but if I have to go through it again I have a "so be it" attitude and I don't necessarily think it's going to bring up some of the issues I had last time. I feel like I am more equipped this time. I didn't have any trauma about it though, and that helps. It sounds to me like you have some trauma related to the breastfeeding so maybe it's just not for you ?

[monkeybabe]

Jan 17, 2014 2:18:46 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

Jan 17, 2014 2:07:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

BTW I feel like it depends on the individual of course - but I had PPD too (albeit mild) - however, nursing actually helped me. That sounds weird but I feel that the bond I had bc of nursing (although obv a lot of people get that w/ FF! just my personal experience) AND added w/ the surge of "wellness/calm/relaxation/sleepy" feeling I got from nursing really helped me. That's part of why I pushed through even w/ the latch issues. If it stresses you out to the point where you are getting more depressed as a result though, definitely not worth it! 

 

Not being defensive, because I also understand latch issues, but I don't know that anyone who got a relaxing feeling from nursing could understand what I went through lol. I mean that lightheartedly, but I still feel guilt over the words that came out of my mouth to my newborn babies. There was absolutely nothing calm and bonding about nursing once it was failing and my children were getting basically no nutrition from me and screaming bloody murder because of it. If I could have worked on the latch and pushed through it I would have. I did with DS when he plain couldn't latch. But when you conquer latch problems and your body is making no milk it doesn't do any good. :/ 

That sounds so incredibly stressful. I just want to hug you.

[devotchka]

Jan 17, 2014 2:13:37 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

Jan 17, 2014 2:07:06 GMT -5 devotchka said:

My milk took a long time to come in, I ended up pumping at the hospital w/ the hospital grade pump and it helped a lot. Did you have NOTHING milk-wise or did you have colostrum? I had a hard time nursing - I had like 5 different LCs help me bc I was determined to do it and it was a "baby friendly" pro-nursing hospital (one of the nurses asked us where we got our "contraband" when Max had a binky - bc the LCs are so anti-binky!LOL) and I had to use a nipple shield for 4 months bc of major latch issues. After 4 months though it was a lot easier since I didn't have to use the damn shield all the time. Overall I'm still glad I did it. I am still nursing (middle of weaning) and I don't know how I would have calmed him in the early days w/o it. I remember days (and nights!) when NOTHING else except the boob worked. It's worth a try. Every p/g is supposed to be different, who knows! Maybe you can drink some milk-producing tea or something? I wouldn't pressure yourself though, you know your body and your limits!

No- teas, supplements, and rx medicines did nothing. I used a hospital grade pump and it did nothing. I had some colostrum, but no milk. I had so many LCs hands all over my boobs and they told me to give up when the "big guns" as they call it (domperidone) did nothing. Had DS' tongue tie clipped and used a shield thinking it was him. Didn't help. Fiona latched fine and nothing came out. I guess I don't relate to calming them with the boobs... my boobs did nothing but piss them off eventually because they were hungry and nothing came out. It's different when they're hungry and nothing's there to satisfy them. 

There's 2 of them too... I may have had the same experience as you had there been 2 of Max! He was the hungriest baby ever (he was HUGE) and they were freaking out that he was losing weight too quickly and made me supplement. I started pumping that day (day 4 in the hospital) and day 5 my milk finally came in and everyone stopped freaking out. It was fucking stressful for sure. 

[Deleted]

Jan 16, 2014 21:31:13 GMT -5 @therealmc said:

I am hugely pro-breastfeeding and my answer is still no. You need to make sure you are okay mentally and forcing yourself into something that is giving you such stress could cause your possible PPD to be even worse. Give Ruby formula, she will be fine, and focus on being healthy. Xx

This is exactly what I think. Please don't stress!

[raynes]

Ok, looking at the new info, and what you've had to say, I change my suggestion to FF from the start with zero guilt. If she tries to latch while you're cuddling wen she's just out, give'er, but when it comes to feeding her, be confident if your choice and enjoy your time with that little squish.

[kkfeb04]

Jan 17, 2014 7:13:50 GMT -5 raynes said:

Ok, looking at the new info, and what you've had to say, I change my suggestion to FF from the start with zero guilt. If she tries to latch while you're cuddling wen she's just out, give'er, but when it comes to feeding her, be confident if your choice and enjoy your time with that little squish.

Yep, this! Be a proud, confident FF from the get go. No extra stress from attempting to nurse, no extra stress from weight checks, etc. Enjoy your new squishy without any stress before chaos happens when you get home.

[devotchka]

Jan 17, 2014 2:31:45 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Jan 17, 2014 2:13:37 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

No- teas, supplements, and rx medicines did nothing. I used a hospital grade pump and it did nothing. I had some colostrum, but no milk. I had so many LCs hands all over my boobs and they told me to give up when the "big guns" as they call it (domperidone) did nothing. Had DS' tongue tie clipped and used a shield thinking it was him. Didn't help. Fiona latched fine and nothing came out. I guess I don't relate to calming them with the boobs... my boobs did nothing but piss them off eventually because they were hungry and nothing came out. It's different when they're hungry and nothing's there to satisfy them. 

There's 2 of them too... I may have had the same experience as you had there been 2 of Max! He was the hungriest baby ever (he was HUGE) and they were freaking out that he was losing weight too quickly and made me supplement. I started pumping that day (day 4 in the hospital) and day 5 my milk finally came in and everyone stopped freaking out. It was fucking stressful for sure. 

Umm... ignore the thing about there being 2 of them, I guess it was late when I wrote this and I may have been hallucinating that you had twins  

[m1and1m]

Yep, with the new info I'd say straight to formula for nutrition and nurse for colostrum.

I *want* to think that I'm so hardcore BF that I would be super committed to powering through and finding a way to beat all odds, but the reality is I don't think I could do that in your shoes. It's one thing when you only have the one kid and can stay at home, focusing solely on them (which was a huge factor in my being able to nurse my DD), but totally another when there are older kids that 1- need you, and 2- there were emotionally debilitating nursing issues with. That is a LOT of stress and pressure on you. Yes, FF has it's own brand of stress (are we running low? did I remember to grab any before leaving the house? shit, no clean bottles. etc, etc) but that's convenience stress, not emotional stress. We lactivists like to say "It's rare not to produce enough milk! You just need more support! More information! More of something!" But to that's not always true, and that's NOT a reflection on you. I mean, what more can YOU do?? If some miracle has occurred and you wake up engorged when your babe is 2 days old, then halle-FRICKIN-lujah, nurse all you want but otherwise? Nah. You've been through it. Twice. Take that emotional weight off your shoulders, take the stressor of wondering if you'll be able to make enough off the table. THIS is why formula exists.