Daycare question

[moandjo]

I'm mostly a lurker, but need advice. DS is 3 and just moved to a new room in daycare. He didn't want to go today because he said his teacher threw his jacket because he wasn't listening. The other day DH picked him up and he was with the 4 year old room because he wasn't listening so he couldn't play outside with his class. I know he can be challenging sometimes, but no issues have been brought up with us. We have a 2 month old DD which I think is adding to his behavior. We have been really happy with the daycare center in general (it is a really nice place) and I don't want to overreact, but it is sort of breaking my heart.

[redheadk]

They took away his outside playtime for "not listening," he's 4 years old, and they didn't report any issues to you? I'd definitely question that and ask about what happened. I would be VERY unhappy about taking away his outside playtime. If the issue is that severe that it calls for him being separated from his class, it's severe enough to talk to you about it.

[leshoequeen]

I would also talk to the director about this. If I understand your post correctly, he was in with the four year olds because his outside-time was taken away? That would really annoy me. Why stick him in a room full of new people where he is much more likely to be uncomfortable and act out? That just doesn't make sense. Plus, as PP said - he's three! Three year olds don't listen! And how old is his teacher -12 - throwing a coat?? That's not cool!

[Ashley&Scott]

The teacher is throwing things?!?! I would be pissed.

I understand taking away privileges or giving time outs for misbehaving, but putting him in an older room doesn't seem like the best option. They definitely should have been talking to you about it. Did they say anything to your DH when he picked him up?

I would be talking to the director asap.

[ijack]

I would talk to the director or teacher so you can understand what really happened. Not to discount your son, but at that age he might have had to go to the 4yo room because of numbers and it might have been after he didn't listen and he might have connected the two. Or he could be totally right. I would just want a better understanding first.

[birdmom]

Jul 5, 2012 8:07:09 GMT -5 redheadk said:

They took away his outside playtime for "not listening," he's 4 years old, and they didn't report any issues to you? I'd definitely question that and ask about what happened. I would be VERY unhappy about taking away his outside playtime. If the issue is that severe that it calls for him being separated from his class, it's severe enough to talk to you about it.

This. He's 4 years old. They need to discuss these issues with you if they are that problematic. IMO, taking away outside playtime and separating him from his class is not an acceptable form of punishment for not listening. Or really, for anything. I would be very upset.

[moandjo]

DH was told by the other teacher that he was with the 4 year olds because he wasn't listening, but that was it, no other discussion. I'm worried that he is being excluded more that we don't know about. They seem really disorganized. DH and I are going to talk to them tonight. Not accusing them, but sharing ideas of how we get him to listen at home. If things don't improve, we'll go to the director. She has cameras of all the rooms up at all times in her office which is good. Thanks for all of your advice.

[pugz]

yeah I would get their side of it.

i'm surprised they don't have some kind of standard protocol for punishment, i.e. time out or something like that.

[pamela]

I would want more explanation and would expect that if he was acting out enough to warrant outside time being taken away at that age, that I would have been notified as well of exactly what was going on.

It should take a whole lot to get outside time taken away, especially at that age when it's probably the best thing to help them behave later to burn off energy running around.

[Ashley&Scott]

Good point Jenny. (I love her explanation of what happened. )

[GailGoldie]

I'm a former K teacher, early childhood certified... i worked in daycare as well - just saying this so you know i'm not JUST a parent...

that is NOT acceptable.

The throwing his jacket? I wouldn't believe that for sure- kids say things in weird ways - change things around - so she may have dropped it and that upset him - but i would ask the teacher about it.

As for the taking away outside play time b/c he wasn't behaving?? He is THREE. He needs gross motor activity more than anything right now - TO HELP HIM BEHAVE better when he's inside... Taking away play time b/c of anything= not OK. I would have HUGE issues with that - and let the teacher know that I don't find it acceptable --- not only does it make things worse for him (b/c he can't get his wiggles out)... but it's not an immediate punishment - he needs something immediate and relevant to what he's doing wrong... if he's misbehaving inside at circle time (lets just say) - taking away play time an hour later does not register for a 3yo to make him think "i need to be good at circle time tomorrow or else".

I would talk with the teacher about more appropriate ways to discipline him -- he can't be a calendar helper if he doesn't behave at calendar time, etc... something relevant. If the teacher doesn't seem to budge - you need to talk to the director.

No WAY would I be OK with a teacher taking away outside play time- UNLESS my child was being bad OUTSIDE. My boys need that play more than anything --- esp if you have a new baby at home.

can you tell that pisses me off??