The offending object? A footlong loaf of bread, stuffed with savory cheese, purchased at a beloved Italian bakery and presented with pride at a recent potluck meal. “This bread is delicious,” I crowed.
The kitchen went quiet. You’d think I had offered up a bouquet of poison ivy. One guest said she was gluten free. Another didn’t consume milk products. The mood lifted only when someone else arrived with a large bowl of quinoa and lentils.
It’s becoming harder for Americans to break bread together. Our appetites are stratified by an ever-widening array of restrictions: gluten free, vegan, sugar free, low fat, low sodium, no carb, no dairy, soyless, meatless, wheatless, macrobiotic, probiotic, antioxidant, sustainable, local and raw.
Though medical conditions like celiac disease and severe allergies have long relegated a small percentage of diners to rigid diets, more and more eaters outside this group appear to be experimenting with self-imposed limits, taking a do-it-yourself, pick-and-choose approach to restricting what they consume.
Some group-dining devotees say they are happy to adjust as the occasion demands. In April, Coco Myers, a writer who avoids gluten and lactose, invited a fish-averse friend to a dinner party in East Hampton, N.Y., hosted by a couple who don’t eat red meat. A few days earlier, the hostess (Scott O’Neil, a painter and an amateur cook, who had been planning a seafood stew) e-mailed Ms. Myers to ask about problem foods.
“Sometimes I go to dinner parties, and you just deal with what you get, right?” Ms. Myers recalled. “But she put it out there.” So she compiled a dietary no-fly list: no fish, no gluten, no lactose.
Ms. O’Neil was up to the challenge. “Nowadays I always ask, because there’s so many things people don’t eat,” she said. She swapped the stew for a mixed grill with chicken, scallops, salmon and tofu, rounding it out with rice, an asparagus-topped salad and an upside-down rhubarb cake.
Joanne Heyman, who owns a consulting firm in New York, thinks that stories like this illustrate just how much “the locus of responsibility has moved from the eater to the hostess.” Ms. Heyman, a former vegetarian, said that she recently organized an invitation-only business dinner for two dozen people. On the day of the event, she started getting last-minute notes from guests saying they were vegetarian, vegan or gluten free.
“The distinction is not that people have restricted diets,” she said. “It’s their attitude about whose responsibility it is to meet their dietary needs.”
But where are all of the atomized eating habits coming from? Do these diners have anything in common, apart from ownership of single-serve Tupperware? Unlike the diet fads of yesteryear (Atkins, Zone, South Beach and countless others), many contemporary eating styles speak directly to values and virtues, aiming to affirm your ethos rather than nuking your love handles.
Today’s restricted eaters are prone to identity-driven pronouncements along the lines of “I’m gluten free.” (It’s worth nothing that, back in the aughts, no one declared “I’m Atkins!” Except, quite possibly, Dr. Robert Atkins himself.)
Consumers seem to be building self through sustenance, adjusting their appetites to reflect independence and moral character. In numerous interviews with restricted-diet adherents and those who study and feed them, control and identity were two common themes on everyone’s lips.
“It’s an alternative way of finding an identity in a place where identity is increasingly uncertain,” said Richard Wilk, the director of Indiana University’s doctoral program in food studies. “So much of our lives are completely out of our control. You can go to college and not get a job. You can do an internship and not get a job. The economy takes some new tack every 15 minutes.”
Meredith Yayanos, a musician and a founder of the alternative culture magazine Coilhouse, adapts her diet to influence her mood. “I love the idea that there’s a mix and match going on,” she said.
Ms. Yayanos first dropped gluten, sugar and carbs on a friend’s advice after being mugged at gunpoint, a trauma that left her fending off panic attacks and depression. “Within 48 hours, it felt like a thick layer of gauze had been pulled off my brain,” she recalled. Now Ms. Yayanos revisits that diet whenever her mood drops. She’s noticed her friends experimenting with food, too, essentially “hacking” their bodies, tinkering with different fuels to reap feelings of clarity and energy.
But Fabio Parasecoli, a native of Rome and the coordinator of food studies at the New School, worries that diverse diets can kill the pleasure of shared meals. “For me, food is very social, and I would never show up at someone’s place with Tupperware,” he said. “It’s difficult when dietary choices prevent people from fully participating in social life.”
Meg Geldart, a circus acrobat in Portland, Ore., is determined not to let that happen. She frequently cooks meals with as many as 20 friends who are, variously, omnivorous, gluten free, dairy free, soy free, vegetarian, vegan, diabetic or allergic (to garlic, onions, nuts or legumes).
“It just became havoc,” Ms. Geldart said. She and her friends eventually arrived at a decision: “Not everyone’s going to be able to eat everything.” But with careful planning (plus a lot of recipe collecting and cross-referencing of diets), they’ve been able to ensure that, at any given meal, everyone can eat something.
“We did an East Coast-style clambake that was really fun,” she said. “Our vegans and vegetarians weren’t too excited, but we did a vegetable roast for them.”
Still, even in Ms. Geldart’s hometown, that famously tolerant foodie mecca satirized on “Portlandia,” patience may be waning. On the Web site of the local alt-weekly The Portland Mercury, anonymous readers recently aired their frustrations over restricted diets. “You probably don’t have celiac disease anyway. Self-diagnosis on WebMD doesn’t count,” one wrote.
“At restaurants, I ask for extra gluten on everything,” said another.
Some restaurants steadfastly refuse to change a single dish to meet restrictions, on the grounds that even small alterations can slow a busy kitchen and butcher carefully calibrated recipes. Last year, Gjelina, a Los Angeles restaurant with a no-alterations policy, made national headlines after refusing to sideline the toppings on a smoked trout salad for Victoria Beckham, who was pregnant and dining with the celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Both guests walked out.
“It’s the restaurant’s policy not to change any part of the menu,” said Fran Camaj, Gjelina’s owner, who commented on house rules in general but declined to address specific incidents or guests. “If you don’t like the policy, that’s fine, best of luck.”
Even if some folks won’t budge, the spending power of independent-minded eaters is moving the marketplace. Many diners are driven by tales of adulterated food that perennially make the news, creating skeptical consumers.
By controlling consumer spending, restrictive diets also make personal choices political. “The government-industrial farming complex really offends me,” said Detective Daniel Kraus, with the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office in Oregon City, Ore., who eats with his health and his ethics in mind. “I’m not with the Occupy Wall Street types at all. I’m a Ron Paul Republican.”
He added: “When I go to the grocery store, it makes me mad that I can’t buy barbecue sauce because the No. 1 component is high-fructose corn syrup.”
Mr. Kraus said that he stopped eating grains, legumes and dairy about 18 months ago as part of the “paleo” diet, which he said lowered his weight and blood pressure. This popular regimen, also known as the Paleolithic (or caveman) diet, consists of foods that our ancestors could pick or kill with a stick, arguing that human beings lack the appropriate digestive equipment to eat complex, processed foods.
But not everyone’s rushing to change their habits; some foodies are downright skeptical of the ongoing dietary fragmentation. Josh Ozersky, the founder of Meatopia, an annual bacchanal for carnivores in New York City, argued that the atomization of eating styles is about more than health.
“Like a lot of chefs, I’m convinced that these diets are not always the results of the compromised immune systems of American diners, but their growing infantilism and narcissism,” he said.
Does Mr. Ozersky plan to accommodate dietary diversity at his next event?
“My attitude has been a very clearsighted, unilateral anticipation and dismissal of all of those issues,” he said. “Meatopia is all meat. Anyone who doesn’t like that can go to vegetopia.”
I ran into this issue about 4 years ago. I was on a weekend away with a group of 5 girls I knew in high school, staying at a hostel on Cape Cod. We planned on cooking a meal together the first night. Except it seemed like everyone but me and one other girl had dietary restrictions; gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian, and my personal favorite, would not eat anything grown or killed more than 30 miles away.
We ended up saying fuck it and each did our own thing. It was way less fun than cooking together might have been.
Also, anyone else read the Meatopia guy's comments in a Ron Swanson voice?
I'm happy to try to adapt to a person's dietary needs and/or preferences but it can be difficult. A few months ago we hosted friends and we knew they were vegetarians. They then explained they eat organic, cage-free meat and eggs and that those are preferred to fish, because most fish in the US is farmed. So then I felt I was expected to find these kinds of meats. It turned out ok, I suppose, but it made me a more anxious host than if someone didn't have these requests. Mind you, these were personal preferences, not dietary needs.
Generalization alert: I find that the people with special dietary needs are much more polite and helpful in hosting than those with dietary preferences. I have another friend who is a vegetarian and it's clear what she can and cannot eat for health reasons and she always brings a dish to pass.
I'm happy to try to adapt to a person's dietary needs and/or preferences but it can be difficult.
Indeed!
We once hosted a New Orleans-themed party. We had one guest who didn't eat pork and another who is allergic to shellfish. Trying to find an authentic NOLA dish with neither pork nor shellfish was pretty much impossible, so we wound up making two dishes.
I think there is a big difference between a picky eater and someone who is allergic to something. I think picky eaters have no business complaining or making special requests at dinner parties but if someone has a true allergy and will become sick or even die from eating something - well, you have to accommodate that, whether you like it or not.
My mom has a severe shellfish allergy and if someone was too lazy to accommodate her limitations, she could die at their dinner table. Not much fun, right?
I am lucky that most people I eat with don't have many (if any) dietary restrictions, though. I think I'd just cancel the party in some of the examples in this story, I am not about to make several different dishes just because some people have different preferences. I guess another solution would be a potluck if your friends/family really have restricted diets and they don't all line up with the same restriction.
Legit health concerns I'll pander to. My FIL and BIL are celiac for-realsies (not just paleo or some bullshit). Beyond that, I get sick of catering to my DH's picky eating and eventually just make what I want. He can eat around it.
I am admittedly a picky eater. At home and resturants I am as picky as can be. When I am a guest at someone elses house, I choke down what they are serving with a smile. Unless it is a legimate food allergy, grow up and eat it.
Post by chance22010 on Jul 6, 2012 12:51:44 GMT -5
So I was taught you go to dinner parties/work events for the company not the food. I would always pull a Scarlette O'Hara and nibble at events and eat before because I'm a super picky eater.
What this article illustrates to me is not that Americans are so amazingly creative with their food needs but that people today are downright effing rude and yes forget that going to someone's home for dinner is not about what is served but about the time you spend together. Take a spoonful or less of what you can it won't kill anyone and it's one night of your life.
I should also add that our picky guests offered to cook food for us at our home. I know they meant well but it was kind of odd. It almost made me feel like I was a poor host.
I dont care if you are picky. I nevEr host any dinner parties. I am a little fussy due to medical issues but I can always make something work. I just avoid salad.
It's one thing if you have a legitimate reason for being gluten-free or another dietary restriction, since I don't want you to be ill after eating at my house. But if you're just a picky eater like that girl who wouldn't eat anything from outside a 30 mile radius, I will judge you and probably avoid eating with you from then on out.
I thought the article also had an interesting discussion of what it means to control your food. That so many of us have little control over what happens in our lives, so they control food which is more socially acceptable. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like the beginning of an eating disorder? I'm not sure what I think about using that kind of language to describe avoiding cheese.
I thought the article also had an interesting discussion of what it means to control your food. That so many of us have little control over what happens in our lives, so they control food which is more socially acceptable. Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like the beginning of an eating disorder? I'm not sure what I think about using that kind of language to describe avoiding cheese.
If I'm being completely truthful, though, I'm just not friends with people who lead such lifestyles.
I have friends who have legitimate allergies and conditions, but what they avoid is medically necessary.
That's what I was thinking. I can't think of a single person we hang out with that has a "fad" type diet restriction.
We also typically go to restaurants so perhaps I just don't notice.
And I'd be pissed if someone called me the day of a dinner party to tell me what they would and wouldn't eat. Fuck that.
Cray-cray MOH from last year's wedding does something like paleo, which is fine because it's not that weird IMO, but she's always doing weird fad additions to it. The wedding party went out to brunch after helping the bride address save-the-dates, and MOH wasn't eating any bread, dairy, or meat. What does that leave? Fruits, vegetables, and nuts? ^o) I can't imagine that the orange juice she drank was part of a paleo diet.
I don't have friends like this either. I have one friend who's been on atkins or south beach a couple times, but he never asks (or mentions it), I just know and try to make our meal work for him. I don't eat lamb, but I'd choke it down if someone made it for me (and I have).
Post by heliocentric on Jul 6, 2012 13:22:16 GMT -5
In our regular crowd there a lots of "picky" eater for a variety of reasons (some health, some ethical, etc.). It can be challenging, but we always manage and most of those with requirements/preferences always bring something they can eat and share. It's not a big deal.
I don't particularly like people making requests if I'm hosting, though I'm fine with them bringing their own dish. On the flip side, I think it's rude when the hosts give you the evil eye for not eating something.
My SIL nearly flipped her shit because she made crab soup. I hate shellfish with a passion. The mere thought makes me gag. I didn't tell her this, I just smiled and declined the soup and ate a roll while others ate the soup course. It would've been fine but she didn't let it go and I ended up feeling like a jerk. So, just like it's rude for a picky eater to make demands, it's also rude for a host to try and guilt a guest into eating something they can't or don't want to eat.
This is also why I think DIY-type meals are always good for hosting. Like a taco bar. The vegetarian and vegans can have bean and veggie tacos only. The gluten free person can make a taco salad. The dairy free person can leave off the cheese. Etc, etc.
I have a friend who is a vegan and one who is lactose intolerant. The lactose intolerant one is not usually an issue, but I stress about having enough options for my vegan friend. I planned two dishes for her for the 4th and she cancelled the day of.
This is also why I think DIY-type meals are always good for hosting. Like a taco bar. The vegetarian and vegans can have bean and veggie tacos only. The gluten free person can make a taco salad. The dairy free person can leave off the cheese. Etc, etc.
This is the exact meal that I make for my inlaws. My SIL is legitimately gluten and dairy free. My BIL is a vegetarian, and my MIL is avoiding red meat because she has an aversion during chemo. This was the easiest thing to make and have everyone happy.
I think people get ridiculous. If you have a real allergy then that is understandable but if not bring a dish you can eat and be done with it. DH and I are mostly vegetarian at home and don't do a lot of dairy (I have to have some cheese) but whenever I go to someone's house I eat what they serve. We go to my parent's weekly and they always have meat, cheese, etc. My mom will get veggie burgers for me if we're cooking out which is super nice of her but aside from that we eat what she cooks.
Also I agree with Brie about DIY stuff. Definitely a good idea.
My husband and I are vegetarian and have been for many years. We have never and would never tell someone what they can/can't make when we are guests at their house. That, to me, is incredibly rude. Also, people who avoid certain food(s) really piss me off when they tell me that I shouldn't eat what they can't in front of them. I don't tell you what to eat, don't tell me what to eat. I'm not going to let my meal be less than satisfactory because you don't feel like eating dairy this week.
We have good friends who we dine with occasionally. One is gluten and dairy free (legitimate). With my husband and I being vegetarians, that places a fair bit of restriction for the whole meal. We have ALWAYS found something that works.
Also, people who avoid certain food(s) really piss me off when they tell me that I shouldn't eat what they can't in front of them. I don't tell you what to eat, don't tell me what to eat. I'm not going to let my meal be less than satisfactory because you don't feel like eating dairy this week.
As a host, I want to make a meal that my guests will enjoy, so I don't mind working around a few requests. There is a point when it could get ridiculous, but I can't say I've actually reached it.