I have to say something that will probably come out wrong and be offensive.
The fact that I know she adopted your husband makes this marginally worse for me. Like, she went through what I'm sure is a not insignificant amount of effort to create a family and she has no qualms about acting batshit insane and destroying those bonds. Not that if you create your family through pregnancy you don't give a crap about your familial bonds, and not that I hold adoptive parents to a higher standard or anything. It's just the twist of irony(?) that makes me a little extra WTF.
This point has not been lost on me. She used dh's brother (also adopted) to help her fight this fight with us, and then a year or so later turned on HIM. He has not spoken to her in years, she drove him away in the same crappy way she drove dh (and me, and her grandchildren) away. She told me once, years ago, that she was a bully in school, and I believe it. And I believe she never, ever changed.
Did BIL and you/your DH patch things up? Are you guys on good terms now?
I have to say something that will probably come out wrong and be offensive.
The fact that I know she adopted your husband makes this marginally worse for me. Like, she went through what I'm sure is a not insignificant amount of effort to create a family and she has no qualms about acting batshit insane and destroying those bonds. Not that if you create your family through pregnancy you don't give a crap about your familial bonds, and not that I hold adoptive parents to a higher standard or anything. It's just the twist of irony(?) that makes me a little extra WTF.
My mom adopted me and she's got similar tendencies. At one point when I was a teenager she said she planned to rip up the adoption paperwork when I turned 18. It was like I was disposable.
I have to say something that will probably come out wrong and be offensive.
The fact that I know she adopted your husband makes this marginally worse for me. Like, she went through what I'm sure is a not insignificant amount of effort to create a family and she has no qualms about acting batshit insane and destroying those bonds. Not that if you create your family through pregnancy you don't give a crap about your familial bonds, and not that I hold adoptive parents to a higher standard or anything. It's just the twist of irony(?) that makes me a little extra WTF.
This point has not been lost on me. She used dh's brother (also adopted) to help her fight this fight with us, and then a year or so later turned on HIM. He has not spoken to her in years, she drove him away in the same crappy way she drove dh (and me, and her grandchildren) away. She told me once, years ago, that she was a bully in school, and I believe it. And I believe she never, ever changed.
I have to say something that will probably come out wrong and be offensive.
The fact that I know she adopted your husband makes this marginally worse for me. Like, she went through what I'm sure is a not insignificant amount of effort to create a family and she has no qualms about acting batshit insane and destroying those bonds. Not that if you create your family through pregnancy you don't give a crap about your familial bonds, and not that I hold adoptive parents to a higher standard or anything. It's just the twist of irony(?) that makes me a little extra WTF.
My mom adopted me and she's got similar tendencies. At one point when I was a teenager she said she planned to rip up the adoption paperwork when I turned 18. It was like I was disposable.
*hugs* I hope you've built a "family" for yourself of friends and relatives you can trust and depend upon.
My mom adopted me and she's got similar tendencies. At one point when I was a teenager she said she planned to rip up the adoption paperwork when I turned 18. It was like I was disposable.
*hugs* I hope you've built a "family" for yourself of friends and relatives you can trust and depend upon.
I have. And my dad is seriously a saint. And like I said in my PP, my mother has improved a lot since she started therapy.
You should have seen how big my eyes were when reading about your Thanksgiving and her taking the guests away.
SueSue, you're a smart woman not to engage. History is what it is, and she will always see it through her own lens, the old coot.
I think it speaks a lot to your character that you held your Thanksgiving at your house anyway knowing you would have displaced the 6 non-family guests. That right there shows your kind heart.
Post by anastasia517 on Feb 19, 2014 11:56:24 GMT -5
Oh wow. There are some people who are never able to admit that they could have possibly been the cause of/contributed to issues in any way. I'm sorry you got stuck with one of them for a MIL.
This is a prime example of why "but they're family!" is a stupid line.
Mean bored old people are THE WORST. My grandma went through a few years of "rehashing/rewriting the past/nominating herself for sainthood" and omg it was painful. Things are so much better now that she is in a home and I only see her twice a year. And my mom (who was the subject of most of the past rewriting) sees her every other day instead of living with her. She still goes on about how she is so lucky God has made her such a wonderful person (lol) but we don't have to listen to too much of it.
You poor thing, Sue. I imagine your marriage counselor looking like this also
lol he was funny. I told the whole long stupid story, and then he turns to dh and says SO. How do you feel about the fact your mother hates your wife? and he sort of hemmed and hawed around and then talked pretty openly. It was hard, and we resolved it, and it sucked the whole time.
Lol! You guys are good stuff. I will say, I've wondered why you have put up with her shenanigans for all these years, but knowing how hard you worked to get your H to where he is at, I get it. I commend you.
I have to say something that will probably come out wrong and be offensive.
The fact that I know she adopted your husband makes this marginally worse for me. Like, she went through what I'm sure is a not insignificant amount of effort to create a family and she has no qualms about acting batshit insane and destroying those bonds. Not that if you create your family through pregnancy you don't give a crap about your familial bonds, and not that I hold adoptive parents to a higher standard or anything. It's just the twist of irony(?) that makes me a little extra WTF.
My mom adopted me and she's got similar tendencies. At one point when I was a teenager she said she planned to rip up the adoption paperwork when I turned 18. It was like I was disposable.
Wow! I can't imagine talking to anyone like this, let alone my own child. I'm sorry you went through such a rough childhood.
Suesue, seriously, how do you put up with this? I need your secret. We're in the middle of a nasty issue with my MiL (she's punishing DH for marrying me by withholding money that is his. BiL was given his money, not coincidentally when he married someone MiL likes), and I am so ready to walk away and tell DH she will never be welcome in our house ever.
Her Mother lived to be a 100 years old. Sweet Baby Jesus. o.o SueSue tell me she smokes or is on the booze.
NO. We had this very discussion last night, lol. 100. It may as well be a thousand. No booze, she walks on her treadmill an hour a day, and never smoked.
Did she ever admit to the whole family that she lied? Or did your H? Why didn't your H call everyone and say, "Mom is insane and Tday is still being held at our house. There will be other people there as well so we can't just cancel. Hope to see you here!"
I really hope that the awful stories I can tell about my MIL don't keep getting worse and she doesn't turn into your MIL
And, sorry about your mom wambam It sounds like you are dealing with her well.
if that was her closer i am dying to know what the rest of the e-mail contained.
i was out of town on Sunday, but she had a Bday party for dh's cousin's dh. So dh and ds2 went, and ds2 and MIL's dh had a spirited discussion about liberal politics. (Ds2 is liberal, MIL's dh is very conservative). Ds2 says he enjoyed the conversation, no hard feelings, MIL's dh was not upset, but MIL was upset that her dh somehow made ds2 mad. He didn't, but she thinks that.) So part of the email was an apology for her dh's behavior in upsetting ds2, and the rest was about how much money she had and how she was preserving it for her heirs. AND, how she wants a private meeting, just her and MY dh, to discuss 'things'. Including the heartbreaking meeting 16 years ago. lol
This story is not nearly as interesting as the airplane one yesterday, but there is great potential in the "private meeting about the heartbreaking meeting" conversation. Not the meeting that will be private, which I assume will not happen in a million years, but in the conversation about how the private meeting will not happen. Please keep us posted!