I'm sorry , it sucks big time. Eat her cupcake and enjoy yourself today.
My mom is the same way. She called 3 weeks before Kalvin's 1st birthday to say she couldn't come because she felt she may be sick with a cold that weekend. I shouldn't be surprised but it always upsets me.
The only good thing that will come is that we will treat our daughters differently and will have a much different relationship than we had with ours.
I definitely know things that I will not do to my daughters that my mom has done to me, especially after they have children of their own.
My Mom is confusing because she will do a lot for my kids, but then will be very hurtful, saying hurtful things to me and won't hear me out on anything. When I was little, if I was upset or cried about something, she would keep track of it on a chart. How many times I cried that day. I was about 7... Wtf? So, our relationship is very strange. I feel manipulated a lot.
But anyway, it must be hard to see it affect your kids, since it's their grand parent. My mom is there for her grandkids, but different with her actual kids, so I don't quite know what that's like. I just know its hard, feeling that things aren't reciprocated from your parent.
Don't feel bad for talking about it spaghetticat, that's what we here for!
I hope you are currently stuffing your face with frosting.