Stolen from MMM: What is your hill to die on?

[bowies]

Stolen from anna7602.

What topic(s) or issue(s) would you risk your personal/professional relationships on?  Can be kid-related or not.

[dana2006]

Vaccinations? I'm pretty laid back on most things but this issue really gets under my skin. I'm pro-vac btw.

[bernergirl]

Vaccinating, and privacy/boundaries. I don't think I'll have any trouble with the first one, but I'm a little worried about BF's family with the 2nd. I have a worry, perhaps unfounded, that I'll be accused of "keeping the baby" from them if I want some time before visitors etc.

[IndiaInk]

One that I've been thinking about lately is vaccinations. I live in an area that has the nation's highest rate of vaccine refusal: our town is 6% unvaccinated at kindergarten and a nearby town is 25% unvaccinated. I'm pretty upset that my newborn may be at risk of contracting a communicable disease before he/she is old enough to get immunized.
I'm fairly certain some of my friends' and acquaintances' kids are unvaccinated, and I will be asking people to not to bring their children to visit my baby if their kids are unvaccinated. I hope this won't cause tension in any of my friendships, but it is absolutely a hill I'm willing to die on due to the seriousness of the situation.

[bowies]

Vaccinations for me as well. I'm pro-science.

My health (and the health of my loved ones) is another. Insinuate that I shouldn't be going to see my doctor so much and I'll tell you to fuck right off.

Lastly, what my children are taught. I was blessed to be raised in a tolerant household and I just cannot imagine saying racist/bigoted/sexist/what-have-you things in front of my kids. It will not fly. I think this is where personal relationships will be strained. My ILs can say some pretty ignorant things (my H is not like this) and my BFF's H has a tendency to say some pretty intolerant things too. Luckily ILs aren't exactly the involved-grandparent types so the opportunities for such foolishness will be minimal.

[robyn]

Vaccinations for me too. Pro-science here as well.
Nutrition is probably my biggest one. DH and I are both overweight, and I am looking to break that pattern with our kids. Especially with me being gestational diabetic, the risks of sugar to our daughter are much higher. MIL and family thinks nothing of sneaking treats, soda, etc. to kids, and constantly thinks sugary things are good treats. This won't fly with me, I've made my position often and loudly at that, and it's not going to change. Little tiny kids don't need sugar as treats, rewards, bribes, nothing. A baby/toddler/pre-schooler has no business sucking down soda or even juice if it's not a constipation issue. I'm borderline rude about it. I know this, and I honestly don't care. There will be plenty of times for treats in her life. She will get a cupcake on her birthday, etc. But a sweet treat will not be shoved in her face around every corner.

[vaportrail]

Tolerance! I was raised in a very racist, hateful family and this child will be taught the exact opposite of what I was taught regarding race/sex/religion/whatnot.

[picksthemusic]

ITA with vaccinations. Unless there is a medical reason (ie suppressed immune system or allergy to vaccine ingredients) to avoid vaccinations, there is NO reason to not be vaccinated.

I also agree with boundaries, like @berbergirl said. My ILs have serious issues (especially FIL) with boundaries and feeling slighted if they don't get enough time with baby.

[jewel]

It makes me furious that there is even a conversation about vaccines.

I do not knowingly spend time with anyone who doesn't vaccinate themselves and/or their children (without real medical justification). I sure as shit will not allow my kids around any of them. I hope to find a pediatrician who refuses to treat unvaccinated, won't go to a day care with unvaccinated kids, etc.

Aside from the health of myself and my family, because of the nature of my job, I am in constant contact with kids who are medically fragile, and many cannot be fully immunized. Although I am vaccinated, vaccines are not always 100% reliable and should I ever be exposed to a communicable disease, I could easily pass it along to a number of kids who cannot get vaccinated for that disease.

I know there was an SVU episode about this, but I really believe that any unvaccinated moron who passes along a preventable disease should be prosecuted, criminally and civilly. If you're going to take the risk of going unvaccinated, then you should know that you'll be responsible for any related consequences. A few manslaughter sentences and multimillion dollar awards might start to change a few minds.

There is so much ignorance and deliberate disregard for the health of the community involved in the vaccination debate, I just can't....

[Alwaysabridesmaidf]

Gay rights/marriage. I honestly just can't see eye to eye with people who are not supportive of it and who spew ridiculous and hateful nonsense. I have definitely defriended people over it. It hasn't come up much in real life but I have certainly had some heated arguments with family members who are "tolerant" (used loosely) but not supportive.

[smock]

This is semi-kid related, but I feel very, very strongly about abortion rights. Last night the baby was kicking me in the ribs so hard that I burst into tears (okay, to be fair a lot of things make me burst into tears at the moment), and I can't imagine forcing a woman to go through pregnancy against her will. I try to avoid talking about the issue with people I suspect are pro-life because I have a hard time discussing the issue without losing my shit.

[loira]

Pretty much most of what has already been posted.
- Science, because facts have the advantage of being true whether or not you believe in them
- Vaccinations, because starting new plagues isn't cool
- Human rights, because everyone should have the right to marry and love and live whomever and however they choose without discrimination against their ethnicity, sexuality etc.

Another one that will only come into play if we end up moving to the US is the gun thing. I do not understand the need for them, I actively dislike them, and I will not let our kid go to another kid's house if their parents have a gun. I don't care if the thing is triple locked away in some massive safe. But this won't be a problem if we stay in the UK, move elsewhere in Europe or move to Canada.

[phdprocrastinator]

Mar 26, 2014 17:11:16 GMT -5 loira said:

Pretty much most of what has already been posted.
- Science, because facts have the advantage of being true whether or not you believe in them
- Vaccinations, because starting new plagues isn't cool
- Human rights, because everyone should have the right to marry and love and live whomever and however they choose without discrimination against their ethnicity, sexuality etc.

Another one that will only come into play if we end up moving to the US is the gun thing. I do not understand the need for them, I actively dislike them, and I will not let our kid go to another kid's house if their parents have a gun. I don't care if the thing is triple locked away in some massive safe. But this won't be a problem if we stay in the UK, move elsewhere in Europe or move to Canada.

A recent issue of Parents magazine had a whole bunch of suggestions about gun safety, including asking parents of your kids friends about their gun ownership and asking to see the guns stored away if they do own guns.  Thinking about how awkward these conversations will be made me cringe, but I've decided to be "that mom."  I don't care if it ends up alienating us from some people.  

[narockshard]

Apparently I'm dying on the opposite hill from most of you   I would say my biggest thing is the right to life/respect for life at all stages, especially since becoming pregnant.

I don't really get getting worked up about vaccines...I'm kind of neutral either way. I grew up in a medical family that is pro-vaccine, but my closest childhood friends are very anti-vaccine and we all turned out fine so...

[robinsbff]

vaccines (yay science!)
i won't deal with any racism, gay-bashing or sexism on the part of anyone around my kid. stuff like "you let that little boy wear pink?" and stereotypical sexist gender roles really grind my gears.

[earlgreyhot]

Mar 26, 2014 15:54:25 GMT -5 smock said:

This is semi-kid related, but I feel very, very strongly about abortion rights. Last night the baby was kicking me in the ribs so hard that I burst into tears (okay, to be fair a lot of things make me burst into tears at the moment), and I can't imagine forcing a woman to go through pregnancy against her will. I try to avoid talking about the issue with people I suspect are pro-life because I have a hard time discussing the issue without losing my shit.

I'm with you. I feel even more passionate about reproductive choice and a woman's right to dignity and privacy.

[smock]

Mar 27, 2014 12:18:48 GMT -5 @charky said:

IDK about risking relationships over this, but I'm continually shocked by women who have minimal understanding of the reproductive process.

Me too! My sister tried to tell me that women can get pregnant at any point in their cycle, and gave me a completely blank state when I told her there's a "window of opportunity" before ovulation. She was like, "no, that's not right!" She also tried to tell me that it isn't possible to get pregnant from sex several days before ovulation. D'oh!

[robyn]

Mar 26, 2014 15:54:25 GMT -5 smock said:

This is semi-kid related, but I feel very, very strongly about abortion rights. Last night the baby was kicking me in the ribs so hard that I burst into tears (okay, to be fair a lot of things make me burst into tears at the moment), and I can't imagine forcing a woman to go through pregnancy against her will. I try to avoid talking about the issue with people I suspect are pro-life because I have a hard time discussing the issue without losing my shit.

I agree with you on the reproductive/abortion rights. I've always been hugely pro-choice, and am not shy about voicing that opinion. I've actually had a couple of people ask me since I've become pregnant if being pregnant has changed my opinion. Hell no!! If anything, it's made me firm up my opinion even more. Being pregnant is hard, yo! I cannot imagine being in this position unwillingly for whatever reason. Plus I just hate that other people feel like they can tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body in general.

[Deleted]

Mar 27, 2014 14:21:05 GMT -5 robyn said:

Mar 26, 2014 15:54:25 GMT -5 smock said:

This is semi-kid related, but I feel very, very strongly about abortion rights. Last night the baby was kicking me in the ribs so hard that I burst into tears (okay, to be fair a lot of things make me burst into tears at the moment), and I can't imagine forcing a woman to go through pregnancy against her will. I try to avoid talking about the issue with people I suspect are pro-life because I have a hard time discussing the issue without losing my shit.

I agree with you on the reproductive/abortion rights. I've always been hugely pro-choice, and am not shy about voicing that opinion. I've actually had a couple of people ask me since I've become pregnant if being pregnant has changed my opinion. Hell no!! If anything, it's made me firm up my opinion even more. Being pregnant is hard, yo! I cannot imagine being in this position unwillingly for whatever reason. Plus I just hate that other people feel like they can tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body in general.

Yes, yes, 1000x yes.

I had a friend, who is shockingly pro-life considering how liberal she is in other aspects, ask me if I've changed my pro-choice stance. I told her, no, absolutely not I am even more firmly pro-choice than before.

[robyn]

Mar 27, 2014 14:35:13 GMT -5 luckydog said:

Mar 27, 2014 14:21:05 GMT -5 robyn said:

I agree with you on the reproductive/abortion rights. I've always been hugely pro-choice, and am not shy about voicing that opinion. I've actually had a couple of people ask me since I've become pregnant if being pregnant has changed my opinion. Hell no!! If anything, it's made me firm up my opinion even more. Being pregnant is hard, yo! I cannot imagine being in this position unwillingly for whatever reason. Plus I just hate that other people feel like they can tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body in general.

I totally agree. 

I keep trying to expand on this but it just doesn't come out well.

It was hard for me to make it come out sort of well too. It was also hard for me to stop at the last sentence and not go on ad naseum for like a thousand more sentences.

[bowies]

I've heard from so many people that kids make you more conservative. So far it's had the opposite effect on me.

[flgirl]

I am extremely opinionated so what I am about to say is very odd. I just can't "die on a hill" for most issues. I believe everyone's opinion is valid even the ones I disagree with. Honestly, most people won't change their mind about their opinion anyway. I guess I would die on that hill...I really have a problem with people treating others like they are stupid if they don't agree. Everyone's opinion has some validity for them. I disagree with about 50% what I see on this message board but I know that disagreeing will only open me up to being attacked. I guess it is the intolerance for other people's ideas.

[bluelikejazz]

I don't know that it's a "die on a hill" issue, but I'm always fascinated by people who don't understand calories and macro-nutrients.

[phdprocrastinator]

Mar 27, 2014 12:49:37 GMT -5 smock said:

Mar 27, 2014 12:18:48 GMT -5 @charky said:

IDK about risking relationships over this, but I'm continually shocked by women who have minimal understanding of the reproductive process.

Me too! My sister tried to tell me that women can get pregnant at any point in their cycle, and gave me a completely blank state when I told her there's a "window of opportunity" before ovulation. She was like, "no, that's not right!" She also tried to tell me that it isn't possible to get pregnant from sex several days before ovulation. D'oh!

This was me before trying for DD.  My husband said something about window of opportunity, and I was all "Can't you get pregnant at any time."  He looked at me like I had twelve heads and told me I was wrong.  So then I started doing research and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

This is what happens when you get all your sex ed in AZ.  Seriously, I was TOLD I could get pregnant at any time during my cycle, including during menses.  I had no reason to think that my teachers were straight up lying to us!

ETA: Luckily for me, I took this "get pregnant at any time" thing the way it was probably intended, and insisted on two forms of contraception (BC and condoms) throughout all of my sexually promiscuous years.  

[rbp]

Mar 27, 2014 15:32:37 GMT -5 flgirl said:

I believe everyone's opinion is valid

This is where we disagree. 

[anna7602]

Mar 27, 2014 12:49:37 GMT -5 smock said:

Mar 27, 2014 12:18:48 GMT -5 @charky said:

IDK about risking relationships over this, but I'm continually shocked by women who have minimal understanding of the reproductive process.

Me too! My sister tried to tell me that women can get pregnant at any point in their cycle, and gave me a completely blank state when I told her there's a "window of opportunity" before ovulation. She was like, "no, that's not right!" She also tried to tell me that it isn't possible to get pregnant from sex several days before ovulation. D'oh!

I suggest giving her a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility for her next birthday.

[anna7602]

Mar 27, 2014 15:32:37 GMT -5 flgirl said:

I am extremely opinionated so what I am about to say is very odd. I just can't "die on a hill" for most issues. I believe everyone's opinion is valid even the ones I disagree with. Honestly, most people won't change their mind about their opinion anyway. I guess I would die on that hill...I really have a problem with people treating others like they are stupid if they don't agree. Everyone's opinion has some validity for them. I disagree with about 50% what I see on this message board but I know that disagreeing will only open me up to being attacked. I guess it is the intolerance for other people's ideas.

It's not that I want everyone to think like me. But there are certain issues that I would end a relationship over because it is that important to me. Sure, everyone has a right to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean that I need to be around to hear that opinion or encourage that opinion in any way. I started the whole "hill to die on" thread on another board with that thought in mind.

[anna7602]

Mar 27, 2014 15:40:53 GMT -5 bluelikejazz said:

I don't know that it's a "die on a hill" issue, but I'm always fascinated by people who don't understand calories and macro-nutrients.

I have to admit that I am pretty conscientious about what I eat, but ever since I started tracking calories on myfitnesspal, I am kind of baffled by how something that has zero nutritional value and something that I find to be extremely vitamin-rich can have the same number of calories. I honestly don't get the whole point of "counting calories" and see the greater benefit of tracking what I eat in seeing what percentage of what I am ingesting is iron-rich, calcium-rich, low-carb, etc. so I can balance those things out and get what my body needs.

[flgirl]

Mar 27, 2014 16:25:00 GMT -5 rbp said:

Mar 27, 2014 15:32:37 GMT -5 flgirl said:

I believe everyone's opinion is valid

This is where we disagree. 

I understand a lot of people disagree with that idea.  I would like to think we can overcome our own need to be right to see that there are other ideas in the world. Hence why I would probably die on that hill because mot people can't do that.

[flgirl]

Mar 27, 2014 19:32:56 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Mar 27, 2014 15:32:37 GMT -5 flgirl said:

I am extremely opinionated so what I am about to say is very odd. I just can't "die on a hill" for most issues. I believe everyone's opinion is valid even the ones I disagree with. Honestly, most people won't change their mind about their opinion anyway. I guess I would die on that hill...I really have a problem with people treating others like they are stupid if they don't agree. Everyone's opinion has some validity for them. I disagree with about 50% what I see on this message board but I know that disagreeing will only open me up to being attacked. I guess it is the intolerance for other people's ideas.

It's not that I want everyone to think like me. But there are certain issues that I would end a relationship over because it is that important to me. Sure, everyone has a right to their own opinion, but that doesn't mean that I need to be around to hear that opinion or encourage that opinion in any way. I started the whole "hill to die on" thread on another board with that thought in mind.

And I choose to stay away from some people for their opinions as well.  What bothers me is when there is a need to confront people or belittle them for their opinions.  I see it every day on this board.