we were actually talking about leaving kids in cars this morning (a friend of mine at work is about to become a father and was saying he was so scatterbrained that he was afraid of doing that). To bring this full circle with the DuPont rape thread, another friend of mine from Ohio said in Cincinnati a few years back there was a situation where a white assistant principal accidently left her child in the car, and the child did not make it. the woman was the held out to be an object of sympathy and the like, but it caused an uproar because apparently black women in the area had been charged with child neglect, manslaughter etc for the same thing so there was this sense that the woman's status as a white, educated, professional was protecting her.
Now that was an accident, not a purposeful act, but you've gotta wonder what people would be saying if this woman was white. I mean, you don't really have to wonder, most of us know, but it goes to the privilege Gpointe is talking about.
So it's my white privileged not my fucking privilege?
And I am glad you can make assumptions about this lady that she was attempting to do the safest of bad options, and assumptions about me, that I don't want my tax dollars spent on people who can work. Simply because I don't agree with this woman's decision. Oh is that what my white privilege makes me think? You don't know me, or my thoughts on tax dollars and where they are spent.
But seriously, it is your privilege that you can't understand that she had no other options.
Find someone to sit in the car? I'm not homeless and I have friends and even babysitters on call with money to pay them and sometimes it's even impossible for me to find someone to watch my kid when my husband is gone on a specific day.
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
It's your white fucking privilege. YWIA! I am making assumptions about you just as you are making assumptions about the homeless woman trying to do better for her family. To your "you don't know me":
women who lack empathy for other women in difficult situations are a dime a dozen
Can we drop this here too? #solidarityisforwhitewomen?
Seems appros? No? Yes?
someone is going to need to hold my earrings and bring me some Vaseline..
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
what would you have done in this situation? Homeless, no job, no child care and 2 kids and a potential job opportunity?
Asked anyone I knew to sit in the car with them. I can't assume that because she is homeless she has no friends. I would choose anything other than a situation where my kids could die.
If she continues on without a job, her kids could also die. I would assume her thought process was that her kids would be fine, it's not that warm out, it won't be but a few minutes but if I don't get this job, we are going to starve after I get raped at the homeless shelter and the last of our possessions are stolen while I sleep.
Something else that we dont know (as far as I know) is how far in advance this interview was scheduled. Maybe she went in to ask about an open position and they interviewed her right there. maybe she knew about it for 2 months. We don't know. I'm inclined to think that she did not have a great deal of notice, which limits her options.
Hell H and I have a house and make a not-insignificant-amount of money, and I still have to line up sitters months in advance to make sure someone is available.
But seriously, it is your privilege that you can't understand that she had no other options.
Find someone to sit in the car? I'm not homeless and I have friends and even babysitters on call with money to pay them and sometimes it's even impossible for me to find someone to watch my kid when my husband is gone on a specific day.
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
Privileged. You're using it wrong.
what other option do you propose she had? By saying you cannot assume she had other options what do you propose these other options were? Also, if like you assume, she did have other options that she chose not to avail herself of, you're saying she's A. stupid or B. a bad mom. I just don't understand why you think a woman in her position may have had another option and if she did, why she wouldn't have taken it.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
But seriously, it is your privilege that you can't understand that she had no other options.
Find someone to sit in the car? I'm not homeless and I have friends and even babysitters on call with money to pay them and sometimes it's even impossible for me to find someone to watch my kid when my husband is gone on a specific day.
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
What evidence do you have for this? Is it that she was trying to get a job at an insurance company (stable employment)? Is it that she has two young children (including a baby) for whom she was solely responsible? Is it that she's homeless (no neighbors, clearly no friends or family willing to support her)? Is it how pissed she looks in her mugshot that she got caught (by which I mean devastated)?:
No one has argued she made the "best" of her horrible options. But it's not like her options were safe, licensed daycare v. parked car. So even if she made what you'd call her "best" choice, it still may not have been legal or safe.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
But seriously, it is your privilege that you can't understand that she had no other options.
Find someone to sit in the car? I'm not homeless and I have friends and even babysitters on call with money to pay them and sometimes it's even impossible for me to find someone to watch my kid when my husband is gone on a specific day.
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
So what you're saying here is you don't understand the concept of White Privilege and don't care to.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
What evidence do you have for this? Is it that she was trying to get a job at an insurance company (stable employment)? Is it that she has two young children (including a baby) for whom she was solely responsible? Is it that she's homeless (no neighbors, clearly no friends or family willing to support her)? Is it how pissed she looks in her mugshot that she got caught (by which I mean devastated)?:
No one has argued she made the "best" of her horrible options. But it's not like her options were safe, licensed daycare v. parked car. So even if she made what you'd call her "best" choice, it still may not have been legal or safe and she would have been arrested or at the very least criticized for it.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
But seriously, it is your privilege that you can't understand that she had no other options.
Find someone to sit in the car? I'm not homeless and I have friends and even babysitters on call with money to pay them and sometimes it's even impossible for me to find someone to watch my kid when my husband is gone on a specific day.
I get that I am privileged and that I have more choices than this woman. I just didn't like it being said it was my "fucking privilege". I know I have it easier than this lady, I do have empathy for her. I am just not as convinced that she made the best choice that she had. I cannot assume she had no other options. Perhaps she did, or maybe not, I would need more information. I hope this can spur a change in her circumstances and maybe end her homelessness.
The fact that you cannot assume she has other options is what highlights your privilege. You can't assume it because you've never known that level of desperation. That's the point of "privilege." Hell, I myself have privilege. I have a well paying job. I've never been homeless. I've never had to wonder where my next meal was coming from. Have I had to rob Peter to pay Paul at points in my life? Yes - but to what this woman must deal with. No. Not ever.
I get to see what that is like for my sister who is poor. Her decisions always reflect - "how can I best make it today." Always. It'd heartbreaking to me, so I always help when and where I can. But this woman could very well have NO ONE.
You don't know her struggle. You haven't walked a mile in her shoes. And because of that - your response is one of privilege. It just is.
@mx - that Rudd story broke my heart. While I was in DC, they kept airing it, and I was devastated by it. Truly devastated.
I was reading this morning that they think they will find her body in the aquatic gardens. It's so sad. Maybe her mom didn't make the best choices, but when you are living with 5 kids in a shelter what kind of options have you really got?
Something else that we dont know (as far as I know) is how far in advance this interview was scheduled. Maybe she went in to ask about an open position and they interviewed her right there. maybe she knew about it for 2 months. We don't know. I'm inclined to think that she did not have a great deal of notice, which limits her options.
Hell H and I have a house and make a not-insignificant-amount of money, and I still have to line up sitters months in advance to make sure someone is available.
I was just thinking that this is yet another way aspiring workers are screwed since the Great Recession. Companies tell you when it's convenient *for them* to interview you (and many times, it's without much notice), and of course when you're desperate for a job you don't want to risk getting your application tossed out because that's not a good day for you. So it would not surprise me if this was something scheduled too last-minute for her to figure out what to do about childcare (not that more time meant she'd have a safe option since she is homeless).
I mean, to play devil's advocate a bit, sure, maybe she did have other options. Maybe she had a whole line of people who would watch her kids for her for two hours while she went to the interview. Maybe she took her kids with her for funsies. Maybe she thought it was too much bother to leave them with someone else.
Is that really what we think of people? Do we just always assume the worst?? that's really sad to me. I mean, yes, some people may make that choice, but here, her mug shot picture is not the picture of a woman who said "eff it, I'm not driving them to your house Nancy, I'm leaving them in the car!" She looks like a woman who is out of options and was trying to get water from a rock.
Post by 2curlydogs on Mar 31, 2014 11:47:22 GMT -5
Jesus H. Christ on a cracker there's some really awful displays of humanity in this thread.
If I, with my white-ass, suburban living, licensed daycare, very well paying flex-hour job, supportive H and his very well paying flex-hour job, local family and friend network, etc. struggle with finding childcare on occasion....
If she had friends I think we can assume they are pretty shitty since they let her and her children become homeless.
The fundraiser page indicates that her children are with family as she's still in prison. I'm still worried about those kids that it took this much for them to help her.
I'll probably DD this comment later but when I was very young, my mother was close to being homeless. She asked her sister to take me for a while so she could get a job, get on her feet, and said she would pay for my food and all of that. My aunt's husband said no because if they did, my mom would never learn her lesson and would always be looking to get a bailout somewhere.
That's what my uncle said, ffs. I wasn't even school aged. So you can have family. That doesn't mean they'll help you. You can have friends. That doesn't mean you can trust them with your children.
Jesus H. Christ on a cracker there's some really awful displays of humanity in this thread.
If I, with my white-ass, suburban living, licensed daycare, very well paying flex-hour job, supportive H and his very well paying flex-hour job, local family and friend network, etc. struggle with finding childcare on occasion....
Sitting down next to you. I'm a SAHM with supportive family and friends and I can't always get a sitter so yeah.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
@hbc - I've had to remind my own mother of that very thing when discussing my sister. The same dayum.thing. It's not her dayum fault that her job eliminated her shift leaving her w/o a job. That shift was PERFECT because it was overnight and she could work and get her kids to school and pick them up. Perfect. Then life just happens.
It's not like she was out walking the track or at the trap house. She was working and the rug got pulled from under her. The pastor at my childhood church used to say "we're all just a paycheck away from broke." Even if you have savings, the wrong turn of events can wipe you clean out.
Lord only knows what was going on in that woman's life. And it sure as shit ain't for me to judge.
Post by 2curlydogs on Mar 31, 2014 11:57:29 GMT -5
I'm also gonna put this here:
If you can look at that mug shot of her, with her tears streaming down her face, and go "She had to have other options" I just don't know what to say to you. Seriously.
If you can look at that mug shot of her, with her tears streaming down her face, and go "She had to have other options" I just don't know what to say to you. Seriously.
She just looks so ashamed, miserable, and defeated. I cannot imagine how she felt going into that job interview, nervous for her babies but determined to get this job, knowing what it meant. And then to come out and find the police in possession of her babies . . . I just can't. The heartbreak she has to be feeling. And she's still in jail.