That kid of mine...

[starrieskies]

DS has been really clingy lately, and at first I tried to tell myself that it was just because he wasn't feeling well earlier this week.  But I think it's something more...

He has a Disney Storybook that we read stories out of at bedtime, and lately he's become obsessed with The Aristocats.  I hate the last line in that story and always try to skip it, but he calls me on it every time.  Of course in the story the two adult cats fall in love and live happily ever after, but the last line says, "The kittens were happy because now their family was complete." (or something very similar)

After every story we read, I ask DS what his favorite part of the story was.  his favorite part of this one is "When they fell in love."  We've read this story almost every night this week and his answer never changes.

This morning he was talking about a dream that he had where we were at a school together and we each had to cook something.  He made hashbrowns, I made macaroni and cheese, and "the man" made pizza... 

I don't know who the man is...  I asked him and he said "the man who eats the food we make!  I'm a REALLY good cook, Mom!" 

It kind of has me worried that DS thinks our family isn't right because there isn't a man in it...  He's too young to be worrying about that!  he's going to be 5 next month for crying out loud!  He should be worried about playing with his toys and making mud pies, and starting school in the fall.  Not about an incomplete family...

I full on ugly cried after I dropped him off this morning.  I need this trip to the beach more than I thought.

[Deleted]

Hugs.

[cuddlyevil]

{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}

I know it's hard, they don't miss a lot do they?

I know what you mean. DS#1 (who'll be 5 in September) really hasn't said much. But DD (who's 8) told me the other night that she doesn't want either of us to remarry--she's happy "with the way things are" and doesn't want two moms and two dads. I had to gently tell her that she really doesn't get a say there.

[starrieskies]

I just don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping that it's just a phase and he'll see that we don't need to have a man in our lives to be a complete family, but I'm to the point where I'd rip that story out of that book if I could... I have a call into my therapist to discuss it with her. She's been really great. Part of me is hoping that she'll tell me that I'm over reacting because I'm craving adult affection myself. Maybe I'm just projecting my lonliness onto him...

[Deleted]

This seems to me like it is probably normal, but I don't have kids so I'm not sure.

[gault]

I am kid stupid, but it might be a good idea to introduce him to a few books that have "alternative" families - single parents, stepparents, two moms and two dads. Just so he knows that happy families come in all shapes and sizes.

I'm sorry, it sounds like this would be devastating to hear. Hugs

[margarita]

Hugs

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 11:44:30 GMT -5 gault said:

I am kid stupid, but it might be a good idea to introduce him to a few books that have "alternative" families - single parents, stepparents, two moms and two dads. Just so he knows that happy families come in all shapes and sizes.

I'm sorry, it sounds like this would be devastating to hear. Hugs

That's what I was thinking to set the stage for different nuclear families that don't look like what society says they should look like. 

[partiallysunny]

::hugs::

Do you have any stories about single parents/ divorced parents you guys could read together?

Any single/ divorced friends with kids He could hang out with more?

I think introducing him to different types and kind of families might help.

[starrieskies]

His best friend is my bff's son. She's a single mom too. We actually have a fair number of single parents in our lives, so I was kind of surprised by this.

I will look into other books as well. He has a pretty large collection of books already, but I have absolutely NO problem adding to the bookshelf! I'd almost rather buy him books than toys

[cuddlyevil]

We've been having a rolling conversation with all three about there being different kinds of families. MIL & I have emphasized to all of them that we are still all a family, just a different type of one--they are still loved and will see everyone just as much as ever.

DD has friends whose parents are divorced and MIL & SFIL are both divorced and remarried, so they have been exposed to it.

There are some books out there (danny the dinosaur gets divorced--I think?), so that may help too. I think it's natural for them to want a mom & dad at home with them. But also he may be picking up your loneliness a bit and just want someone to be there for you.

[starrieskies]

I talked to my therapist at lunch. She said it's probably a combination of things, but mostly a natural progression of DS's grieving process. She did echo the recommendation for additional books, and said that I should continue to be supportive and encourage DS to talk about his feelings no matter how badly they sting at the time.

She also said that she was impressed that I picked up on the cues that DS was giving me and said that it is clear he and I have a very special relationship. She thinks he's on the right track.

I guess I just needed someone to tell me that this was normal. I feel so much better! I'm so paranoid about screwing up this parenting thing...

[margarita]

Way to go mama! You are doing great.

It sounds like the appointment went well and was really helpful.

[partiallysunny]

You're doing fantastic.

[starrieskies]

Thanks. I just don't want to mess him up... She also pointed out that he was very specific in that "the man" was not his dad. She said that points to acceptance of the divorce, and that the fact that we were doing things together indicates that he's not angry with me for it. That made me feel better too.

I love therapy!

[Muddled]

That cat isn't the father of the kittens, is he? So, there's that.

I'm sure you have told him that you are very happy with the size of your family right now.

[starrieskies]

No the cat isn't the father. But the kittens family not being "complete" until the other cat is in it (according to the story) is what bothers me. I don't want DS to feel like there is something wrong with our family or that it's incomplete without a man in it.

[tiramisu]

Try not to worry too much about it, it sounds like you're handling things well so far and I know you'll continue to do so. He might think for a while that there needs to be a man to make the family complete, but that will pass. Besides, he might just want you to have someone to lean on, who knows? You'll both get through this stage.

[starrieskies]

It just really bothered me yesterday, but after talking it through with my therapist I feel a little better. I just wish he'd pick a different story!

[Deleted]

You are such a good mom and good person.