Coworker's wife pregnant, same due date as me

[starfish79]

This is kind of a whine.  I just need to say it to someone.

I'm pg w my first.  Coworker is 8 years younger than me and he and his wife are pg w their first.

I don't plan on announcing to boss/colleagues until 14-15 weeks (I have reasons for wanting to wait, mostly having to do w working mothers not being well supported in my dept).

Coworker announced when his wife was 8 wks.  She is due 3 days before me, so we're essentially going through same things.  He was talking abt how nauseated she is, how excited they are, he's been staying home w her when she's been sick, etc.  Great guy, right?

Why am I annoyed?

Probably because I work about 6 feet away from him and have to hear all this meanwhile I have to stifle my news and run to the bathroom every 30-40 minutes, feeling scared that someone might catch on.

Today, he went w wife for first ultrasound and brought back pictures.  Coworkers asking intrusive questions (what I consider intrusive: "everything check out ok?" uh, hello, like he's going to tell you if something was wrong or uncertain!), him putting ultrasound photo up on his desk for the world to see.  Do I want to see your wife's uterus?  No!

Anyway, I'm crabby abt it mainly because I feel like it's different to be the dad-to-be when you're a woman and you have to work twice as hard and long to get recognition/be taken seriously.  The guy got a promotion a year into his job and is now at same title level as me (though he has probably a decade less experience) moseys in most days around 9:30/10, leaves between 4/5 (and lives 5 min away from office), whereas I work 60+ hrs a week, often a full 10+ hrs in office + evening and weekend events and work 40 min away so add a long commute to that.... and he can celebrate being a new dad, but I know the minute I announce the heads of our dept will not see me as a viable candidate for good assignments, pay raise, promotion in next fiscal year, etc.

Ughhh... things haven't changed in our world.

[mannah]

Sounds like a brutal and not rewarding work environment for you (non related to the pregnant news). What do you do if you don't mind me asking?

[zarapipe]

I'm sorry- what a sucky situation. On the bright side, hopefully everyone will be so caught up with his nauseating oversharing that you can hide your news until you really want to tell. I hope when you tell you are surprised and work is a bit more supportive that it has been in the past.

[theatre4life]

Apr 15, 2014 7:27:37 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

I'm sorry- what a sucky situation. On the bright side, hopefully everyone will be so caught up with his nauseating oversharing that you can hide your news until you really want to tell. I hope when you tell you are surprised and work is a bit more supportive that it has been in the past.

All of this. **hugs** Sorry it's rough around the workplace right now.

[ringstrue]

I don't think it's silly at all. I got this new job about 2 years ago and have a lot of male co-workers who are the same level as me and I see a lot of differences - especially with those that have kids like me.

I agree that you could use his position to your advantage. And not for nothing - but why IS there such a difference between your workload and his if you have the same position?

But usually the woman gets a better work baby shower than the man so maybe you can look forward to that?

::hugs:: I hope you can tell soon and everyone reacts well.

[dana2006]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. It sucks to feel that he can talk about his wife's pregnancy all he wants (and it does seem like he's oversharing) while you have to keep it bottled up for professional considerations. I really hope you get pleasantly surprised when you do announce and that they show support.

[sillygoosegirl]

*hugs*

I have a lot of the same concerns, and my coworker whose wife is pregnant is DH, so I know he's got my back whether the company does or not. And I'm still really scared that this will be a bigger career setback for me than for him, even though we are both planning to miss the exact same amount of work for it. (Okay, there will be a bit more on me now because of the pregnancy, but he's gonna take more of the well-child visits and sick-child days to make up for it.) But they don't know that, and I'm very afraid they will make assumptions about us because of our genders, or because they like him better for being a man they will push me to do more of the kid stuff so they can have more of him at the office. (All that stuff in Lean In about people liking men as coworkers better than women FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON was so depressing.)

[curbsideprophet]

Sorry you don't think your company is treating you fairly. Have you ever tried working shorter days? What does everyone else in he company do? It sucks your commute is longer, but that is not the company's fault/problem.

As for you coworkers, I don't think asking if everything well at an appt or u/s is intrusive. That just seems like normal conversation. I also don't think sharing u/s photos is odd either. I think you are projecting your other issues with work onto that situation.

[starfish79]

Thanks, all. I think I'm being a little over-reactive, too. If I weren't pregnant I'd be happy for him I know it. But because of all these issues I'm crabby and projecting.

I hope too that things are easier/better than I expect after I announce.

One reason I'm so anxious is because my boss and I are gearing up for a massive project that heats up in the fall/winter so I'll be gone for three critical early months (but it's a years-long project so what's three months over three years, right?).

Thank you for your empathy and support.