Talk my through this-- telling work , updated

[zarapipe]

Update, didn't tell. I'm holding out anothere two weeks. Good thing we are in a cold snap. Sweater tomorrow! Thanks all


I posted a while back about being afraid of telling work in case something was wrong with the baby, I had a m/c, etc, and how to tell a large group of people.

Well, I told my boss and it went fine. Now I have to tell my direct reports- about 30 of them. I wanted to wait until 19 weeks when my big u/s is, but I'm afraid I can't keep the belly hidden and I'm afraid someone is going to out me. If you remember one person already touched my belly and suggested I would be having a baby sooner than later. I'm 17 weeks now, I'm less afraid of having a m/c, but what if something is found at the u/s that is not compatible with life? I guess I'm just scared that this is going to end well and my whole work will know. Today would be a good day to tell because I am having a meeting with my 6 lead people who I think I could tell and they could share with everyone else. I supervise everyone, but these people are a small step above the others.

I'm so anxious about this and I shouldn't be! It should be a happy time.

[luv2rn4fun]

((hugs)) So sorry you are feeling anxious about telling work. I would tell them when you are ready to tell them. I do think your idea of telling your 6 lead people is perfect. They can spread the news to everyone else.

It is a very happy time and I'm so thrilled that you are so far along (was just thinking/praying about this this morning)! Praying that all goes perfect in a couple weeks! Big ((hugs))...you have handled this pregnancy so well and you are almost there!!

[chickadee77]

Tell when you're ready. PGAL for me has gotten better, but even now, at 29 weeks, I fear something going wrong and having to "untell" or what-have-you. Your idea about telling your leads is a good one, but if it doesn't feel right to you, there will be other meetings. If people guess, they guess, so what? Do what you're comfortable with!

[aqualuv]

I think your idea of telling today sounds great. I work in a small group (only 17 people), I told my two closest colleagues and my director and manager. Everyone else in the group I'm sure already knows or they will realize it when they see me. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone but I also do not manage anyone either.

I think telling your 6 leads and allowing the news to flow is a great idea.

[mrssandro]

I am sending you giant hugs. I know it is super hard to out yourself.

[linz]

Dont feel pressured to tell but also dont stress. They will all be happy for you once you announce. And you have to put the thought of anything bad behind you. Hopefully nothing is wrong but if it is you would have that support of your team behind you. Gl! I'm telling my dept at 12 weeks bc we have a dept lunch so will be easier to do it all at once.

[theatre4life]

Another vote for don't tell until you're ready. Again, if they figure it out, they figure it out. If you're not ready, don't say anything. And if you are ready, I think telling the slightly higher ups, and letting the news spread is a good way to do it. (Though I tried this and told 4 people, assuming they would tell everyone else...now, all but two in our office know, and they have all heard from me, lol.)

I am also with you on being freaked out about telling. I need to go down to our main office (about an hour and a half away, where I do the vast majority of my work, oddly enough) and tell them (because I figure it would be easier to do it in person, and one fail swoop. Yet I keep prolonging going down there. (I am supposed to go down every month, I haven't been since December...)

Good luck and big hugs with whatever you decide to do!!

[pinotgrig]

I like the idea of telling the people you're seeing today and letting word spread from there, since you weren't a huge fan of having to tell all your direct reports. However, if you're not ready to tell before the a/s then you're not ready.

Which stresses you out more - telling all your direct reports after your a/s (and hoping ppl are polite enough to keep their mouths shut) or telling your ppl today before your a/s?

[flamingeaux]

Obviously don't tell until, you're ready. But is there one person there that you could rely on to untell everyone else, like a close friend, or a supervisor you trust. It might help you relax more, if you know, that if it comes down to that, you won't have to keep explaining, what happened.

Oh and good luck, and lots of good thoughts.

Sent from my HTC One X using proboards

[vtdiamond]

I agree with the others, don't share until you feel ready. I like the idea of telling a smaller group of people and letting them spread the news. It sounds like you'd be more comfortable waiting until after your A/S, if so I would do that and then tell people at the next meeting after that.

[zarapipe]

Apr 15, 2014 8:40:34 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I like the idea of telling the people you're seeing today and letting word spread from there, since you weren't a huge fan of having to tell all your direct reports. However, if you're not ready to tell before the a/s then you're not ready.

Which stresses you out more - telling all your direct reports after your a/s (and hoping ppl are polite enough to keep their mouths shut) or telling your ppl today before your a/s?

Telling before the a/s... which is in two weeks... but I feel like by then it will be too late, I may be getting comments. My belly is pretty big IMO. I may just wait and whatever happens happens. Hopefully someone is ballsy enough to say something about my fat belly.

[pinotgrig]

Apr 15, 2014 8:49:52 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Apr 15, 2014 8:40:34 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I like the idea of telling the people you're seeing today and letting word spread from there, since you weren't a huge fan of having to tell all your direct reports. However, if you're not ready to tell before the a/s then you're not ready.

Which stresses you out more - telling all your direct reports after your a/s (and hoping ppl are polite enough to keep their mouths shut) or telling your ppl today before your a/s?

Telling before the a/s... which is in two weeks... but I feel like by then it will be too late, I may be getting comments. My belly is pretty big IMO. I may just wait and whatever happens happens. Hopefully someone is ballsy enough to say something about my fat belly.

In that case, I would camouflage the belly as best I could and spend a lot of time in my office for the next 2 weeks and tell after the a/s.

[ringstrue]

Do you have reason to believe something will show up on the 20 week u/s or do you know if you are at risk for m/c?

I'm 19 weeks. If I have a m/c now I'd still have to be out for a few weeks or so, so there isn't any point not saying anything. I had to tell at 12 weeks cuz I was too big already.


ETA: my male coworker's baby died 2 days before its due date. So everyone knew the baby was coming but then it wasn't. So that was very sad but he was out for I think 1 or 2 months. My boss told everyone in the office. So I get wanting to delay in general but really at some point you just say. Or... you do what he did with his wife's next pg and not tell any coworkers besides his boss until after the baby was born .