Isnt the lack of paycheck...it Is that I never get affirmed, encouraged, complimented or things like bonuses. My H pretty much never compliments my looks, parenting, housekeeping, cooking, etc. I always got acknowledgement from bosses. I miss that. Also I married my father who was the same way toward my Mom.
Post by mainelyfoolish on Apr 15, 2014 19:22:57 GMT -5
No such thing as a sick day as a SAHM. If I'm practically at death's door, DH will take the day off and stay home to help with the kids, but it's not the same as working parents who can take their kid to daycare and spend a sick day watching tv on the sofa.
Every day at home feels kind of like a treadmill. Clean up the same mess, cook the same food, deal with the same meltdowns. It feels a bit like Groundhog Day.
My least favorite part about working was the lack of feedback, though. I only heard about how I was doing if I screwed up. There was no affirmation, encouragement, compliments, or bonuses there either.
No such thing as a sick day as a SAHM. If I'm practically at death's door, DH will take the day off and stay home to help with the kids, but it's not the same as working parents who can take their kid to daycare and spend a sick day watching tv on the sofa.
This is definitely on the top of my list. I am currently suffering from a horrible head cold and had a crappy sleep last night (both kids were up), I could use a sick day, I just want to go back to bed.
I also don't like that it's just assumed that I will take care of everything related to the kids. DH helps when I ask for help but it rarely will he instigate things like starting bed time or packing up the diaper bag on his own.
Post by asoctoberfalls on Apr 15, 2014 19:38:05 GMT -5
The worst thing about working is trying to fit it all in. I have to find time to clean, mow the lawn, grocery shop, work out, spend quality time with my husband and kids, get "alone" time, meal plan...all while being out of the house from 6:30 AM until 5 PM. I just have to let stuff slide, and I hate that.
Working part time I feel like I'm not contributing enough financially. First I gutted my earning my potential by switching careers to librarianship and now I slashed my hours to stay home with C more. My husband has never ever said anything negative about these choices but I sometimes wonder if he thinks, "hey, wtf happened here???" This ismy own personal hang up though.
Can you ask him to be more mindful of that, Marmee ? I felt the same way and after several conversations with my H about it, he's been really great about thanking me for what I do and complimenting me. It helps.
I agree with @tokenhoser in that the worst part for me is the treadmill, the monotony. Same thing every day. Even weekends.
I had so much sick time (and only sick time, it was not pooled) that I should have spent more days on the couch. I did use some of it to do that, especially when it became clear that I wasn't staying in that job and sick time is not paid out at quitting.
Totally not fishing but thanks guys. ::hug:: I shouldn't say never, my girls do compliment my looks (which is funny) & my Mom says I'm a great Mom. Just nothing from H ::sigh:: I had idiot bosses but at least I got good reviews & raises. I know not everyone is even lucky enough for that.
Isnt the lack of paycheck...it Is that I never get affirmed, encouraged, complimented or things like bonuses. My H pretty much never compliments my looks, parenting, housekeeping, cooking, etc. I always got acknowledgement from bosses. I miss that. Also I married my father who was the same way toward my Mom.
What's your least fav part of SAH or working?
Lurker here.
Have you told him you need to feel appreciated? That's what I had to do with my husband. I need verbal feedback. He does not and didn't realize how important it is to me.
I WAH and at an office, but still handle 90% of the kid stuff. I don't mind and I'm better than he is at it, but I had to straight up ask him to compliment & tell me thanks. It was a suggestion from our therapist to be honest.
My least favorite thing about WAH is being lonely, and my least favorite about working at an office is group bathrooms.
Only two weeks in and the treadmill analogy is perfect. I don't have a sense of accomplishment in completing a project. Cleaned the kitchen? Yay, you get to do it again tomorrow!
I'm in a good place with SAH right now. Most of my hang ups are centered on just the sheer number and neediness of my kids at their ages.
My DH isn't a real reaffirming guy either. We had it out this weekend because basically, I was feeling neglected in several areas of life and it overwhelmed me to the point where I blew up. All I had to do was point it out, he's course correcting and has been far more attentive. I know I'm the most important part of his life, he just needs reminded that I need to feel that way from him more often.
I totally agree with the hamster on a wheel thing. I clean the same effing messes over and over. It's my least favorite part of cooking dinner/staying at the house. One of these days I'm going to pick up some traction and actually get somewhere.
Overall I really enjoy SAH. I have always loved routine and had no issue with repetitive tasks, so the monotony of being home doesn't bother me.
My least favorite part is that I'm always "on." DS wakes up, that's me. He wants water, me. He needs a diaper change, me. DH will help but I usually have to ask him to. I only have one kid and he always needs something. Even when my parents are babysitting they call me (not DH) if they need something. I just want to check out sometimes!
Post by MadamePresident on Apr 15, 2014 20:32:08 GMT -5
I don't like that I never really get "time off". Even though I understand that working moms are probably busier overall, I wish that I felt like the workday ended or there was something to break up the monotony.
Post by teatimefor2 on Apr 15, 2014 20:33:43 GMT -5
I would say a SAHM it's the treadmill feeling followed by never bring alone ever. I was alone today for two hours for the first time in months.
Also I have friends that work and they take a day off or half day and leave their kids in daycare, I would love to be able to do that every once in a while.
The worst thing about working is that you can show up to work and find out that your assistant manager is quitting and you get to take on all of her responsibilities because they are not replacing her. Ever. Double the work load for no extra money. Yay!
I would say a SAHM it's the treadmill feeling followed by never bring alone ever. I was alone today for two hours for the first time in months.
Also I have friends that work and they take a day off or half day and leave their kids in daycare, I would love to be able to do that every once in a while.
Why can't you? Isn't a babysitter or drop-in daycare an option for at least a half day?
Not that I've found in NYC. We are moving next week and I hope this night become an option.
I would say a SAHM it's the treadmill feeling followed by never bring alone ever. I was alone today for two hours for the first time in months.
Also I have friends that work and they take a day off or half day and leave their kids in daycare, I would love to be able to do that every once in a while.
Why can't you? Isn't a babysitter or drop-in daycare an option for at least a half day?
It's way harder to find and it's not a sunk cost, it's harder to justify. The only person I can get to daytime, weekday babysit is MIL if she happens to not be working. Drop in daycare is like unicorn hunting. I used the gym daycare exactly one time with DD and she got a stomach bug.
I do think there are a lot of factor beyond being a SAHM / WM that play into whether you can get down time / alone time / time to sleep when you feel sick / etc. Like having family in town or friends to trade babysitting with, etc.
Definitely. I get plenty of free time but DD goes to Mother's Day Out for 10 hours/week. That combined with afternoon naps leaves plenty of time for me, both out and at home. I'm really lucky. There are tons of good MDO programs in my area, probably bc there are lots of SAHMs. They are very affordable ($150/month) and DD loves it.
Definitely. I get plenty of free time but DD goes to Mother's Day Out for 10 hours/week. That combined with afternoon naps leaves plenty of time for me, both out and at home. I'm really lucky. There are tons of good MDO programs in my area, probably bc there are lots of SAHMs. They are very affordable ($150/month) and DD loves it.
What is MDO?
H and I have no help so that's the hardest thing for me. I think life as a mom, working or stay at home, is easier if you have family/support local.
Mothers Day Out. Typically church-based with a religious component, though how much depends on the specific program. Kind of pre-school lite for the toddler set.
Mothers Day Out. Typically church-based with a religious component, though how much depends on the specific program. Kind of pre-school lite for the toddler set.
So you would find it through a church? It sounds amazing.
Yep. We don't even really go to church, just bc of laziness. All the bigger churches in my area have them. Start with those bc they are more likely to offer MDO since they already have the classrooms in place for Sunday School. Also try preschools in your area. We are switching MDOs next year and the new one is part of a private preschool that is housed at a local church.
Everyone is in my head. I agree my biggest issue is the feeling that I'm not appreciated. I've actually told my DH directly that I needed more positive feedback, even telling him the WORDS to say. It somehow does not get in his thick skull. Also hate the constant re-cleaning of the kitchen and re-picking up of all the same shit all day.
The reason I don't seriously consider going back to work is b/c I can't bring myself to consider the idea of taking on a job PLUS all the stuff I do now, b/c meals still need to get made, clothes washed, house cleaned, groceries purchased, kids paid attention to, etc... that sounds so much harder, and I give mad props to the working moms for being able to do it. If I *loved* my job, It might be an easier choice to make.
I'm thinking about reentry when DD is in school full time, but it sounds so daunting, even if I change careers to something I feel better about.
Whoa. I feel like I wrote this.
I actually liked a lot of things about my career (teaching) but, as great as the yearly schedule is for having kids, DH can absolutely not be relied upon to be able to come get DD if she gets sick at school or stay home with her for the day but it's pretty damn hard to make that happen when you have kids in your classroom. It's kind of absurd to expect him to, anyway, so I kind of doubt I'll ever go back at this point. I know some people totally look down on this but whatever. I am looking forward to my "life of leisure."
My least favorite part of working is the evenings. I pick up both kids and get home around 6. At this point they are both losing their minds. DS just wants to be held because he's been at daycare all day with a 4:1 ratio and DD is starving. I have to try to get her dinner ready one handed and then hope that either she eats quickly enough or DH gets home early so I can bathe the daycare germs off DS before he completely melts down. Sometimes I eat at that point too (BFing/pumping makes me ravenous) but if DH is working late I usually end up waiting until they are both in bed to avoid keeping them up too late. If it is just me, DD often ends up getting babysat with tv while I put DS down and then bathe her. Then it is time to do all of the chores: dishes, lunches, bottles, throw something in the crockpot. Tonight I didn't get to sleep until 10 and then DS woke up at 10:30 wanting to nurse.
I get that, Marmee. I make an effort to thank H for all he does, but I don't get it in return. You should see the way I perk up when he does compliment a dinner I've made or a productive day I've had. He is more likely to comment when I'm looking good, so at least it's something. I would definitely tell your H that it's important for you to get positive feedback more often. As others have said, it's not easy raising four children!
For me, the hardest part about SAH is the lack of me time. I'm not even talking about getting out by myself; I just want a half hour a day to sit and eat my lunch and GBCN in peace and quiet, without any interruptions. Is that so much to ask?!