Post by Stingyshark on Apr 15, 2014 22:41:31 GMT -5
I WFH and it's a million times harder than I ever thought.
There just aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done. I try to work when Dd is napping, but there are house chores that new to be done. I feel guilty for working when she is awake bc I should be spending time with her.
I thought MDO existed everywhere?! I am surprised at all the people that have never heard of it. In KC, i bet there are a hundred MDO programs. There are probably 15 or 20 just in my suburb. Or half day, 2 day a week preschool that is in a church and cheap. Baptist, Catholic, Christian. Some start at age 1, some at 2.
Based on some quick research I've just done now, there are none in the city of Chicago. So weird!
That's crazy to me.
None of the churches even have preschools? I live in the 'burbs but there are plenty of MDOs actually in the city, too.
ETA: Have you met any mom friends? Do they know of anything? How do you get anything done? I do my errand running when DD is at MDO, especially anything that involves trying something on or the multiple in-and-out type of errands (sending packages at UPS, etc) since she will only go in and out of her carseat about 2 times.
The daytime, occassional babysitter is a total mythology where I live, I might as well wish for a unicorn.
I am madly jealous of people who have non-working family in town to use for free childcare. I've been mooching off my PT working mom friends in order to get to my OB appointments without a toddler hanging off my hip.
I'm so burned out right now that I'm tempted to say everything But really it's the lack of sick days that get to me. And the idea that my H and some of my working friends have that SAH is the life. It's not, lol.
Post by mainelyfoolish on Apr 16, 2014 7:22:05 GMT -5
I've never found any kind of MDO program where I live. I wish there was; I would find room in the budget for it! I don't even know of a church based preschool in my area. They might exist, but all the preschools I know of are independent (or part of a daycare).
I also don't like that it's just assumed that I will take care of everything related to the kids. DH helps when I ask for help but it rarely will he instigate things like starting bed time or packing up the diaper bag on his own.
My H does this too. He takes the kids to his parents' house on Sat mornings but still expects me to get them dressed and ready to go out. He once said something like, "It's too hard getting three squirmy kids into their shoes and coats..." And I was like, you have got to be kidding me! Welcome to my world where I have to do this at least 3-4 times a day
The one thing that has to be said to his credit is that he always has been grateful and appreciative of my efforts at home. He still thanks me for doing his laundry or cooking dinner, etc. even years later. I would have to kill him if he wasn't though. He's the one who talked me into doing this in the first place, lol.
Everyone is in my head. I agree my biggest issue is the feeling that I'm not appreciated. I've actually told my DH directly that I needed more positive feedback, even telling him the WORDS to say. It somehow does not get in his thick skull. Also hate the constant re-cleaning of the kitchen and re-picking up of all the same shit all day.
The reason I don't seriously consider going back to work is b/c I can't bring myself to consider the idea of taking on a job PLUS all the stuff I do now, b/c meals still need to get made, clothes washed, house cleaned, groceries purchased, kids paid attention to, etc... that sounds so much harder, and I give mad props to the working moms for being able to do it. If I *loved* my job, It might be an easier choice to make.
I'm thinking about reentry when DD is in school full time, but it sounds so daunting, even if I change careers to something I feel better about.
Whoa. I feel like I wrote this.
I actually liked a lot of things about my career (teaching) but, as great as the yearly schedule is for having kids, DH can absolutely not be relied upon to be able to come get DD if she gets sick at school or stay home with her for the day but it's pretty damn hard to make that happen when you have kids in your classroom. It's kind of absurd to expect him to, anyway, so I kind of doubt I'll ever go back at this point. I know some people totally look down on this but whatever. I am looking forward to my "life of leisure."
I had a really bad day yesterday with the kids and the weather and all of us being stir crazy and having cabin fever, etc. and DH was consoling me with the idea that DS1 will be starting full time school this summer and the other kids won't be far behind. He calls it my early retirement. I have to say, it kind of helped lol.
The daytime, occassional babysitter is a total mythology where I live, I might as well wish for a unicorn.
Really? When I post ads for day time sitters, I always get tons of responses. Like thirty plus in a few days. Mostly college girls (which I now try to stay away from because their schedules change so quickly) but also quite a few former SAHMs looking to make some extra spending money under the table. The person I have now has been with us for over a year and has kids who are in their early twenties. I only want 10 hrs so it's just 120 a week but that could be grocery money to someone. Or dinner out, whatever.
I am just going to say that I think all SAH parents rock. I could never in a million years do it. It is FREAKING CRAZY hard.
I will take all the crap my job piles on me and the stress it can cause me with being a parent becuase I honestly know it isn't half as hard as being home.
Side Note: I have never had a day off of work or even an afternoon that wasn't because I was taking care of M. With a nanny it just don't feel right being home and having her there. So not all working parents get that luxury. We too have to take precious free time where we can get it as well.
The hardest part of working is getting anything done. We just bought a house that requires a LOT of projects (I made a list yesterday-4.5 pages). But we can only do them on the weekend. But we still have to do all the regular weekly tasks on weekends too, plus actually spend some time with DD. So even things like going to Homegoods or ikea require a plan several weeks out. Let alone installing the medicine cabinet, replacing the bathroom light, pulling the terrible gross plants from our yard, etc.
Yes! In February, DH had to go out of the country on business for almost two weeks, and wouldn't you know I came down with something right before he left. I felt miserable, was totally congested, and still had to muddle through. Thank goodness for school, at least, but the mornings and evenings were hell.
And even when he's here, the default assumption is always that I'm on deck when the kids need something. Sure he'll help if he's there, but if he decides to get involved in something else, he just does it most of the time. There's no "honey, are you available for the kids if I go work on the plumbing/mow the grass/take a nap/use the treadmill/etc.?" I, on the other hand, usually need to lock myself in the bathroom to get a time out and even then somebody comes knocking before I'm ready to come out. I get it, most of what DH is doing is necessary home maintenance or deserved time to himself (and I do get time during the school week since I'm self-employed), but it still grates one me sometimes especially on days when the kids are particularly whiny or needy, or there's someplace I'd like to go and they either don't want to come or I'd rather not bring them.
My H does this too. He takes the kids to his parents' house on Sat mornings but still expects me to get them dressed and ready to go out. He once said something like, "It's too hard getting three squirmy kids into their shoes and coats..." And I was like, you have got to be kidding me! Welcome to my world where I have to do this at least 3-4 times a day
The one thing that has to be said to his credit is that he always has been grateful and appreciative of my efforts at home. He still thanks me for doing his laundry or cooking dinner, etc. even years later. I would have to kill him if he wasn't though. He's the one who talked me into doing this in the first place, lol.
That would kill me. I have to do this when my parents visit and "take care of the kids," but no way would I do it for my H.
Oh believe me it annoys me too! But otoh, it's my favorite day of the week because they leave at around 9 and don't get back until at least 1 but sometimes more like 2 or 3. And by then I've recharged and I'm actually excited to see them. So often I'll get them ready just to shush them out the door quicker, lol.
Only two weeks in and the treadmill analogy is perfect. I don't have a sense of accomplishment in completing a project. Cleaned the kitchen? Yay, you get to do it again tomorrow!
No such thing as a sick day as a SAHM. If I'm practically at death's door, DH will take the day off and stay home to help with the kids, but it's not the same as working parents who can take their kid to daycare and spend a sick day watching tv on the sofa.
I wish I can do this. Since I have no sick days, I still have to drag myself to work after a night of tending to my 10-mo old. I was really miserable the other day and wish I could have stayed home and just sleep all day while the kids were at daycare.
Oh I have one more complaint about SAH that I was just reminded of and then I'll shut up. The boys are off school this week so we agreed that DH would take half days on Wed and Thursday afternoon so we could do something fun together as a family (he already has Friday off bc the market is closed). Guess who just called me with the bad news that he suddenly had two meetings pop up? This happens ALL the time and it is beyond annoying.
Yes! In February, DH had to go out of the country on business for almost two weeks, and wouldn't you know I came down with something right before he left. I felt miserable, was totally congested, and still had to muddle through. Thank goodness for school, at least, but the mornings and evenings were hell.
And even when he's here, the default assumption is always that I'm on deck when the kids need something. Sure he'll help if he's there, but if he decides to get involved in something else, he just does it most of the time. There's no "honey, are you available for the kids if I go work on the plumbing/mow the grass/take a nap/use the treadmill/etc.?" I, on the other hand, usually need to lock myself in the bathroom to get a time out and even then somebody comes knocking before I'm ready to come out. I get it, most of what DH is doing is necessary home maintenance or deserved time to himself (and I do get time during the school week since I'm self-employed), but it still grates one me sometimes especially on days when the kids are particularly whiny or needy, or there's someplace I'd like to go and they either don't want to come or I'd rather not bring them.
Can you challenge that default assumption? I've been a mom for like 5 minutes, but I've been lazy my whole life - I am always starting "so what are we doing today?" conversations on weekends, and now they include "and who is taking care of ds during that time" as a matter of course.
Oh, we have that conversation ever weekend. I always ask DH what he has on his agenda. Truth is, I married a do it yourselfer, and after all these years I know I'm not changing him. He'd absolutely let me run errands without kids whenever I asked...but then my baseboard trim doesn't get installed or the car doesn't get an oil change and tire rotation, or the taxes don't get done. There's simply always something that needs doing around the house (especially since we've spent the last couple of years working through a major addition/renovation that the house desperately needed when we bought it) and farming it out just isn't an option. I get that, I knew what I was getting when I married and then had children with someone like this, so I'm not saying I'd do anything differently...just that it does wear and it is one of my least favorite aspects of parenting. :-)
I do think there are a lot of factor beyond being a SAHM / WM that play into whether you can get down time / alone time / time to sleep when you feel sick / etc. Like having family in town or friends to trade babysitting with, etc.
And supportive husbands.
DH is the default parent on the weekends. I just kind of tag along when I feel like it.
Maud try googling Parents' Day Out. I was looking for Mother's Day Out for DS for the longest time until I was finally like, "Duh. It's 2010. It's called Parents' Day Out now."
And even when he's here, the default assumption is always that I'm on deck when the kids need something. Sure he'll help if he's there, but if he decides to get involved in something else, he just does it most of the time. There's no "honey, are you available for the kids if I go work on the plumbing/mow the grass/take a nap/use the treadmill/etc.?" I, on the other hand, usually need to lock myself in the bathroom to get a time out and even then somebody comes knocking before I'm ready to come out. I get it, most of what DH is doing is necessary home maintenance or deserved time to himself (and I do get time during the school week since I'm self-employed), but it still grates one me sometimes especially on days when the kids are particularly whiny or needy, or there's someplace I'd like to go and they either don't want to come or I'd rather not bring them.
Yup, this is my life. The "other stuff" DH is doing is important, caring for livestock/fixing something/mowing/dealing with pests. But to get him to take DS I have to "book him" at least a week in advance. He just decides on Saturday morning to work on XY farm project, assuming I'll care for DS and I do. But if I have something I want/need to do? I have to book DH a week in advance, remind him several times, and even then it's likely when we get to the day-of, he'll have something "more important" to do. I wanted to go to the semi-annual consignment sale without DS, because I can't shop and keep track of him at the same time. I had to book DH three weeks in advance, and even then breakfast ran long and I got half as much time as I wanted. And when I got home DH was all "did you enjoy your break?" Wahoo, two whole hours, congratufuckinglations to me.
Yes! In February, DH had to go out of the country on business for almost two weeks, and wouldn't you know I came down with something right before he left. I felt miserable, was totally congested, and still had to muddle through. Thank goodness for school, at least, but the mornings and evenings were hell.
And even when he's here, the default assumption is always that I'm on deck when the kids need something. Sure he'll help if he's there, but if he decides to get involved in something else, he just does it most of the time. There's no "honey, are you available for the kids if I go work on the plumbing/mow the grass/take a nap/use the treadmill/etc.?" I, on the other hand, usually need to lock myself in the bathroom to get a time out and even then somebody comes knocking before I'm ready to come out. I get it, most of what DH is doing is necessary home maintenance or deserved time to himself (and I do get time during the school week since I'm self-employed), but it still grates one me sometimes especially on days when the kids are particularly whiny or needy, or there's someplace I'd like to go and they either don't want to come or I'd rather not bring them.
Can you challenge that default assumption? I've been a mom for like 5 minutes, but I've been lazy my whole life - I am always starting "so what are we doing today?" conversations on weekends, and now they include "and who is taking care of ds during that time" as a matter of course.
I think it's hard for me and dragonfly08 because most of the "other things" our husbands are doing other than caring for kids is typical "male jobs." I can't speak for dragonfly, but I sure as hell don't want to muck the chicken coop or mow 2 acres of grass, I don't even know how to start our ridiculously large riding mower/almost tractor. So when DH tells me he's going off to do those types of things I have to say "great!" and suck it up and take care of DS. I don't know if there's a way to change that, it's just annoying as a matter of course, KWIM?
ETA: I missed dragondfly's response to @vicmo above. So yeah, what she said. We both are married to the same man, apparently.
Post by bryantpark on Apr 16, 2014 14:53:58 GMT -5
The dishwasher. Probably applies to everyone but emptying that damn thing every effing day kills me. Too many sippy cup parts, bottle parts, pump parts. Drives me crazy. That's my biggest groundhog moment.
Post by everafter07 on Apr 16, 2014 15:53:53 GMT -5
I really like working part time. I feel like I'm contributing financially, but also get that extra time with DD. It keeps away the Groundhog Day feeling, too.
My least favorite part is trying to get freelance work done during her naps. I'll be in the zone and she'll wake after 40 minutes (her naps are all over the place) and I won't be able to pick it up again for a few hours.
My least favorite part of being a SAHP to two is feeling like I am getting nothing accomplished. I recognize the irony in that, as I am helping lay the foundations for two people's lives, but on a day-to-day basis, that is the part that I find the most frustrating. Between the two kids, I usually can't do anything interrupted for more than three or four minutes, and it's usually less. It is really hard for me to get traction on any kind of non-kid project when I am the only adult present. For instance, I was recently trying to put mulch out while the baby took a nap. It was a small area, and should have been about a 20 minute job. The older child had recently toilet trained, and decided that she had to poop NOW and needed my help, but she wouldn't do anything once she got on the toilet. Eight or nine times in a row (I wish I was kidding), I took off the gardening gloves, brought the monitor, phone and keys, and came inside the house to help. It took 2.5 hours ultimately for her to poop and me to do the mulching, with her whining uncomfortably for most of it. It was torture for me too, and I was about ready to lose my mind. The only saving grace was that the baby was asleep the whole time.
I am also the default parent when my husband is home, not necessarily because he checks out (though he does more than I do), but because the baby nurses and the older one is going through a mommy phase.
I thought MDO existed everywhere?! I am surprised at all the people that have never heard of it. In KC, i bet there are a hundred MDO programs. There are probably 15 or 20 just in my suburb. Or half day, 2 day a week preschool that is in a church and cheap. Baptist, Catholic, Christian. Some start at age 1, some at 2.
Based on some quick research I've just done now, there are none in the city of Chicago. So weird!
There are some in the bigger suburbs (parents day out). I had never heard of it either.
The daytime, occassional babysitter is a total mythology where I live, I might as well wish for a unicorn.
Same here.
I can sometimes finagle this but it's our cleaner and while she is great with the kids, I'm not really comfortable leaving them for longer than 2 hours with her. Plus she is about $20/hr. I only use her in a pinch when DH is away on a long work trip so I can get to Crossfit solo (often bring one or both kids) and have a few hours break.