Is this a "threat"?

[ijack]

I'm in the middle of an argument with the owner of our basement contractor (M) due to him not responding to multiple emails (that I was specifically told he was the only person who could do) for 2+ weeks. This is on top of us not hearing ANYTHING from him since the project was started a month ago, even if we called/emailed questions.
Basically I asked if they could do a small project in my master bath along with the basement and was told yes, but M would have to give me a quote. M responded 2 weeks later (after I had emailed and called multiple times) with a snotty email that basically said that project was too small for them and it was beneath them. I wrote him back and said it would have been nice to have that response 2 weeks ago, and the lack of communication has been very frustrating and ended it with this line

Your email has sent a perfectly clear message and I will take that into consideration when friends and neighbors request information about our basement project

In ongoing emails (I'm REALLY pissed at this point and would fire them if I could even though the contractors have been great) he keeps talking about how I'm threatening to "trash their reputation" and this was in the last email

Trashing our reputation to your neighbors after all of the effort we have made to accommodate your added items, is not appropriate...and we (especially me) are extremely disappointed that you would do this. We are working in your home, and your threats to damage our reputation with your neighbors is HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL AND UNWARRANTED.

Is telling him that I'll tell the truth about their lack of communication if anyone asks how the project going (which is what I meant with my line) really a threat?

[sometimesrunner]

Honestly, yes. And I definitely wouldn't have pulled out that line until the basement was finished.

[Ashley&Scott]

Apr 16, 2014 12:01:57 GMT -5 sometimesrunner said:

Honestly, yes. And I definitely wouldn't have pulled out that line until the basement was finished.

Ditto.

[rikki]

Threat or not, I wouldn't have said anything until the project was done. I'd be worried about them cutting corners now. I do not think that your frustration is not warranted, it is, but I would be afraid they would do a shotty job.

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:01:57 GMT -5 sometimesrunner said:

Honestly, yes. And I definitely wouldn't have pulled out that line until the basement was finished.

I am just so freaking frustrated with their communication and needed to get my point across. I've sent 13 emails (and H has sent multiple) since this project started and he hasn't responded to ANY of them. And that's not including phone calls that haven't been returned.
But yes, now I'm worried about him throwing in the line about "we're working in your house" like they're going to do something.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:03:43 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:01:57 GMT -5 sometimesrunner said:

Honestly, yes. And I definitely wouldn't have pulled out that line until the basement was finished.

Ditto.

Ditto this and everyone else. Getting into an argument about something unrelated to your current project, while that project is still going on, seems so unwise.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:06:56 GMT -5 ijack said:

now I'm worried about him throwing in the line about "we're working in your house" like they're going to do something.

I didn't read it like that. I read it like "we're doing a project for you right now that you're happy with and you're going to badmouth us?" I could see if this was your first contact ever with this company, but you already know they do a good job. And it sounds like you're going to trash them regarding the basement project when that isn't even the project you're upset about.

ETA: The reason it's not a good idea to wage war while a contractor is working in your house is because a smooth relationship can make a project go so much better. Extra suggestions, extra bits of work thrown in, etc. I would imagine that if they were going to do any of that, they won't be now.

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:07:12 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:03:43 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

Ditto.

Ditto this and everyone else. Getting into an argument about something unrelated to your current project, while that project is still going on, seems so unwise.

But the argument wasn't just about the other project, it was about their lack of communication in general. Maybe it's unwise, but I do NOT think it's okay for him to never respond to emails or calls about our current project. Should I really not have said anything about that until it was over?

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:11:41 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:06:56 GMT -5 ijack said:

now I'm worried about him throwing in the line about "we're working in your house" like they're going to do something.

I didn't read it like that. I read it like "we're doing a project for you right now that you're happy with and you're going to badmouth us?" I could see if this was your first contact ever with this company, but you already know they do a good job. And it sounds like you're going to trash them regarding the basement project when that isn't even the project you're upset about.

No, I'm upset with them about it all. I'm happy with the work in my basement, I'm not happy I can't get him to answer a single question about either project.  I will gladly tell someone that the sub contractors have been great and the quality of work is good, but I will also tell them that they are horrible communicators.

[ECB]

Apr 16, 2014 12:11:41 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:06:56 GMT -5 ijack said:

now I'm worried about him throwing in the line about "we're working in your house" like they're going to do something.

I didn't read it like that. I read it like "we're doing a project for you right now that you're happy with and you're going to badmouth us?" I could see if this was your first contact ever with this company, but you already know they do a good job. And it sounds like you're going to trash them regarding the basement project when that isn't even the project you're upset about.

Exactly.  This is how I took it too.

[sometimesrunner]

Apr 16, 2014 12:06:56 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:01:57 GMT -5 sometimesrunner said:

Honestly, yes. And I definitely wouldn't have pulled out that line until the basement was finished.

I am just so freaking frustrated with their communication and needed to get my point across. I've sent 13 emails (and H has sent multiple) since this project started and he hasn't responded to ANY of them. And that's not including phone calls that haven't been returned.
But yes, now I'm worried about him throwing in the line about "we're working in your house" like they're going to do something.

Yikes. Your frustration is definitely warranted. I would email back (or call) and say something like "I'm not going to trash your reputation. We've been very happy with the work that has been completed but the lack of communication has overshadowed that. Let's put this behind us and move forward completing the basement. Based on your work we would love for you to work on our master bathroom, but I understand that the scope of that project is much smaller than you'd like. Do you have someone you'd recommend?" (and then obviously not use the person they recommend because your contractor will likely still be pissed. lol)

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:12:01 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:07:12 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Ditto this and everyone else. Getting into an argument about something unrelated to your current project, while that project is still going on, seems so unwise.

But the argument wasn't just about the other project, it was about their lack of communication in general. Maybe it's unwise, but I do NOT think it's okay for him to never respond to emails or calls about our current project. Should I really not have said anything about that until it was over?

Sure, but with something like "you haven't replied to any of my emails and it's slowing down the project," not "I'm going to badmouth you to anyone who asks." IMO you kind of waged war with that line. 

[ECB]

Apr 16, 2014 12:13:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:11:41 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

No, I'm upset with them about it all. I'm happy with the work in my basement, I'm not happy I can't get him to answer a single question about either project.  I will gladly tell someone that the sub contractors have been great and the quality of work is good, but I will also tell them that they are horrible communicators.

And I might try to do some damage control on this and try to explain it.

As in - apologize for how the email came off.  you were upset about the lack of communication when you wrote it.  You are very happy with the work and you absolutely are not going to trash the quality of their work.

[ijack]

So I probably shouldn't ask him if he wants us to find a new contractor?

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:13:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:11:41 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

I didn't read it like that. I read it like "we're doing a project for you right now that you're happy with and you're going to badmouth us?" I could see if this was your first contact ever with this company, but you already know they do a good job. And it sounds like you're going to trash them regarding the basement project when that isn't even the project you're upset about.

No, I'm upset with them about it all. I'm happy with the work in my basement, I'm not happy I can't get him to answer a single question about either project.  I will gladly tell someone that the sub contractors have been great and the quality of work is good, but I will also tell them that they are horrible communicators.

Being more specific may have come across as less incendiary. "You know, I'm happy with the work you're doing and was planning on recommend you to everyone who asks, but if you don't start responding to my emails, I'm afraid I'll also have to mention the poor communication." The way you worded it was vague and...well, yeah, kind of threatening. It came across more like "Oh that's how you want to be? Fine. There goes your recommendations. I'll be trashing you to EVERYONE who asks."

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:20:02 GMT -5 ijack said:

So I probably shouldn't ask him if he wants us to find a new contractor?

That would be, IMO, absolutely insane. No. Stop escalating. Get the basement finished and move on.

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:22:16 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:13:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

No, I'm upset with them about it all. I'm happy with the work in my basement, I'm not happy I can't get him to answer a single question about either project.  I will gladly tell someone that the sub contractors have been great and the quality of work is good, but I will also tell them that they are horrible communicators.

Being more specific may have come across as less incendiary. "You know, I'm happy with the work you're doing and was planning on recommend you to everyone who asks, but if you don't start responding to my emails, I'm afraid I'll also have to mention the poor communication." The way you worded it was vague and...well, yeah, kind of threatening. It came across more like "Oh that's how you want to be? Fine. There goes your recommendations. I'll be trashing you to EVERYONE who asks."

In the body of the email I did say that I was happy with the work and it was the communication I had a problem with.
His emails to me have just been so nasty today when really all I needed was a "sorry ijack, we aren't interested in that project" which is why I want to tell him to F off.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:18:02 GMT -5 ECB said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:13:46 GMT -5 ijack said:

No, I'm upset with them about it all. I'm happy with the work in my basement, I'm not happy I can't get him to answer a single question about either project.  I will gladly tell someone that the sub contractors have been great and the quality of work is good, but I will also tell them that they are horrible communicators.

And I might try to do some damage control on this and try to explain it.

As in - apologize for how the email came off.  you were upset about the lack of communication when you wrote it.  You are very happy with the work and you absolutely are not going to trash the quality of their work.

Yes, this. I wouldn't apologize though, just clarify. "No, it wasn't a threat at all. I'm happy with the work, I'm just frustrated that you haven't replied to my emails. I plan to recommend your work, but unless you start replying when I ask questions, my recommendations will have to include a comment about your poor communication."

[Susie]

Apr 16, 2014 11:58:35 GMT -5 ijack said:

I'm in the middle of an argument with the owner of our basement contractor (M) due to him not responding to multiple emails (that I was specifically told he was the only person who could do) for 2+ weeks. This is on top of us not hearing ANYTHING from him since the project was started a month ago, even if we called/emailed questions.
Basically I asked if they could do a small project in my master bath along with the basement and was told yes, but M would have to give me a quote. M responded 2 weeks later (after I had emailed and called multiple times) with a snotty email that basically said that project was too small for them and it was beneath them. I wrote him back and said it would have been nice to have that response 2 weeks ago, and the lack of communication has been very frustrating and ended it with this line

Your email has sent a perfectly clear message and I will take that into consideration when friends and neighbors request information about our basement project

In ongoing emails (I'm REALLY pissed at this point and would fire them if I could even though the contractors have been great) he keeps talking about how I'm threatening to "trash their reputation" and this was in the last email

Trashing our reputation to your neighbors after all of the effort we have made to accommodate your added items, is not appropriate...and we (especially me) are extremely disappointed that you would do this. We are working in your home, and your threats to damage our reputation with your neighbors is HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL AND UNWARRANTED.

Is telling him that I'll tell the truth about their lack of communication if anyone asks how the project going (which is what I meant with my line) really a threat?

1.  Yes, I'd read it as a threat.

2.  You didn't tell him that you'd "tell the truth about their lack of communication if anyone asks."  That'd be a narrow issue.  What you said was that his email "sent a perfectly clear message and I will take that into consideration when friends and neighbors request information about our basement project."  That is neither narrow nor clear as to what you'd tell friends.  Frankly it does sound like you're going to trash their reputation.

I get that you're pissed, but I don't think this was a productive way to handle it.  I'd be rushing to smooth things over so they don't screw up the main project.

[scout8]

At this point, I wouldn't respond to his email. I would let it go. Find someone else to do the small job. Let the contractors finish your basement.

Then, when it is all finished, feel free to give an honest Angie's List or Yelp review. Say that you were happy with the quality of the work, but unhappy with the communication.

[Deleted]

I don't think it sounds threatening, but even if it did, you threatened him first.

And although I think something needs to be said, this email was not the time or place for that.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:26:21 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:22:16 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Being more specific may have come across as less incendiary. "You know, I'm happy with the work you're doing and was planning on recommend you to everyone who asks, but if you don't start responding to my emails, I'm afraid I'll also have to mention the poor communication." The way you worded it was vague and...well, yeah, kind of threatening. It came across more like "Oh that's how you want to be? Fine. There goes your recommendations. I'll be trashing you to EVERYONE who asks."

In the body of the email I did say that I was happy with the work and it was the communication I had a problem with.
His emails to me have just been so nasty today when really all I needed was a "sorry ijack, we aren't interested in that project" which is why I want to tell him to F off.

I would absolutely tell him that in no uncertain terms - after the basement is done. Walking away from his email until you cooled off would have probably been a good idea. It's too late now, but maybe try that if it happens again.  I mean....surely you have coworkers or clients at work that you hate, right? But you don't lash out at them while you're working with them.

[maddiepaddy]

I have found that trying to deal with contractors, etc is really difficult via email. I think you should do a bit of damage control as PPs suggested and also request/insist on a face to face meeting. Honestly, I would have requested the meeting about 10 un-answered emails ago.

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:30:43 GMT -5 maddiepaddy said:

I have found that trying to deal with contractors, etc is really difficult via email. I think you should do a bit of damage control as PPs suggested and also request/insist on a face to face meeting. Honestly, I would have requested the meeting about 10 un-answered emails ago.

Yep, tried that - didn't respond.
and dexteroni I don't think I've ever dealt with someone who lashed out at me first because I had the gall to ask for a quote so I could give his company work. I think the first condescending email pushed me over and his subsequent ones have been worse.
But you're right, I need to walk away, but I'm just having a really hard time doing so when I'm paying this man thousands of dollars to ignore me and then treat me like shit.

[hbomdiggity]

I don't want to make excuses for him, but he is a contractor. He isn't (or shouldn't) be someone sitting behind a desk all day responding to emails like you do. Can you speak to him in person?

That said, I think its weird about declining the bath job. Sure it's a small job by itself, but if it's something they can do at the same time, then that should be easy money for him.

Anyway, you need to diffuse this situation immed, for your own anxiety and for the good of this project.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:35:49 GMT -5 ijack said:

But you're right, I need to walk away, but I'm just having a really hard time doing so when I'm paying this man thousands of dollars to ignore me and then treat me like shit.

I get you, I really do. But if all of his communication has either been nonexistent or condescending, he's probably like this with everyone. And maybe I'm pessimistic but I wouldn't expect someone like that to change just for me. At this point in the project, giving him the berating he deserves will probably harm you more than it will benefit you, so I would just focus on getting the project finished, and *then* telling him to F off. And be sure to a thorough review outlining the good work and the bad communication, on Yelp and Angies List. In fact I'm surprised no one has done that yet.

[ijack]

Apr 16, 2014 12:42:27 GMT -5 hbomdiggity said:

I don't want to make excuses for him, but he is a contractor. He isn't (or shouldn't) be someone sitting behind a desk all day responding to emails like you do. Can you speak to him in person?

That said, I think its weird about declining the bath job. Sure it's a small job by itself, but if it's something they can do at the same time, then that should be easy money for him.

Anyway, you need to diffuse this situation immed, for your own anxiety and for the good of this project.

True, though before construction started he was very responsive. I guess I just feel like it was all a show to get our money and now he's showing his true colors.

[dexteroni]

Apr 16, 2014 12:42:27 GMT -5 hbomdiggity said:

I don't want to make excuses for him, but he is a contractor. He isn't (or shouldn't) be someone sitting behind a desk all day responding to emails like you do.

Whaaat? If a customer has questions, of course he should answer them, or delegate them to someone else to answer. Maybe not right that second, but within a day or two.

[ijack]

I just talked to the PM on the project (he called to find out WTF was going on) and I explained it to him and he agrees with me. It's also been decided I will no longer be talking to the owner.

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2014 12:46:56 GMT -5 ijack said:

Apr 16, 2014 12:42:27 GMT -5 hbomdiggity said:

I don't want to make excuses for him, but he is a contractor. He isn't (or shouldn't) be someone sitting behind a desk all day responding to emails like you do. Can you speak to him in person?

That said, I think its weird about declining the bath job. Sure it's a small job by itself, but if it's something they can do at the same time, then that should be easy money for him.

Anyway, you need to diffuse this situation immed, for your own anxiety and for the good of this project.

True, though before construction started he was very responsive. I guess I just feel like it was all a show to get our money and now he's showing his true colors.

You only paid a deposit though, right?  He's still owed money upon completion?