I've survived 24+ hours including 6 hours in the car with someone else's 6 year old. I have no idea how I'm going to survive until Monday. The drive was so bad that I'm considering making the trip home really late in hopes that she'll sleep.
To all you parents, I don't know how you do it. Hats off to each and every one of you.
What do you do to get yourself through a rough time but one that you know the date of when it will end? The next 8 weeks are going to be excruciatingly difficult emotionally...not so long in the scheme of things but forever when you're living it. What wise words of wisdom can you give me? From where do I draw strength?
This too shall pass. This too shall pass. I can do anything for 54 days. I can do anything for 53 days. I can do anything for 52 days. Do something kind for yourself each one of these days, and something kind for someone else each one of these days. You'll feel better about yourself and for yourself. And, draw the strength from yourself. You are no weakling, and every amount of emotional weightlifting you do will make you that much stronger for the next day, the next week, the next month. You will be emotionally buff by the time you're done,and nothing will stop you.
Thank you.
I have been drawing strength from myself for the last 3 months and am feeling like there is little left -- but I like the idea of doing something nice for myself as well as for someone else every single day. I am going to prioritize that.
We had a bunch of neighborhood kids playing in our yard today. One kid hit my kid, and when I asked her about it, she flat out ignored me and walked away.
So I told her she couldn't play anymore and sent her home. Husband said I overreacted.
What would Sue Sue do?
Sounds like the kid needed to go home for the day; I'd have sent the little shit home.
That said, your kid probably had some hand in it somehow. That said, you really do want to be the yard where all the kids come over to play. This was us for years; I still give out ice cream bars and freezer pops to the neighborhood young ones, and they're welcome to sit in our sprinkler or pick our flowers or pet our kitties. It's good to know who your kids are running with, and good to know where they are and what they're up to. I wouldn't be the hard ass, unless you really need to.
I'm sure he did play a role, but she was being a turd before I could get that far. I'm okay with being the house where they all play, but not really okay with a kid not being respectful. All I ask is that they not maim one another and listen to me when I say not to maim one another.
Well, first off, get them outside, all the time, as much as possible, doing physical things. Playgrounds, parks, hikes, zoos, walks, swimming, biking, whatever the hell, but get outside. they'll wear out faster and be less inclined to be shits. Also, lots of protein, especially int he am. When they are bad, well, tell them they're really in trouble. Then refuse them things they want because they were bad, later. Like "Mommy! can we go to McDonalds" "No, son, I'm sorry. They don't allow little boys in there who hit their brother/yell at their mommies/eat cat food off the floor" or whatever. do this over and over. Never threaten, never bargain, never bribe (except for potty training). walk them to bed for a rest when they're being shits. "Oh, honey; you must be exhausted or you'd never hit the kitty/bite your brother/tell your mother to fuck herself. Let's get you to bed to rest a bit". and make them go lie down till they are sick of being alone.
I'm wracking my brain to think of something I need help with, but, OMG, I have no issues.
Tell me your most favorite part about being a mom.
Most favorite. Oh, when they hug me hard. When it's not all sunshine, but we get through something, and have that connection for a moment.
I love this. Ds1 (almost 4) has just started insisting that I kiss him goodbye outside his classroom, but his kisses are still big, and sloppy, and accompanied by a hug.
Ds2, we can tell, is a cuddler. Sigh. Makes me so happy.
I feel like I'm doing okay with this whole boy mom thing (I regularly get complimented on his behavior when we're out and about - he saves his hellion moments for when we're alone lol), but I'm gonna have 2 of them in the house very soon. Hit me with your best piece of advice or best way to stay sane.
and, the great thing is, boys loooooove their mommies. You are going to have two of the most devoted little angels.
(heart)
I'm a pretty girlie girl and I have a few people that are really bummed for me that I'm not having a girl. But really, DS1 is so freaking awesome, that I can't imagine trading him in for a hundred girls. I'm actually really excited to get another son.
Post by ginandjucie24 on Apr 17, 2014 23:21:14 GMT -5
My DH and I have been a bit snippy with each other lately. He was out of town for three months working and we each got used to doing everything on our own and now we both feel like the other is trying "be the boss" if that makes sense. How to we get back in sync with each other after being apart?
Have you encountered this book yet? I read a NYT review which was delightful and I'm looking forward to the book immensely. Just have to get myself in the right mindset for it first.
the news out of the Ukraine today makes me want to run right out and get this, right now. lol
That baby is so cute! I have not seen you here much, what are you up to?
I know! I love him so stinking much! He currently really enjoys sitting on my lap and watching old videos of himself that I have on my phone. He'll grab my phone, bring it to me, and say "Kitry". He's also giving high fives and kisses, which are both adorable.
I've been swamped at work. And dd started soccer so that's been taking up my evening GBCN time. I just now finished the gigantic JLM thread. I still have to read the one elle posted. Stupid work and life interfering with my GBCN time! Also, h is home so I try to stay off the computer when he's here.
I know! I love him so stinking much! He currently really enjoys sitting on my lap and watching old videos of himself that I have on my phone. He'll grab my phone, bring it to me, and say "Kitry". He's also giving high fives and kisses, which are both adorable.
I've been swamped at work. And dd started soccer so that's been taking up my evening GBCN time. I just now finished the gigantic JLM thread. I still have to read the one elle posted. Stupid work and life interfering with my GBCN time! Also, h is home so I try to stay off the computer when he's here.
AW. You are a good mom. It's so fun to see them see themselves. lol you really have been running hard, are you getting any 'you' time at all? It's hard I know, when you're stretched so thin.
I haven't been getting much "me" time, but I have some comp time that I have to use by the end of the month that I plan on taking next week for just that purpose!
I haven't been getting much "me" time, but I have some comp time that I have to use by the end of the month that I plan on taking next week for just that purpose!
YES. and you WILL leave the children in daycare, yes?
Yes, I have every intention of sending dd to school and ds to mil's like normal. I'll actually spend part of the day cleaning and getting balloons, etc. for dd's birthday party the next day but that won't take me all day so I have grand plans to go back to bed after I drop dd off and sleep for another 3-4 hours, then get up and do those things.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Have you ever went through times where you have re evaluated yourself, refocused and changed your life?
yes. And it's usually 'sudden', in that I've been a certain way for a long while and then suddenly I realize I don't have to be like that. And I stop.
I realized that i had a couple of people in my life who made things very hard for me. Very high maintenance, and they took a lot out of me, and a lot away from my energy that should have been focused on my kids. And one day, I just stopped. Shut them out, nearly completely. The amount of freedom I felt, the loosening of tension, the amount of hours I had to devote to things that were important to me, not important to them, was amazing. It took years to get to that day, and then that day it all switched.
I've done this in small and large ways, too. What are you thinking you need to change, bqq?
I hope to have this same experience someday. I do have people like this in my life that I give give give to and get nothing in return. I just feel like I'm at such a crossroads in my life. Everything that happened last year, starting over, my dad being gone, and finding out people aren't who they seem.
I am too trusting and realize I give others more than I give to myself. It is funny timing with Jlm, because the guy wasn't who I thought he was, my best friend isn't, my grandpa isn't, my ex husband wasn't, and I can't keep doing this. I feel like I'm at a point where I need to put myself first and be more discriminating on who I let in and how much crap I take until I move on.
Not meaning this necessarily in a sad sense, but more in a taking responsibility sense, and trust myself and my intuition more. Truthfully I will continue to let others in, but I need to think more.
Nothing in my life is as it was 2 years ago. Nothing.
I just want to be the best person I can be emotionally, physically, and in every sense of the word.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by JayhawkGirl on Apr 18, 2014 0:50:18 GMT -5
First, can I send hugs to blackcanary and bqq? Sqeeeeeeze.
I could use a pick me up. The last few months have taken their toll and I'm spent, just in time to have everyone here for Easter. I have hit my wit's end trying to support MIL in her grief, DH is hiding in his work (very open lines of communication on this between me and him), my parents and sister figure hey, four months have passed, we can fall off the face of the earth again, the kids are good but the baby is a baby and that's just a lot of work and I'm at the point of dammit, someone support ME. I have taken the brunt of the bitter, ugly, mean side of MIL grieving, then she's all la di da I'm hanging in there to DH bc she doesn't want to worry him.
Tell me I'll make it through this with grace, oh wise Sue Sue. Or should I just be half drunk all day Sunday?
Pat on the back time... I've been running the coin drive for charity for our PTA this year. I co-captained last year with the gal who started it all, who is now heading the drive at the middle school across the street. Our school has never lost. This year we decided to also challenge another elementary school. My kids have three goals this year, not just "beat the middle school" like in years past. I don't know if we'll beat the middle school (the numbers will be finalized tomorrow) but as of today we beat the other elementary school (which has 100+ more students) by $300 and we beat our goal to make it to $2000 with a day to spare. I am hoping we bring in enough to break $2500, which would be almost double last year's number. I am SO proud of how our kids are doing. We're raising money for a clothing closet for underserved school-age children in our county and also for relief for victims from the Oso/Darrington mudslide (which also occurred in our county, just north of us).
The middle school is rocking it this year too. First time in a long time they've been excited to raise money for charity. Theirs is all going to the Red Cross fund for the Oso Mudslide victims.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Post by themoneytree on Apr 18, 2014 6:38:03 GMT -5
Is it too late?
My kid is 21 months and enormously outgoing. We have toured a few preschools and she LOVES it and jumps right in. The preschool I like best is almost $3000 per year for a few hours twice a week. I should wait until she's 3 to send her right? I feel like she would love it, but she gets plenty of socialization with her playgroup and classes and she's still a bit young (preschool starts at 2.5 years old and kiddo will be 2 years 2 months). They will take her based on her personality, but why am I rushing?
I should also throw out there that H is an AMAZING Dad, but we have no outside help at all. Grandparents are hours or countries away. But I can (mostly) manage it.
What do I doooooo? Put her in in September or keep her out until next year?
I've survived 24+ hours including 6 hours in the car with someone else's 6 year old. I have no idea how I'm going to survive until Monday. The drive was so bad that I'm considering making the trip home really late in hopes that she'll sleep.
To all you parents, I don't know how you do it. Hats off to each and every one of you.
You can say whatever you want to your own kids and in the car there usually aren't any witnesses.
My kid is 21 months and enormously outgoing. We have toured a few preschools and she LOVES it and jumps right in. The preschool I like best is almost $3000 per year for a few hours twice a week. I should wait until she's 3 to send her right? I feel like she would love it, but she gets plenty of socialization with her playgroup and classes and she's still a bit young (preschool starts at 2.5 years old and kiddo will be 2 years 2 months). They will take her based on her personality, but why am I rushing?
I should also throw out there that H is an AMAZING Dad, but we have no outside help at all. Grandparents are hours or countries away. But I can (mostly) manage it.
What do I doooooo? Put her in in September or keep her out until next year?
I waited until 3. But at 2 I joined a MOPs group that meets 2x a month and provides childcare. Ate hot food with 2 hands, made friends. And I got a family membership to the Y with excellent childcare. 2 hours away from him, taking care of myself whenever I want. Saturday workout date with my husband. It was great. It still is. School is closed this week and I worked out 3 times and hung out with MOPs people the other days. I'd wait on preschool if you can find someplace cheaper to get away from him her. lol
Post by shostakovich on Apr 18, 2014 7:30:53 GMT -5
Sue Sue - what do you do when you feel kind of stuck?
Everything is fine - my job is fine (but not what I want to do ultimately), H and I are fine, life is fine. But I'm feeling lately like I'm not doing all I could be, not living up to my full potential, and in the last few weeks, all I want to do after work is get home and escape into a good (or even sort of good) book.
How do I motivate myself to do more? Particularly exercise, but also writing again, job applications, creative projects, etc.
I could use some pats on the back. I am taking my ex back for a child support modification and mediation has been set for May. I just want this to be over with. It is costing me a ton in lawyers fees (worth every penny though; my attorney is awesome and one of the best in my area) and stress. I hate confrontation, especially with my ex, and I hate how he is being an asss about the whole thing. My biggest fear is DD being hurt by his recent actions.
My kid is 21 months and enormously outgoing. We have toured a few preschools and she LOVES it and jumps right in. The preschool I like best is almost $3000 per year for a few hours twice a week. I should wait until she's 3 to send her right? I feel like she would love it, but she gets plenty of socialization with her playgroup and classes and she's still a bit young (preschool starts at 2.5 years old and kiddo will be 2 years 2 months). They will take her based on her personality, but why am I rushing?
I should also throw out there that H is an AMAZING Dad, but we have no outside help at all. Grandparents are hours or countries away. But I can (mostly) manage it.
What do I doooooo? Put her in in September or keep her out until next year?
I waited until 3. But at 2 I joined a MOPs group that meets 2x a month and provides childcare. Ate hot food with 2 hands, made friends. And I got a family membership to the Y with excellent childcare. 2 hours away from him, taking care of myself whenever I want. Saturday workout date with my husband. It was great. It still is. School is closed this week and I worked out 3 times and hung out with MOPs people the other days. I'd wait on preschool if you can find someplace cheaper to get away from him her. lol
Thanks! I already have a lot of friends/ adult interaction so that's not a problem. We do regular Moms nights in/ out without the kids and meet very regularly with the kids. We're also members of the Y and while I am not working out, do take advantage of the kid's room so we can hang out and have tea without the kiddos.
My need for a little time alone may be playing into this more than I want to admit, but really I'm trying to work out what is best for her first and me, second.
She'll enjoy it, no doubt. They enjoy everything LOL. If money is no object do it. But I don't wish I had put out an extra 3k and sent him 1 year early. 2 hours is short. SHORT! But money is an object for us. Especially as long as you love the school.
Is child support something that you have to mediate? Here, the amounts are statutory. And, you can't be all girly and Idon'tlikeconfrontation here. Put the big girl underpants on and go get it. You need the money. Go get it from that rat bastard. You don't have an option regarding hurting or not hurting your child in this; he's a shitty dad, it's not really important in what particular special way he chooses to be shitty this time.
From what I understand, we don't have to go to mediation because it is modifying a current order, but my attorney advised we try once. If it doesn't work, we will go to trial. The monthly amount is pretty cut and dry (they put our incomes into a calculator/guideline, add the number of overnights he has (which is none), and insurance premium. On top of the monthly amount, I am seeking an additional percentage of medical bills that aren't covered under insurance and help with her extracurricular activities.
What I mean about DD getting hurt is that, before I initiated this court process, he was rarely involved with her. He hardly ever saw her, would stand her up when they made plans, didn't go to her recitals, or he would lie about having been there when he wasn't. Now, he has been constantly sending her text messages, wanting to see her, and is acting interested in her life. That's great and all, but I fear that this is all a show for court and that, once it is over, he will go back to disappointing her.