What should I do re: DS crying

[Birdie]

I'm going back to work on Monday and DH will be watching DS for four weeks until he starts daycare. DH works from home, but has been putting in a lot of hours the past 8 weeks since I have been on unpaid leave. This has left me being the primary caretaker for most of the day.

I know it's common, but I'm afraid this had created a situation where DS will only calm down for me when he's upset. I don't know if it's just because I'm mommy (even though we're FF) or of if it's because I've kind of learned what helps to soothe him and he's used to me being the one to do the soothing.

When DS starts one of his fits, should I just stay away and let DH handle it until DS is calmed down? Or should I step in and help? Part of me thinks DS needs to learn to let DG soothe him and DH needs to learn what is most effective. The other part of me just wants the crying to stop for my sanity.

I know they'll get a crash course on this when I go back to work and it's just the two of them all day. I'm almost worried for DH's nerves that first week. I just am not sure of he best course of action for when I'm around.

And like I said, we FF so no BM booby issues.

[greycat]

Let your H handle it. He needs to figure out what works for him (which may be different than what works for you).

[Birdie]

It happened last night during witching hour and I offered. DH got him calmed down after a few minutes, but apparently DS had cried the whole time I was gone picking up dinner.

[BaliHai]

I was really bad about interfering until H told me he needs to learn how to soothe her on his own, so I stopped. It was hard, and I told him to come get me if he can't do it (because when he's tired, which is 98% of the time these days, he gets frustrated VERY quickly and flat-out does not believe me when I tell him his frustration stresses her out too), but he's only had to get me twice so far.

[Birdie]

Apr 19, 2014 11:56:52 GMT -5 BaliHai said:

I was really bad about interfering until H told me he needs to learn how to soothe her on his own, so I stopped. It was hard, and I told him to come get me if he can't do it (because when he's tired, which is 98% of the time these days, he gets frustrated VERY quickly and flat-out does not believe me when I tell him his frustration stresses her out too), but he's only had to get me twice so far.

DH is a great dad, but he does get frustrated with him faster than I do. That's why I've usually just taken over, so everyone is happier. It would be nice to not have to do that though.

[BaliHai]

Apr 19, 2014 11:58:32 GMT -5 Birdie said:

Apr 19, 2014 11:56:52 GMT -5 BaliHai said:

I was really bad about interfering until H told me he needs to learn how to soothe her on his own, so I stopped. It was hard, and I told him to come get me if he can't do it (because when he's tired, which is 98% of the time these days, he gets frustrated VERY quickly and flat-out does not believe me when I tell him his frustration stresses her out too), but he's only had to get me twice so far.

DH is a great dad, but he does get frustrated with him faster than I do. That's why I've usually just taken over, so everyone is happier. It would be nice to not have to do that though.

Yeah, this is why it continues to be hard for me to let him try to calm her down. She eventually will calm for him, but it is much quicker if I take over. I just try to occupy myself with something else, and I turn the monitor off so I can't hear either one of them (H does bedtime with her every night).

[gibbinator]

I would also suggest letting him do his best, let him know you're available if he just can't figure it out but that it's best if he try solo for as long as you both can stand it.
Give him ideas of things you try (and how long it took you in the beginning, like just because 2mins of bouncing and shooshing doesn't work, he shouldn't give up on that) but let him know they might not work for him and he might have to figure out other strategies.
Dont push your way of doing things on him, because what works for you might not for him. And vice versa.

[vmars]

Definitely give him ideas and support, but let him try and soothe DS in his own way. When DH went back to work, he'd come home and I'd go upstairs for a little bit. If DS was fussing he handled it. They eventually got into a good rhythm and DH knew what he liked and what he didn't like. Also as babies get older they normally get less fussy so that will help boost his confidence too. Hang in there!

[livinitup]

I always tried really hard to NOT step in. It's so undermining to a parent. Even for the 'right ' reasons.

My baby would act completely different if I was in the house or not. She KNEW if I was around and would totally act like it. So, trust dad will do it differently than you, and it will work out.

[curbsideprophet]

Your DH needs to figure it out. I would not step in all the time. Get out of the house for a bit and let the two of them hang out if need be.

[whitepicketfence]

Apr 19, 2014 11:45:38 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Walk away but tell your DH you will help if he needs .

This is exactly what I would do. Turn off the monitor, go for a walk, whatever you need to do if the crying bothers you. Your DH needs to figure out what will work for him since it might be entirely different than what works for you.

[Birdie]

Apr 19, 2014 15:29:25 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

I was so worried that E wouldn't be able to be consoled without me there. But I really believe that babies know when their mommy is home. He did just fine when I left him with the sitter.

Can you do a test run and leave your baby with your H and see how things turn out? Maybe you'll be surprised!

ETA, and H has almost always been the one to get to E in the MOTN and soothe him. I think it helps that E knows that the both of us can help him out.

Well funny enough, I was unexpectedly gone from the house today a lot longer than I intended. I went for a pedi and the wait was super long. I decided to just wait it out because I was way overdue for one.

Anyways when I got home (three hours later!) DS was swaddled sound asleep in the RNP and DH was vacuuming. I could tell from the swaddle that DS had been fussy bc we don't swaddle for every nap. But it was good for DH to find that DS loved the vacuum. I have a feeling we will have very clean floors for the next four weeks

[littlemermaid]

And make sure your husband knows that it is ok to put the baby down in his crib crying and walk away if nothing is working. He should never feel that he can't take a step back and regroup.