He passed this morning at 4am in his sleep. He was in so much pain on Wednesday and then rallied on Thursday before drifting into a sleep state that he just never really came out of. I'm so thankful that he didn't linger for weeks and weeks- it's only been 10 days since we found out the cancer was back. But fuck. I wasn't prepared for this. I've been preparing myself for years for the big phone call that he had a massive heart attack or stroke or something (he also had congestive heart failure)- I was not prepared for the horror that is cancer. Fuck.
When does the overwhelming heart ache go away? I'm so afraid to take Ollie back there tonight and having to answer the "Where's Poppop?" question. He loved his Poppop. How long will it take to feel normal?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I don't know how long it takes, but I would let myself feel those feelings. He meant a lot to you. Allow yourself to grieve and be patient with yourself.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Post by hungrycaterpillar on Apr 19, 2014 14:18:44 GMT -5
Hugs thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. Slowly, but eventually, your pain will ease. Surround yourself with those you love. We are here for you.
Post by usuallylurking on Apr 19, 2014 14:23:34 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. DS1 handled my grandma's death last month (his "GG") much better than I did. Ollie will be a bright spot for all of you. ((hugs))
Thanks guys. I'm trying to let it all out and cry when I feel like crying, but I keep getting told to relax because I'm pregnant and need to think of the baby.