I need to work on this. When someone gets upset on the phone and starts crying I feel panicky. I don't know what to say or do, and I feel like a horrible person. I've even tried to rush off the phone. This is only with adults obviously. How do I get better at this?
I'm...OK. I feel awkward but a lot of people come to me with their problems so I must pull it off. As I get older, I just feel like anything I can say is trite so I just focus on letting them talk. When I really am stuck, I think "What would SueSue say?" and go with that.
Post by hungrycaterpillar on Apr 19, 2014 17:07:06 GMT -5
I deal with this a lot - mostly with crying patients. I usually just talk to them and ask them to explain what they're feeling so I can better understand the emotions that they're going through. I never say things like "I know how you feel" and then offer my own story, even if it is similar to their own because the person, more than anything, just wants someone to listen to them.
Sometimes, just being there with a supportive ear is enough. Know that regardless of how awkward you're feeling at the time, the other person is probably so caught up in their own emotions that they aren't even close to noticing it.
Sometimes I'm ok, sometimes I'll be like " kids are screaming, gottagobye". And sometimes I'll change the subject.
Today my cousin called and started getting choked up, my mom was visiting and I go " oh mom wants to talk to you, see you soon!" Then we saw her later and she laughed at me. I go " I know I suck, I'll work on it". And I feel like I should.
I do have social anxiety so sometimes I just deal with it better than others but I feel like a jerk.
I deal with this a lot - mostly with crying patients. I usually just talk to them and ask them to explain what they're feeling so I can better understand the emotions that they're going through. I never say things like "I know how you feel" and then offer my own story, even if it is similar to their own because the person, more than anything, just wants someone to listen to them.
Sometimes, just being there with a supportive ear is enough. Know that regardless of how awkward you're feeling at the time, the other person is probably so caught up in their own emotions that they aren't even close to noticing it.
I think this is it, I worry about what to say, and think ill Make it worse. I need to just listen and not worry about what I'll say.
I have gotten better at this. Actually mostly because of work--Way more people cry in their manager's office than I expected. I just set the tissue nearby and go on assuming they aren't super upset.
With friends, I usually offer tissues and a hug in person. On the phone I say things like I'm so sorry, that must be hard whatever.
Some people just need to get it out and you don't have to say anything at all. Just let them talk.
Because I'm the crazy emotional one, I have almost too much empathy for others when they're emotional. Which makes me emotional. And then we're both crying and hugging.
Post by EmilieMadison on Apr 19, 2014 17:27:49 GMT -5
It depends on who it is. I tend to be either happy or angry myself (sad is horrible for me, I dont do sad well), so those are the emotions in others that I am most comfortable with handling. Even then I still feel uncomfortable with the exception of my very best friends. I've been "accused" of being cold and uncaring when really I just dont express or show emotion unless it's happiness or anger (and only some people see the angry side).
My mom has had a very tough year. Her dad just passed away after a long stint with cancer and her only remaining brother was just diagnosed with very advanced cancer and isn't expected to make it more than a month or so. She's a wreck. She calls me crying often. I am fucking awful at dealing with it and never know what to say or do. Everything feels inadequate. Like I can't sympathize because I don't know what she's going though. I can only say I'm sorry so many times. And she says she just wants me to talk and tell her about my life, but everything going wrong seems so minor and I feel like she wouldn't want to celebrate happy things.
So, basically what I'm saying is I understand and empathize with you.
Post by VeryViolet on Apr 19, 2014 17:59:43 GMT -5
I am atrocious when other people cry. My tactic is to acknowledge how bad I am at it. Depending on who it is I start off with, "I am going to give you a really awkward hug and possibly make an inappropriate joke now". It makes it less bad when I make the bad joke. Then I just try and listen. I just kind of shut down when people cry. I wish I didn't.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Apr 19, 2014 18:04:45 GMT -5
I work on an inpatient psych unit, so I deal with a lot of emotions all the time I think what other people have said is true: people just generally want to be listened to and heard. I often times don't have a response to people I'm talking with, because they have been through so much and I often can't relate. But I also think it's ok to let people know you don't know what to say...but that you will be there for them to listen and care.
I get really awkward when someone I don't know well, or I'm not comfortable with, cries in front of me. I work in HR so this happens from time to time. I actually get a nervous giggle but now that I'm older, I'm able to stifle it. I'm not comfortable with my own emotions, so it's no surprise I react this way to others. I just try and get through with it as quickly as possible so I can get past the awkwardness. It's my coping mechanism.
I should have been a therapist, I think. I handle it pretty well. But I get annoyed and want to tell them how to fix it too
I also try to immediately go to this. Partly because I just want to move past the emotions and go to he fixing stage and partly because I'm just feeling awkward in the moment. I realize it makes me look like I lack empathy, so I try to consciously avoid jumping to this. Doesn't always work though.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Apr 19, 2014 19:16:07 GMT -5
I handle things pretty well.
I'm an even-keeled person by nature and am a good listener.
I do get emotional when people I love are grieving or hurting, but that's okay. People usually just need someone to listen or to hug them. If you're crying too, it's okay.
NOPE. I suck with others emotions and avoid them at all costs. It's not because I don't care, I do. I'm emo, and I truly care about others. I just over think my response (do they want me ragey, sad, apologetic? Can we skip to the part where we get drunk?). I do much better if there is something I can DO. Like, oh your upset about Easter baskets? Cool, you cry and I'll run to the store and buy candy. All fixed.
I'm pretty good with other people's emotions. On the phone is not too much of a problem either. If it's family/friends then I console them from the more intimate angle with what I say. If it's someone I don't know as well I can easily come up with something like "That sounds so hard for you. I'm so sorry. Maybe things are going to turn around from here, though," and then just start talking with a hopeful tone. Sometimes people just need a moment to let something out and feel heard, then they can benefit from a kind lift up and a sense of compassion as they move on with the conversation.
I'm terrible with emotions: expressing my own and dealing with other people's emotions.
I'm not a cold person by any means, I've just never been very emotional. I wonder if growing up, because my mom was the same way, that's kind of why I am the way I am. I will say, that since having kids, I am more sensitive to anything involving kids being killed, hurt or ill.
When other people get emotional, I kind of freeze up and don't know what to do or say.