when do you dump your baggage?

[Deleted]

I wear a medic alert bracelet and if I'm getting naked and recently received treatment, a huge red mound is on my thigh or belly. I can hide the infusion mound usually, with clothing. But if I'm touched or naked, it's obvious for 48-72 hours. And then there's the guy who wants to hold hands and inspects my bracelet (doesn't look medic alert-y). Sometimes it comes out early, sometimes it takes a couple of months. I just let it happen organically.

[dani29]

Well, if we are medically speaking, it comes out the first time there is food involved. I'm a type 1 diabetic, so it's kinda hard to hide testing/giving insulin. Other stuff, just comes with conversation over time.

Also I find that it takes a while for them to notice my medic alert bracelet, it's not very medical looking either though.

[Deleted]

Apr 20, 2014 19:55:06 GMT -5 dani29 said:

Also I find that it takes a while for them to notice my medic alert bracelet, it's not very medical looking either though.

^5.  It took me months to find something on etsy that wasn't yelling, "HEY LOOK AT ME I HAVE A MESSED UP BODY AND ALL OF MY INFO IS ON THIS BRACELET!"

[dani29]

Apr 20, 2014 19:59:58 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Apr 20, 2014 19:55:06 GMT -5 dani29 said:

Also I find that it takes a while for them to notice my medic alert bracelet, it's not very medical looking either though.

^5.  It took me months to find something on etsy that wasn't yelling, "HEY LOOK AT ME I HAVE A MESSED UP BODY AND ALL OF MY INFO IS ON THIS BRACELET!"

I know!! and I have the wrists of a 5 year old so I can't even wear the normal kind because they clank everywhere!! I have a roadID, I think it's the elite, it's got my name and the fact that I'm diabetic but there is a 1-800 number for emergency responders can call with a pin on the back and it has emergency contacts/allergies, insurance information, primary care doctor etc.

ETA: they're made for bikers/runners, but I wear it all the time, they have a medical alert "charm" that fits on it, I say charm but it's flat to the band with the name plate.

[Deleted]

Well, I guess it depends on the type of info and how your conversations are going.  In your case IMO, it's not really necessary to tell immediately.  It's not like you have a child at home that you aren't being honest about, KWIM?

[Deleted]

For things such as this that are part of your past and wouldn't have immediate impacts on your partner such as @blueyes623 mentions. I usually would wait until the exclusivity convo comes up. At that point I'd probably say before we move further I want to tell you about an important part of my past before we make any decisions. That sounds super dramatic, but you know what I mean.

[Deleted]

For something like you mention, I think at some point it will come up naturally. I wouldn't bring it up in the first couple of months unless it seems relevant or you feel like it's the right time - I guess I mean I see no reason to make a point of bringing it up. Unless maybe if the child is still a part of your life?

I think most of my bigger baggage stuff came out in conversation over the first three months of my current relationship, but a lot of the details we still haven't discussed and maybe never will. He knows the basics of my past and vice versa.

[Deleted]

Ever scenario can be different, but if it were me, I could see bringing up after we are exclusive and maybe like a few months into things?

It's part of who you are, but I don't think you have to go there unless things are serious.

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2014 9:22:57 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

For something like you mention, I think at some point it will come up naturally. I wouldn't bring it up in the first couple of months unless it seems relevant or you feel like it's the right time - I guess I mean I see no reason to make a point of bringing it up. Unless maybe if the child is still a part of your life?

I think most of my bigger baggage stuff came out in conversation over the first three months of my current relationship, but a lot of the details we still haven't discussed and maybe never will. He knows the basics of my past and vice versa.

+1

[greysgirl]

Apr 21, 2014 10:47:16 GMT -5 @gypsy said:

Ever scenario can be different, but if it were me, I could see bringing up after we are exclusive and maybe like a few months into things?

It's part of who you are, but I don't think you have to go there unless things are serious.

I agree, but it may come up in conversation at some point before that. 

I had to dump some of my baggage (single mom, drug addict exh) on the first date with my now bf because I had to explain dating is a little trickier for me. 

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2014 10:57:07 GMT -5 greysgirl said:

Apr 21, 2014 10:47:16 GMT -5 @gypsy said:

Ever scenario can be different, but if it were me, I could see bringing up after we are exclusive and maybe like a few months into things?

It's part of who you are, but I don't think you have to go there unless things are serious.

I agree, but it may come up in conversation at some point before that. 

I had to dump some of my baggage (single mom, drug addict exh) on the first date with my now bf because I had to explain dating is a little trickier for me. 

I understand. That's why I said every situation is different.

I do not know your situation, and there could be a need to bring that kind of information to a first date, but I am not sure why you couldn't leave it at "I'm a single mom" and leave out the details.

There's no harm in laying it out there, but I definitely think it's better to ease into things. Sometimes I think the other side can get the notion that a person may have too much going on, when really they are in an okay place to date.

There are definitely things that would scare me off if I heard to all at once or too soon.

On the flip side, I do think if things are going to work out, it will just happen and won't be a ton of work.

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2014 11:00:59 GMT -5 @gypsy said:

On the flip side, I do think if things are going to work out, it will just happen and won't be a ton of work.

I think this is the key we forget

We (and I'm so guilty of this all the time!) get caught up in what is the "right" thing to do, and really I think with the right relationship you don't need to worry about all that because it will just happen the way it's supposed to in that particular relationship and will be fine.

[bullygirl979]

It depends on the kind of baggage. I told guys about the cancer thing pretty early on because I was still going through treatment and it could affect how I was at that moment. But stuff from my past I usually wait until you are exclusive.

[Wanderista]

I'll just say that I agree with the organic approach.

[greysgirl]

Apr 21, 2014 11:00:59 GMT -5 @gypsy said:

Apr 21, 2014 10:57:07 GMT -5 greysgirl said:

I agree, but it may come up in conversation at some point before that. 

I had to dump some of my baggage (single mom, drug addict exh) on the first date with my now bf because I had to explain dating is a little trickier for me. 

I understand. That's why I said every situation is different.

I do not know your situation, and there could be a need to bring that kind of information to a first date, but I am not sure why you couldn't leave it at "I'm a single mom" and leave out the details.

There's no harm in laying it out there, but I definitely think it's better to ease into things. Sometimes I think the other side can get the notion that a person may have too much going on, when really they are in an okay place to date.

There are definitely things that would scare me off if I heard to all at once or too soon.

On the flip side, I do think if things are going to work out, it will just happen and won't be a ton of work.

Yea you're right I probably should have left the drug addict ex part and just left it at he's not in the picture anymore. Bf and I had been friends in college and were facebook friends for years before we started dating so maybe I felt a little more comfortable explaining to him why I wasn't married anymore. I don't tell too many people about my ex, even like co-workers and stuff unless I have known them for a bit and it comes up in conversation.