Speaking hypothetically, what is acceptable? Where are our societal norms, and when do we break them?
We had two stark instances in the thread, that was touched upon. Where the hypothetical is funny (re: "jokes" made to people we don't know), and the stark reality of the "joke" being aimed at someone we know.
Is that were it crosses the line?
Does it make a difference if we know who is saying it and we read/listen to it in the context of that person?
I'm still pretty upset about what was said in that thread, but it'd be great if we could turn it into something constructive. Like developing some community norms about what is, and what isn't okay to say here. I know we all love our offend offs (or at least I know I do), but Dyl's comment went WAY past that.
In my real life, I would not make rape jokes or say things that I think may hurt someone or be in extremely poor taste. In my real-life community, the standard is such jokes would not be funny or at all appropriate.
On a message board, I think that line is more fluid. In relative anonymity or under the cloak of a persona one developed, one may be more inclined to post something that one wouldn't otherwise verbalize in a face-to-face encounter.
I've come to view Internet messages boards as a place to either express things I can't in a face-to-face setting or push the boundaries of something I may or may not really believe. I kind of view this as the Wild West. Unless specifically prohibited, anything goes. Even if it's in extremely poor taste. However, the consequences can be just as over the top.
Anything is acceptable until the majority of society says otherwise. At one point in time, knocking your wife around was considered acceptable because marriage gave you that right. Now, society has grown enough to say "fuck that, if you hit your wife you end up in jail."
Meh. Just because the majority of society thinks something is acceptable....doesn't always make it so. I don't think a majority rules mentality is the way to go.
I think it's fine to discuss all aspects of an issue, whether it's acceptable or not. Whether it's funny or not. Where the boundaries are. We may not agree, but that's okay. We can discuss rape, murder, racism, etc. all day. That's not the problem. It's when you make it personal or direct it at another person that it crosses the line. I guess a key here is respect towards others. If you don't know how something will be taken by another, err on the side of caution.
Meh. Just because the majority of society thinks something is acceptable....doesn't always make it so. I don't think a majority rules mentality is the way to go.
But that's usually how our society works. There are certain things as far as civil rights, etc that aren't that way. But the reason that, say, honor killings aren't acceptable in the US is because a majority of our society thinks that way. The reason honor killings are acceptable in places like that in the middle east is because a majority of their society thinks that way.
I seriously doubt a majority thinks its okay. A forceful and violent minority thinks its okay.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jul 13, 2012 14:11:55 GMT -5
I don't generally have hard and fast rules about what is acceptable in terms of what to say. For me it's about gaguing who I'm with. Obviously I don't make the same jokes with my mom that I do with my bff. But in the context of this board, I think bringing up anyone's kids is a no-no, making a threat is not acceptable, and bringing up a personal past hurtful experience in a public setting isn't great either. Look, if you want to come at me for something I have said or done IRL that has affected me in some way, I'd rather you PM me about it. There are things about myself that I have certainly put out there to be judged on, but to throw any of that back in my face because we're having a disagreement isn't fighting fair and shouldn't be done in a public forum.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Anything is acceptable until the majority of society says otherwise.
At one point in time, knocking your wife around was considered acceptable because marriage gave you that right. Now, society has grown enough to say "fuck that, if you hit your wife you end up in jail."
Anything is acceptable until the majority of society says otherwise.
At one point in time, knocking your wife around was considered acceptable because marriage gave you that right. Now, society has grown enough to say "fuck that, if you hit your wife you end up in jail."
You misconstrue power imbalances and ethics.
Yes.
Plus, I would actually argue that people thought it was okay to hit one's wife. I think the only people who really thought that were the ones doing the hitting. The outlook was more than it was a matter to be dealt with in the home and not for other people to put their noses in it. Now we've decided that the community at large is affected by DV and thus we do more about it than hope the poor woman has a father and/or brothers or Idgie Threadgood to help her out.
Post by EllieArroway on Jul 13, 2012 14:32:01 GMT -5
I will let you guys deal with this, but I will point out that what happened in that thread is technically against Proboards TOS and as such can be punished. If it were reported to Proboards he would probably be IP banned, honestly. They take their 'community guidelines' very seriously.
I will let you guys deal with this, but I will point out that what happened in that thread is technically against Proboards TOS and as such can be punished. If it were reported to Proboards he would probably be IP banned, honestly. They take their 'community guidelines' very seriously.
I tried to report a million times and proboards kept cockblocking me.
I'm willing to bet that she doesn't take him seriously and thus, is baffled why do or doesn't expect us to take him seriously either.
But I'm judging that solely on the fact that she doesn't think he's the slightest bit of an ass. Primarily because, well, my husband is a bit of an ass and I have no problems copping to that, particularly when he is an ass.
I think it odd to watch someone you know do/say something assy repeatedly and then be all, but you guys, he's totally the nicest guy I know. I make me wonder what the other men in your life are like.
That being said, it's the internet. He's probably not a dick otherwise, else why would she be married to him? Although, really, that doesn't say much either.
I guess what I'm saying is that who the fuck knows what he's like but he's most decidedly assy here.
It was directed at another member, though at his wife would have been just as horrible. It is no secret that I have had issues with him for the past few weeks so it is not hard for me to see this as his norm. BUT, it was horrible. Absolutely horrible.
Post by laurenpetro on Jul 13, 2012 15:36:03 GMT -5
i'd say that anything that prompts someone to say out loud, "Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?" qualifies as unacceptable. FTR, i've said that out loud at least twice this week in response to things i've read on here.
Plus, I would actually argue that people thought it was okay to hit one's wife. I think the only people who really thought that were the ones doing the hitting. The outlook was more than it was a matter to be dealt with in the home and not for other people to put their noses in it. Now we've decided that the community at large is affected by DV and thus we do more about it than hope the poor woman has a father and/or brothers or Idgie Threadgood to help her out.
Post by laurenpetro on Jul 13, 2012 15:49:54 GMT -5
nugget, right before i read your reply i said to myself, 'i think i just gave that shitty definition of pornography. crap.'
obviously this is just my opinion, but it's rare that there's a comment on here that's on the boarderline. if something is out of line, it's WAAAAAYYYYTHEEEFUUUUCK out of line, KWIM? and in those rare instances, there's usually been a public flogging and an apology. i think the people (specifically dyl) know that what they're saying is unacceptable but just don't give a shit. and i think that's part of what makes things unacceptable.