That is about the only thing that accurately sums up how I feel about my marriage ending. I know that at the end of it, I will come out ok, but right now, everything sucks. All the emotional stuff is terrible. I had no idea how badly it would hurt to hear my husband tell me he just doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't want to be married. I know that things have been pretty rough, but I was not prepared for all of this.To top off the emotional mind-fuck this is, all the practical stuff blows too. I am looking at apartments, but I feel like I can't afford anything! How do single people survive! I don't really have a ton of debt or anything like that. I am looking at moving because we just relocated to FL, so I have no ties here and I don't really want to stay...but it sucks because I just started to really enjoy my life here. I have some wonderful friends who I will leave behind. I don't know what will happen with many of our friends who we've made throughout the marriage...I suppose I will probably lose some of those too.
I keep getting so angry at N, but then I feel like shit because he is just doing what he feels like is his only option.
Sorry for the random dump, I just feel so alone in this process.
I'm so sorry. Your feelings are completely justified and natural, although I know that does not make them any less unpleasant.
I was a transplant to my area due to my ex-husband's career, so I can really relate. I am moving in with two women very soon, as I cannot afford a place in my desired area on my own. While I currently enjoy living alone, I am actually looking forward to having roommates, as I think it will minimize feelings of loneliness and expand my social circle.
((Hugs)) I so relate. I can't stop thinking about the suckiness of it all today. My new house, while exciting, is almost half the size. Paying bills alone will suck. I don't wanna cancel cable. I hate STBXH for this sometimes.
But I'm really trying hard to focus on the bright side. And like mcc said, start planning the fun things we can now embrace and do.
I'm in FL too, but I think you're central or south and not near me unfortunately.
Thanks everyone. I am just hoping at some point it will feel real. Right now, it doesn't really seem like it...like N will walk through the door and everything will be fine, but it's not happening. I can't reconcile that I will be a divorcee. I just never really saw it coming.
The bad days really, really sucked. Those were the days when I just wished so much that XH would show up at my door and make everything ok again. But, then the good days would roll around and I'd remember that this was my fresh start and I needed to live it up. It's the ebb and flow of starting over but it will get better!
"Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." ~Marilyn Monroe
I am so sorry you are going through this but also like the ladies say, it will get better and you will be much stronger. What part of Florida are you in?
Post by onedayatatime on Apr 23, 2014 7:46:57 GMT -5
Lots of hugs jugsy - I completely agree with you and am still in the sucky phase. I hate the feelings of loneliness and powerlessness.
I have to believe it will get easier, life will be happy again and for hours here or there I can see it will. Staying busy is the best thing I have been able to do - even if some of the items on my to do list are unimportant, doing them and crossing it off helps
I'm sorry. I got a roommate after my first divorce, and it was actually really nice. She was another single girl and we lived in a really cute townhome that neither of us could have afforded on our own, and it was still cheaper than a one bedroom apartment. There was enough space that we had enough privacy, but it was nice to have someone to chat with and relate to. If I didn't have a child this time around, I would definitely consider a roommate.
I hope you start feeling better soon. I'm having a rough time, too, as I'm sure many of us on the board are, so you aren't alone.
I am currently living in the Miami area. I have noticed that I just really hate the night, lol. During the day, I feel good, I go out and do stuff, and I don't feel that empty ache in my heart...then night rolls around, people are sleeping, and I'm in my bed, alone, and hits me that this is life for the foreseeable future.
"Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." ~Marilyn Monroe