Non-breezy thread: obsessing over timing of child 2?

[bunch]

Totally normal. I obsessed way more over dd2 than dd1, because I knew what was coming. I'm more relaxed over kid 3, but only because I've decided to push it off until next year.

[212]

I could have written this, so I hope it's normal. Wouldn't be surprised if it means I'm crazy though because, well, I'm a little crazy.

[Deleted]

My strategy was to TTC as soon as I wasn't 100% terrified and hope for the best. It worked out well.

I think it's normal to obsess a bit, but at the end of the day would you really care that much about a spring baby? I wanted a summer baby so DH could be home. With #1 we missed it by a couple months (didn't take as long as I thought it would) and it was fine. #2 was a month after would have been convenient, but that was fine too. If it had taken longer I would have been so grateful for a baby I don't think I could have really cared if it came in my least desired month (I hate my December birthday).

[scribellesam]

I did obsess about it a lot but in the end baby fever got the best of me and we ended up TTC about six months earlier than originally planned.

[geek96]

Sounds normal to me. I am obsessing over being pregnant again soon and how I don't want to be but just want a baby. Actually I relive giving birth all the time and shudder thinking of that pain again.

[asoctoberfalls]

Yup. I'm there. I am freaking out because we started TTC #2 in January and it's taking longer than I expected. (Naive and possibly flameful, I know). So now I'm worried because they're going to be further apart than I would have liked.

[Deleted]

Normal! Plus, if you want a Spring baby you should get started soon. Hint hint. No pressure. Pregnancy twins?

[waterchurch]

The one thing I had a strong opinion about was avoiding a late November or anytime December birthday. And this baby is due the week of Thanksgiving. So I give up.

[noodleskooze]

I sure hope it's normal. I'm already obsessing, and my kid is only 9 months old.

[jena]

I did obsess on timing for the 2nd (3rd was unplanned). I don't think it's weird to want things to be "perfect", the problem is that there is no "perfect". There are pros and cons to every age gap.

My first two are 2.5 years apart and the next gap is 3 years exactly. FWIW, I actually slightly prefer the 2.5 year gap, but it's not that different from a 3yr gap.

[pugz]

I go through periods where I obsess about it and other times (like now) where I hardly even think about it. I'm more focused right now on our vacations and summer plans and reworking our budget so that I can potentially SAH full time with #2. Also the older DD gets the more tantrums we get and that puts a stop on any baby fever. I saw a 3 week old today and it had almost no effect on me, lol.

I've decided not to even think about what season #2 will be born in because we really have so little control over that since we'll likely need fertility treatments again.

If DH is agreeable I will probably get my Mirena out at the end of the summer, but I don't think we'll start Clomid again until early next year.

[holly116]

Not to open up the time of year dilemma, but I liked the timing of my late summer babies much better. DS1 was in February and I thought I would love it and I didn't, especially for a second baby. All I wanted to do was be outside that summer with DD and he was just too little. He couldn't be in the heat, too little for sunscreen. Sucked.

As much as it sucks to be massively pregnant in the summer, having a baby in Aug/Sept meant cool fall days to walk around a few months in, smiles by Christmas, and a little guy that can sit up and be a part if what's happening this summer, while slathered in sunscreen. You'll like a three year gap. DD absolutely adores her baby brother and is legitimately helpful at times.

We're just doing absolutely everything to avoid so I can really enjoy Hawaii in October. If we have a fourth, I'm thinking July/early August 2015 would be great. Gives me time to get my wits about me before DD starts kindergarden and DS1 starts preschool that fall. Although, it would be REALLY NICE to just be finished too.

[curbsideprophet]

I had more debate over if I really wanted a second than the specific timing. I was not ready to think about it for the first year of DD's life. Around 18 months I was ready to start considering it. Around the time DD turned two DH and I decided in the long run we thought we would regret not trying for another. Having a second would be more difficult in the short term, but hopefully worth it in the long run. Once that decision was made we did not really worry about timing. We figured we needed to start trying sooner rather than later since we are both already in our mid thirties.

If this baby arrives on time DD will turn 3 about 2 months after he is born.

Why do you want the 3 years apart? What is so important about a spring baby? Which is more important in the long run? Obviously you can not plan everything when TTC. I guess I would try to figure out which thing is most important to you and try for that.

How often do you talk to DH about it? What does he think?

Good luck trying to figure it out.

[djc315]

Obsessed, checking in.

This would be a lot easier if the gestation was shorter!

[charlotteandwilbur]

I think about it daily and really would like to get PG this summer so #2 comes in spring 2015. And then I worry that my obsession over this timing will guarantee it won't happen on schedule.

[t]

If it's crazy, I'm right there with you. I think about it a lot, especially now that I'm possibly transitioning into a full-time role at my company within the next two months. I want to get a bit comfortable in that role before I start TTC, since it will be totally new to me and I will be managing a team of ten people. EEK!

But I think I want a spring/early summer baby, which doesn't give me a whole lot of time. And if my job becomes full-time, I have a month waiting period before getting PG so that I can max my STD. This is of course assuming I am able to get pregnant within a few months of TTC. Who knows what will happen.

[catbus]

Apr 23, 2014 20:25:56 GMT -5 @starry said:

I think I want the spring baby because having a fall baby with colic was terrible plus I have a hint of SAD. I just love this time of the year so much. Although the more that I think about it having a colicky baby is likely terrible regardless of season.

I have thought the same thing. We are still on the fence, but I am leaning evermore toward a second, with H seemingly open to being swayed (especially if our income increases a bit more). I also want at least a three-year difference, but not much more than four, and would like a baby born in April-July. So yeah, same boat. It would mean my ideal would be a spring 2016 baby, meaning TTC starting... about a year from now!

Add into all this my job search, and wanting FMLA coverage (which wouldn't kick in until I'd been at a company for a year), and I've been thinking about this stuff a lot. Tons of number crunching, too.  :^) More beer, please!

[badtzmaru22]

I had a lot of anxiety about whether or not to have a #2. We used to think we wanted two for sure, but then having a m/c and all the trouble trying to get DD, we seriously considered just quitting with one. She is awesome, and we were all happy, and really getting into a good place.

I have PCOS, and I know it's not reliable as birth control, but I didn't chart or prevent anything while BFing. I really just wanted to see what my body would do on it's own. After I got my period back when DD was 14mo, I started charting, but all that really does is help me confirm O, since my cycles are so irregular. I had another period, and we decided to wait on #2, so I made an appt for an IUD. And found out I was pregnant a week later. Oops.

But anyway, we are completely thrilled to have this decision made for us. I am 100% sure if I had gotten the IUD, either we never would have gotten around to trying again, or we would have tried in a few years and it wouldn't have worked out. DD will be 29mo when DS arrives, and I feel like that's really close together, but tons of people plan for that kind of spacing.

[catbus]

Apr 23, 2014 20:36:41 GMT -5 holly116 said:

Not to open up the time of year dilemma, but I liked the timing of my late summer babies much better. DS1 was in February and I thought I would love it and I didn't, especially for a second baby. All I wanted to do was be outside that summer with DD and he was just too little. He couldn't be in the heat, too little for sunscreen. Sucked.

As much as it sucks to be massively pregnant in the summer, having a baby in Aug/Sept meant cool fall days to walk around a few months in, smiles by Christmas, and a little guy that can sit up and be a part if what's happening this summer, while slathered in sunscreen. You'll like a three year gap. DD absolutely adores her baby brother and is legitimately helpful at times.

We're just doing absolutely everything to avoid so I can really enjoy Hawaii in October. If we have a fourth, I'm thinking July/early August 2015 would be great. Gives me time to get my wits about me before DD starts kindergarden and DS1 starts preschool that fall. Although, it would be REALLY NICE to just be finished too.

Well, crap. I hadn't thought about this. Hmm. 

[JayhawkGirl]

We hoped for a little short of 3 years apart. They are just over four since my ovaries got realllly lazy in the meantime.

I have moments where I wish they were closer and moments where I'm glad DS has memories of life just the three of us. Plus he is great help grabbing diapers, entertaining, etc.

The way it works will be just right, no matter what.

[water*drop]

I stress over whether or not to have a second, and I also stress over the timing, particularly since I work an academic year, so some parts of the year are definitely better than others. Obviously, I have no control over when/if I actually get pregnant, but that doesn't stop me from obsessing over it.

[Brie]

Also obsessed. Our "let's be breezy!" idea has turned into me buying a CBE Fertility Monitor and sticks, prenatals, and getting an Rx for progesterone this week. LOLOL.

Anyway, here are my reasons for wanting a Spring 2015 baby:

-2.5 year age gap seems ideal. Minimal period with two in diapers, hopefully. It's dumb but my BFF's kids are 2.5 years apart and she loves the gap.

-Kid 2 will start daycare in June or July. When C turns 3 in September his DC cost will drop quite a bit so it will only be a few months of super expensive DC.

-No being 9 months pregnant in sweltering August heat. I feel like I lost a whole summer because I stayed inside draped over the AC and I won't have that luxury with a toddler this time.

-Timing works well with my work responsibilities the next year or so.

[undecidedowl]

Normal, I was completely obsessed. I figure it's no different than when I had major baby fever before DS, they are just different factors to think about the second time.

I had the same thoughts for timing. In the end, DH didn't care so we started trying early just on case it took awhile. It didn't, so now we are expecting a fall baby. It's not ideal for me, but it seems like less of a big deal once it's reality.

[curbsideprophet]

Apr 23, 2014 20:58:42 GMT -5 @starry said:

I think I am ultimately going to be in the "never fully ready" camp. To be honest, I adore DD but she still is not what I would consider an easy going child. She is extremely sensitive and in general high maintenance. I know my next child may be different... but if not. I am screwed. At least I will have lots of snuggles

If we had waited until I was fully ready I assume we never would of had kids.

[wanderlustmom]

I was not breezy about this either. My sister and I are four years apart age, three in school and best friends now--but as kids, we were in different stages so I wanted my kids closer. It was easier for my mom for sure and she wouldn't have changed it, but we didn't share friends. DH and his sister were 2.5 years apart and his sister and my sister had kids 18 months apart--so we went for smaller gap. The first year was really hard but we didn't know DD would have colic. DS regressed for sure. Both were in diapers, it was all hands on deck all the time. I still would have done it but I think happy people say that--whatever you do will be just right for your family. DS and DD are truly best friends--they play so well together and go through stages together--but maybe that would have happened with bigger spacing anyway. Who knows.

[Deleted]

I was, but we have a whole bunch of things up in the air right now that affect the timing. If H gets the job he applied for, and we move, perhaps we'll pull the goalie and have #2 quickly since I'll be the trailing spouse. OR, do I find a job right away, wait three months, then try in order to have FMLA and a maternity leave?

OR, what if H doesn't get this job but DOES get a raise? Can we afford 2 in daycare? What if my job goes to part time, as I hope it will? That won't be fleshed out until maybe August.

AND, what if the class I teach gets moved from Spring 2015 to Fall 2015? I can't have a Fall 2015 baby- adjuncts don't get maternity leave.

So, in short, since we're not making a decision on it this month, or next month, I have no framework against which to obsess.

[lulu21]

Yup! We realized we can get very specific with timing since I'll probably have to have another c/s. We plan on trying to have #2 spring 2016. Our reasoning for spring is that H's schedule drastically slows down from May-August so he will be able to help a lot more.

[sent]

Apr 23, 2014 20:34:12 GMT -5 waterchurch said:

The one thing I had a strong opinion about was avoiding a late November or anytime December birthday. And this baby is due the week of Thanksgiving. So I give up.

As a December birthday person myself, I was glad that my surprise baby was going to have a late January birthday.

Except she double surprised us and ended up with a December birthday anyways.  Never thought I might have a preemie.

Before the baby, I used to tell my husband who is very bad at planning surprises that "I love surprises."  Like I said this all the time.  So in a way, I got exactly what I wished for.  :?

The OB told me to wait 18 months due to my c-section before trying for a #2.  That means at least 27 months apart, if we don't end up with another surprise.

[lulu21]

Apr 23, 2014 21:28:40 GMT -5 Brie said:

Also obsessed. Our "let's be breezy!" idea has turned into me buying a CBE Fertility Monitor and sticks, prenatals, and getting an Rx for progesterone this week. LOLOL.

Anyway, here are my reasons for wanting a Spring 2015 baby:

-2.5 year age gap seems ideal. Minimal period with two in diapers, hopefully. It's dumb but my BFF's kids are 2.5 years apart and she loves the gap.

-Kid 2 will start daycare in June or July. When C turns 3 in September his DC cost will drop quite a bit so it will only be a few months of super expensive DC.

-No being 9 months pregnant in sweltering August heat. I feel like I lost a whole summer because I stayed inside draped over the AC and I won't have that luxury with a toddler this time.

-Timing works well with my work responsibilities the next year or so.

Not being Pregnant in the summer is amazing. I know too many people who were miserable all summer. I had a March baby so I was pretty darn comfortable the whole time

[moopoint17]

Normal. Of course I was aiming for 2 years apart and when TTC didn't work for us (even with fertility treatments), I started freaking out.

Now the two are 2 years and 9 months apart and I couldn't imagine having a newborn during, what I consider to be, DS1's worse toddler stage ever.

Although being born in the spring meant that I couldn't take off add much time as I took off with DS1 - DS1 was born in late June and I was able to take off 23 weeks because I used all my vacation days and then only worked 4 weeks until the start of the year when my vacation days were reset.