Post by twodogsandababy on Apr 23, 2014 23:20:26 GMT -5
One of my BFFs has three boys (7,4, and 2) Our 4 year olds are BFFs and one month apart. They play at least once a week. Today they were playing upstairs in DS's room and the 7 year old was in there too. My friend went up to check on them and the door was shut (which is not allowed) when she opened it, the 4 year olds were completely naked and jumping on the bed. The 7 year old was playing on an ipad. She asked why they were naked and they said they were having a naked show, and the 7 year old was like yeah! She told everyone to get dressed and we made them come downstairs. A little later the 7 year old told us that the 4 year olds peed all over the bed. We went and checked and it was soaked. We made the boys clean everything and do the laundry. We were furious and our friends left.
My friends kids are in their underwear a lot. She posts pictures of the kids on FB just lounging around in underwear. We don't do that at my house and there have been times with the boys were younger and at her house that I have let DS play in just his underwear. Lately my friend has reinforced with her boys that we wear clothes when we are with our friends. I have never really talked to DS about it, other than the private parts talk. After our friends left I talked to DS about it more and he told me that the 7 year old told them to take off their clothes. This really bothers me and I will be telling my friend that DS said that. I have never really liked her 7 year old because I feel like he is mean and malicious. I do believe that he said it. I talked with DS more about how we don't take our clothes off with our friends, we don't show anyone our privates, and if someone asks him to do anything like that or take off his clothes he needs to say no and tell me or daddy. We talked about how he knows that isn't right and that he should not have done it and that it was really not okay for the 7 year old to ask him to.
Obviously, our boys will not be playing unsupervised. DS said that no one touched his privates. So, is this normal boy stuff or something I need to be more concerned about? Should I just watch future interactions and see what happens? DS was going to spend the night at his friends house on Friday (a little girl we are good family friends with) but that has been cancelled mostly due to the pee incident.
Kids are curious, but an older child telling younger kids to take off their clothes is not ok. I wouldn't let them play unsupervised, and I mean supervised by me. I wouldn't send my child over to their house without being present.
Kids are curious, but an older child telling younger kids to take off their clothes is not ok. I wouldn't let them play unsupervised, and I mean supervised by me. I wouldn't send my child over to their house without being present.
Oh definitely. I really think that I am not okay with the 7 year old even being around DS right now. We will be taking a break from playing, but at the same time I don't want DS to try to hide things in the future. DS loves the 7 year old and I am afraid that if he knows the 7 year old got in trouble for it, DS would be less willing to tell me if something was happening in the future with someone else. KWIM?
On the surface this sounds like typical behavior. The younger boys are at an age where being naked around other kids isn't *that* big of a deal. (I'm a pre-k teacher. My kids swim once a week and everyone changes clothes in the same room. If you turn your head for a second, all sorts of wacky things can happen)
However, this is also a big wake up to you and the other mom. This is the perfect opportunity to explain to the boys that everyone has private parts and they aren't for sharing. It sounds like you handled this well, and you don't want to make too big of a deal out of this. I do agree that there needs to be a break in the get togethers and I would say something to the other mom about the 7 year old. I'm sure it won't be a shock. It's logical to assume the older boy had some role in this whole thing.
Good luck. I know how you feel- it's a mix of "boys will be boys" and "OMG I have to stop this before it becomes something awful".
When DSS was four, he and a friend (another little boy) both ended up naked in their room, just playing. They said something about playing like they were Superman. Who knows what they were really thinking? Anyway, the nakedness didn't mean anything to them at that age.
I would talk to the other mom about the 7-year-olds potential role in the whole thing, of course. But honestly, I wouldn't blow it out of proportion. 4-year-olds very typically tell their parents what they want to hear...he knew you were upset about the situation and didn't want to get himself in trouble. They all do it at some point, even if you haven't had it happen before, that you know of. You already don't like the 7 year old, but it isn't fair to automatically believe that it's his fault just because your son said so.
If it were just the younger kids, I would think typically behavior. My nephew is 4 and loves being naked. Mention to other mom what your son said about the 7 year-old because obviously it is an issue if he actually said it. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he was in trouble so he was trying to pass the blame.
Yeah, the 4 year olds, on their own, I wouldn't think anything of it. I'd laugh about it, discuss why they really shouldn't do that, but not be upset or care. DS is 5 and has his moments of wanting to run around naked. He thinks it's funny. His best buddy being there? I know that would only add to it.
But the 7 year old? That would bother me and I'd feel equally as uncomfortable as you do.
I would want to check the ipad to make sure the 7 year old didn't take any pictures. Not that I think a 7 year old would do anything malicious with them, but if he thought it was funny that he told the boys to take off their clothes and they did it, he could have taken pictures thinking it was funny.
The nakedness wouldn't really concern me, though I would obviously reinforce that we wear clothes and don't show our private parts to others. I have three boys similar ages, and it can sometimes be a challenge to keep everyone dressed. My 4 yo thinks taking off his clothes and dancing around naked is hysterical. That is all normal.
As far as the 7 yo telling them to get naked, while I agree that it is not appropriate, it wouldn't necessarily assume there is something sinister going on. I can imagine a situation in which my 4 yo takes off his pants and dances around, my 6.5 yo thinks it's funny and says "hey let's have a naked dance party," and my 4 yo then reports that "Henry told me to do it" when I find everyone naked and jumping around. Kids are curious and tend to think being naked is fun and/or funny. Oldest kids tend to be instigators/encouragers, and 4 yos are totally unreliable witnesses, so who knows exactly how things went down. That said, if you have always gotten a bad vibe from the 7 yo, then follow your instincts and be careful about supervision when your child is around him. And regardless, your friend definitely needs to have a conversation with the 7 yo about boundaries and what is and is not appropriate.
Post by imojoebunny on Apr 24, 2014 7:53:25 GMT -5
My kids are not modest with each other. They are 7 and 5. I can't see my DD asking them to take off clothes like that, but just last week, I looked out to see BFF's 8 year old with her shirt off, And DS in his underwear in the back yard. There was nothing sinister about it. BFF's DD is typically a modest child. They were just playing family, which is their favorite game, and BFF's DD was the dad, and mowing the lawn. DS was just being he crazy kid.
I would just have a talk with my kid about keeping his clothes on around other kids, and be done with it. No point in freaking him out about his body.
I would want to check the ipad to make sure the 7 year old didn't take any pictures. Not that I think a 7 year old would do anything malicious with them, but if he thought it was funny that he told the boys to take off their clothes and they did it, he could have taken pictures thinking it was funny.
This is my concern as well.
Sorry OP, I'm sure it was an upsetting situation. I'm not a mother but I agree with everything you said. The 7 year-old may not have had bad intentions, but I agree with you that I wouldn't want my kids playing unsupervised around a kid who was sneaky or had a mean streak.
Post by twodogsandababy on Apr 24, 2014 8:37:29 GMT -5
Thanks for the input. There were definitely no pictures because it is a very old ipad with no camera. I think it was probably more like h was saying and the 7 year old thought it was funny. I think it just makes me upset because I don't trust the 7 year old. I tried not to ask any leading questions when asking DS what happened and just asked why they were naked and he said the 7 year old told them too. DS loves the 7 year old and would probably do anything he asks. I'm glad to hear it isn't that concerning of behavior. I will definitely keep a close watch when they do play again, but hopefully it isn't an issue again.
I understand that you don't "trust" the 7 year old, but what sort of malicious intent could a 2nd grader have in this situation? I mean, maybe he was encouraging the younger kids to do something that isn't allowed -- but at 7, is getting naked distinct from encouraging them to, say, color on the walls or play with a forbidden object? Are you concerned because it seems sexual? If a 7 year old really had those thoughts, I'd be more concerned with his own well-being (because inappropriate behavior can be a sign of abuse). This was probably all in silly fun.
I think you handled it appropriately but I'd be more freaked out if the boy was 10 or 13 than 7.