Well, there are a bunch of different scenarios that she will need to contemplate and provide answers for. Before I gave birth, the hospital requested that I fill out an Advance Directive, which detailed a few scenarios and asked what my preference would be for each. Maybe you could Gpogle that or Living Will and see what her preferences would be?
I don't know what kind of permission he would need from her to move her from Mexico to Canada should that be needed.
Perhaps you should consult an attorney? It may be complicated because they live in different countries.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
It was the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with aside from losing him. When the drs said there was nothing they could do, we had to ask dad his wishes. There was nothing to it, just asking while bawling our eyes out. He told us everything he wanted down to readings, songs, and what he wanted to be buried it.
I know this is probably not the normal situation, but i thought, i would answer. Im bawling like a fool typing this.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Could he sort of bring it up in a round about way? It is awkward but if she did have a plan, it might be a easy way for her to open up? I hate this kind of thing.
Eta: the fact that he has POA means she is thinking of the future a bit, right? I would bring it up in a vague way and then pounce on whatever she said.
Could he sort of bring it up in a round about way? It is awkward but if she did have a plan, it might be a easy way for her to open up? I hate this kind of thing.
Eta: the fact that he has POA means she is thinking of the future a bit, right? I would bring it up in a vague way and then pounce on whatever she said.
The only thing I can think of is for him to start the conversation by telling her that he's been thinking about what HE would want (or that the two of you had been having conversations about YOUR wishes), and then use that as a springboard to ask if she has thought about what SHE would want.
Post by sporklemotion on Apr 25, 2014 3:45:26 GMT -5
This is tough. My parents were very open about this, so I don't know how to broach it. It doesn't sound like there is an imminent need here (which is good), so I might also talk about financial issues. I was a co-signatory on my mother's checking account, which made things much easier when she got sick. She put me on after my dad passed away, so we didn't have to do it once she got sick and we were able to use the funds for her expenses without issue. It might also be good to make sure he knows where the will is and if there are life insurance policies, etc. This may sound greedy and mercenary, but it made things easier on my mother to know that we were aware of all of this before she got sick. As long as he's having the talk, it might be good to feel out thoughts about funerals. It made things much easier to know what my mom wanted-- it is such a vulnerable time, and it's really hard to make decisions. Sadly, I have a friend whose mother went unburied for a month because the siblings couldn't agree on how to bury her. No one knew what she would have wanted, and the sibling who could least afford it was pushing for the most expensive plan. Had they discussed it before, the family may have found an easier compromise.
My Mom has told me her wishes should she die but I have no idea what she wants if she needs long term care. It's a question I don't really want to ask :/
He should be prepared for her to be insulted he asked. Some people are. My own parents refused to talk about such things until my dad had cancer.
Does she have a will or revocable trust? a living will? A POLST for end of life care? A DNR? How does she feel about organ donation? Cremation or burial? Does he know where all the important documents are? Has she made any sort of list of assets and liabilities? Does she have long-term care insurance? Is she a Canadian citizen?
Well, there are a bunch of different scenarios that she will need to contemplate and provide answers for. Before I gave birth, the hospital requested that I fill out an Advance Directive, which detailed a few scenarios and asked what my preference would be for each. Maybe you could Gpogle that or Living Will and see what her preferences would be?
I don't know what kind of permission he would need from her to move her from Mexico to Canada should that be needed.
Perhaps you should consult an attorney? It may be complicated because they live in different countries.
This is what I was thinking. There are some standard forms for living wills that he could use as a starting point. They ask specific questions about different medical/life saving and sustaining procedures, and provide sample/multiple choice answers. If she wants not to formalize it, she can tell your husband what her preferences are, and then name him her medical proxy, should she become incapacitated.
Could he sort of bring it up in a round about way? It is awkward but if she did have a plan, it might be a easy way for her to open up? I hate this kind of thing.
Eta: the fact that he has POA means she is thinking of the future a bit, right? I would bring it up in a vague way and then pounce on whatever she said.
The only thing I can think of is for him to start the conversation by telling her that he's been thinking about what HE would want (or that the two of you had been having conversations about YOUR wishes), and then use that as a springboard to ask if she has thought about what SHE would want.
I think this is a great idea and it's also good for his mom to know what HIS wishes are, God forbid anything would happen to him before her. These conversations are very difficult, but it is so, so important for everyone to be on the same page in these situations.
Wow, that link above has some really great questions.
One thing I would ask is, what are her feelings on the installation of medical equipment (pacemaker, feeding tube, etc.) that could prolong her life past the point of any quality and may be very, very difficult to have removed or turned off.
This NYT story on a family's struggle with that has really stuck with me and I know I will think very, very hard if I ever am advised to have one.
Could he sort of bring it up in a round about way? It is awkward but if she did have a plan, it might be a easy way for her to open up? I hate this kind of thing.
Eta: the fact that he has POA means she is thinking of the future a bit, right? I would bring it up in a vague way and then pounce on whatever she said.
The only thing I can think of is for him to start the conversation by telling her that he's been thinking about what HE would want (or that the two of you had been having conversations about YOUR wishes), and then use that as a springboard to ask if she has thought about what SHE would want.